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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Hi everyone:)
Boring long story ahead so I apologise in advance. I'll try to keep it as short as I can. Please excuse my bad writing and typos!
I've only just joined today and posting here because I just want to know all your thoughts :
-will this Intp dislike me forever for being annoying?
-will he even remember me at all?
-am I the one that messed things up and an idiot for growing feelings for him?
I hope you’ll be kind and patient enough to read the novel ahead 😅

So, I've been pen pals with this INTP-A for over 4 years now. When we started chatting, there was an instant connection like we've met already and know each other for a while. We enjoyed talking very much and was chatting everyday.
I was just out of an entanglement and he ended his engagement with his 1st gf earlier that year. He was 22,I was 20 and in different continents.
A few months later he was saying how I'd be his girlfriend if we lived close. It gave me butterflies.. I know it's just a nice thing to say and nothing serious and not like I've never heard that before from other guys, in fact I'm quite used to with guy friends starting to like me in a romantic way and me explaining why I love and prefer being friends with them in the non romantic way but him saying that just made my heart flutter😅 I know I'm stupid..
So years go by and we both are single and sometimes our chats are a little more than just friendly. And he sometimes mentions how he might meet me next year and what will happen when we meet etc.
But the next year never came.
In the mean time I just kept getting more and more attached,I can't get enough of knowing him, always feeling like he keeps me at a distance and only being nice when he's in a good mood. But I didn’t take any of that as a hint of him not wanting to be friends with me at all because we were still talking almost daily.

Here are a list of things that hurt me a lot during that time :
1. It was in 2018,at one point of our conv. he says he sex chats with multiple women(6/7) they're older than me and him and they're Latin. I was shocked and I literally felt like there's like a crack in my heart,even though he said Im the most beautiful of all women he talks to. But I know I have no right to say anything or feel anything about that so me being overly emotional, I stop talking to him because it was my semester final and I had a real tough course final next morning. I knew I'd fail if I keep talking to him and think about his interaction with them. So I stop talking completely only to get back to him after 3 weeks. And the whole time, he messaged me every 2/3 days. Which is still one of my favourite memory.
2. Year 2019,he travels through SouthAsia and says he might meet me but of course it just doesn’t happen. He sounds rude more often,calls me crazy and stupid frequently when I message "where are you:(", 12hrs later "when do I get to hear from you", "are you alive?" because I didnt hear from him for like 12+ hours. I'm well aware this can be very annoying but that was just me worrying if he's okay, really. I know he can take care of himself a 100times better than I can of myself but knowing facts dont stop my waves of emotions. I knew Im being very annoying so I stop talking again for few weeks and he messages again to talk to him.. We're friends again, I literally annoy him sometimes and just accepted the fact that he does talk to many girls around the world and I'll just be one of them. But he sometimes talks how we'll have a bunch of babies when we get to be together and "get ready to have some babies in 3/4 years.I'm definitely looking forward to that" etc etc.
3. Later in 2019,one day I come back from uni to his message saying "I'll be happy with you being my wife. Just be my wife okay? please". I was flattered,melted,feeling super mushy and just replied with a smiley. I mean what else I could have said?! Not like we met! That would be a dream come true though haha.
ANYWAY,
Few days later he flies to mexico and we are in touch with small talks and occasional more than just friends type chat and then one day he said he's sleeping with a woman he was chatting with for a while. Then he also says "you're the prettiest though".. What use is it being the prettiest when the boy you like the most is just sleeping around, globe trotting but wont even meet you..even after 3years..
Then in November he goes to Colombia and gets himself a girlfriend and I stop talking again.
I was very stressed with just everything in general, him, my family situation, the pressure to get married, one of my kittens death, university ending.. I felt like my world is crumbling. So I dont talk to him till Christmas. And when I check his messages I see he messaged me every few days like " hey how are you?are you alive?why aren’t you talkin?talk to me". Loved him for it haha. So i respond and he tells me his relationship Isn't working as the gf is not as serious and she's a bitch(didnt sit well with me so I said Im sure she is not a bitch..). He tells me he will break up with her and he's coming to see me next year and then I'll belong to him.that'sat I say.
So he breaks up with Her on new year's eve and we chat till late night and he says how he will make me his. Of course i was loving these talks. So we keep talkin..
In January, he asks me if I'll be happy being wife to Just a police officer? I said I'll be happy with him being anything as long as he is kind to others.

