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if you were me (after also seeing ALL the conditions I've posted),what will u choose?

  • pleasing your parents' wishes, and living a 'realistic' life

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • pursuing your OWN real, true dreams (in this case, moving to another country! take chance/risk!!)

    Votes: 16 80.0%
  • somehow, a 'MIX' between the two above (but, is it still really possible?? pls explain below)

    Votes: 4 20.0%
  • others (please also explain in your post below)

    Votes: 0 0.0%
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Discussion Starter #1
I will turn 30 in just a few days...
And this is why I will be super straight-forward this time, as usual, it's about my life again.
(it's been a while that I haven't visited this forum, but my problems is still the same,...if not getting worse! especially my relationship with my ISTP 'traditional-chinese' father. for those of you who are curious, you can see my other previous threads, they all basically have the same themes, so you can see clearly also what's my life-dilemma).

So here comes the question:
If you have to eventually choose, between pleasing and fulfilling your parents' wishes and wants (of you), ie: continuing his family businesses (as you're the eldest son in the family..), and thus, living a 'realistic' life (in his own words).

and fighting/pursuing for your dreams, of what you've always wanted all your life, but unfortunately you've just hold it inside all this time because out of 'respect' for your parents (I'm chinese-Indonesian btw, so you can see where I'm coming from..) , eg: becoming a musician/songwriter/composer in another country of your 'dream' (in my case, it's still -always- Japan), simply because in your own country here, life seems to get 'stuck' and very slow-paced, and the culture is very different and UNsupportive of your dreams!

then, what will you choose?

especially if now you're feeling like your life is going nowhere, you're 'stuck', and you've even gone unhealthy to become a misanthrope, hating life & humanity!!..

And if it's the latter,
then are you really okay for the worst risk, that is, even if your parents will be heavily disappointed, and perhaps even don't want to see your face anymore??..

really need advices on this one..
sadly, Age does have an effect, I'm afraid,...
and these days I'm truly really, really afraid that everything is already too LATE! (I still really hope not though...) :(

thank you~
 
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Discussion Starter #2
no reply at all?...
sad :(
 

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Though i dont think i can relate to the type of cultural norm with having a Father of a traditional Chinese background, I think if i knew what I wanted and have a clear direction I would go after it.
Because I think if one is ever to be happy they have to love themselves and thus please themselves. I dont think its inherently selfish to go towards healthy risks and experiences in trying to enjoy life. Theres a lot of things hidden in the corny advice of be yourself and do what you love.
If you can really nail those basic concepts I think a person is bound for greatness, but its something we all struggle with.

As for the music dream I will say music is a hard life unless you absolutely love it and you really do got to love it. You have to want it more than food and comfort because often travelling as a musician, not many make it big or even reach a comfortable level of fame and getting there is extremely hard work.
I dont think its too crazy though as music seems to be one of the most powerful parts of humanity. So the realistic side of my thoughts says one can work and earn a wage whilest practicing their skills and putting in the work to be a great performer.
 

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Hey what's up Nikki, you really have to factor in the age thing here. I have a friend who is also a musician, or at least trying to be a successful musician and he is 29 years old and we live in the states. I tell him all the time that he is too old to keep doing this because he has tons of debt, a really crappy job, and I think he will regret his decision in the future because he isn't going to have anything to fall back on and he needs to start making some real money now so he will be safe later on in life. He started pursuing his music about 3 years ago and to be honest isn't that great, so unless you have a real talent then you should really think about your future. I am also Chinese guy (ABC), I graduated with a finance degree from University but decided I wanted to travel around the world and have been doing that for the past 5 years while supporting myself by becoming a sushi chef. I just came back from a long trip that lasted over a year but now I am 29 and need to start earning some cash so I won't be a bum later in life. For me I think 20's are the time to chase dreams but in your 30's we should start planning to take care of our parents, unless they are wealthy and don't need it of course. I have been living my dream for the past 5 years but doing what you love isn't always the best thing for you or your family. Keep in mind that I don't really know you or your life situation. I am kind of going through the same thing you are now.
 

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I don't want to be a contrarian for it's own sake, but most advice by most people in this world will be: do what it takes to support yourself and others, not what "you really love". Her premise is that you'll grow to love to work on whatever earns you bucks. That said, although money will always be an issue, I don't think we should altogether sacrifice what we really love to be able to make a living. The writer above is a "career" person, and her advice is expected, not a surprise, but also not a fit to some INFPs and other types of people who won't compromise their dreams (I.E. it might be wonderful advice for many, many people, but not applicable to all-not everybody loves "sex" the most in their lives, as she claims of herself.)

