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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
I love talking. i love telling stories and making people laugh. i get a high out of having conversations with people in which i feel appreciated and as if my company is deeply enjoyed. i've lost a little bit of my ability to be alone, more and more i get lonely and bored without constant human connection. i can either be extremely skilled in a conversation, due to knowing i am in control of where the topic is going and have confidence in the way i'm coming off, or i'm over-ridden with my self consciousness or fear of the other person's judgement and am quiet and awkward. this only happens when i indulge in my underlying fear of rejection, when i feel the other person does not like me.

As a people pleaser, i cannot stand others' disapproval in me and constantly go through complete flips in my emotions, often in short periods of time. others' disapproval is the direct reason for why i can change from completely at ease at one moment to depressive and reserved the next. In my normal way, I love to analyze and I can sit and stew in agony for hours over some little comment, gesture, or tone that another person may have expressed/conveyed to me. I'll sit and dwell on social things like that, sometimes feeling the emotional pain as if it had just happened.

I'm pretty sensitive, but try to come off as if I have tough skin; I often have a very difficult time expressing my negative emotions and I rarely cry. i'm completely uncomfortable with hugs, which i know is strange for enfps. they're too intimate of a gesture for me, and i become incredibly awkward, but yet i'd love to lay in bed and just talk to you all day. i'm a very optimistic person in an attempt to avoid my negative feelings. i'd much rather put myself in someone else shoes to feel their pain then feel sorry for them. I go out of way to make sure that i do not appear like i'm bragging when talking to my friends, i absolutely fear it.

i feel this constant need to share stories and give advice, and i'm extremely attentive to my friends problems and i always strive to console them in a time of need, but i have also been accused of being self-absorbed, as it does happen that i become completely engulfed in my own head. i like to debate and argue and have been known to be very opinionated, but for fear of hurting other peoples' feelings i will immediately back off in an argument, and i never have a problem saying sorry or that i was wrong, but it does happen on some occasions where i'll dig my heels in if something conflicts with my value system.

i'm not religious and i often think people are good-natured, and think that those who try to hurt others and are rude only use it as a self-defense mechanism. my self-defense mechanism has always been to put others at an invisible arms length and to avoid appearing negative, to make a joke out of anything thats too serious for me to comfortably address. i make completely irrational, off-the-wall choices sometimes based on whatever my gut is telling me at the time.

i never have much personal drama, and i never hear people ever having anything bad to say about me as i'm usually a very neutral person. I have extreme guilt when i'm not genuine in my encouragement in others and in that way, i'm always awkward giving compliments to others for fear of lying. i've been described as extremely messy. i'm constantly in ridiculous struggles due to my EXTREME disorganization. i'm the complete opposite of punctual and i don't even get the concept of deadlines. i have a knack for getting into bizarre situations and i find myself super adaptable.

i don't fit the traditional female role at all, and ive been described as "weird" although "in a very good way." my sense of humor is strange and extremely sarcastic. people find me funny, relaxed, mature, and a little bit crazy. (just in the fact that i love to tell ridiculous, strange stories and i'm extremely scatter-brained.. may i say EXTREMELY) i value my intelligence and find it of the utmost of importance to come-off as articulate.

i don't date and the idea makes me nervous. due to my fear of rejection i dislike the idea of having my name attached to someone else's, for fear of what others will think, which shamefully shows my ability to be shallow. relationships make me uncomfortable, and i often wonder if i'm a-sexual, although, on rare occasions i find myself attracted to strange, awkward, funny, introverted types. i go through periods of time where i'm literally not attracted to a single person. its only till after i see a guy's personality that i really enjoy that i develop attraction.

i value genuine people and if after meeting you, i get a bad vibe, i'll automatically put a mental block from ever allowing you to see my inner-workings. i'm extremely forgiving and can honestly say i do not hold grudges. admitting to almost all of this, has been a very uncomfortable, yet relieving experience. theres more, its just getting a little long. its funny many people think i'm confident and not easily offended; that i'm "intimidating," i don't really know...
 

