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Discussion Starter #1
Hey guys. I'm new here but I have been looking into the enneagram for quite a while now. I have some idea what my type is (or, could be) but I'm still not sure about my core type (and tritype) and instinct stacking and would really appreciate some help and some commentary that's a little more concrete and in-depth than the usual test results. Even though I have some ideas, I will hold it back so that you're not influenced by what I think.
I'll try to fill out the questionaire to the best of my abilities.

1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?

There's not a lot that drives me, actually. I have had periods of depression when I don't do much of anything, and I'm not even motivated to get out of bed in the morning. I have a lot of ideas and fantasies about what I could accomplish or who I could be, but those are usually not enough to actually motivate me to do anything. I have always fantasized about being an artist (actually been to art school for a while, but dropped out) or a musician (can play some instruments, but not really) but I'm not disciplined or commited enough to actually pursue those paths.
There are a couple of things I can think of that actually drive me: one is necessity - if I really really HAVE to do something, I'll do it. Another one is shame. Or rather: avoiding shame. For example; my apartment can look like a total mess and I can procrastinate cleaning it for a long time, but if I know that someone will come over to visit me, I can have a sudden rush of motivation and energy, because I want them to see me in a good light and I would be ashamed otherwise.

Generally speaking, what I want from life, is a sense of purpose. I have followed pretty weird and unusual career paths (art, philosophy), because I am trying to find something to do that's meaningful and that's true to what I really want to do and what I am really good at. I have always hated the idea of conforming to some regular mundane job or routine that has nothing to do with my own interests and abilities. So on the one hand I am looking for something purposeful to do with my life that's true to who I am and what I want to do; but also there's a fear and shame of just not being able to succeed in a "regular" job. I'd rather do things a differently and disguise my failure as a sort of non-conformist idealism, than to feel the shame of trying to do something normal and failing.

2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?

I had pretty grandiose ideas of who/what I could be. A famous artist or philosopher or both.
But as I got a little older, I got a bit more realistic and pragmatic and all I hope to accomplish now is that I find a career path that is both meaningful enough so that I am interested in doing it and lucrative enough so that I can live a comfortable life without having to worry about money.
I want to pursue art and music, if not as a profession than as a hobby and a form of self-expression, self-therapy - maybe even as a sort of spiritual practice.

I want to continue my spiritual practice (which is Yoga and Meditation), which has helped me a lot in the past.
I am very intruiged by Advaita Vedanta and nondual philosophy in general, and I want to continue to explore that path.

I may want to start a family some day, but that's not on my mind right now and I don't have a clear idea about it at the moment.

3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?

There are basically two paths that I could go. I could waste my time, my potential (and my life) with pointless distractions, lack of discipline and engage in more and more self-destructive bad habits (like sleeping too long, eating shitty food, drinking, spending whole days online, watching porn etc). That would eventually lead to me wasting my potential, become more and more resentful and also become financially dependent on other people.
The other path is discipline, action, self-mastery. Having control of my daily routines and habits. Figuring out what I want, putting my mind to it and getting it done. Facing the things I am afraid of instead of avoiding them.

Important values for me are: discipline, honesty, strength, originality, authenticity

4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?

Fear of being isolated from other people, of being alone, having nobody in my life.
Fear of wasting my potential and my life, and most of all: I'm afraid of feeling the shame and regret of having wasted my life although it was entirely in my power to turn everything around - when it is truly too late to change that.

5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?

I want others to see me as fun, witty, unique, weird, original, provocative, controversial, insightful, creative, talented, tough, strong, down to earth, honest.
I can see all the insecurities and weaknesses that I don't want others to see in me. I'm usually perceived as a lot more extraverted than I really am. I can be very outgoing and confident in social settings, but feel very vulnerable and shy at the same time. I don't want people to notice because I want to be respected and taken seriously and I'm afraid that people won't treat me with respect if they sense my insecurites. People usually think that I'm a lot more confident than I actually am.
I'm also rather sensitive and I really don't want anybody to notice.
If somebody notices and doesn't make fun of me for it but likes it, I am usually really happy about that.
It's a bit paradoxical; I am trying to hide my true self because I'm ashamed of it and afraid that people won't like it, but if someone notices and appreciates what's beneath the surface, that really makes me happy.