4. March 2020, he flies to Mexico again for a GunsandRoses concert and sleeps with the same woman again,stays there for 2 weeks.
I can't tell how much it hurt.
I thought he said he would meet me.. I understand the concert but sleeping with the same woman again when we were talking about meeting and all the things he will do when we meet..
So I ask when will he meet me? He talks super rudely calls me insane and says he is not the type person who goes to another country to meet a girl,not even if it’s me and Im too annoying.
I'm so attached at this point so I literally beg him to stay friends as I can't handle us not talking anymore and I'll have to be married as soon as my masters end anyway.
He agrees.
So I keep being the talkative me, i talk about myself and ask him lots questions because im curious about his life but I could tell he is avoiding me as he's on his phone and when he finally replies, it's just out of courtesy but I can't seem to stop. I want him bad. I wish we at least met!
He knows it and called me delusional,crazy,insane and idiot. But I still think its only because I've annoyed him too much and he is not a terrible person. I mean he said I'm the most beautiful woman he met till now Just 3 weeks ago?! So obviously we can stay friends right?
The last time we spoke was 4 days ago.
I sent him a selfie because I was feeling cute and he left it on seen. I was H U R T. He Was online but wasnt talking to me. So after 5/6 hours I say "Please dont be annoyed for saying this but listen, I'll be more than am idiot right if now you're interested in aomeone else and rather not talk to me but here im dying just to hear from you? So I'll really appreciate if you just let me know that"
He says "I Just got back from work and you say all this shit. You are an idiot"
I said Im sorry,i was just upset and I dont mind being an idiot as long as he thinks of me as a friend.
He's online but leaves me on read.
The neglect.. But I'm willing to try to fix things so I measage again after couple hours,
"Please dont be this annoyed?I really hate feeling like we're not friends anymore. So talk to me soon?"
Im left on read again. He's still online so I just say "I give up"
He replies right away. "Good".
I thought I'll just disappear but instead I reply pathetically with
"I just asked if youre interested in someone else now and I just wanted us to stay friends but you clearly absolutely dont care about that. I miss the you when we started talking so much. I wish I knew why youre so terrible to me now" + a picture of one of his old emailswhere he sounds very sweet and happy to hear from me.
He leaves it on read again.
I guess he fell asleep. After couple more hours I send another pathetic message, "Please dont act so cold? Talk to me soon?"
Then I felt like he will have no answer for that and leave me on read again so I decide to delete messenger for a while so I dont have to talk to anyone at all and see him online and not talk to me.
And soon it will be day 5 of not talking.
I'm a busy girl myself,doing my masters, living with my family and a bunch siblings around me so I'm almost never alone! My mom is excited about my latest 2 marriage proposals.. I have lots chores,so basically I'm preoccupied and on my toes almost all the time.
BUT he is ALWAYS on my mind.
I know for sure he doesn’t even think of me.
If anything he's probably relieved I'm not annoying him anymore.

I just wish i didn’t make myself pathetic to this point. But all i wanted is us to meet at least before I have to be married.
Im sorry again for this super long post. I'm probably the most uncool pathetic enfp girl youve ever heard of😔
And also to him now and that's the way he will remember me(if he does,at all)

My question is do I cut him off forever and never talk again/respond even if he says hello or something OR keep the nonchalant friendship with occassional shallow interaction?

One moment I think I'll never speak to him again and then I'm thinking life's too short to comepletely cut someone you like so much 😪

I'll appreciate any and every response♥
Congrats and sincere thank you if you've read it all♥
 

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Hi everyone:)
Boring long story ahead so I apologise in advance. I'll try to keep it as short as I can. Please excuse my bad writing and typos!
I've only just joined today and posting here because I just want to know all your thoughts :
-will this Intp dislike me forever for being annoying?
-will he even remember me at all?
-am I the one that messed things up and an idiot for growing feelings for him?
I hope you’ll be kind and patient enough to read the novel ahead

