[neveragain]

Hey guys

I am interested in the life phases of fellow INTJ's. So how would you describe the following phases of your lives? What has changed in between them?

- 15-20 years old?
- twenties?
- mid-twenties?
- late twenties
- early 30's?

Why do I ask? I've read some statements which proclaim to know how INTJs behave/think/feel at certain phases of their lives.

 

[bluekitdon]

As a general rule of thumb I seem to get along with people better today (mid 30's) than I did when I was younger. Also am more willing to listen to what others say to include in my analysis of a problem and potential solutions, almost more like realizing that the additional data is valuable and that they may have information I haven't considered. I still have a lot of difficulty feeling attached to anyone other than my immediate family, but I don't often get annoyed with others because they don't think like I do. Being analytical, once I identified relationships as having value I studied them extensively and probably have consumed more information than a typical Ph.D. in that field, so I understand most of the mechanics at least.

 

[Peripatetic]

15-20: dogmatist. My perspective was "the" objective position. Knowledge is certain, & I have it. Exacting. Do only what is "right". My way or the highway.

twenties: relativist/ practical skepticism. Perspectives are to be reconciled. Everyone's view has something it brings to the table. Knowledge is probable, I have only a shallow understanding of things and seek depth. Find the intersect between right and want. Live and let live.

 

[mr. rozay]

13-16 my friends were the center of my world.

Hard times came in love

16-20 a world of uncertainty, what is certain. What can I believe in.

20 on... Build on those things that I found to be certain.

 

[Mmmm]

I'm not sure if this is what you are looking for but here goes:

- 15-20 years old?
I was really "outgoing" for an introvert. I would go to concerts, movies, hockey games, parties, etc. just about every weekend. I couldn't get enough. If I couldn't get my friends to go with me I'd go alone. I was fearless & confident. I loved the freedom of driving & working (having my own money).

- twenties?
Independent, I did a lot of road trips. I feel in love for the first time. I thought I had grown up. I had found my ideal partner in a physical & material way but still had a long way to go.

- mid-twenties?
I wanted to travel more to experience the world & its cultures. My eyes were opened to new possibilities & goals in life. I was very optimistic. By this time I had also developed many friendships.

- late twenties
Still traveling but now a little more world savvy. Feel in love for the second time. Finally found the type of partner I had always wanted but didn't know existed. My connection was not just physical but emotional & spiritual. That scared me to death! I ask myself why something so wonderful would have such a debilitating effect on me. I was so shaken by it that I lost my self confidence & developed a terrible case of blushing & shyness. I've heard other introverts describe being shy as a child & growing into confident adults. Mine was the opposite. I was a very confident child, teen & young adult.

- early 30's?
Still traveling but not as much. I'm finally getting an idea of what it means to budget. I came to understand why I was so affected by the above mentioned relationship. I see now how my relationship with my family growing up had an influence on my outlook of love and relationships. Still struggling with confidence issues. All of my relationships have dwindled down to a select few. My outlook is more pessimistic & skeptical.

 

[neveragain]

Thanks for the replies so far. My theory is that INTJs start do develop their Fi around their twenties probably mid-twenties. At least for me it is the case. It all started when I met that INFP girl.. Developing Fi is confusing as hell for me but totally worth it in the long term. I think logic is as limited as feelings are.

What do you think about that?

 

[SPtheGhost]

13-16 my friends were the center of my world.

Hard times came in love

16-20 a world of uncertainty, what is certain. What can I believe in.

20 on... Build on those things that I found to be certain.

this sums it up nicely

im 23 now btw

Thanks for the replies so far. My theory is that INTJs start do develop their Fi around their twenties probably mid-twenties. At least for me it is the case. It all started when I met that INFP girl.. Developing Fi is confusing as hell for me but totally worth it in the long term. I think logic is as limited as feelings are.

What do you think about that?

this infp girl i know now is definitely changing me emotionally .... so i can attest

 

[owlet]

Unfortunately, I can only do up to 20.

12-15 = depressed, struggling with having to get used to secondary school, being bullied, very scattered and stressed.

16-18 = In my element, really enjoying life and getting on well, getting over self-esteem issues, growing emotionally.

19-20 = expanding on what's now there, finding out more about myself, less self-conscious (although still getting over social anxiety), more determined to make my own path in life.

 

[MissJordan]

0-17: the schooling years.
Grinding through school, hating it terribly. Mark Twain said that he never let schooling get in the way of his education. I did.
I thought of nothing and had no interest in the world. Any inquisitiveness of a topic was killed by study, the forced interest and forced lessons I must learn from a text.
I couldn't jump between topics at my whim as I do now, learning just the concepts and ignoring the tedious details (I love learning about Napoleon, but can't stand learning dates of battles, things like that).

18-now (currently 20): the education years.
Drop out of high school, my interest in the world sparks and I start to think critically. Start meeting people who inspire me, and I've recently started to get into reading (particle physics is my love <3).
I really think of my brain as being unfrozen (think cyrogenics, if it helps) when I left high school, because it feels like I can't even recall what I did with it prior.