6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?

Best: When I'm being productive. When I'm in a good social setting with friends and can really let go and be fun and outgoing and entertain the others. When I'm in a confrontation and feel strong and confident. Worst: When I'm indulging in bad habits to make myself feel better but I'm actually feeling more and more guilty because I'm wasting my time. When I'm depressed and don't have any energy.

7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.

a) source of energy. unstoppable force.
b) horrible. feels like my true, defective, bad inner self was revealed and I'm being rejected or belittled for it. avoiding shame motivates me a great deal. If someone makes me feel shame I can get really agressive, resentful and even vengeful.
c) stops me from doing a lot of things that I should be doing. pain in the ass.

8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict.

a) I usually get a boost of energy (that I didn't know I had) and I deal with it.
b) depends. usually withdraw, observe and internally sort through thoughts and feelings.
c) gives me energy. makes me feel alive. I don't like conflict when it's not necessary and I usually avoid it. But when someone pisses me off and I engage in the conflict openly, it makes me feel alive.

9. Describe your orientation to: a) authority; b) power. How do you respond to these?

a) don't really care. if the position of authority is deserved, I respect it. If it isn't, I don't. If someone tells me what to do (in a work setting for example) and I don't have a strong opinion of my own, I don't mind just doing what I'm told.
b) I like having influence on people. But other than that, power is not a big issue for me. I don't like people having power over me, but who does? I'm a loner and I work on my own mostly. I tend to do my own thing, so I don't often have to deal with people having power over me. I can get quite angry at the government for things like pointless taxes because there's nothing I can do about it and I feel powerless (which I hate). But other than that, not a lot of people have power over me. If someone pushes me, I push back.


10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?

Life is weird, sad, happy, it's tragic, it's comical, it's a lot of things. We have been trying to make sense of it by telling stories and myths and inventing philosophies and religions for millenia. Life is infinitely complex, mysterious and incomprehensible.
Life has infinite potential; it's always filled with wonderful things and with horrible tragedy and we can either turn it into absolute hell or we can try to live a good life and do our best to make it as meaningful as we can so that the tragedies may be worth it.
Humanity is stuck somewhere between a God and a monkey. We can strive towards one or the other, but in reality it will always be a mix.

13. List some of the traits you: a) like; b) dislike most about yourself.

a) funny, witty, spontaneous, creative, original, blunt
b) shy, anxious, overly sensitive, overly preoccupied with what others think of me

15. If a stranger insults you, how do you respond/feel? What if they compliment you?

I get angry and I insult them back.
If they compliment me, I'm happy about it and say thank you.
I'm quite sensitive to good and bad comments because I spend a lot of time thinking how others perceive me and I tend to be insecure about myself. So every good and bad comment can really influence my mood.
 

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4w3 or 3w4. I'm leaning towards 4w3 because you you want to become more disciplined/purposeful ie. integrate to 1. I don't know much about instincts, but I found it intriguing that you see your anger as source of energy (def not true for me); I think that points to an sx-instinct, or possibly an 8-fix. Not sure about your head fix, maybe 7?
(I hope you find what makes you feel happy and fulfilled! If you can't afford therapy, have you tried finding online counseling, I hear some places have free counseling)
 

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I get a 6/7 impression. There's just not enough shame here to consider a core shame type. I guess there's not really any huge impression of any triad, but 4s in particular talk about shame the most IME. The way you describe life as comical and such is particularly making me want to rule 4 out. Sorry :/ The avoidance of shame reads as 7ish to me, which could be a wing (6w7).