So, I've been pen pals with this INTP-A for over 4 years now. When we started chatting, there was an instant connection like we've met already and know each other for a while. We enjoyed talking very much and was chatting everyday.
I was just out of an entanglement and he ended his engagement with his 1st gf earlier that year. He was 22,I was 20 and in different continents.
A few months later he was saying how I'd be his girlfriend if we lived close. It gave me butterflies.. I know it's just a nice thing to say and nothing serious and not like I've never heard that before from other guys, in fact I'm quite used to with guy friends starting to like me in a romantic way and me explaining why I love and prefer being friends with them in the non romantic way but him saying that just made my heart flutter I know I'm stupid..
So years go by and we both are single and sometimes our chats are a little more than just friendly. And he sometimes mentions how he might meet me next year and what will happen when we meet etc.
But the next year never came.
In the mean time I just kept getting more and more attached,I can't get enough of knowing him, always feeling like he keeps me at a distance and only being nice when he's in a good mood. But I didn’t take any of that as a hint of him not wanting to be friends with me at all because we were still talking almost daily.

Here are a list of things that hurt me a lot during that time :
1. It was in 2018,at one point of our conv. he says he sex chats with multiple women(6/7) they're older than me and him and they're Latin. I was shocked and I literally felt like there's like a crack in my heart,even though he said Im the most beautiful of all women he talks to. But I know I have no right to say anything or feel anything about that so me being overly emotional, I stop talking to him because it was my semester final and I had a real tough course final next morning. I knew I'd fail if I keep talking to him and think about his interaction with them. So I stop talking completely only to get back to him after 3 weeks. And the whole time, he messaged me every 2/3 days. Which is still one of my favourite memory.
2. Year 2019,he travels through SouthAsia and says he might meet me but of course it just doesn’t happen. He sounds rude more often,calls me crazy and stupid frequently when I message "where are you:(", 12hrs later "when do I get to hear from you", "are you alive?" because I didnt hear from him for like 12+ hours. I'm well aware this can be very annoying but that was just me worrying if he's okay, really. I know he can take care of himself a 100times better than I can of myself but knowing facts dont stop my waves of emotions. I knew Im being very annoying so I stop talking again for few weeks and he messages again to talk to him.. We're friends again, I literally annoy him sometimes and just accepted the fact that he does talk to many girls around the world and I'll just be one of them. But he sometimes talks how we'll have a bunch of babies when we get to be together and "get ready to have some babies in 3/4 years.I'm definitely looking forward to that" etc etc.
3. Later in 2019,one day I come back from uni to his message saying "I'll be happy with you being my wife. Just be my wife okay? please". I was flattered,melted,feeling super mushy and just replied with a smiley. I mean what else I could have said?! Not like we met! That would be a dream come true though haha.
ANYWAY,
Few days later he flies to mexico and we are in touch with small talks and occasional more than just friends type chat and then one day he said he's sleeping with a woman he was chatting with for a while. Then he also says "you're the prettiest though".. What use is it being the prettiest when the boy you like the most is just sleeping around, globe trotting but wont even meet you..even after 3years..
Then in November he goes to Colombia and gets himself a girlfriend and I stop talking again.
I was very stressed with just everything in general, him, my family situation, the pressure to get married, one of my kittens death, university ending.. I felt like my world is crumbling. So I dont talk to him till Christmas. And when I check his messages I see he messaged me every few days like " hey how are you?are you alive?why aren’t you talkin?talk to me". Loved him for it haha. So i respond and he tells me his relationship Isn't working as the gf is not as serious and she's a bitch(didnt sit well with me so I said Im sure she is not a bitch..). He tells me he will break up with her and he's coming to see me next year and then I'll belong to him.that'sat I say.
So he breaks up with Her on new year's eve and we chat till late night and he says how he will make me his. Of course i was loving these talks. So we keep talkin..
In January, he asks me if I'll be happy being wife to Just a police officer? I said I'll be happy with him being anything as long as he is kind to others.

