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Hey there. OuO I've been lurking around here, trying to find my type (MBTI and Enneagram). After 2 years of wondering, I've finally settled on INFJ. OuO Now, I'm just trying to find my enneagram type and tritype.. I'm thinking I may be a 415 or 495 but I'm not even sure! I have not even decided on my core type! ÓnÒ I really need help on this, so please read on, and try to type me? ÓuÒ

Prerequisites

What age range are you in?
I'm still in my early teens.. I guess this is when people start trying to find who they are? xD

Any disorders or conditions we should know about?
Not any that I know of..

Main Questions

1. What do you think your life is about? What drives you in life? This can be something like a goal or a purpose, or anything else that comes to mind.

My life, to me, is a really confusing blob of thingy haha. xD I'm serious, I'm a very confused person. What drives me..? Haha, I'm not sure, I think I can skip this because besides being only 14, I don't really question myself or think about what drives me/what are my goals to be honest.

2. What were you like as a kid?
Oh, bother. OnO
I was many people.
When I was in nursery (probably three or four years old, and yes, I started remembering things when I was 2) I was the really quiet girl.. Which isn't saying much because children this age don't really talk, hahaha. Well, I remember I was bullied, yes bullied, by people my age at this time. The girls kept picking on me and I grew shy and timid around people. I felt kind of.. I felt like I did not deserve better treatment. I think this made me feel that I should not expect others to treat me like an average human being. It continued, until now. I still get panicky when people treat me nice. I did have a nice friend though, but she was the one doing the talking, I'd do the nodding. I was a really shy kid.
When I was in Kindergarten, I was very quiet too. My mom got so frustrated of me keeping to myself she threatened to scold me if I did not talk. The next day, (she told me, because I forgot) I talked to everyone else and my teacher got a shock hahaha. I made a best friend, and I guess I talked a little more. I was not those extra-gregarious kids of course, how does one change so fast in so little time?
In primary school (school for kids aged 7-12, do some people call it elementary school? Oh, bother), I varied. When I was 7-8, I was like my Kindergarten self. Talked little, but still had friends. I talked a little more actually, just a little. And was quite joyful. When I was 9-10, I talked a little more.. I was getting more and more friendly, even talking to the shy ones, getting to know everyone.. Made a few best friends, heck even showed my true feelings to them (have not done a lot of that my whole life, showing my feelings to people I mean), and had a ruddy good time. I sound so old talking about this. Then suddenly I turned 11. I got pretty shy all over again. Probably it's part of growing up. I was in the 'popular gang' when I was 10, and when I was 11, still hung out with them. But somehow I felt left out, and different. They were into other genres of music I have not heard before, and basically I was kinda a misfit. Slowly, I drifted away from them.. I started doing things on my own.. Started being more reserved. I was afraid the leader of the popular gang would kick me out, so I walked out of it first. Funny how this is how most of my friendships end. I get scared of their reaction to me. I leave. Makes me kind of 6-ish, eh? True. When I was 12, people (other friendly people) started talking to me. They ask why I was so quiet. I always shrugged. I wondered why I was so quiet too. I felt like, if I became gregarious again, if I let my emotions be known to people, if I was not reserved, would I be forsaking something? Like, my own peace? What if something went wrong? I was really afraid to 'show myself'. Tbh, now I'm in Highschool, I'm still like that. I still can't bring myself to socialize. I wait for people to come to me. Oh, they do, alright. But they get bored. And I get sad and angry at myself all over again. I wonder now, what the heck is wrong with me?
Oh my god I'm only at the second question, I hope I'm not writing too much..

3. Describe your relationship with your parents. Does anything stand out about the way you interacted?
It isn't very good, I'd say. But this question makes me queasy, so can I please skip this?

4. What values are important to you? What do you hope to avoid doing or being?
I do wish I was more honest, as being honest can help us prevent misunderstandings in the world imo. xD Also, I wish I was more respectful. Respect for each other imo lets us become less harsh on ourselves and others. I try to avoid being a person who does not respect people.. And I'm not sure if I am succeeding because I /am/ respecting people, or I'm just manipulating my own damned mind that I respect everyone so that I can feel better about myself. Yeah, I'm quite image-conscious.