Overall though, it's a bit hard to tell for sure. I'll sleep on it, sometimes that helps.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
4w3 or 3w4. I'm leaning towards 4w3 because you you want to become more disciplined/purposeful ie. integrate to 1. I don't know much about instincts, but I found it intriguing that you see your anger as source of energy (def not true for me); I think that points to an sx-instinct, or possibly an 8-fix. Not sure about your head fix, maybe 7?
(I hope you find what makes you feel happy and fulfilled! If you can't afford therapy, have you tried finding online counseling, I hear some places have free counseling)
I was considering 4w5. I thought I am too introverted and lazy to have a 3 wing. I do care about image and how I am perceived, but I am not driven to success and I'm also not able to put my feelings aside to get a job done. It's like my feelings block me from doing even the most ordinary tasks. And I usually come across as 5ish to others. I have an intellectual streak and I have a huge desire to understand the world. Not in some detailed, scientific way but I want to understand the "big picture" and find some meaningful approach to life. It's more like I'm looking for a philosophical way of living life.
I do consider going to therapy or counseling.
I will comment on the rest later, I'll have to go now. Thanks a lot!
 

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Discussion Starter #5 (Edited)
I get a 6/7 impression. There's just not enough shame here to consider a core shame type. I guess there's not really any huge impression of any triad, but 4s in particular talk about shame the most IME. The way you describe life as comical and such is particularly making me want to rule 4 out. Sorry :/ The avoidance of shame reads as 7ish to me, which could be a wing (6w7).

Overall though, it's a bit hard to tell for sure. I'll sleep on it, sometimes that helps.
I was also considering 6 but there are also reasons why I doubt it. First of all, integration to 9 doesn't make much sense to me. I need to get my shit together and get things done. And I feel my best when I'm disciplined, structured and have something to do and work on which I always interpreted as integration to 1 and/or 8. Maybe it's anxiety that keeps me from doing the things I need to do and then maybe integration to 9 would make sense.

About shame: I avoid shame by internally and mentally controlling and "monitoring" what I reveal of myself. I don't put on a fake persona. I don't pretend to be happy when I'm not. But I would feel ashamed of expressing (even positive) emotions, so I just try to not reveal how I feel. If people notice how I feel, I feel ashamed and "exposed", even ridciuled. As if I'm naked and if there's something wrong with feeling how I feel. I especially avoid showing emotions that make me feel vulnerable. But I do that by being careful what I reveal, I hold back emotionally. If I don't feel good, I mostly try not to show it or maybe make a quick (maybe joking) remark about it and then change the subject. I don't like to attract (emotional) attention. Sometimes of course I also talk about my feelings but I never really feel comfortable with it and I also rather talk about my emotions abstractly than express them directly.
I have a deep sense of shame about who I really am but I am not emotionally expressive, dramatic or temperamental. I don't make big dramatic scenes. I can dwell on negative emotions internally and I may express them in an indirect way sometimes, but I would never make a big scene because of it. If someone asked me about it, I'd rather play it down.
If someone else expresses emotions and expects an emotional reaction from me, I feel rather uncomfortable and I might try to change the subject to something more neutral and unemotional. It's also why I have trouble having emotional bonds with people. I do long for emotional connection but I'm also not really comfortable with it.
Shame is the reason why I feel like I have to watch how I behave and what I reveal of myself. It feels like a huge burden. I would much rather just be myself and not give a damn what others think. I would rather express myself freely and just behave how I feel like.
And it's not even that I necessarily adjust my behavior to what others expect, but I do often feel that my behavior is judged negatively by others. I feel like I reveal too much of myself and am judged negatively for what I reveal, or that I reveal too little and am therefore judged negatively for being too aloof and distant. Then I might internally disconnect and think "whatever, I don't belong with these people anyway", but it's really all just in my head. The others might not even notice that there's anything wrong at all, because as I said, on the outside I am pretty sociable, likeable and entertaining.
I might be in the mood for jokes and entertainment when the others are talking about their emotions. Or I might be in the mood for quiet conversation when the others are joking around and entertaining themselves. In any case, I often feel a disconnect between myself and my social environment, and depending on the situation and my state of mind I might feel "I'm wrong, I don't belong and I feel ashamed" or "screw those guys, they suck anyway".