There are some basic options out there:

-Work on something related to your field, while practicing your true field/calling on the side, whether it makes money or not. IMHO, this won't mean that you are "betraying your dream", but that you are being conscious of certain immediate needs that need to be addressed (mostly, income.)

-Work on something totally different altogether but that you are able to successfully do well, so you feel good about the contribution you make, and also, where you do feel valued as part of the team; then, keep working on your true calling anyway on the side, as described above. If doing this, you should (or even must) find the appropriate time to develop to your crusades/true calling, beause otherwise you won't be too happy. Many INFPs need to be doing something that they feel it's worth their lives. Working in something not related to your goals could be it, as long as you are actively involved on pursuing your real dream elsewhere somehow.

-Go full-on career dream, even if it doesn't make that much money. This is very possible to achieve (I see it on these forums!), but it's challenging depending on your calling/what you love to do. Music for instance, does has some opportunities to make money, but on many instances, unless you are at the top of the hill, it's hard to make copious amounts of bucks. However, most musicians KNOW this and still play/create/perform, because it means more to them than having an "easier" time with a more common, more in demand, less challenging field.

Mr. Niki's case is special, because I am not sure about the dynamics in his home. I don't like when parents and children are not in the same page career-wise-it breaks my heart when parents stop supporting their children (at any age) when they make a choice that is not pelasing to them. Of course, some of these children do make incredibly unwise choices, even for the sakes of a dream they make have at the moment. But the truth is that dreamers dream-it is what they do, and nothing is more painful for a dreamer than being forbid to pursue his/her dream. This is why I feel INFPs deserve special care from their parents, so that they realize that they don't want to "destroy their future" for its own sake, but that they jsut want to follow a specific dream of theirs. Parents should then work with their children to see what viable options are out there so that their child reaches his/her dream in a way that won't be too punishing for the child's future. I am not blaming Niki's parents (nor Niki), because I don't know them, and I don't what are the dynamics of the relationship.

So in conclusion, I don't know the answer to Niki's problem. I was the single voter for his "a MIX" option, but I do not know if him or their parents will make a compromise that will work. I am not sure if they want him to totally forget about his music dream, of if it's possible for him to keep working and keep studying/making music at the same time. I don't know whether such solution will make Niki happy (it seems not.) IO am not sure Niki knows whether his dream will transform itself in the future (a very likely possibility), and if so, which shape it will take. Live evolves, for all of us. I am not even sure what his music field is (perhaps composing, not sure), and I don't know what he wants to achieve, save for that he clearly wants to express himself through music. And honestly, if I could, I would move and seek out my dream, but I would LOVE it if I had a sort of deal/compromise with my parents first.

I "cheated", because I am a very stubborn dreamer, but I have always had the blessings of my family. If my family would "command" me to disobey my dream, I will honestly feel sad, but decide to go my own way. I love being loyal to one's family (I hate parent/children conflict), but we should also be loyal to our dreams, because ultimately, we must take care of our own needs as well.

Let dreamers fly on the wings of their dream, but also may them be wise enough to make the right decisions, taking care of themselves along the way. Follow your dream, but do so with all wisdom and knowledge.

Take care, and remember, you are not old at all at 30, and your journey has just begun. May you find your way on this beautiful but risks-filled world of ours.
 

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I will keep this short:
Fuck the people who won't let you be you. Family or otherwise. I don't give a damn who you are, where you're from and what you wanna do. If you got a dream go pursue it or you might wake up in a nightmare.
 

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The most common regret of those who are soon to die-

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."

