I have PTSD from violent confrontation, so sometimes it's hard for me to differentiate between an debate a verbal confrontation. I think that I am possibly taking things too personally. It's like any time I hear someone raise their voice to me, I get really fearful, and assume that it will lead to violent confrontation. It sucks.
Ah, I get it. Yea, sometimes a slight raise of a voice and put me on full alert and I put my hand on the sword to prepare for a fight. I've found that body language, facial expression, and overall demeanor can determine if its a challenge or not, though INTPs have a habit of passive aggressively making an offhanded remark that is a challenge.
When you hear the raise of voice do you automatically strike out at the person inciting a problem? If so, THATS what makes you look weak. I always wait for the other person to strike first, but its best to be aware that it could come. I noticed that when getting in a debate with someone, its best to focus on topics mainly dealing with opinions (because you can always so, "thats
your perspective"), or topics you know well. Don't bother engaging in a debate with someone who knows say, religion, really well and is bringing it up just to make you look stupid. In those scenarios I completely change the topic to something I know they don't know but is more relatable to other people who aren't as vocal, but would agree with me and he ends up barred from the conversation.
Are there certain topics of debate that get to you or is it any type of debating?
Could the problem also be that you use Fe secondary? I know that sometimes there is a twinge felt (I attribute it to Fi) but I don't show it or react openly. I just become more guarded and like I said, get ready to pull out the sword.
Since you have PTSD and you're a phobic 6w7 it could be the anxiety felt during a challenge thats really fucking with you. I know that anxiety well because I experienced every waking moment for the first 15 years of my life. I think though that after a while of being anxious about something, you'll learn to internalize and control it.
Have you gotten help for the PTSD?