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I love talking. i love telling stories and making people laugh. i get a high out of having conversations with people in which i feel appreciated and as if my company is deeply enjoyed. i've lost a little bit of my ability to be alone, more and more i get lonely and bored without constant human connection. i can either be extremely skilled in a conversation, due to knowing i am in control of where the topic is going and have confidence in the way i'm coming off, or i'm over-ridden with my self consciousness or fear of the other person's judgement and am quiet and awkward. this only happens when i indulge in my underlying fear of rejection, when i feel the other person does not like me.

As a people pleaser, i cannot stand others' disapproval in me and constantly go through complete flips in my emotions, often in short periods of time. others' disapproval is the direct reason for why i can change from completely at ease at one moment to depressive and reserved the next. In my normal way, I love to analyze and I can sit and stew in agony for hours over some little comment, gesture, or tone that another person may have expressed/conveyed to me. I'll sit and dwell on social things like that, sometimes feeling the emotional pain as if it had just happened.

I'm pretty sensitive, but try to come off as if I have tough skin; I often have a very difficult time expressing my negative emotions and I rarely cry. i'm completely uncomfortable with hugs, which i know is strange for enfps. they're too intimate of a gesture for me, and i become incredibly awkward, but yet i'd love to lay in bed and just talk to you all day. i'm a very optimistic person in an attempt to avoid my negative feelings. i'd much rather put myself in someone else shoes to feel their pain then feel sorry for them. I go out of way to make sure that i do not appear like i'm bragging when talking to my friends, i absolutely fear it.

i feel this constant need to share stories and give advice, and i'm extremely attentive to my friends problems and i always strive to console them in a time of need, but i have also been accused of being self-absorbed, as it does happen that i become completely engulfed in my own head. i like to debate and argue and have been known to be very opinionated, but for fear of hurting other peoples' feelings i will immediately back off in an argument, and i never have a problem saying sorry or that i was wrong, but it does happen on some occasions where i'll dig my heels in if something conflicts with my value system.

i'm not religious and i often think people are good-natured, and think that those who try to hurt others and are rude only use it as a self-defense mechanism. my self-defense mechanism has always been to put others at an invisible arms length and to avoid appearing negative, to make a joke out of anything thats too serious for me to comfortably address. i make completely irrational, off-the-wall choices sometimes based on whatever my gut is telling me at the time.

i never have much personal drama, and i never hear people ever having anything bad to say about me as i'm usually a very neutral person. I have extreme guilt when i'm not genuine in my encouragement in others and in that way, i'm always awkward giving compliments to others for fear of lying. i've been described as extremely messy. i'm constantly in ridiculous struggles due to my EXTREME disorganization. i'm the complete opposite of punctual and i don't even get the concept of deadlines. i have a knack for getting into bizarre situations and i find myself super adaptable.

i don't fit the traditional female role at all, and ive been described as "weird" although "in a very good way." my sense of humor is strange and extremely sarcastic. people find me funny, relaxed, mature, and a little bit crazy. (just in the fact that i love to tell ridiculous, strange stories and i'm extremely scatter-brained.. may i say EXTREMELY) i value my intelligence and find it of the utmost of importance to come-off as articulate.

i don't date and the idea makes me nervous. due to my fear of rejection i dislike the idea of having my name attached to someone else's, for fear or what others will think, which shamefully shows my ability to be shallow. relationships make me uncomfortable, and i often wonder if i'm a-sexual, although, on rare occasions i find myself attracted to strange, awkward, funny, introverted types. i go through periods of time where i'm literally not attracted to a single person. its only till after i see a guy's personality that i really enjoy that i develop attraction.

i value genuine people and if after meeting you, i get a bad vibe, i'll automatically put a mental block from ever allowing you to see my inner-workings. i'm extremely forgiving and can honestly say i do not hold grudges. admitting to almost all of this, has been a very uncomfortable, yet relieving experience. theres more, its just getting a little long. its funny many people think i'm confident and not easily offended; that i'm "intimidating," i don't really know...
Wow, OK, I can definitely relate to a lot of that! Although not all of it. I'm very outspoken, to the extent that I am happy to say what's on my mind. I used to be meeker, and fear rejection a lot. But whilst I'm not religious, I am philosophical and have my own set of beliefs and values. I accept everyone has different values, but if I feel it would conflict with my values or that I am being manipulated in any way, then they ought to fear my rejection, not the other way round :tongue:!