And since then, it's like I've been significantly improving on everything in my life (except with how I get along with people, but I'm working on it!). You'd be able to notice the difference in wisdom, knowledge, maturity and even vocabulary in the posts I make this year and posts from the last.

I honestly feel like if I hadn't dropped out of high school, I would be in a terrible place in every way.



v

Thanks for the replies so far. My theory is that INTJs start do develop their Fi around their twenties probably mid-twenties. At least for me it is the case. It all started when I met that INFP girl.. Developing Fi is confusing as hell for me but totally worth it in the long term. I think logic is as limited as feelings are.

What do you think about that?

I met my INFP at 18 and fell into limerence with her, so I'd consider my Fi to be very developed as a result.
I'm still bad at thinking of compliments and the like, but my feelings are a significant part of who I am, and I'm much more capable with them than before.


And yes, with Ni-Te, you can make some good, sound conclusions.
But add Fi, and you can come up with amazing beliefs.

Kickass thread, man

 

[neveragain]

Well to be fair here I go.

- 15-18 years old?
Had a lot of friends. Played in a metal band. I was feared for my directness and my "weird" humor. People started crying because of my honesty..

- 18-24?
The big depression began. It started mildly and exploded over the years. Big problems with existentialism, humanity and society in general... I almost killed myself.

- mid-twenties?
I slowly got over my depressions by thinking my way out and got a dream job. Now I am starting to strongly develop my Fi with big success. Although it is scary as hell..

So if any of the younger INTJs need help with depression I am the man. My main interest in this was if other INTJs experienced similar stages of life which seems to be the case. I just hope that life gets easier for "us" by reaching the feared 30's.

 

[neveragain]

I honestly feel like if I hadn't dropped out of high school, I would be in a terrible place in every way.

I quit college because I was bored to death and was not sure at the time if this was a good decision or not. By now I am pretty successful in what I do. Intelligence > some fancy degree.

I met my INFP at 18 and fell into limerence with her, so I'd consider my Fi to be very developed as a result.
I'm still bad at thinking of compliments and the like, but my feelings are a significant part of who I am, and I'm much more capable with them than before.

This is really starting to get weird. Who else has met INFPs and experienced a development in their Fi? And by the way I am also still bad at compliments and it feels horrible to compliment others but I think that will fade with time.

And yes, with Ni-Te, you can make some good, sound conclusions.
But add Fi, and you can come up with amazing beliefs.

Nothing to add I came to the same conclusion.
@MissJordan I've read a couple of your posts and think your writing is pretty elaborate. Did you ever consider to write (stories, books etc.)? Might be interesting.

And as a side note none of you have dropped the grammar nazi bomb so far. Pretty funny as I am not a native english speaker.

 

[MissJordan]

This is really starting to get weird. Who else has met INFPs and experienced a development in their Fi? And by the way I am also still bad at compliments and it feels horrible to compliment others but I think that will fade with time.

Well, being with an INFP is being with someone who has a very complex emotional world.
If you like them enough to stick around, then it's only natural that they'll make your Fi strengthened through the fact that observing them makes you realise how important emotions can be.

I think I''m getting better at compliments, but I'm still far from good.
Either I try and get the exact emotional response perfectly respresented in the comment, and it comes off as sterile from how planned it was; or I go all out and give this big, overarching but still true to my feelings compliment that comes off as bullshit.
Failing the confidence to do either, I just give a generic "you have nice ____" compliment that means nothing to either party.

@MissJordan I've read a couple of your posts and think your writing is pretty elaborate. Did you ever consider to write (stories, books etc.)? Might be interesting.

Yeah, I've got a few book ideas, but I'm paranoid that my vocabulary isn't large enough or my Fi developed enough that I can evoke emotional responses the way I'd like to.

I've look at famous INTJs for inspiration on writing, and there's Isaac Asimov who was one of the greatest sci-fi writers ever, that came to the conclusion of; "I made up my mind long ago to follow one cardinal rule in all my writing - to be clear. I have given up all thought of writing poetically or symbolically or experimentally, or in any of the other modes that might ... get me a Pulitzer prize""

And unfortunately, there's also Augustus, an Emporer of Rome who was forced to accept his writing abilities; "Young Augustus attempted to write poetry, but later burned the manuscripts ... and [resigned himself] to supporting poetry as a patron."

And as a side note none of you have dropped the grammar nazi bomb so far. Pretty funny as I am not a native english speaker

The INTPs are the grammar nazis, the INTJs won't care as long as the meaning can be interpreted or are painfully obvious mistakes ("art official" when artificial is meant... Yes, someone is that stupid.) and it's not obnoxiously and intentionally bad spelling/etc (like someone using a shitload of smiley faces because it's "kewl").

 

[illow]

Less than 18 : Since a young age i've being known as the 'Truth teller'.

18 to 22: Difficult experiences opened my eyes to a more coherent world model.

22 plus: Goals are clearer, and still learning....

Im no INTJ dou...