I can also relate to type 7 a lot (although I would rule out that it's my core type). Life is comical to a degree. It's tragicomical. Mostly I feel that life is a tragic and catastrophic mess (or at least, it can very often be that). But if you're not that caught up in it and have a little distance, there's really not much to be serious about. Life and death are serious matters. Most of the other stuff we're concerned with daily is rather ridiculous and abusrd.
Humor is very important to me and I think it's the number one reason why people like to have me around, because I can be really funny and entertaining. My humour is witty, original and often provocative and vulgar but can also be childish, absurd and spontaneous.
And that's another reason why I doubt that I'm a 4. Because when I'm with people, I'd rather make jokes and throw ideas around (or discuss philosophical ideas or rant about what's wrong with society) than have deep emotional talks. I am very philosophical and I can be deep, insightful and articulate - and I think that people value my depth of thought rather than my depth of feeling or emotion. I also care a lot about art and aesthetics and could spend a lot of time talking about movies, paintings or music.
The 4s I know love to make huge emotional scenes or have deep emotional exchanges - it's often dramatic and intense. I am no stranger to melancholy or sadness but I have very little patience for drama. So I don't know. I was mostly torn between 4w5 and 5w4, and either sx-first or so-first. But now that you guys said 6w7 and 4w3, I'm also considering those.

Okay that's enough ranting for today. Thanks a lot for your input.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Some more questions from the other questionnaire:


5. You are offered one of three gifts: a bottle filled with water from the Fountain of Life, a crown which will give you peaceful dominion over the world's people for your entire (full) lifetime, and a ring which will unite you with your true love and ensure a happy, passionate marriage. Which do you choose and why? What are your hesitations and motivations?

the ring. I have trouble establishing emotional connections and I always longed for someone who understands me and loves me for who I am and with whom I can just effortlessly be happy and be myself. A person that makes my loneliness go away. I often feel alone, even when I'm with someone, because it's not easy for me to connect with people. I hold back my emotional expression and my thoughts because I feel ashamed for them and I fear that I will not be understood or rejected for it. And that's why I often feel seperate from other people, even in an intimate relationship. The possibility to really have a meaningful loving connection that would last, would do a great deal to fulfil me (I think).
I don't really want to have dominion over other people.
The fountain of life I'm sure is great but what good is it, when you're lonely.

6. You are offered one of three houses. The first is located in a big city and has historic and artistic value: it was designed by a great architect and was owned by interesting people in the past. Owning this house is very prestigious and guarantees you social status and a circle of friends, but it also comes with responsibility - you must keep the house up to code, manage the household, and give parties and events. The second house you may design using your imagination - literally your dream house - it is located in a very secluded location and no one is allowed to visit this house except you and your immediate family. The third house is very nice, but has no particular aesthetic appeal - a McMansion in short. It is in an extremely convenient location and is very secure. It is impossible for thieves to break in and it has no danger of natural disasters. You are guaranteed to be able to sell the house for double the price in twenty years. Which do you choose and why? What are your hesitations and motivations?

All three suck pretty much. I would love the first one. Aesthetics are very important to me and I would love to live in an artistically designed house, but I don't want to be obligated to give parties and the responsibilities would feel like huge burden. I mean, I love a party from time to time, but not if I have to give them - especially at my house.
The second one is probably the worst because nobody is allowed to visit. I want to have friends and guests around - at least from time to time. The loneliness would kill me.
The third seems like the best option. I would try to give it some aesthetic appeal by designing the interiors in a way that's appealing to me. I don't care about thieves anyway, so the security doesn't matter to me. I really wouldn't like to live in an ugly house, but as long as it's just some regular house and I can do what I want with, that's fine and better than either being obliged to give parties or being somehow forbidden to have people visit me.

