Joined
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Main Questions
1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?
Part of me wants a calm life away from people where I can create art/write for my own pleasure and enjoy life's simple pleasures. However, if I didn't have to worry about money I know I would have pursued the life or an artist or a traveler.
2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?
I would like to leave something worthwhile behind, be it art, words or a legacy of some sort. It's funny that deep down I care so much what people think of me because I'm very private and I don't socialise much. It's possible that I'm afraid to show people my true colours because I'm afraid they will reject me.
3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?
I don't want to hurt people intentionally. I'm not someone who actively goes about helping people and I view this side of me as selfish. It's just that people make me uncomfortable for the most part. I don't know what to say or how to act.
I have high morals and I expect a lot of myself and others. I don't subscribe to any religion or popular ethical doctrine. I live my life trying to avoid unnecessarily causing pain to others. If someone is in front of me and I find it easy to help them I do, but most of the time I'm passive.
4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?
Not being liked. Being abandoned by the people I love. Failing.
5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?
I see myself as a dorky, unfeminine lass, who lacks grace and social skills.
I want others to see my as graceful and sexy. Appreciate my more manly side rather than shun me for it. Like me for what I am, instead of making me feel I need to pretend I'm someone else in order to be liked.
6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
Being surrounded by nature, working on a drawing, or singing makes me feel my best. Moments of solitude make me feel my best most of the time.
Being expected to deliver without preparation, especially when it comes to something that requires good motor skills, and coordination makes me feel my worst.
Being judged for aspects of my personality, especially when I'm harming noone by being me, or I went to great lengths to do things for said person/being liked, make me livid.
7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.
a) Heart palpitations, intense feeling and explosive temperament. I generally am bad at controlling these outbursts although it takes a lot to get me angry. People invariably say I'm scary when I'm angry, and I can hurt people's feelings by being too blunt or overly sarcastic. I generally feel bad for exploding afterwards.
b) I often feel ashamed of who I am when I'm feeling low. I'm ashamed for choices I made, for opportunities I missed etc. Especially when I'm meeting people for the first time (mostly older women) I tend to wear the mask of the agreeable female. This is because deep down I'm ashamed for not being able to be conventional. Although I'm fully aware I'd hate myself even more if I were conventional, or boring. It's an incessant internal struggle.
8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict.
a) I react well to stress. I'm one of those unflappable people, the ones you want in a crisis. I make all the right choices and am able to calm down the people around me. I'm good at taking charge when it's a life or death situation.
b) I handle change well. I mostly see it as something positive even when all points to the contrary. A change signifies a new beginning for me. It gives me the chance to reinvent myself, strive for more. Leave the past behind and start anew.
9. Describe your orientation to: a) authority; b) power. How do you respond to these?
a) I have issues with authority. I tend not to trust people who believe they deserve my respect or compliance just because they reached a position of power. I believe in merit and I make a point to treat everyone as my equal.
10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?
I like being alive. Being alive is better than not being. I'd have no issues not being though. I'll welcome the day when it comes.
Humanity is flawed but there's little specks of light in the darkness, which makes living not a total waste of time.
11. Discuss an event that has impacted your life significantly; more importantly, how you responded to it.
My ex of eight years at the time cheating on me. I had an unhappy childhood and I thought that once I started making my own choices I would never regret them. I believed my gut instinct was infallible and that a person who I trusted with my life would never intentionally hurt me. More than the hurt of being cheated I was mad at myself for failing to see it coming. I blamed myself for being in a situation where I economically dependent on my ex (being of my last year of Uni, I had decided not to take any part time work).
When I heard about it I was visiting my family abroad. My initial reaction was to stay at my mom's and never to return but my practical side prevailed thinking that I couldn't give up finishing my degree over something like this. I got in touch with the 'other woman' and arranged to meet her with him. I scolded them as if they were schoolchildren and decided to give my relationship another chance for the sake of my sanity and in hopes of finishing my degree.
We continued being together on and off for a few more years, but I could never trust him again. On top of it I resented him and I started not valuing him as a person as much as before. In the end I just packed up, re-homed my dog and left him.
12. Comment on your relationship with trust.
I find it hard to trust people. I'm open about myself to an extend but I don't open up about my feelings easily. This is an aspect of me that's not well developed.
I find that most of the times I can read people well, and have been right to trust my gut instinct when it tells me not to trust somebody.
13. List some of the traits you: a) like; b) dislike most about yourself.
a) I take pride in my intellectual ability and the fact that I can figure out people most of the time.
b) I dislike being too accommodating with people, then hate myself for feeling used by them. In such cases it looks as if I'm having a complete personality shift, from nice and laid back, to snarky and irritable.
14. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?
I'm able to understand when someone is faking it. Sometimes I can even tell the reasons they do it. Depending on the reasons I can instantly hate or like someone.
15. If a stranger insults you, how do you respond/feel? What if they compliment you?
Insult: It takes me aback but I get over it easily.
Compliment: I'll generally smile or thank the person.
16. What's something you are: a) thankful you have; b) wish you could have? Why?
a) Health - goes without saying. Being able bodied is very important for me, especially as my biggest fear is being dependent on others.
b) A house of my own - renting loses its charm over the age of 30. Would be nice to have a shed in the garden and do art/practice music.