Top five regrets of the dying | Life and style | guardian.co.uk
 

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I just wanted to say, I have given you a lot of advice before on how to combine the music thing with the family business thing. To me, you got to be smart anyway, and think how likely you are to actually succeed in music, AND if that music is now in demand. If you are a bit of a socialist like myself, which I think you are based on what you write about society. The thing that comes across to my mind is that, you do not seemed to have broken through your own limiting mindset and fear. You got to control the fear and let your Fi lead you.... Cos at the moment you are thinking of an "either/or" mindset. Either this, OR that. Where is your lateral thinking gone to? Cos I said before in the past that, depending on the nature of your family business, you can indeed diversify it. Not all companies, or family companies stay in one industry and maintain its businesses. Most family businesses changes with society as it grows. I told you to find a way to combine your family business in a way which is sympathetic to the growing needs of your immediate society. I think doing so will both kind of keep your own stake in your family ties, but NOT be the main person who does the running. Cos you are the family owner, you can decide on the big main vision and direction of the company. Not have to deal with the immediate day to day runnings and transactions. This is whereby, you have to also use your smart Fi, to assess who are the main trust worthy people in your family business, and who your father trusts most, and how those people respect you, or pay respect to your Father etc. Cos all you need to do is to scan stories from HK, for someone like Li Ka-shing - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. His legacy cannot be passed on because his sons are in bickering mode and never discussed behind closed doors. Plus also his son publically shamed his own credibility and did not build his own "supportive" team. Such that, Li isn't likely to pass 100% ownership towards his son, because Li's peers (those who fought the company with him), won't respect his son. Unless Li also respect and support his own son and groomed him to be a successor.... i.e. Basically discuss a master plan for future expansion etc. (Which you should know and is able to understand easily cos you have a very good lateral thinking mindset. INFPs can be seen as closet entrepreneurs, if you understand basic business concepts, or some works in marketing, and sales cos they can easily understand people's mindsets etc. This is whereby people with Js think, A+B+C... and you have already thought of A+D.. etc)

The other thing which I think you may not appreciate so much is that, it does not matter about age and how old you are. You should put aside your own emotions and feelings for once and seriously put yourself in your own father's shoes and for a week, THINK.... what is the ultimate goal he wanted you to be. IS it indeed to run day to day the business, OR if he just wants you to be happy? OR if he wanted you to be "running" the business cos other members of the family relies on this and hence he wants you to be the watchman? You got to get this right. Being able to put yourself in his shoes, can then allow you to find a sympathetic win-win solutions. Sometimes, even mapping out the conversation, will help you deal with your own emotions too. It also won't allow you to "fear" and make a mistake in that decision too. You got to handle the fearful feelings or the negative disappointment feelings etc. You may encounter a situation whereby your father expect you to absolutely handle the business by A+B+C+D... but in reality, if you can handle the business and still reach the same goal but takes the path A+D... then you should have the confidence to go for it. Trust your own instinct.

The other thing is, even if you want to make music, people don't buy music for the sake of your skills, but sometimes it is about the passion, emotions associated to the music or to the person too. Sometimes people buy music and appreciate music because of emotional displacement, or of emotional sympathy, or of emotional release at that time, or of connection to them, because they are going through the same thing... I remember telling you about Susan Boyle. Even I connected because I genuinely believed her conviction, and maybe even a part of me feel sorry for her too, and hence I like her, and wish to support her. Yet, I know some people in the UK and also the US supports her also because UK and the US culture is and have indeed moved away from compassionate and "tribal" group mentality. People are quite independent now and the move away to search for this "freedom" business is still quite strong ? Some people get stuck in this literal "either" "or" business in their own minds. I think this lack of emotional connection with people or with their immediate social group is indeed why a lot of people turn more capitalistic, and in return also have this big "I will shoot you for my freedom" business, than to see humans as humans. This is how I see that crazy world.

I see Indonesia on a similar path to some of the European countries, cos the culture emphasis is still in people and religion. People are still compassionate and not very individualistic in that sense. Even I am struggling to maintain that here in the UK, but people associate the differences as "professional" mindset and upper to middle class (i.e. each person is an individual and that they need to make the choices for themselves, than to be co-dependent), or you are from "working class" and have a "community" feeling and loyalty, whereby you put people first as a choice than to put some theory first. Some people are said to be "co-dependent".

The world is changing, and in the West, most companies now are moving to a more empathetic model, cos business is about people and what people will buy etc. Many Western companies now are going down this "sustainable" route... i.e. co-dependent businesses and co-operative businesses.

I think you need to find a way to maybe combine your family businesses and let it grow in your own area, cos I get the impression that you have no idea or you do not seem to appreciate and associate where your father is coming from. Also, you need to think and see how other businesses have survived in other countries, especially small family businesses too. You should take some trips.... maybe a "fact finding" trip, for yourself emotionally, AND also an exposure to businesses and companies in other countries to really understand and eliminate from your own emotions and understanding.