7. You are offered one of three doors. The first opens to a world that is dangerous and demands mental or physical skill to navigate through, but also has great rewards to be gained: think of the worlds portrayed on the shows Game of Thrones or Supernatural. The second opens to a world that is full of wonders, magic, and knowledge, which can be learned or experienced, but there is little solid resting ground - think of the worlds portrayed in the shows Doctor Who or in the multi-media phenomenon A Hitchkiker's Guide to the Galaxy. The third opens to a world where you may experience a life of peaceful, uneventful poverty - think of the hobbits in the series Lord of the Rings or most of the animals living in Narnia. Which do you choose and why? What are your hesitations and motivations?

The first one sounds horrible. I would probably die and painful and agonizing death within days. No thanks.
The second one - I especially hate Dr.Who - just sounds exhausting. I have enough going on in my mind as it is, I don't need constant overstimulation and sensory overload.
The third options sounds best - except the poverty part. But being in a peaceful and quiet environment around people you love sounds better than the other two options.


8. What do you wish people understood about you?

I would like to tell people how bad I'm feeling sometimes and how depressed I can be. But I am afraid that I will be judged or made fun of.

9. What do you hope people won't notice about you? What are you uncomfortable being teased about?

How much I want them to like me. How much my self-worth depends of them liking me. And how insecure and weak I can feel sometimes. I am insecure about being teased about my emotional sensitivity and softness (which is why I hide it) and about my intellectual arrogance and my grumpiness.

10. What's worse - to be seen as caring more than you do or less than you do? Why? Do you think you come across one way or the other? Do you typically pretend to care more or to care less?

well. that's difficult. I care a lot about some things but I'd like to hide because I'm ashamed of it and I'd feel emotionally vulnerable, which I hate because I am afraid of being hurt. On the other hand, if I come across as uncaring, I am distant and disconnected, which ultimately dooms me to loneliness and isolation.

15. If you were a tragic hero, what would be your fatal flaw? If you were a character in a comedy, what would be your distinguishing trait (i.e. stingy with money, fastidious, shallow, pretentious, etc.) Do you think others would agree with these?

fatal flaw: depression, self-destructive behavior (smoking, drinking, fornicating, other addictions). If I was a superhero, I would be "depressed existentialist philosopher"-man. :D
in a comedy I'd be a sarcastic grumpy artsy kinda person. Something like Arthur Spooner in King of Queens or Squidward tentacles. In the Simpsons I'd probably be Sideshow Bob.

17. a. Imagine meeting an evil version of yourself - your 'dark side' - and describe this person.

vengeful, grumpy, cold-hearted, sarcastic, resentful, self-destructive, passive agressive

b. Describe your ideal self.

happy, carefree, spontaneous, productive, effortlessly disciplined, loving, caring, deep, confident, strong

20. Link a song you relate to and explain why.

there are a lot of songs I relate to a lot

this one being one of them: youtube.com/watch?v=ovmITcaVeJ0

I can't really coherently explain why. It's just this feel of fun-loving melancholy. And the line "sense and sensibility, peaceful productivity and a pretty girl with broken wings are all that I desire". That really resonates.
 

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Hello again. I can't really peg for a certain type but I'm leaning (maybe) 4w5 sx/sp. So 4w5-6w7-1w9. I'll come back to reassess.
 

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5w4. INTP .

You value competence, and break down into an overwhelmed mode, if you can’t have this (all that talk above about fearing emotional vulnerability “I am insecure about being teased about my emotional sensitivity - and I hide it actively” - the insecurity is the thought, and the “hiding the sensitivity” is a logical behaviour that follows the thought -something tangible). It secondarily, also characterises you as a type four, as type four break down if they feel there is something wrong with them, and that seems like you believe there is something wrong or upset with you or your character(your thoughts, emotions, etc), that you need to “correct” this issue somehow behaviourally.

