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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi! how is everyone doing?

Before i start please bare with my english and grammar mistakes :happy:

It took me a lot of guts or courage writing this, because i have been trying to solve my own problems ever since i was in gr5 and now in gr.12 it has gotten to a point where i decided i needed help from someone.

let me give you some background info, so you can get better understanding of my problem.

I am not really like regular enfp expressing themselves openly to strangers maybe because i never got the opportunity to. I really couldnt develop the self confidence because every year as a child i moved school (until grade 5) maximum i stayed in a school was 2 years. From what i read enfp are really sensitive people and good at giving advices, so i thought only enfp people can only understand my problems better.

Whenever there was a school event in my school in kindergarten my parents weren't there, i know it sounds stupid but these things really hurt, especially when parents excuses were we have a job.. On the event day every single kids parents were there cheering for their kids... i remember going up to the stage pretending my parents were there just waving smiling (inside crying) pretending they are there for me cheering. This happen 3 times in the same grade eventually my teacher came up to me said: "Do your parents even care?"

After that i basically kicked my parents out of my life i decided if they didnt have time for my events why should i even care for them? Funny thing was that my parents went to my siblings every single events except mine!
Then came grade 1 i excelled in my class, but i was bullied by my cousins and brother for crying a lot, got called names, but my parents just watched :(. That made me hate them but yet i loved them still.

Eventually life moved on and my family moved to canada and the real problems started. By that time i was in gr 5, i tried to forgave my parents and tried to start a new beginning. My schools first week was great (i was really scared) and all, but eventually as time went on majority of kids (all the girls) isolated me for 3 or 4 months. i used to sit on grass watching kids play basketball and having fun of their life.

But then came gr 6 i became myself, made loads of friends, expressed myself, people enjoyed my company, and popular girls came after me :D. But some girls and guys still hated my guts always trying to hurt me one way or another.

Worst time of my life came in gr 7 where bullying reached its maximum point. People in my class threw things at me, when i went out for lunch they went through my desks destroying my books and stepping on them. Kicked me out of basketball nets so i couldn't play with them... it reached a point where i was about to kill myself. I never really had the guts to share my problems with my parents due to past events or anyone else due to being afraid that they might laugh. If i told the teacher i would have got called snitch or rat and bullying would have resulted into physical. My self confidence was completely shattered to the point i hated myself, but i never gave up. I always smiled at people who bullied me, i never ever fought back just smiled and moved on with life. After enduring 4 months of bullying non stop it stopped by itself, but thanks to those 4 months there was bunch of walls around me that i made to protect myself from getting hurt emotionally. I hated crying (made me feel weak), forgot how to express happiness or even express gratitude to people. You can say i isolated myself from other people. I stopped talking to girls completely since they were the bullies!

Now in gr 12 i am trying to change myself to back to who i was really; cheerful person, loved to talk to different people, loved helping out people. Going outside with people having a good time. But i still lack confidence to open up to strangers because of the shell or walls around me i am afraid to be emotionally hurt again but this time i dont think i would make it through. I really want to be a person that is in center of attention or given respect for who i am, not redculed by people.

In my school i am a quiet guy (even though i hate it!) i just cant bring myself to express myself to other people with a cheerful smile or even go up do a presentation in front of my class because i am afraid what ppl will think of me, they might hurt me. But in order to combat it i learned something new recently; screw the people who dont like me, if they want to get physical with me i will fight against them until death. That helped me a lot(to fight against inner negative feelings) but i dont know if its the right thing or not :unsure:

So my question is how do i overcome these walls around me without being hurt? I just want to be myself, making jokes, center of attention, and having a good time.

Thanks for reading, i cried a lot while writing this even though i hate crying (makes me feel weak). I felt really good after writing this letting it all out holding this inside me was so painful :crying:

ps: just couple of questions more but regarding ENFP in general:
1) Do enfp talk really fast?
2) What careers do enfp excel at? I notice i hate calculus i dont get the point of finding the derivatives of this point blah blah.
3) Enfp good observers? I have really good observation skills.
Lastly
4) Is it possible that i can excel at law because of my strong point of view of justice fairness? But i hate it in arguments when ppl are talking about the wrong things and they are ignorant about it!.

Thanks again! feels weird opening up to strangers :blushed: but cant help it.
 

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So my question is how do i overcome these walls around me without being hurt?
From what I've observed, it will only happen when you're truly sick of hiding behind your wall. If you believe there are good things about having your wall, you probably won't be taking it down anytime soon.

1) Do enfp talk really fast?
I talk really fast when I'm excited about something, lol.

2) What careers do enfp excel at?
Fields of psychology and journalism are often suggested for our type.

3) Enfp good observers?
I have recently realized that I am quite observant... a lot more observant that I had ever realized or given myself credit for. I can't speak for others though.