I know it sounds odd, but in this day and age where reversal of capitalism seems to be happening across the global world... Where the banks have fallen in Western countries. What you seem emerging is this new business talk of "ethical business" and "softer leadership skills" from the likes of Harvard Business Reviews. So you see, as China is emerging where it is from an empathetic culture, most people or businesses would WANT to have a more sustainable, and co-dependent relationship with each other. So you see... more xNFx... leaders in businesses are now emerging... Some of the really futuristic leaders probably kept to their own goals and values and maintained the people first and taken the people with them on that journey. The fact that your father wants you to own the business is because he wants you to take care of the people who also fought the business with him. You should see it as treating them like your family members too.... Think of it that way too. Think of your own company as a mini-society with the employee's children dependent on your salary and the direction of the business to keep them afloat !

As I come from my own family businesses too. I understand all too well, why it is important for me to play the humility card and keep my employee happy, and I also toe my brother-in-line when he has been an ass-hole and when stress is increasing, even though he owns the business, his people skills are darn poor. People just put up with his temper. He is also an ESTx. He knows it too.... I think what you should do is, to actually work in every single role in the company and "help" the people, to appreciate and to absorb and understand what your employees actually go through. How hard the working condition is or not, and what actually happens etc.... You will gain respect this way. Then maybe take some time out, before you make any formal decisions, or to decide how you will be a part of the business or not... I mean, also play the humility card too. i.e. you do not know how the job works, or if you are crap at that job, then say so ! Cos in a way, you are, cos your focus is not on routine jobs... So see it, from an appreciative viewpoint, and put yourself in the shoes of your employees.... By the way, consider maybe treating your employees too. i.e. get them some concert tickets or treat them in any artistic or musical events. Maybe that will also make them understand how the musical industry works and an appreciation for music too. It can be their way to respect your values as well and what you yourself respect and appreciate.

The other thing is.... all I know is... as you go through and experience the emotion, the Fi, then all your own functions seem to support the Fi so much more. So... if you connect with the employee in the business, you will then activate the Fi part. At the moment you are looking at such a high high level.... of the world. Yet, you are not in those positions, locations, or path to make changes in those areas. You are just absorbing info but not actioning it out in any way shape or form. You should action something out.

富不出三代
Literally: Wealth does not pass three generations.
Meaning: It's rare that the wealth of a family can last for three generations (the 2nd may see the value of hard work, but the 3rd forgets it).
Explanation: In business, the first generation works extremely hard, so that the second generation reaps the benefits. By the time the third generation arrives, the wealth is squandered.
Also, understand this too. Life, music, or business, comes and goes in cycles...
Even though your father has built up the business for you, this generation, the business world will also change too... It won't be as easy or as simple to sustain the small family business, as small businesses merge or the condition of the business industry changes... This is whereby you need to assess if you can change the business and retain and recycle the money in some ways or other. Music, as an industry also changes depending on the population as well. When times are tough, people use music to express themselves through hard times, but as living conditions are good, then it reverts back to basic human needs and survival. Individualistic musicians like Faye Wong can only occur because the environment around her allowed her to be so. Because as the world grows.... people still need to find ways to be spiritual. This is globalisation. The generation before Faye Wong, those musicians were small time and they were able to be less influenced by the global choices and happening in the world, but their songs were focused more locally and socially too. As there are more information passed around the world, the music industry changes and adapts itself too. This is a fact of life. Now as global companies are collapsing... Small time businesses and individuals are also making money too. Like this person, who is using these social network tools to create songs and indirectly also creating money too.


They are selling their own songs via iTune. Now... remind me... is this INFP person a capitalist, or not ? You see... the grey area is occurring now... Because this person believes in their immediate environment, and believes in his conviction of selling music in a more co-dependent way. There is a term for this kind of business model which occurred during the 70s/80s/90s in HK. The city is now classed as capitalistic now, but back then, people did not think for themselves, but they thought that they were helping each other out by being each other's suppliers and workforces, so that it is always mutually win-win, cos many back then could not even fulfill their basic level of needs in the Maslow's Hierarchy of having food, and shelter... As the world changes, those basic needs are actually translated into different forms.

As far as I can tell, only the Italian luxury brands uses family business models and maintain its integrity and kept workmanship and skills. Even when under threat by global businesses, many kept their employees and their employee's sons, daughters etc.. and really kept the loyalty, relationships way into the 21st century. Even when I look at that, I appreciate such brands, such co-dependent way whereby people "had" a skill.

