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I've already mentioned that I have an ISTJ daughter. She's 17 years old and will be graduating from high school in June. She's been accepted at college and will be going next fall. She's never had any kind of paying job and I'm trying to get her to start looking for a part-time job (10 to 15 hours a week). She refuses to even try to find one.

Her school courses aren't too demanding and her twin INFP brother has had a part-time job at a supermarket since last September, while maintaining an honor student status. He'll also be going to college in the fall. My daughter is very involved in school activities. She helps coach a soccer team and has started a school paper with a friend. She says that she doesn't want to have a part-time job because she doesn't want to feel rushed. I think that it is important for her to start working so that she can help pay for her tuition next year, and I also feel that having a job helps build character.

How do you think I should deal with this situation? I don't want to see her doing nothing all summer.
 

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Well, if your daughter no longer needs to be committed to any teams or clubs during the summer, a 10-15 hour a week job should pose very little distress, seeing as she is probably used to time commitments by now thanks to these extra-curricular activities. Perhaps she feels unease at the idea of finally having to consider working? I understand it may not mean much coming from myself, but I was terrified at the idea of finally having to get a job, because I always felt I had enough of my plate as it was (when, in reality, I was just thinking too far ahead in my life, I was always thinking of what was inevitably coming - school, the packing, summer vacation, other commitments. In reality, I had no immediate commitments that deterred me from being able to hold a job. I had all the free time in the world, but I made it seem like I was constricted.) Perhaps determining why she feels rushed should give you some more insight on how to comfort her into working, and assure her that 10-15 hours a week will not constrict her from still having time to do the things she wants to do. Big adjustments can be hard for people who are comfortable following a routine and sticking to the plan, so it may just be a matter of making that transition that is making it difficult for your daughter.

I hope all of this helps, if only a little. Best of luck to both you and your child!
 

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She must not be lacking for cash if she doesn't feel compelled to get a job. I was motivated to earn money for myself from an early age because my parents didn't give me money. By the time I was in my teens they only provided the basics in food, clothing and shelter. I was buying all of my own clothing and paying for my recreational activities by the time I was a senior in high school.

I'm not trying to lay a guilt trip on you, but I think you should probably be pulling back the purse strings a bit. She needs to learn how to support herself. It's a life skill.

I give my kids more money than my parents did, but I make them earn money for things I consider extras, even the 7-year old.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
She must not be lacking for cash if she doesn't feel compelled to get a job. I was motivated to earn money for myself from an early age because my parents didn't give me money. By the time I was in my teens they only provided the basics in food, clothing and shelter. I was buying all of my own clothing and paying for my recreational activities by the time I was a senior in high school.

I'm not trying to lay a guilt trip on you, but I think you should probably be pulling back the purse strings a bit. She needs to learn how to support herself. It's a life skill.

I give my kids more money than my parents did, but I make them earn money for things I consider extras, even the 7-year old.
I do just pay for necessities. I do include clothes in those essentials, however. I don't pay for her entertainment or other extras. Since she is almost an adult, I have thought about not paying for any more new clothes. Her brother is very self-sufficient and never asks for money, not even school supplies.
 

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How do you think I should deal with this situation? I don't want to see her doing nothing all summer.
Consequences are very effective at driving home a point; much more so than are punishments. Unfortunately, it feels like punishment to parents to watch their children deal with the consequences of their actions. A little poverty and doing without will supply the needed fire to get them going with the program.

She must not be lacking for cash if she doesn't feel compelled to get a job. I was motivated to earn money for myself from an early age because my parents didn't give me money. By the time I was in my teens they only provided the basics in food, clothing and shelter. I was buying all of my own clothing and paying for my recreational activities by the time I was a senior in high school.

I'm not trying to lay a guilt trip on you, but I think you should probably be pulling back the purse strings a bit. She needs to learn how to support herself. It's a life skill.

I give my kids more money than my parents did, but I make them earn money for things I consider extras, even the 7-year old.
This is quoted for truth and wisdom. One of the hardest transitions is that from dependent teen/young adult to self-sufficient young adult. What you have described is helpful in that transition.

@Niccolo Machiavelli
 

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I've often thought that paying children for doing basic chores is a bad idea:

* making their bed
* keeping their room tidy
* washing dishes
* washing clothing
* hanging out clothing
* mowing the lawn
* chopping wood

My reasoning is that these things are *expected* of life and no payment should be necessary. When the young adult moves out into their own home, they're not going to be paid to do the basic stuff to keep themselves and their home clean. It's simply expected. Proper work of some kind (mowing neighbors lawns, after-school job, etc) is probably the best way to make sure someone gets a work-ethic.

At least, that's the way that I was brought up.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Here's an update on the situation:

I decided to talk to my daughter last night and was more direct and firm about the situation. I told her that I expected her to print out two copies of her CV and bring them to two nearby businesses that were looking for part-time help. She accepted and delivered them today. :)
 

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My main reason for getting my first job was so I could pick out and pay for my own clothes and stuff. It felt good like Freedom!!! woo hoo!!!

Edited because I forgot about the part where I dressed for success and attracted my future husband.:)

My intuition tells me that my daughter was initially not wanting to work because it felt a little scary. It would be different from her regular school routine. She loves school and is actually upset when there are long holidays. She can't wait to go back.

Today, when she came home after having dropped off her CVs, I already sensed a difference in her outlook. She seemed more confident about getting a job. I'm sure that once she starts working, she'll be an asset to whatever workplace she's in and will enjoy working there. :)
 

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My intuition tells me that my daughter was initially not wanting to work because it felt a little scary. It would be different from her regular school routine. She loves school and is actually upset when there are long holidays. She can't wait to go back.

Today, when she came home after having dropped off her CVs, I already sensed a difference in her outlook. She seemed more confident about getting a job. I'm sure that once she starts working, she'll be an asset to whatever workplace she's in and will enjoy working there. :)
Back when I got my first job,I was nervous at first but after the first week I was doing very well as a desk clerk. It is the Change or potential of change from a much liked routine that makes me hold back a little sometimes.

It sounds like she will do great.
 
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