4) Is it possible that i can excel at law because of my strong point of view of justice fairness?
Absolutely. If you have a strong Te supporting your Fi, and the ability to stay focused and be persistent, then I see no reason to doubt your ability ;)
 

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This could be Si poking its ugly head in trying to make you feel guilty. Try not to do that to yourself. The past is in the past, reinvent yourself. :) Don't over think what other people will think, just be yourself. Not everyone will understand you, although the ones that will , will make it worthwhile. This way you don't have to always feel like you have to modify your behavior around them. Soon you will get positive feedback from the people who respect and appreciate you for who you are.

Do ENFP talk fast, i do when i'm excited or passionate about something. My mouth can keep up with my thoughts, i can't get it out fast enough.

Careers can vary, i think it really depends on your strengths. I think you can excel at anything you put your mind too, and if that is law, go for it. I can identify with the examples you used :)

Ne is all about observing, so yes, i would say we are wired that way .

@Paradox1987 may be able to give you a few pointers about law school.

I can sense you are real in your request, i hope other ENFP can drop by and give you some positive feedback :)

Leaving a lil * hug * too, i have the feeling you could use one ;)
 

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So my question is how do i overcome these walls around me without being hurt? I just want to be myself, making jokes, center of attention, and having a good time.
The best advice I can give you is this: remember it's a dangerous thing to be part of a majority. You are unique, don't let the best thing about you become a negative thing. You don't need anybody's acceptance to be yourself. Plus, the more you are yourself, the quicker you begin to be able to find friends and others with shared interests or characteristics. Sure, not everyone will understand you, but really now... would you want them to? :wink:


ps: just couple of questions more but regarding ENFP in general:
1) Do enfp talk really fast?
Catch me on a point of interest/passion... I'm childish like that haha.

2) What careers do enfp excel at? I notice i hate calculus i dont get the point of finding the derivatives of this point blah blah.
Journalism, psychology, anthropology etc. Client focussed careers tend to suit ENFPs.

3) Enfp good observers? I have really good observation skills.
Lastly
I am swift to spot the small details of my surroundings... Usually.

4) Is it possible that i can excel at law because of my strong point of view of justice fairness? But i hate it in arguments when ppl are talking about the wrong things and they are ignorant about it!.
ENFPs most certainly can handle a career in law. However, in most countries it's a fiercely competitive field to enter. Law school is demanding, so don't consider taking the degree if you don't like reading. You need determination and self-discipline (this pays off later). Depending on your legal system, you may have complex technical judgments to read, understand and apply. I love the law, however, like you I retain a strong interest in the notion of objective justice. Therefore, I found the nuances of property law and contract law to be mind-numbingly boring. My interests were always in public law, administrative law, criminal law and jurisprudence. I think a sense of justice is a fine thing to retain; but you will become cynical after exposure. Your Te can help garner a respect for facts; I swear by the mantra If I can't prove it, I don't know it. Law school also leaves you with a plethora of skills, which can be applied to many careers. Attention to detail, analytical skills, persuasive reasoning are all covered.

As a career itself, it varies. In the UK, I class as self-employed. No briefs = no money. At the moment, the cuts in legal aid due to the economic woes has made life for defence lawyers rather uncomfortable. So I'm beginning the steps to try and garner support for funding for research for a possible MPhil/PhD. You never really leave law school if you go :wink:. You do need to pay attention to your CV to nab high level casework. If you ever want to know more, feel free to PM me. :happy:
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thank you for the wonderful responses everyone! I wanted to delete this thread when i made it but i fought with myself to stick with it and didnt delete it and now i am glad i didnt :D

@Aceface sometimes the wall is good but a lot of the times its bad. The wall does not let me get emotionally hurt but it prevents me from expressing myself.

@MuChApArAdOx i am really new in ENFP so i dont know much about it. What is Si and how is it interfering? Its really hard not to think about what other people are thinking. Unless i am angry i couldnt care less for other peoples feelings. Can you please identify with the examples i used :)

@Paradox1987 i was thinking about criminal law as well. In canada you have to get undergrad degree in anything then you can apply to law school. The undergrad i was looking to was human resources since it has a high demand in canada nowadays.
 

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I honor you for opening up. Remember that these walls are negative thoughts or more like perceptions that you have about yourself. These negative beliefs are not true. I would advise to try cognitive behavioral therapy. You can google it. It is effective. It might be better to do it with a friend or a psychologist, but you can do it by yourself.
 

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shello12, you can heal from your past. Then you will be strong, and have true compassion for others. What struck me was your continued efforts to forgive your parents at such a young age! How dear, and how sad. You were parenting yourself in a sense. The thing is, you cannot really forgive someone until you truly acknowledge how deeply they have hurt you. Then you are forgiving them for all of that. Sometimes being angry is an important part of the forgiveness process. Its like going through the grief stages - the same stages, actually. When I read what you wrote, your parents not showing up for your events, it makes me so sad, and mad! And the insensitive teacher! However, they were likely just ignorant.... But its because they weren't there for you, and did not love you as a parent ought, that you were vulnerable to being a victim. Healing that past will help you root out the victim identity and then not be one in the future.
 

