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SX 7 ENTP
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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Hi all

First allow me introduce myself

I am Sx 7, most likely wing 8, most likely ENTP - I've been studying MBTI for about a year, and Enneagram only as of this Spring.

I wanted to share my experience with 'number of disintegration'

I have always loathed and pretty much refused, actually, to do much in the way of cleaning/putting order to things, and of course, actual 'work'/job/labour is a dicey proposition at best. So I've done what I could to skate by in life as much as I can, I suppose, doing only what I wanted to do (within the woeful limits that checking out of society allows) without having to engage in those behaviours. Sort of shameful to admit but OK.

Now that I'm older and for the past 4 years at least it's occurred to me I don't want to end up homeless and am tired of living like a college student so am making more of an effort. To put effort in job, schedule, clean, etc. All that crap.

I do as a general rule have better mood, energy overall, self-confidence, even, now that I am more functional. I am very happy to (finally) evolve/mature or whatnot. But today I discovered why it's so hard for me to still commit to these behaviours.

I start to absolutely RAGE. Whether it's on the computer doing work, or like today, 2 hours to vacuum/dust kind of stuff. I become so enraged so quickly - everything sets me off, makes me snap at people, fight the urge to break things, etc.

I have also always struggled with procrastination, and today I realized it's because it is so unpleasant to pursue things that I know are just going to set me off. It's total dread. It's the sort of dread many other people face at the thought of a confrontation with others, or the dread of public speaking, or the dread of having to fire or break up with someone, or the dread of the dentist - I could go do all those things all day long and not GAF - in fact, they are at least semi interesting, as opposed to the daily garbage that consumes us, where you know the shitty printer toner runs out mid print job or it took 30 minutes to write a single email or you have to vacuum under the bed and the cord got tangled up - and then I lose it.

So my point is, now I understand that this is just me going to disintegration. When i have to do something i weirdly instantly go to 1 in the most unhealthy, rageful way possible.

So I found this video where he's like "go willingly to your stress # so it doesn't eat you up" and that sounds cool - I think I will try it

anybody else out there, how to deal with going to 1 in a non-psycho way?

thanks for listening :)
 

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I've found I go mad about getting to stress-1 when outside pressure is applied. Example, I'm up and running having a good time performing and someone comes along and forward a (most likely) meaningless task with higher priority. It makes me bitter.
 
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