Your motivation seems to be to find the most accurate interpretation of a self related or external phenomena. (For example, when you described emotions in an essay, reflecting on how you process your own emotions, how others may process them and what you may actually be perceiving - likewise, then speaking about the enneagram type seven “Life is comical to a degree. Life is tragicomical.” - almost as if you have referenced the information, yourself, from another website.)

the frustration and breakdown you face over social relationships and not being able to connect with others emotionally or in social circles/situations, is very much inferior Fe. Indicating that it opposes Dominant Ti. This is a common problem talked about in the INTP forums, where often INTPs are either 4w5s and sometimes, 5w4s, as they focus on intellectual pursuits.


The person you alluded to is the perfect psychological symbolism of who you are -the type Five. Dr Who - an intellectual who absorbs information and new information to tackle challenges in almost space-like what if scenarios and dream-like fantasy or Sci-Fi situations, and breaks down, when he is overwhelmed

Type fives also romanticise type sevens, and vice versa, they are both compatible with each other. You spoke about the type seven.
 

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Discussion Starter #9 (Edited)
5w4. INTP .

You value competence, and break down into an overwhelmed mode, if you can’t have this (all that talk above about fearing emotional vulnerability “I am insecure about being teased about my emotional sensitivity - and I hide it actively” - the insecurity is the thought, and the “hiding the sensitivity” is a logical behaviour that follows the thought -something tangible). It secondarily, also characterises you as a type four, as type four break down if they feel there is something wrong with them, and that seems like you believe there is something wrong or upset with you or your character(your thoughts, emotions, etc), that you need to “correct” this issue somehow behaviourally.

Your motivation seems to be to find the most accurate interpretation of a self related or external phenomena. (For example, when you described emotions in an essay, reflecting on how you process your own emotions, how others may process them and what you may actually be perceiving - likewise, then speaking about the enneagram type seven “Life is comical to a degree. Life is tragicomical.” - almost as if you have referenced the information, yourself, from another website.)

the frustration and breakdown you face over social relationships and not being able to connect with others emotionally or in social circles/situations, is very much inferior Fe. Indicating that it opposes Dominant Ti. This is a common problem talked about in the INTP forums, where often INTPs are either 4w5s and sometimes, 5w4s, as they focus on intellectual pursuits.


The person you alluded to is the perfect psychological symbolism of who you are -the type Five. Dr Who - an intellectual who absorbs information and new information to tackle challenges in almost space-like what if scenarios and dream-like fantasy or Sci-Fi situations, and breaks down, when he is overwhelmed

Type fives also romanticise type sevens, and vice versa, they are both compatible with each other. You spoke about the type seven.
Thanks a lot, that's really helpful.
I don't know if I romanticise type sevens. I think I idealize and romanticise type eights more. I admire and envy 8s and try to emulate their behavior. Because they're strong and confident and they first of all don't seem to give a fuck what other people think of them and secondly they seem to be able to deal with whatever comes their way and confront situations head-on, which is something I feel that I am missing and would love to have.

But I also get along really well with type 7s. They're great for joking around and bounce ideas off of. They're also just fun to be around.

I get along with 7s really well, but I myself would much rather be more like an 8 than a 7.

As to Dr.Who: I watched one episode and I hated it. It was interesting and creative but I didn't care one bit about anything. In one single episode they introduced like 5 characters and defeated 3 different threats to the universe that were defeated by totally random gimmicks, devices and tricks that all came out of thin air - and I didn't care about any of it.
I like movies that are serious, artistic and deep. Mood, atmosphere, the images, the music, well developed characters and well written dialogue are most important to me. Some of my favorite movies are David Lynch's Mulholland Drive, Kubrick's 2001, The Seventh Seal by Ingmar Bergman and pretty much everything by Werner Herzog.
I like movies that have deep philosophical themes but convey them in a subtle artistic, aesthetic and visual way.
When it comes to comedy, I like dry, subtle, intelligent (and sometimes absurd) humor most, like in the Coen Brother's or Woody Allen's films.

All in all, I'm still torn between 4w5 and 5w4 as my core type. Most likely 5w4 but I don't rule out 4w5 yet. 5w4 seems to be more consistent with my behavior and 4w5 more consistent with my inner emotional state and self-image. I still sometimes feel like I'm too image-driven and desire to be liked too much to be a core 5.

