[mllesentiment]

I was having a discussion with my INTJ roomie about a character in a movie who I adored. In gushing about what a complex character he is, the INTJ interrupts by saying that the main reason she doesn't think he's all that great is because he can't/refuses to pick sides. She mentioned, as the conversation shifted, that she cannot stand it when people don't pick sides, odd considering she's agnostic and an apathetic moderate when it comes to politics. The funny thing is, when she said this I wonder if she realized that the main REASONS she likes me is because I'm so tolerate, I don't try to self-righteously force my way of thinking on her as if it's some sort of absolute truth, and basically,I almost never take sides. My reasons for not taking sides are that, more often than not I immediately notice when the 'morality' of the situation is 'grey'. Therefore both parties are 'right' or both parties are 'wrong', and not often will one side ultimately dominate over the other. I practice this in almost every debate I'm in whether it's online, in school, or with classmates. With the exception of a few severe situations where the righteous way seems obvious and unanimous, most of the squabbles I come by or the topics I'm prompted to speak about actually need a mediator/peacekeeper/objective opinion. Essentially, I'm not picking a side because I'm on the third 'side'. I'm no atypical or 'cowardly' INFJ. I have my values. I always mean what I say and express my beliefs with the confidence that I believe them to true and with a fervent passion (we'll save the relative vs absolute truth for some other time). But honestly, not every situation requires that kind of intense subjectivity.

Anyone else do this? Do you find yourself often picking sides, staying out of the squabble, or making the peace? Which type of people do you find yourself doing any of the former? (e.g MBTI type, relationship type, age group etc)

 

[Younique]

I don't choose sides unless one is completely in the wrong.
Then of course I go with who's right. But still I try & fix the situation.

 

[Zomboy]

I take my own side. If I don't, who will?

 

[david25]

I will sometimes pick sides if its clearly right, but I always try to understand the other argument and help smooth things over. For example when two friends of mine were arguing about something and it was getting quite heated, as I had been listening to the argument I was able to understand what the main difference was, and it seemed both of them had slightly different ideas about what they were arguing, so I was able to explain the other persons point of view. I try to do that, even when sometimes I completely disagree with a side in an argument, I will still try and explain the other side, and what might motivate it.

So a lot of times I won't get involved in the squabble, often just listening to both sides and trying to understand them. But I often will make contribuitons if there are arguments that I think need to be made but haven't been made yet, and I can get quite passionate in some circumstances if I firmly believe one side to be right and the other to be wrong. Often though I'll support the underdog, I don't like it when people gang up on somebody, so I have a strong urge to back them up (though not to the point where I go against my beliefs).

 

[MiriUchiha]

I only pick sides when one side meets all my criteria or "likes". If both sides I have an opinion on, then I tend to stay in the middle. It's the way I've always thought.

 

[ardentauthor]

I always analyze the situations and I rarely ever choose sides, because no one side is ever right. (If they were, there wouldn't have been a problem!)
It annoys my friends, though. :/

 

[x3Fantasy3x]

Anyone else do this?
Yeah I don't think sides like ever, unless one side is completely wrong its a bit hard to say they are right. I also don't pick sides because I can see the reason why both sides are equally right and don't see a reason as to why I should go in only to end up agreeing with both sides. Plus I find conflict pathetic.

Do you find yourself often picking sides, staying out of the squabble, or making the peace?
Making the peace with the often "Shut up already!!!" After hearing them go on and on about something so ridiculous you thought they would have concluded by now. xD

Which type of people do you find yourself doing any of the former? (e.g MBTI type, relationship type, age group etc)
I am not so sure.

Recently I had a little argument with an ENTP borderline friend. Because I ended up openly agreeing with my friends enemy points (well I was also going to back it against with my friends points too though, but my friend cut me off :/), my friend thought I was taking the enemies sides, and than my friend started attacking me with 'personal attacks' in the end my friend told me that they were disappointed with me and I found this an excellent time to openly tell how even more disappointed I was with that person, since that person already knows I don't take sides and can agree in someone way with both sides.
Lesson: Never open your mouth
Lesson 2: Threaten to murder your friend if they drag you in

 

[RockCandy]

The INFJ I knows has her opinions on the matter, but never takes sides.