I don't struggle to flirt, indeed I'm told I'm naturally flirty, but I have my moments of self-doubt, even though I try not to show them. However, when it comes to women, my approach requires me to make a connexion with you first... I like getting to know people. Physical attraction is only step one of keeping an ENFP's attention, and believe me, we get bored easily :blushed:, so if you're vacuous, or I pick up a gut feeling saying, "no, you shouldn't do this" I put up my barriers. I can be around superficial people, but I can't really converse with them, and so I can't lay connexions. I don't like just anyone into my inner world, if I feel you won't appreciate it, I won't let you in, it's pretty special to me that way :laughing: People tell me I come across as intimidating quite often. I think if you can make your peace with the fact that this is just you, and only people worth your time will connect with you, the fear of rejection might fade a little?
 

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I have been(and do remain) most sensitive to any critique or attempted debasement as of my character...Though I now seek of diplomacy in resolution,There existed a time in which i was feared for reactivity toward those that sought to reproach me...Do now i fear rejection? Yes.Though I now bear too of firmness with which to achieve not simply of reconciliation,but so too of intrepidity in expressing what i feel must be expressed...yet admittedly if one traverses the boundaries of my patience,i may yet prove reactive toward that person:dry: ~sigh~ I am working to rid myself completely of it though:wink:.I have been quite the recluse as of the present,for cause of severence in understanding and relation with those to whom i have previously observed as "friends" as i have perpetuated value impermeable as to my inner being and thus of worthy cause in both myself and others,I have not exacted much by way of the "gathering orientation" and have rather sought to embody this worth that i espouse and to accompany and asisst those that do understand of my thought,my feeling,....So as Paradox has stated ithers are more apt to fear a rejection(and consequentual criticality) as dispensed from myself than the opposition of dynamic..
 

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wow I really relate to a lot of what you said. I love that feeling when I'm totally on top of a conversation - I feel confident and self-assured and really extroverted. Like you said, this really only happens when I feel in control and sort of "better" than the person I'm talking to, and therefore less likely to be concerned about what they think, but also assured that I'm giving off a good impression. I always feel self conscious when I think I'm talking to someone who's amazing and I really want their approval. I feel nervous and scared that I won't live up to their expectations.

I've also been told I'm intimidating, and I never used to see it. Now I think it's just that I hate not being unique and original, even in social conversation. I guess I can see how this could be intimidating, but hey, I'd rather be intimidating than boring!

I didn't date for a long time either, didn't even really consider it. Once I started though, I really understood what I had been missing. Maybe you should consider it...yeah, it makes you vulnerable, but if you find someone that really loves you, it also makes you confident, open, and self-assured. Relationships have really helped me grow as person and I'd definitely recommend it...hopefully it'll help with that fear of rejection!
 

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Yeah, I'm pretty sensitive too. But various personal choices by me combined with environmental stimulation (Having to be the "man of the house" after my parent's messy divorce) I have grown a little thicker skin. Oh sure, I notice true rejection and it hurts, but I also don't get rejected much as I live in a pretty small town where a lot of people know me and I feel appreciated and well-liked these days.

I'm pretty proactive too, as I've alluded to many times on these boards. Perhaps in somewhat rare 'social decisiveness' for ENFPs: I have no qualms or hesitations about cutting out a cancerous social relationship that's doing me harm. It's partly due to self-respect, but also pragmatism as I don't have time in my life for any new friends so if room gets made that's actually a big silver lining, and I've had enough 'friend break-up" phone calls, emails, and coffees to be able to get over the hurt quickly. And it DOES hurt, but it also has to be done as I've witnessed the far greater hurt of bad relationships.