[Added] By the way, you are what you are. The way you think, feel and act is a product of your environment. Do not by all means feel that you need to "change" it 100%, but sometimes it is "adapting" and "incorporating". Cos other people's paths are their own, and yours is your own....
I can tell you that, in the small country like the UK, most musicians came from poor cities, and hence they used music as an outlet and a woeful expression of a song. Not everybody came from a wealthy background like the leader of Coldplay. Most musicians that are creative literally comes from very poor background. Even the artist Damien Hurst came from such backgrounds and the only way their family could propel him is to be emotionally supportive. A lot of wealthy people buy Damien Hurst's art because in a way, they are like trying to see what this person can do, and how they translate the world around them. He had the support of big donors like Satchi & Satchi who I believe are INTJs..... which finds the world fascinating and what emotions can drive a person to do etc. Hence, why most of Damien's work is also surrounding capitalism, and usage of expensive materials like diamonds to reflect the society.... Yup. An INFP, an artist, making lots of money.... unethical money.
 

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By the way, I think you should indeed move to another country to experience and "find" yourself a little bit. Cos when you do not have the basic of human needs, food and shelter, your mindset will change a lot. At the moment, you seems to be more of an misanthrope or whatever you like to call yourself only because you have your basic needs met. Cos if you do not take those basic needs and did things for yourself, then you will start to appreciate life so much more, cos I came to realise this of myself too. If you made and built something yourself, and went through the emotional process, you will begin to appreciate that something so much more.... For me, I also feel very solid and sound and "grounded" cos now I know the emotions are mine built over time. People like Damien Hurst here had the UK government's social process to not let him fall through the net, and he doesn't have that "fear" of not pursuing his dream at all. Cos when he was at university, education was free in the UK ! He did not have family to support him financially but he had the government to do that as a safety net....

For me, I knew my family supported me financially but I also knew that sons will be revered more than girls, and that we do not get anything, so yes, I had to also look after myself and work very very hard to sustain the basic of needs too.... Chinese boys are treated so much more differently too, as you know.... Just food for thoughts.
 

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Mm.. I did an awful lot of reflection in my life time... been where he is and hid myself.... No idea why I took decisions when I did but understanding your own journey, emotions and associating it to the right place is important. As I got older, my other functions kicked in. INFJ or INFP? a closer look

This is why I advised Niki to DO an action associated to the idea he has in mind, cos by doing, we experience the emotions, and then we associate it and then remodify as accordingly.

i.e. Fi + Ne = Idea.
Idea + Te = New Fi.
Fi + Ne = New decision.

We can be artists and actors in our own lives...
 

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You have asked this question so many times now. You know everyone's answers. The people responding have been both soft, kind, and nice, and they have also been straight-forward and hard on you multiple times in the past.

At what point are you going to go do what you want? For years now, you have been continuing with the current path and things keep getting worse for you. Exactly what do you think is going to change? You know you are going to regret your entire life if you keep living the way you are living.

Let me put this to you very bluntly: YOUR ENTIRE EXISTENCE WILL BE A GIANT WASTE TO YOU WHEN YOU ARE ON YOUR DEATHBED IF YOU KEEP DOING WHAT YOU ARE DOING.

On your deathbed, your father is not going to be there telling you whether he approved of your life or not. You are the only one you are going to need to answer to. You can be like all the other people who died regretting living their lives due to the wishes of others around them, or you can fulfill yourself.

Why do you need external validation from people on here so much? You keep asking for it, yet you never fully accept that you can and should live life the way you want to when people tell you all these things.

I am not suggesting you pack up and run to Japan tomorrow. In fact, I think that would be silly. There is no reason you can't continue to work in the current family business while spending your free time developing your music and trying to shop it around or build your own business out of it. Even if you don't make a business out of that, you can at least transfer laterally into doing SOMETHING with music where you'll be happier. At least, I think you could probably be happy as long as you were doing something with music, which would also open up doorways to your real dreams.

Not everyone achieves their true "dreams" for whatever reason, but the least you can do is find something you enjoy doing and make it your job. Again, I'm not saying to quit your job today, but at least start taking some steps already towards a direction you actually want to go.

I've been working a job I don't care to do for nearly 4 years now. In fact, this past week has been one of the worst I've ever had doing my job because I've been forced into doing repetitive, mindless, boring tasks of shifting paper into different piles for days on end.

The difference between us is that at night I go and sit and work on whatever my current idea is to try to launch a business and get me out of this job before I'm 30. And even if my past attempts haven't worked out exactly as I wanted, I am not asking permission from anyone to keep trying the next one, and the next one, and the one after that until I finally figure it out.

And stop talking like 30 is the end of the road. You aren't even halfway through your life yet. Julia Child didn't even attend cooking school until she was 36, and here are a number of other famous people who weren't doing what they are famous for when they were 30.