5. Aside from phobias, are there any fears that characterized your childhood? Have they continued into the present day, or not, and if not, how have you dealt with them?
I fear rejection, I guess. :/ It started from when I was bullied. I am still afraid of rejection. I'm not sure how to deal with it even now. I just pretend it doesn't matter, and I try to imagine that rejection does not affect me. It does, actually. And makes me feel really insecure. I don't think I feel worthless, though.

6. a.) How do you see yourself?
b.) How do you want others to see you?
c.) What do you dislike the most in other people?

a) I see myself as someone really reserved.. Someone holding back herself from fear of being rejected. I also feel I'm an insecure person. I try to feel more confident by gathering knowledge about the world, not physical world but emotional and mental world. This makes me 5-ish, I guess. I like knowing things and mastering them so that I can cover up my less-abled side. It's weird. Like how I like reading fiction books.. Since I don't function well on the outside world, at least I function well somewhere else. This triggers anxiety when I see someone doing better in /my/ so-called 'better' side, and I have an example for that. I have a best friend who writes. She writes fiction. And sometimes I get jealous.. How does she seem so sure of herself? I feel kind of left out again.. Like I can never be perfect, I can never be a really good person who succeeds in something they want to. It makes me feel inferior to be honest.

b)I want others to see me as an open-minded person.. I want people to think of me as highly original and hilarious.. Someone they can trust and be themselves with. I wish people would just see me as I am, with no delusions of my real self. I just want someone to see me as I am.

c) I don't like it when people are my form of close-minded. I don't like it when they lie for the sake of temporary peace (although I do that sometimes) because they're not thinking of the whole picture.. I don't like it when people are passive-aggressive, like come on, tell me tell me the truth so we can solve the damned problem already! ÒnÓ Haha. And one of my best friends are all three, I wonder why we're still friends.

7. Which habit do you most automatically act on? Rank the following habits from most to least automatic, on a scale of 1 (most) to 3 (least).
a.) Work for personal gain with more concern for self than for others.
b.) Strive for a sense of tranquility in yourself and the world around you
c.) Decide what is right for the betterment of something or someone else.

a)2
b)1
c)3

8. Where does the wandering mind take you? What provokes this?
I don't really understand this question.. Maybe because I'm in my mind so often that almost everything I do is conscious to me
I sometimes do dream that I lived somewhere where no one would disturb me.. I'd do whatever I wanted.. Sigh..

9.What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
What makes me feel best:
When I can do what I want. When people don't control me. When I am free to express myself.. When someone accepts me for who I am wholeheartedly. When I accept other people for who they are.. When I let them be what they want.. When I don't control people.. And when I let them express themselves.. It goes both ways.. The only problem is I can't accept people if they don't accept me first. So I get stuck, you see. I think this makes me 9-ish, because I just wish I had me more peace.. And with more peace myself I can let others have peace.. I sound like an 8 too.. Oh, bother, someone help me type myself I just can't.
What makes me feel worse:
Basically all of the above reversed. I feel horrible when I am not at peace. I just hide in my own wonderland, to feel more peaceful. I just run away from my problems to feel like they don't exist. It makes me feel better. I DO try to solve things beforehand, but then I get tired and exhausted that no one is on the same page as me and I just go back to my world where everything is perfect. It is a pattern I noted in myself. Oh well. Sucks to be me.

10. Let's talk about emotions. Explain what might make you feel the following, how they feel to you or how you react to the emotion:
a.) anger
b.) shame
c.) anxiety

a) When people don't ruddy accept that everyone's different and have their own ways of doing things. They just can't accept that people don't do things in just one way. I get really frustrated to be honest, since my personality and ways of doings do not match theirs at all. They make me feel so uncomfortable. Then I feel kind of guilty for judging them like that. Oh, bother. I sometimes hate being myself, I'm like a walking contradiction.
b) Hahaha.. Well, shame. I feel ashamed when I act against my own values. When I don't respect other people like how I wish they would. It makes me feel really uneasy and shameful. I try to avoid this emotion.
c)Hmm, I feel anxious when I suddenly can express myself. Like, whoa, you're actually giving me a chance to express myself? Then when I look into myself to see how I'm feeling, I see parts of my emotions only, and how do I express parts of something only? So sometimes I just express what I see first, then add on to what I /think/ I'm feeling. How complicated. But this happens rather usually. I also feel anxious when people try to force an emotional response from me. Like aaHHHHHHH HELP WHAT IS I FEELIN?!