But I digress...

We as ENFPs will always be sensitive to other's and born people pleasers. We just need to coax, cultivate, or otherwise give ourselves a kick in the pants to respect ourselves: the respect we deserve as truly caring, and charming individuals.
 

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Yes fear of rejection...that's one I struggle with to. I suspect it's to do with being ENFP, but there's also an unbringing element.

Ultimately fear of rejection = fear of failure...you either expect to lose, or else don't think you can cope with losing. Now even if you're the sensitive type, but you've had a life of success and experiences that enhance your self-esteem, then failure is less of a bogeyman...you both don't expect it to happen, and know that you can cope if it does.

So much as we're genetically hard-wired to be a certain way, let's not discount the power of upbringing and positive experiences...that's part of the reason all of us here display different traits despite our commonality.
 

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I'm somewhat the same! I have this paralysing fear that I will be rejected which has stopped me from ever really entering a proper relationship, and the kinda sudo-relationship I was in I just spent the time worrying about when I would eventually be rejected.

I think it also stopped me from applying to the Universities that I really wanted to go, in case they rejected me!! Illogical I know! But looking back I think that is what happened!

But! After I investigated my personality type, I realised that ENFPs view life as adventure! And I've just tried the factor in the notion of rejection as an element of risk needed on any adventure :D.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
So much as we're genetically hard-wired to be a certain way, let's not discount the power of upbringing and positive experiences...that's part of the reason all of us here display different traits despite our commonality.
I had to think about this for a while, my up-bringing... I suppose my fear of rejection spawns from my mother's need to impose her judgment on me. We are COMPLETELY opposite people, although she is very sensitive, too. She does not hold back in counting the ways you've ever wronged her..

I remember when I was younger, an awkward teenager growing up.. and even younger than that, she would repeatedly tell me that I needed to accept and understand that "to get along in the world I had to get that looks mattered" she was always encouraging superficiality, and in some respects I understand her reasoning.

She would often address the weird parts of my personality, my sense of humor that she didn't understand, the way I was completely the opposite of my sister, much like her, as "bizarre" and she made me feel my flights of fantasy, my imagination was weird. (i had friends who did this too) I felt very wounded, but i never attributed her judgmental attitude would at all reflect on the way i would ever grow to be. when i was little, i made a great effort to stop appearing "weird" and fit in.

i suppose i still fear people rejecting me in the same way. I love my mom, and its strange, even though ive become better about communication she still makes observations about me that are flat out wrong. i get frustrated. its funny, even to strangers I have such an uncomfortable time talking about my negative feelings. I don't like weighing others down.
 

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i suppose i still fear people rejecting me in the same way. I love my mom, and its strange, even though ive become better about communication she still makes observations about me that are flat out wrong. i get frustrated. its funny, even to strangers I have such an uncomfortable time talking about my negative feelings. I don't like weighing others down.
Sarah, I know where you're coming from. A lot of problems can stem from us not being true to our personalities, often because of parental pressures...e.g. an artistic extrovert forced to be a bookish academic, a deep thinker forced to be a floaty bimbo type, etc. So we end up trying to live a life that we're not so good at (or happy at), and it's no surprise we don't prosper. People are after all best at what they do naturally.

We experience failure basically beacuse we're not playing to our strengths...

It's no surprise that we then find ourselves scared of rejection down the line. This is something I'm trying to come out of, i.e. letting go of past 'must dos' and instead focusing on what I'm good at, and enjoy.

It can be hard believing that you're ALLOWED to be your self, or that it's safe to do so. Doesn't come over night...
 