1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?
Part of me wants a calm life away from people where I can create art/write for my own pleasure and enjoy life's simple pleasures. However, if I didn't have to worry about money I know I would have pursued the life or an artist or a traveler.
2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?
I would like to leave something worthwhile behind, be it art, words or a legacy of some sort. It's funny that deep down I care so much what people think of me because I'm very private and I don't socialise much. It's possible that I'm afraid to show people my true colours because I'm afraid they will reject me.
3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?
I don't want to hurt people intentionally. I'm not someone who actively goes about helping people and I view this side of me as selfish. It's just that people make me uncomfortable for the most part. I don't know what to say or how to act.
I have high morals and I expect a lot of myself and others. I don't subscribe to any religion or popular ethical doctrine. I live my life trying to avoid unnecessarily causing pain to others. If someone is in front of me and I find it easy to help them I do, but most of the time I'm passive.
4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?
Not being liked. Being abandoned by the people I love. Failing.
5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?
I see myself as a dorky, unfeminine lass, who lacks grace and social skills.
I want others to see my as graceful and sexy. Appreciate my more manly side rather than shun me for it. Like me for what I am, instead of making me feel I need to pretend I'm someone else in order to be liked.
6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
Being surrounded by nature, working on a drawing, or singing makes me feel my best. Moments of solitude make me feel my best most of the time.
Being expected to deliver without preparation, especially when it comes to something that requires good motor skills, and coordination makes me feel my worst.
Being judged for aspects of my personality, especially when I'm harming noone by being me, or I went to great lengths to do things for said person/being liked, make me livid.
7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.
a) Heart palpitations, intense feeling and explosive temperament. I generally am bad at controlling these outbursts although it takes a lot to get me angry. People invariably say I'm scary when I'm angry, and I can hurt people's feelings by being too blunt or overly sarcastic. I generally feel bad for exploding afterwards.
b) I often feel ashamed of who I am when I'm feeling low. I'm ashamed for choices I made, for opportunities I missed etc. Especially when I'm meeting people for the first time (mostly older women) I tend to wear the mask of the agreeable female. This is because deep down I'm ashamed for not being able to be conventional. Although I'm fully aware I'd hate myself even more if I were conventional, or boring. It's an incessant internal struggle.
8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict.
a) I react well to stress. I'm one of those unflappable people, the ones you want in a crisis. I make all the right choices and am able to calm down the people around me. I'm good at taking charge when it's a life or death situation.
b) I handle change well. I mostly see it as something positive even when all points to the contrary. A change signifies a new beginning for me. It gives me the chance to reinvent myself, strive for more. Leave the past behind and start anew.
9. Describe your orientation to: a) authority; b) power. How do you respond to these?
a) I have issues with authority. I tend not to trust people who believe they deserve my respect or compliance just because they reached a position of power. I believe in merit and I make a point to treat everyone as my equal.
10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?
I like being alive. Being alive is better than not being. I'd have no issues not being though. I'll welcome the day when it comes.
Humanity is flawed but there's little specks of light in the darkness, which makes living not a total waste of time.
11. Discuss an event that has impacted your life significantly; more importantly, how you responded to it.
My ex of eight years at the time cheating on me. I had an unhappy childhood and I thought that once I started making my own choices I would never regret them. I believed my gut instinct was infallible and that a person who I trusted with my life would never intentionally hurt me. More than the hurt of being cheated I was mad at myself for failing to see it coming. I blamed myself for being in a situation where I economically dependent on my ex (being of my last year of Uni, I had decided not to take any part time work).
When I heard about it I was visiting my family abroad. My initial reaction was to stay at my mom's and never to return but my practical side prevailed thinking that I couldn't give up finishing my degree over something like this. I got in touch with the 'other woman' and arranged to meet her with him. I scolded them as if they were schoolchildren and decided to give my relationship another chance for the sake of my sanity and in hopes of finishing my degree.
We continued being together on and off for a few more years, but I could never trust him again. On top of it I resented him and I started not valuing him as a person as much as before. In the end I just packed up, re-homed my dog and left him.
12. Comment on your relationship with trust.
I find it hard to trust people. I'm open about myself to an extend but I don't open up about my feelings easily. This is an aspect of me that's not well developed.
I find that most of the times I can read people well, and have been right to trust my gut instinct when it tells me not to trust somebody.
13. List some of the traits you: a) like; b) dislike most about yourself.
a) I take pride in my intellectual ability and the fact that I can figure out people most of the time.
b) I dislike being too accommodating with people, then hate myself for feeling used by them. In such cases it looks as if I'm having a complete personality shift, from nice and laid back, to snarky and irritable.
14. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?
I'm able to understand when someone is faking it. Sometimes I can even tell the reasons they do it. Depending on the reasons I can instantly hate or like someone.
15. If a stranger insults you, how do you respond/feel? What if they compliment you?
Insult: It takes me aback but I get over it easily.
Compliment: I'll generally smile or thank the person.
16. What's something you are: a) thankful you have; b) wish you could have? Why?
a) Health - goes without saying. Being able bodied is very important for me, especially as my biggest fear is being dependent on others.
b) A house of my own - renting loses its charm over the age of 30. Would be nice to have a shed in the garden and do art/practice music.