I don't know what you are waiting to hear, because everyone has given you pretty much every answer there is to give. Yes, it is OK for you to go do what you want. You're 30 years old. You are not a child who is bound to his father's wishes. Yes, it is a shame he isn't supportive of what you want to do, but it is your life, not his. Again, this doesn't mean rush out and do something stupid like quitting your job tomorrow, but you don't need your father's or our permission to go chase your dreams.
 

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I am facing this exact dilemma now, and I have every intention of telling my Dad where to shove his cactus and going out there to do my own thing.

It's my life, and I'll lead the life I want. It isn't up to your parents to choose your path. Period.
 
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Do you think that there is something magical about the age 30 ? I mean, cos does it mean by then your forth function kicks in and then you start to be wholly yourself and pursue things?
 

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There are some basic options out there:

-Work on something related to your field, while practicing your true field/calling on the side, whether it makes money or not. IMHO, this won't mean that you are "betraying your dream", but that you are being conscious of certain immediate needs that need to be addressed (mostly, income.)

-Work on something totally different altogether but that you are able to successfully do well, so you feel good about the contribution you make, and also, where you do feel valued as part of the team; then, keep working on your true calling anyway on the side, as described above. If doing this, you should (or even must) find the appropriate time to develop to your crusades/true calling, beause otherwise you won't be too happy. Many INFPs need to be doing something that they feel it's worth their lives. Working in something not related to your goals could be it, as long as you are actively involved on pursuing your real dream elsewhere somehow.


-Go full-on career dream, even if it doesn't make that much money. This is very possible to achieve (I see it on these forums!), but it's challenging depending on your calling/what you love to do. Music for instance, does has some opportunities to make money, but on many instances, unless you are at the top of the hill, it's hard to make copious amounts of bucks. However, most musicians KNOW this and still play/create/perform, because it means more to them than having an "easier" time with a more common, more in demand, less challenging field.

And honestly, if I could, I would move and seek out my dream, but I would LOVE it if I had a sort of deal/compromise with my parents first.

I "cheated", because I am a very stubborn dreamer, but I have always had the blessings of my family. If my family would "command" me to disobey my dream, I will honestly feel sad, but decide to go my own way. I love being loyal to one's family (I hate parent/children conflict), but we should also be loyal to our dreams, because ultimately, we must take care of our own needs as well.

Let dreamers fly on the wings of their dream, but also may them be wise enough to make the right decisions, taking care of themselves along the way. Follow your dream, but do so with all wisdom and knowledge.

Take care, and remember, you are not old at all at 30, and your journey has just begun. May you find your way on this beautiful but risks-filled world of ours.
I googled "should children pursue their parents' dreams" and I somehow was led back to perC!

I'm currently in a bad situation where I pursued pharmacy school due to my mom's/relatives wishes (also due to the fact that I was scared out of pursuing anything art/psychology/or teaching-related due to the horror stories that were told to me by family and through things in the media/pop-culture).

I graduated a month ago. But unfortunately I have felt the sting of not being in a career that fits my needs. I suffered quite a lot during my four years at grad-school. I am at a lost because I don't want to stay in pharmacy anymore (even though I just graduated), but my mom is crushed over me not wanting to pursue it or anything related to it.

It is nice to see you list out some options. I also want to make the "right" decision, but still able to follow my own dream (which I now see as a counseling career as being more true to myself). Unfortunately there is so much complexity, including the thousands of dollars I owe in student loans, my family's current financial environment probably can't support me going into another program, and the counseling career itself is competitive and very little employment (from what I have read). All signs point to me "staying" and sticking with what I am already in, but my its my heart that doesn't want to comply. It's tough.

I bolded two options that you wrote which might be more reasonable for me versus the full-on pursue my dream, though this is what I would ideally wish to do, if this was an ideal world, but it isn't.

Anyways, I'm not an infp, but this was an interesting thread. I have an infp friend who is a 6w5 and pharmacy seems to suit her very well. I think the whole pleasing our parent wishes versus your own is a common problem for type 4 personalities or heart-center types whose parents are very different from them.
 

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I think it's better to regret doing something than to regret not having done something, and always wondering what your life could have been. (sorry, that sounds a bit negative - I don't mean that you will inevitably fail by saying that!) I know musicians and it's hard to make a living from it, but you could do something else alongside of it and see what comes out of it. I agree with others on here who talk about what you might think of your life in hindsight - I think it's a good way to make decisions in your life generally.
 
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