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@MuChApArAdOx i am really new in ENFP so i dont know much about it. What is Si and how is it interfering? Its really hard not to think about what other people are thinking. Unless i am angry i couldnt care less for other peoples feelings. Can you please identify with the examples i used :)
I don't think now is a good time to get into the functions with you too deeply, although i think its a good idea if you have a look around, do some reading on your own first.

Yes i know it can 't be always easy not thinking about how others perceive you, it takes practice. Try not to put so much focus on it, at the end of the day it doesn't matter, we can't change it.

The examples you used when you talked about studying law. Observing, your strong view of justice/fairness etc.
 

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Wow, dear friend, you have dealt with a lot. It sounds like you are relatively overwhelmed and frustrated with the deck of cards life has had to offer.

One of that hardest lessons in life that I've discovered (and I don't know if other ENFPs agree) is that everybody is not good. That can include parents, old best friends, family, people from church... If I could live in the bubble where everybody treats one another with respect and doesn't hurt, that would be so amazing.

What I find most admirable about your post is that you want to change. Now that you're getting older, you'll find more individuals stray away from drama and bullying. As for socialization, it's all about starting out small and being the one to communicate to others first. You need to have good judgement while communicating with others in this stage; watching out for inconsistencies in behaviors or behaviors that would indicate a bully or bad influence. But really, learn about them first. Ask them tons of questions and show/find genuine interest in who the other person is. As they get more comfortable with you and as you build trust, you'll find it's easy to show your natural personality. Just try not to be too impatient; this can be a slow process but this is also how people tend to build the strongest relationships.

I think some ENFPs (and I fall into this category STRONGLY) tend to just jump right into conversation and give too much away. Unfortunately, this can flag to bullies or other bad people that you are vulnerable and easily trusting. It sounds like this happened to you a lot when you were younger. Building walls is often a natural defense, but to the ENFP building relationships and trust is such a key part of our make up that obviously you are not happy staying in silence and watching others.

I think the others have provided you lots of great advice to start out as well.

As for your questions... I talk very fast, I like human service fields (psychology major), I can observe feelings and vibes strongly but not so much my physical surroundings consistently, and I'm going into human service to fight social injustice. Law is a great area, but you should do some research into social work or public health as well.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
thanks again for your wonderful response :)

@ohrtsadok cognitive behavioral therapy, i looked into it and read about it all night. Its an amazing therapy i found self hypnosis related to this field where you feed positive images in your mind, which i tried and it worked :)

@MuChApArAdOx yes i have a lot to learn about Ne things, is there a specific thread in this website that teaches you in more details about Ne and other types? Thank you for pointing out the examples really helpful :)

@Eliza. Peace to you. I forgive my parents now, we came closer because of the recession. I still am not comfortable to opening up to them about life problems but they are now taking steps to get closer to me. I did what you said they did hurt me very deeply but it just made me sad, and surprisingly there was a lot of anger hidden deep down in my heat against them.

@Finaille i see what you mean by building strong relationship takes time, i guess i jumped right in and thinking i would develop strong relationship with everyone right away. I did look into different fields i found criminology research interesting, and human resource management. I am planning to stay back half a year or half a semester in my high school take co-op which is where you volunteer at different careers. I also looked into psychology but from what people told me its hard to make money in it, you have to study for 10 years and then there is half a chance you might make enough money.

--I have to admit i do feel really embarrassed and nervous while browsing this thread, but i learned that i tend to run away from problems and now if i dont face them maybe i will never face them in my whole life, and my life will become more miserable. Opening this thread might have been the best decision i might have made in my whole life :D
 

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Thank you for the wonderful responses everyone! I wanted to delete this thread when i made it but i fought with myself to stick with it and didnt delete it and now i am glad i didnt :D

@Aceface sometimes the wall is good but a lot of the times its bad. The wall does not let me get emotionally hurt but it prevents me from expressing myself.

@MuChApArAdOx i am really new in ENFP so i dont know much about it. What is Si and how is it interfering? Its really hard not to think about what other people are thinking. Unless i am angry i couldnt care less for other peoples feelings. Can you please identify with the examples i used :)

@Paradox1987 i was thinking about criminal law as well. In canada you have to get undergrad degree in anything then you can apply to law school. The undergrad i was looking to was human resources since it has a high demand in canada nowadays.
Have you considered using your law degree as a form of advancement within the HR field? I'm from the US, but my sister is graduating from law school here and is using her degree to muscle herself into higher-ranking HR positions right out of college. She's looking at many, many different jobs right now and all of them seem viable. :)
 
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