11. Describe how you respond to the following:
a.) stress
b.) negative unexpected change
c.) conflict

a) At first I will try to eradicate what is causing me stress. Cannot be removed? "Gah, fine," my brain says, "Let's ignore it then." I just pretend it doesn't exist and think about other stuff to make myself feel less stressed. Sometimes I just eat stuff to numb it out. Or exercise (hahaha I wish. I just jump around like a crazy person.).

b) I scream mentally. I find the person who is responsible. I cry.

c) As usual, I try to talk to the person I'm in conflict with. If I realize they aren't as interested as I am to resolve the conflict, I get tired and go away. And pretend it doesn't exist.

12. a.) What kind of role are you naturally inclined to take in a group? Why?
b.) If put in power, how do you behave? Why?
c.) Do you tend to struggle with others who have authority over you? Why?

a) I wish I could be the leader and plan stuff sometimes, because when I am just a usual group member and I try to voice my opinions they think I'm being bossy or nitpicky etc. So I'm usually the quiet one, internally struggling to whether to talk or not.
b) I say "YAY LET'S DO THIS" and go all animated. If the group is as interested in the project as I am, I will take their opinions on the project seriously. I don't wanna hurt anyone or have anyone feel left out. I will act as an organizer, so that I can help them do something they like, and have an aptitude in. Then everyone would be happy. Yay. I do this so that everyone is happy and does not think I'm a bad leader to be honest. I want to be respected.
c) Yeah.. I do. A lot. It's like, I want to be in their good books so that when I want something, I can voice it without seeming selfish or anything.. And it's kinda difficult because it's really awkward trying to talk to them.. Like how should I talk? In a formal way or a casual way..? I'm not very good at communicating with people who have authority over me.

13. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?

I see things I see in myself which I don't want others to see. I see close-mindedness, manipulation, selfishness, nitpickyness, and lies. I feel anxiety, and I feel their inner turmoil.. I sense their sensitiveness.. I just hate it when others don't agree on what I see just because they don't see it.. Then again can't blame them for that.. It isn't easy trying to see things you can't..

14. Comment on your relationship with trust.
Some people may feel I don't trust enough, others think I trust too little. But it's all perception. What isn't perception anyway? Well, trust.. Hmm. I don't really trust myself. I think it really depends what you're talking about. I have no idea what to say about this, it's too broad imo.

15. Briefly: What religious and/or political beliefs do you have? Do you think they influenced your responses in this questionnaire?

I'm a Buddhist. I'm not sure if this belief influenced my responses.

Optional Question (due to personal nature)

Discuss an event that has impacted your life significantly; more importantly, how you responded to it.
-

Extra Questions

Which of the following temptations do you find yourself acting upon the most? (And briefly state why)
Do I only choose one? I'll just do all and state why I'd want to act on the temptations..

- To constantly push yourself to be “the best”
I think this only happens when I feel insecure, like I've said above, when I'm gathering knowledge on a subject to feel less inferior to other people. I do not wish to be 'the best' tho, as in my opinion it's impossible for me.

- To be without needs, well-intentioned
So that I don't have to fight to get what I want and feel rejected when I can't

- To replace direct experience with concepts
I like doing this because I can explain why I do certain things

- To have an extreme sense of personal moral obligation
Nah

- To think that fulfillment is somewhere else
I think this sometimes so that I am okay with not doing well in the thing I'm doing at the moment, since there's a better chance out there

- To cyclically become indecisive and seek others for reassurance
Nah

- To overuse imagination in searching for yourself
Yes I do this quite a lot

- To avoid conflicts and asserting yourself
Not really, unless I really can't be bothered anymore (not often)

- To consider yourself entirely self-sufficient
Yes I hate feeling dependent on others. And I'm not.

What's something you are: a.) thankful you have b.) wish you could have? Why?
a) I'm thankful I have a family whom although annoying, cares about me.
b) I wish I were more open-minded on a daily basis. I'd feel less stressed without judging everything tbh.

So.. What do you think..? I feel that I am a little 6-ish.. Probably 6w5??? HELP PLEASE! And thanks for reading this hopelessly long thing!
 
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