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Discussion Starter #1
So this morning I came upon a thought.

Last night, I had a really heated argument with my mother. I actually lost my voice. And later, I told her: we are not having this discussion anymore. I will simply 'walk away'. I won't put myself in mental or physical jeopardy anymore.

Today, my one aunt (who is used to me helping her) asked me to help her put up her christmas tree lights. I thought about ignoring the text messages, but I decided it would be 'stronger' just to confront the issue and tell her No, I don't have time, even on my day off.

There is also a tendency, that when I want to 'walk away', (and not confront) it feels 9-ish, that I am 'avoiding conflict' which I know will later create another conflict. Ignoring an issue that will later come nip me in the butt. I've had this happen before. I don't *want* to be passive-aggressive, but at the same time, I don't *Want* to have a confrontation every.single.time.


So here is the thought:
When is it actually more courageous?
When there is a fight, battle, or defense needed…
Is it courageous to 'walk away' from the fight, knowing it isn't worth your time or troubles, or is it the cowardly thing to do? I am starting to think it is courageous to walk away from a losing battle, to have the intelligence to know when to stop confronting and just letting things be.
Running away from a fight I know would seem cowardly… but the truth I think is: both confronting a fight and running away from can be rooted in fear.
But to be truly strong and dauntless, fearless - is to walk away sometimes. Aka, to pick or choose your battles wisely.
My aunt, who is a 6, used to tell me this. I imagine 1's probably have to do a similar thing.

I feel like I shouldn't choose a battle just because I feel compelled to. Because as a 6w5 I have a tendency to run to the defense of whatever my superego says I should. I have to be smarter than that, I have to 'hold back' and see… is this really worth it? Engaging in a battle with a toxic person, or a moot argument, or something that actually isn't relevant to me.

Thoughts?
 

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So here is the thought:
When is it actually more courageous?
When there is a fight, battle, or defense needed…
Is it courageous to 'walk away' from the fight, knowing it isn't worth your time or troubles, or is it the cowardly thing to do? I am starting to think it is courageous to walk away from a losing battle, to have the intelligence to know when to stop confronting and just letting things be.
I think it's maturity, to learn/realize when it's better not to fight and when you should stand up for something. Due to the broad nature of conflict, it's hard to really pinpoint situations where fight or flight is "better." Maybe it's better to fight a losing battle, or maybe a losing battle isn't worth the energy. Sometimes it'd be better to fight when you know you'd win, or not fight. And I can't even try to put filters on situations, such as "you should fight when someone is in trouble" because sometimes you have to "save" yourself to "save" others.

Anyway, my point is: Yes, it is absolutely courageous and intelligent (and perceptive and...) to walk away sometimes.

Because as a 6w5 I have a tendency to run to the defense of whatever my superego says I should. I have to be smarter than that, I have to 'hold back' and see… is this really worth it?
Careful of ascribing every "asocial" trait to your wing. Sometimes it's just introversion or experience or something else.
(Not intending to be patronizing, just pointing out a common misconception.)
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Yeah… call it wisdom or what not. I have my moments, we all do I think…when I feel taking part in a conflict I'm actually secretly looking to garner support for my opinion. I've had to stop and ask myself lately: Who am I trying to convince?

What I realized, and it's something I've done quite often, is that I look for a mirroring with the other person: I want it reflected back to me. I want to convince myself. I know this is a primary aspect of the reactive triad; 4s, 6s, 8s all look for a mirrored emotional reaction. I think when it is mirrored back, for 8s it affirms their strength, for 6s it affirms their support, and for 4s it affirms their identity.

And I want the reflection of their support, their agreement, because I have forgotten my own inner support. Needless to say, an unhealthy 6 is going to be looking for support from everyone; I myself can become easily disappointed and depressed when I am unhealthy because during a conflict if I can't convince them of my side it constantly feels like I am losing support. (and as they say 'everyone is against me')

I know what you're saying about the asocial comment, although I was just entertaining the fact that I seem to live up to the title of the 6w5 as "The Defender" (vs 6w7 usually 'the buddy')
 

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So here is the thought:
When is it actually more courageous?
When there is a fight, battle, or defense needed…
Is it courageous to 'walk away' from the fight, knowing it isn't worth your time or troubles, or is it the cowardly thing to do? I am starting to think it is courageous to walk away from a losing battle, to have the intelligence to know when to stop confronting and just letting things be.
Yes

although I would focus more on whether it was worth it; some losing battles are, some are not; some winning battles are not worth it either in collateral damage

Learning to choose your battles is tough-- very tough sometimes-- but the wise thing to do.
 

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And I want the reflection of their support, their agreement, because I have forgotten my own inner support. Needless to say, an unhealthy 6 is going to be looking for support from everyone; I myself can become easily disappointed and depressed when I am unhealthy because during a conflict if I can't convince them of my side it constantly feels like I am losing support. (and as they say 'everyone is against me')
:shocked:...yeah I relate!
 

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Hey there! Just had to mention that I've definitely been there with the parental conflict. My mom normally would goad my sister into verbal battles as she found that I wouldn't give in (I didn't fight back). Sometimes cutting people out of your life or limiting your exposure to obvious agitants is the best form of self preservation.
 
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