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That describes me pretty well there on most points... I keep a prickly exterior though and come off as a cold bastard alot of times or stay humorous and way off beat to keep people at a slight distance... Just have built up defense mechanisms for dealing with people and I let very few into my inner circle now. Some people do percieve us as self centered I would imagine because we have Fi as our secondary function and it seems that the Fe users don't understand sometimes self-nurturing tendencies... There is a balance between the two. I still am sensetive to critism but try to detach myself when someone is pointing something out... Hard to do but I try... hahahahahaha I am talking to much so now I will be quiet
 

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I've also been told I'm intimidating, and I never used to see it. Now I think it's just that I hate not being unique and original, even in social conversation. I guess I can see how this could be intimidating, but hey, I'd rather be intimidating than boring!
We have a lot of special talents that others find amazing. I think we are usually admired for our integrity, enthusiasm, creativity, guts, humor, and ESP-like ability to read people.

Relationships have really helped me grow as person and I'd definitely recommend it...hopefully it'll help with that fear of rejection!
I agree big-time. We can learn new things from hanging around other types! Or learn from similar types how they handle themselves. I think we have to try not to take it too seriously, and stay in the present sometimes (in addition to getting all NF in our head!).

We as ENFPs will always be sensitive to other's and born people pleasers. We just need to coax, cultivate, or otherwise give ourselves a kick in the pants to respect ourselves: the respect we deserve as truly caring, and charming individuals.
There's a neat discussion of ENFP functions and people-pleasing in the thread on ENFP and Alcoholism. (An ENTJ did her homework!) It says that when we are not happily grounded in Fi (which to me translates to connecting to meaningful work and relationships - a purpose), we get looped into needed affirmation all the time in order to feel good. I think that when we develop our purpose and accomplishments towards our goals, we develop more of the self-respect Moby talks about! : ) I think we go through cycles (see ENFPs and Depression thread)

Ultimately fear of rejection = fear of failure...you either expect to lose, or else don't think you can cope with losing.
I'm somewhat the same! I have this paralysing fear that I will be rejected which has stopped me from ever really entering a proper relationship, and the kinda sudo-relationship I was in I just spent the time worrying about when I would eventually be rejected.
Fear of failure inhibits me a lot too, and it's also cyclical for me. When I am in a confused/existential crisis mode, I can get very afraid to try new things.

She would often address the weird parts of my personality, my sense of humor that she didn't understand, the way I was completely the opposite of my sister, much like her, as "bizarre" and she made me feel my flights of fantasy, my imagination was weird. (i had friends who did this too) I felt very wounded, but i never attributed her judgmental attitude would at all reflect on the way i would ever grow to be. when i was little, i made a great effort to stop appearing "weird" and fit in.
I think a lot of us go through this. When I first read the ENFP description in college, I thought "I'm not crazy -- I'm an ENFP!!" We struggle so hard to validate the things we value about ourselves. It can be hard to have faith in our strengths when others see us as silly, over-the-top, etc. The longer you live, the better you'll be at maximizing your strengths and balancing them as you develop more discipline, judgment, etc! not to override or replace your special qualities, but to temper them - like learning to play an instrument? The instrument is wonderful, you just have to know how to play. You don't ALWAYS want to bang away at the piano. ; )
 

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A lot of that sounds very familiar, though recently I have been acting more cold and detached than usual. I tend to fear rejection to the point where I expect it, which can make me very pessimistic about people as a whole. I consider myself an optimistic realist, which is to say that I look at most things objectively through logic and open-minded reasoning, yet I try to focus on positive things. Healthy social communication has always been something I greatly desire, but haven't been able to attain.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I tend to fear rejection to the point where I expect it, which can make me very pessimistic about people as a whole. I consider myself an optimistic realist, which is to say that I look at most things objectively through logic and open-minded reasoning, yet I try to focus on positive things.
I can often be that way too where if i'm unsure or insecure about something and i start to second-guess or doubt myself on something my stress and anxiety for the what-ifs (i love to fantasize about what the possible reactions are to any situation to no end) can lead me to sometimes drain the fun out of things. especially if i'm talking about an event, task, whatever where i'm going to be in front of others that gives others an opportunity to scrutinize or judge, it makes me very nervous and apprehensive. a lot of it relates to my fear or rejection and that i'm always my biggest critic.

and when looking at issues i try to apply logic and reasoning and so can address some issues with a sense of realism. For issues that are not warm or fuzzy topics, death for example, i try to completely separate myself from attaching or indulging in any depressive or sad feelings, but instead look at it from a point of logic where this is something that cannot be changed, and although i'm not looking forward to it, it'll happen. its best not to get too worked about something i have completely no control over. and in that, i apply my optimism, that i should just enjoy life for the here and now.
 