 

[Resolution]

Well in a debate there aren't sides, there are just perspectives... two competing perspectives.

Seeing both perspectives and the interplay between them is crucial to understanding the argument as a whole, I think.

That said, there are times when action is required. Look at WW2 for example. It's possible to understand the Nazi's point of view, but still... an individual might decide that it is best to fight against them... kill them if necessary.

By fighting the Nazi's it might appear as if the INFJ has picked the "Allied side", but I don't think that is true. I think that when an INFJ takes action, it is generally independent action, according to our own Fe frameworks.

Fe is ethical objectivity. It would make sense that those w/ Fe would want to see all sides of an ethical matter.

 

[Razare]

I'm with the OP on this, except I tend to pick the opposite side for discussion's sake. I'm contrarian by nature because I spent too much time intellectualizing about stock market moves, and applied what I learned to society as a whole.

It's not that I am 100% for the side I am pointing out, just in conversation, when one person chooses a side and is a proponent of it, I like to point out where the other side stands for understanding's sake. When complete understanding from multiple sides can be achieved, it allows for better decisions to be made.

Where I ultimately stand on an issue is a neutral perspective considering both sides... because 99% of the time, it doesn't matter what I think, since I wont be the one making the decision. So what I would do is usually irrelevant. I simply seek to hold both sides accountable to their strengths and faults, and maintain a true perspective of the dynamic at play. But If I had to make a decision, I would pick a side, yes. >.< So... yes and no! I can't even choose a side on this, lol...

 

[Nickel]

I don't want to get involved, so I don't pick sides.

I can also relate to seeing different perspectives to everything. I think it's part of why I have trouble making decisions, and forming opinions. xD (Ni-ing it up.)

 

[Arclight]

I see the big picture regardless of my personal values.
The solution to almost every problem that involves "sides" can usually be found somewhere close to the middle.

However pointing this out to people usually results in a crap storm from both sides. "Compromise!!??" They scream at me. Then they insist I am The Devil for speaking such heresy!!

 

[inextricable]

However pointing this out to people usually results in a crap storm from both sides. "Compromise!!??" They scream at me. Then they insist I am The Devil for speaking such heresy!!

Holds up a cross with her fingers towards you and hisses.

But I do agree with you fully.

 

[Vivid Melody]

Depends what/who it is really. I usually try to understand both sides before I take one.

 

[KC]

I do pick sides but often I leave them unannounced until I need to intervene or something like that.

For me, I pick my side based on my principles and how that side is supposed to be better for everyone.

However, if it is a friendly debate, I try to mediate instead of debate. Shooting points on both sides of the spectrum.

Irregardless, my stance still lies on ending the argument as soon as possible.

 

[unico]

I also try to fix the situation and smooth things over. I try to understand different perspectives, especially if I'm not caught up in the debate. I will only obviously choose a side and make it known if I think someone said something terrible/ridiculous.

 

[Surreal Snake]

Rarely..I find groups or tribes sometimes do.But sometimes we have too.

 

[MoonLight]

Depends on the situation:

I usually point out the good points in both arguments basically to smooth the peace and to show not one perspective/opinion is particularly right.

If the case has to do with a clear cut wrong behavior then I stand against the wrong side.

If the argument is absurd/unnecessary then I don't bother and just shrug if someone asks for my opinion.

If the argument is a simple miscommunication then I would try to clarify things.

 

[ohTOMICho]

Hmm, I don't know--but one thing I can say for certain about picking sides is that I don't pick one when couples drag me into their fights. Quite frankly, being stuck in the middle of an emotional crossfire gets tiresome. And annoying.

Especially when the people involved get mad at you because you refuse to pick a side. Pssh.

 

[DreamingSoul]

I'm more of an observer and try to understand where both side are coming from. I do believe there is always two side of every story and it takes two to tango.