4. March 2020, he flies to Mexico again for a GunsandRoses concert and sleeps with the same woman again,stays there for 2 weeks.
I can't tell how much it hurt.
I thought he said he would meet me.. I understand the concert but sleeping with the same woman again when we were talking about meeting and all the things he will do when we meet..
So I ask when will he meet me? He talks super rudely calls me insane and says he is not the type person who goes to another country to meet a girl,not even if it’s me and Im too annoying.
I'm so attached at this point so I literally beg him to stay friends as I can't handle us not talking anymore and I'll have to be married as soon as my masters end anyway.
He agrees.
So I keep being the talkative me, i talk about myself and ask him lots questions because im curious about his life but I could tell he is avoiding me as he's on his phone and when he finally replies, it's just out of courtesy but I can't seem to stop. I want him bad. I wish we at least met!
He knows it and called me delusional,crazy,insane and idiot. But I still think its only because I've annoyed him too much and he is not a terrible person. I mean he said I'm the most beautiful woman he met till now Just 3 weeks ago?! So obviously we can stay friends right?
The last time we spoke was 4 days ago.
I sent him a selfie because I was feeling cute and he left it on seen. I was H U R T. He Was online but wasnt talking to me. So after 5/6 hours I say "Please dont be annoyed for saying this but listen, I'll be more than am idiot right if now you're interested in aomeone else and rather not talk to me but here im dying just to hear from you? So I'll really appreciate if you just let me know that"
He says "I Just got back from work and you say all this shit. You are an idiot"
I said Im sorry,i was just upset and I dont mind being an idiot as long as he thinks of me as a friend.
He's online but leaves me on read.
The neglect.. But I'm willing to try to fix things so I measage again after couple hours,
"Please dont be this annoyed?I really hate feeling like we're not friends anymore. So talk to me soon?"
Im left on read again. He's still online so I just say "I give up"
He replies right away. "Good".
I thought I'll just disappear but instead I reply pathetically with
"I just asked if youre interested in someone else now and I just wanted us to stay friends but you clearly absolutely dont care about that. I miss the you when we started talking so much. I wish I knew why youre so terrible to me now" + a picture of one of his old emailswhere he sounds very sweet and happy to hear from me.
He leaves it on read again.
I guess he fell asleep. After couple more hours I send another pathetic message, "Please dont act so cold? Talk to me soon?"
Then I felt like he will have no answer for that and leave me on read again so I decide to delete messenger for a while so I dont have to talk to anyone at all and see him online and not talk to me.
And soon it will be day 5 of not talking.
I'm a busy girl myself,doing my masters, living with my family and a bunch siblings around me so I'm almost never alone! My mom is excited about my latest 2 marriage proposals.. I have lots chores,so basically I'm preoccupied and on my toes almost all the time.
BUT he is ALWAYS on my mind.
I know for sure he doesn’t even think of me.
If anything he's probably relieved I'm not annoying him anymore.

I just wish i didn’t make myself pathetic to this point. But all i wanted is us to meet at least before I have to be married.
Im sorry again for this super long post. I'm probably the most uncool pathetic enfp girl youve ever heard of
And also to him now and that's the way he will remember me(if he does,at all)

My question is do I cut him off forever and never talk again/respond even if he says hello or something OR keep the nonchalant friendship with occassional shallow interaction?

One moment I think I'll never speak to him again and then I'm thinking life's too short to comepletely cut someone you like so much

I'll appreciate any and every response
Congrats and sincere thank you if you've read it all
1. My question is do I cut him off forever and never talk again/respond even if he says hello or something OR keep the nonchalant friendship with occassional shallow interaction?




Do you really like how he is now ? His thoughts of you are no longer pleasant and from the way it sounded you took the online friendship/relationship much more seriously than he did . Also you’re getting married soon - which kind of perplex me , sorry for being invasive but do you want to get marry? Do you think there’s a possibility that the reason you’re clinging onto him is because you don’t want to elope ?
* From how I see it - I think that you’re clinging onto past memories of him , and the past him was charming , however it’s hard to replenish to past , after all he called you an idiot , told you he wouldn’t travel to meet you and you stated yourself he doesn’t like you anymore . The sooner that you’re willing to admit that you want to move on the sooner you’ll be able to move on . Best of luck !
Only you can decide whether you want to cut him out for good / perhaps make a pro and con list
Why are you clinging on ? I honestly believe it’s better to cut him out completely but that’s for you to decide


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Discussion Starter #3
1. My question is do I cut him off forever and never talk again/respond even if he says hello or something OR keep the nonchalant friendship with occassional shallow interaction?




