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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Soooo ... there is a girl at my school that I am taking 2 classes with && when I met her on the first day of classes she seemed friendly enough but I got a really bad feeling about her. Usually when I get a bad feeling about someone I tend to try to avoid/steer clear of them. This girl is desperately trying to attach herself to me but I can't shake the feeling that she has bad intentions.

I find that people with poor intentions (especially females) tend to try to latch on to me.

So... fellow INFJs do you experience this as well?? If yes, how do you handle these people??
 
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Hey there. Occasionally I get vibes from people, but they're not always the sort of thing you can trust. My best friend for the past 13 years is someone I initially distrusted, even so much as hated. What kind of poor intentions do you think this girl has?
 

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if i get a bad vibe from them they will get an equally bad one back, i have a strange ability to put people i dont like off of me by changing my demeanor

also welcome to the forums tiffany
 

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This has happened to me a few times, but I can also be very naive and overly trusting. Often I don't trust my intuition and think there's no good reason to not trust someone or I make excuses for them and I get myself in over my head in bad situations with unsavory people. This especially was the case with my first boyfriend/stalker and another ex-boyfriend's mother who is sociopathic, I swear.
 

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Sure, I get them.

It goes without saying that if I can avoid any sort of interaction with them, then I do. But the problem is that you get people that give you these uneasy feelings wherever you go and they cannot be avoided for ever.

The way I deal with it is by locking away the part(s) of myself that I don't want them to see. I know who I am deep down, so it doesn't matter to me which face I choose to show to the world.

It is somewhat ironic that the false behaviour I despise so much in other people, is the most effective way I have of dealing with the outside world. It's not easy, and I need a lot of time to recenter myself.

I guess something else that works for me is trying to understand the person from the inside out. When you finally see things from their point of view; you realise those bad intentions don't exist. It was a mistake on your part to judge them without knowing them. So give everyone a first chance, and then give them another.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Hey there. Occasionally I get vibes from people, but they're not always the sort of thing you can trust. My best friend for the past 13 years is someone I initially distrusted, even so much as hated. What kind of poor intentions do you think this girl has?
Thanks for responding :)

I get a feeling that she is an opportunist && a person of questionable character ... like someone who will smile in your face && then speak poorly of you behind your back ... someone who will try to figure out how they can use you to their best advantage ... a taker.

I don't always get this strong of a feeling about someone so I refuse to overlook it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
if i get a bad vibe from them they will get an equally bad one back, i have a strange ability to put people i dont like off of me by changing my demeanor

also welcome to the forums tiffany
Thanks for responding && for the warm welcome! :)

I usually tend to be polite && well mannered towards them but also cool && distant ... but this does not seem to be working with her.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
This has happened to me a few times, but I can also be very naive and overly trusting. Often I don't trust my intuition and think there's no good reason to not trust someone or I make excuses for them and I get myself in over my head in bad situations with unsavory people. This especially was the case with my first boyfriend/stalker and another ex-boyfriend's mother who is sociopathic, I swear.
I can relate ... TOTALLY. The last time I had this strong of a feeling about someone it was for a family member. I kept telling myself that I was being paranoid. Turns out that she was extremely jealous of me && spent a great deal of time && went to great lengths to try to destroy my relationship with my now ex-boyfriend. Had I not ignored that feeling ... I could have avoided the pain && betrayal that I experienced.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Sure, I get them.

It goes without saying that if I can avoid any sort of interaction with them, then I do. But the problem is that you get people that give you these uneasy feelings wherever you go and they cannot be avoided for ever.

The way I deal with it is by locking away the part(s) of myself that I don't want them to see. I know who I am deep down, so it doesn't matter to me which face I choose to show to the world.

It is somewhat ironic that the false behavior I despise so much in other people, is the most effective way I have of dealing with the outside world. It's not easy, and I need a lot of time to recenter myself.

I guess something else that works for me is trying to understand the person from the inside out. When you finally see things from their point of view; you realize those bad intentions don't exist. It was a mistake on your part to judge them without knowing them. So give everyone a first chance, and then give them another.
Thanks for commenting! :)

I used to do the bolded but then I realized that there ARE people in this world who have bad intentions && by giving those people chance after chance, it just made me a doormat. It didn't help me to avoid the inevitable.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Thanks unico.

She's an extended family member; 4th cousin, so I actually don't have to see her too often (which is a great thing). When I do see her it's all fake smile, fake hug, and then I put as much distance between the two of us as possible.
 

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Anyone desperately trying to "latch themselves on to you" has a reason for doing so.
The challenge is to discover what it is, before they succeed, not after they have.
Maybe it's for a good reason. Maybe, however unlikely, it is because you are an outstanding person :)
 

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Thanks for responding && for the warm welcome! :)

I usually tend to be polite && well mannered towards them but also cool && distant ... but this does not seem to be working with her.
ah i forgot to elaborate XD sorry, i am polite and falesly outgoing towards them if its only a minor case but if i am thoroughly put off by their presensce i cannot help myself from being short with them, especially if that feeling considers them to be a threat to friends etc who are with me
 

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I didn't know the end effect of the bad intent until my intellect and hard work was taken advantage of.

Mostly now, I just try hard to focus on me. Because if I'm not happy...or not 'not unhappy'...since that doesn't preclude happiness....neutral...thingy.... anyway, making tons of other people happy isn't going to help. So I have to focus on me and my future...which is kinda anti-INFJ normality but yeah. difficult.
 

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Thanks for responding :)

I get a feeling that she is an opportunist && a person of questionable character ... like someone who will smile in your face && then speak poorly of you behind your back ... someone who will try to figure out how they can use you to their best advantage ... a taker.

I don't always get this strong of a feeling about someone so I refuse to overlook it.
A fair point; you should never overlook vibes. She might genuinely just be on the up and up. It's a slim chance, but it's a chance, so really at the end of the day you have to be the one to factor the odds as to whether or not another friend or acquaintance is worth the risk of bringing down your walls. Personally, I'd try to learn more about her without truly giving any part of myself away, just to be sure of her intent. It's a tough thing to do, and it feels a bit like lying if you're unsure of yourself, but you never willingly stick your hand in fire just because it feels warm from a distance, eh?

But if you truly think she's bad news, then just go about your business and ignore her. Leeches won't stick if they can't find blood.

Welcome to the forums :) Sorry, I completely forgot to add that to my first post.
 

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ah i forgot to welcome you to the forums as well, Ultranumb, i remembered your name because it reminded me of that song by blue stalhi, nice to have you here anyway ^^
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Thanks everyone for the responses. I've decided that I am going to handle her with kindness && distance being careful not to be too accommodating. I'll see how it goes && then decide what to do from there.
 
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