Do you have any idea about tritype and instincts?
 

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Discussion Starter #11 (Edited)
8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict.

c) gives me energy. makes me feel alive. I don't like conflict when it's not necessary and I usually avoid it. But when someone pisses me off and I engage in the conflict openly, it makes me feel alive.
I have to reconsider that a little bit.
It's true that conflict makes me feel alive, but only when I openly engage in it, which I don't do often.
More often if someone steps over my boundaries or pushes me around, I don't know what to do in that moment. I just feel hurt and helpless. Instead of asserting myself and setting a boundary, I would just get quiet and sulky and brood over it. I may react with snarky remarks, or kind of a withdrawn and maybe rude, passive agressive attitude. I would want to hurt the person back in some indirect way or at least make them feel that they've hurt me; even though I wouldn't want to directly adress it - because I don't want to admit to my emotional vulnerablity.
Sometimes (on a good day) I can feel the anger rise from my gut when someone crosses a line and that anger gives me the energy to assert myself and confront the person. and only if that happens, I feel alive and energized because of a conflict.

The other thing I noticed recently: I often dramatize things internally. For example, someone might make a remark that I then interpret in some negative way and I can brood and sulk over this for days, even completely withdraw from that person. 99% of the time, if I confront the person and talk to him/her about it, it turns out to be a misunderstanding and not a big deal at all. Or I have some fear about some thing in my life but instead of verifying if there is anything to be worried about, I just constantly brood over it and it becomes this really big issue. But as soon as I talk to someone about it or just check if my fears are realistic, it mostly just goes away.

I don't know if that is more in line with 5 or 4. I think that it's mostly 5 because the core issues seem to be: withdrawing vs asserting myself. or: overthinking/brooding vs engaging with a situation. And that's more the line between 5 and 8, if I understand it correctly. If I try to work things out on my own (internally), things seem worse than they are, and if I actively engage with a person or a situation (externally) I notice that I can deal with things after all and things are not as bad as I thought.
 

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I have to reconsider that a little bit.
It's true that conflict makes me feel alive, but only when I openly engage in it, which I don't do often.
More often if someone steps over my boundaries or pushes me around, I don't know what to do in that moment. I just feel hurt and helpless. Instead of asserting myself and setting a boundary, I would just get quiet and sulky and brood over it. I may react with snarky remarks, or kind of a withdrawn and maybe rude, passive agressive attitude. I would want to hurt the person back in some indirect way or at least make them feel that they've hurt me; even though I wouldn't want to directly adress it - because I don't want to admit to my emotional vulnerablity.
Sometimes (on a good day) I can feel the anger rise from my gut when someone crosses a line and that anger gives me the energy to assert myself and confront the person. and only if that happens, I feel alive and energized because of a conflict.

The other thing I noticed recently: I often dramatize things internally. For example, someone might make a remark that I then interpret in some negative way and I can brood and sulk over this for days, even completely withdraw from that person. 99% of the time, if I confront the person and talk to him/her about it, it turns out to be a misunderstanding and not a big deal at all. Or I have some fear about some thing in my life but instead of verifying if there is anything to be worried about, I just constantly brood over it and it becomes this really big issue. But as soon as I talk to someone about it or just check if my fears are realistic, it mostly just goes away.

I don't know if that is more in line with 5 or 4. I think that it's mostly 5 because the core issues seem to be: withdrawing vs asserting myself. or: overthinking/brooding vs engaging with a situation. And that's more the line between 5 and 8, if I understand it correctly. If I try to work things out on my own (internally), things seem worse than they are, and if I actively engage with a person or a situation (externally) I notice that I can deal with things after all and things are not as bad as I thought.
You’re doing that brooding thing right now.

Integrate at 7, be more open to the external world, the experience itself for the sake of experience. Test your theories, in practice, rather than leaving them as mere theories or musings.

Connect them to the world along the way.
 

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You’re doing that brooding thing right now.