Do you really like how he is now ? His thoughts of you are no longer pleasant and from the way it sounded you took the online friendship/relationship much more seriously than he did . Also you’re getting married soon - which kind of perplex me , sorry for being invasive but do you want to get marry? Do you think there’s a possibility that the reason you’re clinging onto him is because you don’t want to elope ?
* From how I see it - I think that you’re clinging onto past memories of him , and the past him was charming , however it’s hard to replenish to past , after all he called you an idiot , told you he wouldn’t travel to meet you and you stated yourself he doesn’t like you anymore . The sooner that you’re willing to admit that you want to move on the sooner you’ll be able to move on . Best of luck !
Only you can decide whether you want to cut him out for good / perhaps make a pro and con list
Why are you clinging on ? I honestly believe it’s better to cut him out completely but that’s for you to decide


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Hi @ai.tran.75

Youre right that I'm only holding on to the charming past memory of him.And that its hard to rreplenish the past. I wish I could but seems like I'm the only one wanting that now.

It's ok you're not being invasive, I understand why you asked.
The answers are :
1.I dont really want to be married now, my marriage will be an arranged marriage. But I'd say yes in a heartbeat if it was with him hahaha.
2. I don't like how he behaves with me now but I still like who he is as a person.
I know he's a good person so I Just can't wrap my head around the fact that he literally sounded like he hates me now. How did this happen.. Im Literally the same girl - just in love with him now.
That's what he wanted. He literally said he just wants me physically and mentally etc so now that he got me where he wanted,he hates me?.. Ok.
Whatever it is,whether we even meet or not, he's said some pretty terrible stuff.
I can excuse if those were caused by me annoying him but if all he sees in me is just a stupid girl,it’s nearly impossible to stay friends.
My problem is I know I'll so want to talk to him if he just says "hey how have you been" a week later..
So you're right when you say it's better to cut him off completely.
 

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He seems like a manipulative asshole/player who just wants to string you along for attention and a confidence boost, or he has some issues... people who are serious about having feelings for others, let alone talking about marriage actually make the effort to meet each other and he even told you he doesn't want to come meet you. Are you really in love with him or your fantasy of him?

also serious doubt that he's an actual INTP
 

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Hello @Red Panda
Yes,that's what it seems like now,just an AH and player, the complete opposite of the warm person I befriended.
I think his issues might be rooted in the difficult childhood with alcoholic abusive step dads but I don't know more than that as he didn’t like that topic.

He didnt say he has serious feelings for me but all the things he said made me think he did.
I'm pretty sure I'm the only girl in the world he's this terrible to.

Oh and I found out he's an Intp because I sent him the test right after I discovered about Mbti types :) So he sent me back his results haha. But yes, I also doubted him being an INTP just like you.. More like I thought "how come he's an Intp when he behaves like this with me😮?!" Maybe he's just changed..

It's easier to assume I'm in love with the idea of him but my feelings are no less real.
It's actually so intense that I'm sure if his ex-gf had just 1/10th of what I feel for him, their relationship would have worked.
 

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Not an ENFP, but I may be able to offer another perspective.

You just have to think about what are you getting out of this relationship.
Do you nowadays leave conversations happy and fufilled? Do you feel supported? Do you feel like you can trust this person?

Now think about what you are putting in.
You put in time, effort, intimacy, and trust with this individual. You continously forgive him for betraying your trust, etc.
Is this an even relationship?

Based on an objective point of view, you are putting far more effort than he is, and you are getting nothing in return for it.
But the fault is also partially on you. The only reason he keeps getting away with this is because of you.
You keep letting the same thing happen over and over again, expecting a different result each time.

Is that really the life you want for yourself?

Feelings and perceptions are sometimes reflective of reality, but they often are not. You have to make sure to keep yourself grounded, and be able to distinguish the difference.
This guy clearly does not (at the very least) feel the same way for you, as you do for him. Despite all of the feelings you have for him. That is the objective truth of it all.
It may be unfair, but you have to move on, and take this as a learning experience going foward.

But ultimately, the choice is in your hands. I think you already know what you need to do, but nobody else can make that choice for you.
 