 

[neveragain]

Well, being with an INFP is being with someone who has a very complex emotional world.
If you like them enough to stick around, then it's only natural that they'll make your Fi strengthened through the fact that observing them makes you realise how important emotions can be.

Unbelievable. Similar behaviour which results in similar conclusions.

Anyways good luck with your writing. I'd like to read some of your work as soon as you think it matches your standards. But you don't keep a friend list :crazy:

 

[Adasta]

Hello. Just thought I'd add an INFP perspective on the INTJ Fi issue.

I've noticed that most younger INTJs think emotions are stupid, because they don't directly teach the INTJ anything s/he would consider 'knowledgeable'. Most of the time, they make you do 'illogical' things, or draw you away from your goal. Young INTJs seem to believe that they are objectively 'right', and that anyone that isn't is 'wrong'. Their thinking is suggests that anyone who even indulges in any area of emotion is being stupid, wasting their time, and just isn't learning what they need to learn.

I think that any sort of engagement with an Average-Healthy INFP will show you that one can be reasonable, intelligent, and insightful while also being caring and understanding. I think the reverse happens for INFPs with INTJs: someone can be logical, detached, objective and 'dispassionate' without being dictatorial, demanding, or denigrating.

It seems that both parties sense (intuit?) the other's desire to be helpful. Discussion around the dominant or auxiliary function of the INFP or INTJ is usually beneficial to the listener. I don't think INTJs are naturally adept at grasping how an irreducible emotion/feeling/value can form the cornerstone of belief/knowledge/goals; I get the sense that they feel like they haven't 'studied' enough to be certain of their choice in this regard, if they were to make one. Likewise, INFPs aren't always great at extrapolating from their own axiomatic beliefs, nor are they fantastic at constructing a linear discourse. In that sense, exchanges around these areas are mutually pleasing, because Ni+Te provides a framework, and Fi+Ne offers new ones.

 

[neveragain]

Hello. Just thought I'd add an INFP perspective on the INTJ Fi issue.

I've noticed that most younger INTJs think emotions are stupid, because they don't directly teach the INTJ anything s/he would consider 'knowledgeable'. Most of the time, they make you do 'illogical' things, or draw you away from your goal. Young INTJs seem to believe that they are objectively 'right', and that anyone that isn't is 'wrong'. Their thinking is suggests that anyone who even indulges in any area of emotion is being stupid, wasting their time, and just isn't learning what they need to learn.

I think that any sort of engagement with an Average-Healthy INFP will show you that one can be reasonable, intelligent, and insightful while also being caring and understanding. I think the reverse happens for INFPs with INTJs: someone can be logical, detached, objective and 'dispassionate' without being dictatorial, demanding, or denigrating.

It seems that both parties sense (intuit?) the other's desire to be helpful. Discussion around the dominant or auxiliary function of the INFP or INTJ is usually beneficial to the listener. I don't think INTJs are naturally adept at grasping how an irreducible emotion/feeling/value can form the cornerstone of belief/knowledge/goals; I get the sense that they feel like they haven't 'studied' enough to be certain of their choice in this regard, if they were to make one. Likewise, INFPs aren't always great at extrapolating from their own axiomatic beliefs, nor are they fantastic at constructing a linear discourse. In that sense, exchanges around these areas are mutually pleasing, because Ni+Te provides a framework, and Fi+Ne offers new ones.

Very insightful thank you for that. I tend to agree with a lot you say with some exceptions:

I think the reverse happens for INFPs with INTJs: someone can be logical, detached, objective and 'dispassionate' without being dictatorial, demanding, or denigrating.

I am 'dispassionate' when I am distracted or simply not interested same goes for the other negative labels such as detached, cold, uninterested, aloof and so on... Moreover I think that the NF -NT combo can generate an interdependency. The "Intuitive Thinker" in this case the INTJ strengthens the NFs Ti. While the NF strengthens the NTs Fi. In my opinion this can be mutually beneficial.

 

[Sanskrit]

I find myself increasingly less able to suffer fools and cumulatively more tired of their shit.

 

[DesertWind]

Fi is a way to connect with others... It 'humanizes' us and allows us for a chance to get third perspectives. It helps you mature as an individual and compassion is achieved...

Even if such lessons come from losing those that you value most....

 

[Helios]

Well my type is under re-evaluation but I find this thread very helpful.

I relate to the uncertainty of the teen years, and that is pretty much what my life is right now.

13 and younger- Massive inquisition and exploration of thoughts and things.
13-16ish- The Great Depression.
16ish-now- One of those chaotic reflective periods and transition into adulthood time.

Lol.

 

[Sanskrit]

Well my type is under re-evaluation but I find this thread very helpful.

I relate to the uncertainty of the teen years, and that is pretty much what my life is right now.

13 and younger- Massive inquisition and exploration of thoughts and things.
13-16ish- The Great Depression.
16ish-now- One of those chaotic reflective periods and transition into adulthood time.

Lol.

Depression is just your Intuition calling your life under evaluation. Happens to all Ni types. We look inwards and face the reality within.