Integrate at 7, be more open to the external world, the experience itself for the sake of experience. Test your theories, in practice, rather than leaving them as mere theories or musings.

Connect them to the world along the way.
Haha, I guess you're right.
So you also think my type is 5w4?
 

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Haha, I guess you're right.
So you also think my type is 5w4?

Correct.

I like to ask the question , “if so and so is true, then what? “ . This keeps me objective and focused on the experience as well, instead of just overthinking/brooding in my head. It may work for you, you only know if you try it out with your own thoughts/beliefs.
 

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You seem more 1 over 9 (give that little weight, coming from me). In your "What do you avoid being" section, seems 1'ish, criticizing 7 tendencies. There not really a focus on restraining yourself for the sake of getting along like the 9. Restraint is self focused in order to better yourself which seems 1 (Maybe some 3 image there).
 

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You seem more 1 over 9 (give that little weight, coming from me). In your "What do you avoid being" section, seems 1'ish, criticizing 7 tendencies. There not really a focus on restraining yourself for the sake of getting along like the 9. Restraint is self focused in order to better yourself which seems 1 (Maybe some 3 image there).
Right. I made an enneagram test recently (unfortunately, I didn't safe the results) and I had more 1 than 9. I had very little 2 but the rest was pretty even. 4 and 5 were the highest but both the same.

I still am not quite sure about the 5 as the core type. I might be stereotyping 5s but there are still some things that don't fit. For example, I'm a pretty social person and eventhough I'm alone a lot, I also need, want and enjoy company. I have trouble expressing my feelings, but I am acutely aware of them and I would actually want to express them in some way or another.
I am not socially awkward (I may be shy and quiet sometimes, but I am not awkward, I can be pretty charming and social). 5s also have the reputation of not reading social cues very well, but I am VERY sensitive to social (and emotional) ques, even oversensitive. I am a sensitive guy and even if I have trouble expressing my feelings, I still can sense how others are feeling and I can sense the mood and emotional state of others pretty well.
I am also very concerned with my self-image. I look in the mirror a lot and I think a lot about myself and my identity, who I am, who I want to be, how I am perceived and what I represent.

So, I don't know, still not quite sure.
But I am sure that it's either 5w4 or 4w5, and that either way the wing is pretty strong.
 

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5w4 SO 583. The SO and 83 explain your more extroverted and social tendencies. It's close between the 5 and 4, but 4s tend not to be as comfortable and drawn to potentially disturbing images and thoughts as you are. "Humanity is stuck somewhere between God and a monkey," is a very 5 thing to say.
 

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5w4 SO 583. The SO and 83 explain your more extroverted and social tendencies. It's close between the 5 and 4, but 4s tend not to be as comfortable and drawn to potentially disturbing images and thoughts as you are. "Humanity is stuck somewhere between God and a monkey," is a very 5 thing to say.
social instinct is pretty clear to me.
3 and 8 might be. I'm really not sure about the gut type though.
I read a tritype descripition and 583 did not really fit, but I don't know how accurate those are. I'm not that aggressive and goal oriented. I can be aggressive and combative but only if someone either pushes me or (purposefully) disrespects me. otherwise, I'm not very assertive.
 

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Being aggressive and combative at all isn't really a 5 thing. When it comes to fight or flight, 5s fly. It would take something more than the 5 type to introduce that tendency, and that's why I suggested you might have 8 in your tritype, because that definitely WOULD introduce an aggressive combative tendency in a situation where your 5 tendency to just leave won't really work.
 

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Being aggressive and combative at all isn't really a 5 thing. When it comes to fight or flight, 5s fly. It would take something more than the 5 type to introduce that tendency, and that's why I suggested you might have 8 in your tritype, because that definitely WOULD introduce an aggressive combative tendency in a situation where your 5 tendency to just leave won't really work.
A tritype test I did said 5w4 - 4w5 - 9w8. The test was pretty transparent and easy, so I don't know if that's worth anything. Anyway, I think it's very probable that there's some 8 in there somewhere.
 
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