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Wow @ImpossibleHunt5 :)
How come you can think so clearly step by step!? I've had all of this thoughts but in a very scattered way haha.
You've phrased it well - I put all my time,effort,intimacy,trust and I'm treated worse than shoelaces.ok.
I took as much as I could but now it feels like I've reached my limit,actually I've crossed it a long time ago.I only overlooked those because it’s him.see how I can't even sleep and it’s past 4am here.. :3
You're right, I too think it’s my fault, more than partially I guess. You're really nice♥
I know I shouldn’t even talk to him simply out of self respect. I just really wish things were a little different and more easy.
 

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I agree with Red Panda...He's 100% a player and everything I read about him sounds TOXIC. I'd cut bait and run.
Yes..😢 Here I really thought he's one of the most genuine,authentic person I know. I told me maaaaybeee It's normal to act that way as an intp :3
Thanks for the honest opinion♥
I'm gathering up the courage to run too:)
 

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Wow @ImpossibleHunt5 :)
How come you can think so clearly step by step!? I've had all of this thoughts but in a very scattered way haha.
You've phrased it well - I put all my time,effort,intimacy,trust and I'm treated worse than shoelaces.ok.
I took as much as I could but now it feels like I've reached my limit,actually I've crossed it a long time ago.I only overlooked those because it’s him.see how I can't even sleep and it’s past 4am here.. :3
You're right, I too think it’s my fault, more than partially I guess. You're really nice♥
I know I shouldn’t even talk to him simply out of self respect. I just really wish things were a little different and more easy.
Cause he's smart :D. Moby and Red Panda are also smart.
I agree with everything else that's posted here, you deserve better material for friends.

I hope you get married to someone nice (if getting married right now is what you want) you'd be very devoted.
 

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Yes,they're very intelligent! I could smell something is wrong but I couldn’t tell what exactly and here they are :)
Im sure you are too!
Cause he's smart :D. Moby and Red Panda are also smart.
I agree with everything else that's posted here, you deserve better material for friends.

I hope you get married to someone nice (if getting married right now is what you want) you'd be very devoted.
Thank you♥ I know I can be a devoted lover or wife but the chance is very low now to be honest. Because it will be an arranged marriage.
 

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Yes,they're very intelligent! I could smell something is wrong but I couldn’t tell what exactly and here they are :)
Im sure you are too!


Thank you I know I can be a devoted lover or wife but the chance is very low now to be honest. Because it will be an arranged marriage.
If you’re not comfortable with the arranged marriage - why not refuse it ?


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If you’re not comfortable with the arranged marriage - why not refuse it ?


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The shortest answer is I'm already 24 and my master's will be over soon so I cant just refuse anymore because I've been refusing those since forever,at least a dozen. I've had huge fights with family over these. I'm so tired of fighting.The whole time my excuse was my degree. And I really thought I'll get to meet him in the mean time.
 

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The shortest answer is I'm already 24 and my master's will be over soon so I cant just refuse anymore because I've been refusing those since forever,at least a dozen. I've had huge fights with family over these. I'm so tired of fighting.The whole time my excuse was my degree. And I really thought I'll get to meet him in the mean time.
I'm not opposed(?) to arranged marriages, but aren't you 24? Parents arranging the marriage for your well-being may work out well. They may have the experience and foresight a younger person does not. Sometimes arranged marriages aren't made for this reason. I wonder why your family wants you to get married so soon. Should/Couldn't you be able and responsible for your decisions? Marriage is serious and lifelong after all.

Personally I have neither married nor dated anyone and I'm 25.
 

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I'm pretty sure I'm the only girl in the world he's this terrible to.
I seriously doubt that, makes no sense.

It's easier to assume I'm in love with the idea of him but my feelings are no less real.
It's actually so intense that I'm sure if his ex-gf had just 1/10th of what I feel for him, their relationship would have worked.
You already know what's right and you needed some support in making the right choice. Yea the feelings are real and intense but are self-generated, not from him and what he does, so if you cut him out of your life and find something else to give your attention to you'll likely be over him relatively soon. Find a fictional character to crush on, you'll prob enjoy it more than this guy. Comparing to his ex like that is rather pointless and does more damage to you than good, cause he doesn't seem to be worth your feelings and attention to begin with.
 