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I can often be that way too where if i'm unsure or insecure about something and i start to second-guess or doubt myself on something my stress and anxiety for the what-ifs (i love to fantasize about what the possible reactions are to any situation to no end) can lead me to sometimes drain the fun out of things. especially if i'm talking about an event, task, whatever where i'm going to be in front of others that gives others an opportunity to scrutinize or judge, it makes me very nervous and apprehensive. a lot of it relates to my fear or rejection and that i'm always my biggest critic.

and when looking at issues i try to apply logic and reasoning and so can address some issues with a sense of realism. For issues that are not warm or fuzzy topics, death for example, i try to completely separate myself from attaching or indulging in any depressive or sad feelings, but instead look at it from a point of logic where this is something that cannot be changed, and although i'm not looking forward to it, it'll happen. its best not to get too worked about something i have completely no control over. and in that, i apply my optimism, that i should just enjoy life for the here and now.
Oh god, I do that way too much! T_T I tend to put off starting something for months because I'm worried I won't finish it, or play out entire phone conversations before I call (only if I'm worried about it though). I finally got over my fear of criticism for the most part though, after I took some college art classes.
 

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Does anyone have any solutions to this fear of rejection or inability to finishing things? xD Love if there was a quick cure ;D but I have a funny feeling there wont be xD.
 

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Wow, that was a very thoughtful post Sarah.

I can really identify with a lot of it, but the part that stood out for me was the thing about hugs. I love hugs, a good hug is amazing, but I don't like hugging every one. It actually causes me social anxiety. For example, I live in Miami, it is not uncommon to hug and kiss some one when you meet them, or when you say good bye. It has always been awkward for me to say good bye or hello to people that I 'kind of know' because I am not sure if they want a hug or something else. There would be times where i do really awkward things because I am not sure what the other person will do. This gets really awkward for me in professional settings as I don't look for those types of connections in professional setting.

It also is annoying because I really don't want people to see me as uptight, because I do not feel like I am, but when I can't say good bye to people. I know people just think I am weird, cold, or (dread) uptight.

I did find the situation much easier in South America, you just kiss every one on the cheek regardless if you know them or not.

Another part of the post I found interesting was thing about relationships. I tend to avoid relationships which was fine, because I wasn't "looking for one." But recently, due to some personal growth, I decided that I would like a relationship. I thought it would be easy to find some one, but 1, I tend to rarely like people in that way, and 2, I have a hard time letting people into my inner world. I think enfps are masters at, flirting, day to day relationships, have meaningful conversation about other people, but when it comes to core things about myself I rarely open up. So at least I am finding it hard to find romance.

I will tell you one thing though, I have been making an attempt to open up more and expose my vulnerable side. It is really awesome. It has made me much more fun and surprisingly happier. The saving grace is that ENFPs love adventure, open up! Risk getting hurt, it is the ultimate adventure.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Wow, that was a very thoughtful post Sarah.

I can really identify with a lot of it, but the part that stood out for me was the thing about hugs. I love hugs, a good hug is amazing, but I don't like hugging every one. It actually causes me social anxiety.
Okay, that gives me a lot of comfort knowing that there is another enfp out there who gets anxiety out of the whole hug process.

i dont know where it stems from, my mother is a big hugger, my dad not as much. with my family i'm very comfortable, but with friends, acquaintances, and especially people i dont know it freaks me out. i wonder if its my fear of rejection, i have no idea how to initiate a hug.. i'm not sure if it's that i fear the other person will think i'm coming on to strong, be uncomfortable, or reject it or if i also have a fear of intimacy. that i dont really know.

i mean if its obvious a person wants a hug from me, i'll always be happy to awkwardly accept and return it. sometimes someone will put their arms out for me and i dont know whats going on until they awkwardly put their arms down and then realize, oh! and at that point want to give them a hug back saying sorry its not you, it's me but as i said, i'm not an initiator of hugs.

i was actually sitting at home yesterday seriously stewing over this. it really gets to me that i cant be comfortable with this common gesture that others seem to do with ease. ive searched many forums and i dont see much on it at all other than angelina jolie doesnt like hugs either..
 