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The shortest answer is I'm already 24 and my master's will be over soon so I cant just refuse anymore because I've been refusing those since forever,at least a dozen. I've had huge fights with family over these. I'm so tired of fighting.The whole time my excuse was my degree. And I really thought I'll get to meet him in the mean time.
I'm 35...Trust me, I still feel 21. 24 is YOUNG so screw societal expectations and hold out for LOVE. You're an ENFP, your soul will be poisoned (likely) in an arranged marriage. I agree with AI Tran.
 

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The shortest answer is I'm already 24 and my master's will be over soon so I cant just refuse anymore because I've been refusing those since forever,at least a dozen. I've had huge fights with family over these. I'm so tired of fighting.The whole time my excuse was my degree. And I really thought I'll get to meet him in the mean time.
you need a better reason, like for example that arranged marriages are primitive crap cause they make you breed with anyone who may be a genetic mismatch and make your life terrible
 

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The shortest answer is I'm already 24 and my master's will be over soon so I cant just refuse anymore because I've been refusing those since forever,at least a dozen. I've had huge fights with family over these. I'm so tired of fighting.The whole time my excuse was my degree. And I really thought I'll get to meet him in the mean time.
I was in a long term relationship at the age of 24 ( been with my partner for 6 years by that time ) yet I didn’t think of marriage until 2 years afterwards . Marriage means lifetime commitment. Also for the fact that you would say yes if that jerk were to ask you to marry him - indicated that you are not ready for marriage. If you are an enfp than it’s unlikely for you to find happiness through an arrange marriage. If you had your masters already then good - higher chance for you to be independent. Perhaps you should tell you family the truth - you don’t want to be married . I’m sorry if I’m coming across as harsh but it seems like you’re not ready to be married and considering the fact that you have never dated anyone then imho you’re too young to settle down. Tired of fighting isn’t good enough of a reason and no you are nowhere near too old - I was considered a young bride ( I married at 26) and by that time I have already been with my istp partner for 7/8 years and lived separately with him for a year . So no it’s not too late for you . You have mentioned getting you masters soon - have you ever thought about studying abroad or working in a different country ?


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Discussion Starter #19
Aaaa @secondpassing I haven’t dated anyone either,ever😁😅 I also have never been on a date😂

Yes,I'm not opposed to arranged marriage either but to be honest, I don’t think it's for me.
I'm not opposed(?) to arranged marriages, but aren't you 24? Parents arranging the marriage for your well-being may work out well. They may have the experience and foresight a younger person does not. Sometimes arranged marriages aren't made for this reason. I wonder why your family wants you to get married so soon. Should/Couldn't you be able and responsible for your decisions? Marriage is serious and lifelong after all.

Personally I have neither married nor dated anyone and I'm 25.
You're right, I should be able to be responsible for my own decision but I can't. An example is my cousin married someone against his parents and they never accepted it, it strained their marriage so much that now they're divorced, even though they have a baby(she just turned 10♥). I was always a little worried the same thing can happen to me.
And my mom is just super stressed what if my grandma dies before I'm married. My grandmother is basically my guardian.
Sometimes I feel like a liability :v
Sorry if it doesn’t make sense to you. I'm just keeping it short because my family is a little complicated haha.
 

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Discussion Starter #20
I seriously doubt that, makes no sense.

😬 yes but I just thought in no way all the other girls would keep sending him stuff if he behaved rude like he does(did?!) with me..

You already know what's right and you needed some support in making the right choice. Yea the feelings are real and intense but are self-generated, not from him and what he does, so if you cut him out of your life and find something else to give your attention to you'll likely be over him relatively soon. Find a fictional character to crush on, you'll prob enjoy it more than this guy. Comparing to his ex like that is rather pointless and does more damage to you than good, cause he doesn't seem to be worth your feelings and attention to begin with.
This is so true.
It's just I didn’t want to cut off all contacts forever..like I almost can't imagine me not talking to him in my life ever again. Even tho it's crystal clear that he doesn’t care about that,it still hurts me.
I'm such a "why" and " how" person. Sighs.
 
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