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Thank you so much Sarahe (and to all who how responded) for sharing this. I wish you could have seen me nodding my head to every paragraph. The more and more I read the posts of my fellow ENFPs and the deeper I delve into the journey of myself, the more I can handle this fear of rejection within me. Why you ask? Because it has led to the acceptance of myself. And that to me is the only solution for fear of rejection...Acceptance (self-acceptance).

Before I used to question why I seemed to be so contradictory, so extreme, such a polar dichotomy and in words I used to describe myself to others, "a living paradox" (big ups to Paradox1987..LoL). I guess what I'm getting at is my personality make-up results in what seem to be contradictory expressions ie, the sociable loner, the well-liked outcast, the insecure extrovert, etc. and it honestly made me wonder if I'm bi-polar (the jury's still out on that one…LoL). And that may be the case, but with a newfound perspective (thanks PerC), I see that I may have two magnetic poles pulling at me simultaneously, but it is because of those poles that I can relate to anyone and everyone inbetween. I may fear being rejected, but because I'm so extraverted and adventurous, I will constantly put myself out there and although some people may not smell what I'm cooking, many others will. And true enough, there may not be many people who know my "true self" but what I have realized is that my true self is all of who I am…the self that shows up when I'm with the people I feed off and the self that I hang out with when I'm alone.

I've really taken a look at how I view/treat others and am finally starting to redirect that outward expression inwards to myself because what I provide to others are things I so rarely offer myself. I see the best in others and their potential, yet doubt my capabilities and abilities. I lovingly embrace others when they are at their most vulnerable yet I shy away from showing my vulnerability in fear of not being accepted for our complete selves. I am actively trying to turn those two "poles" into a powerful cooperative force that will propel me forward and attract the greatness that resides within me.

Wow…just typing this whole thing was pretty therapeutic for me…

Lastly, regarding the hugs, sorry, I can't relate. I love me some good hugging. Female, male, animal…squeeze? Yes please!
 
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The thing about hugs that I don't like, are when they are fake hugs. I know I am good hugger, I fully commit to it, but I find the ass out hugs or shoulders only hugs so... unauthentic. It bothers me because I think it is awkward for the other person, so then I get awkward because they are awkward..... I hope that makes sense. If I am going to hug is better be hips in full embrace or nothing, I don't want any side hugs!

Sometimes someone will put their arms out for me and i dont know whats going on until they awkwardly put their arms down and then realize, oh! and at that point want to give them a hug back saying sorry its not you, it's me but as i said, i'm not an initiator of hugs.
Haha people have put their arms out to me, and i didn't realize what was going on. So I said, " A high five?! Okay..." Then they look at me like I'm insane. That causes me to relive the moment in my head for the next four days.


As far is initiating hugs I am even weirder! I will hug people randomly sometimes.... Lol it just happens. I guess it would be cool for a girl to do that, but as a guy I get weird reactions from some male friends I haven't seen in a while. Oh well.
 

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ok....
I have trust issues, the way i see is, i give enough trust so that people can trust me and feel comfortable with me but i cant seem to trust in others myself.

It seems that I have commitment issues, that can be linked to my trust issues. And I am learning to accept that I am indeed sensitive to what other people say, I was too proud to accept this but i am learning to see it so that I can hopefully learn to work on it.

I am learning to give hugs, they feel good :D and some people just have this amazing big, safe hugs that I just like feeling safe if its even for a few seconds.

I don't belong to any religions. I see myself as a spiritual being and I have my own set of values.

mmm..can't remember anymore lol..I'll come back when I do :crazy:
 
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