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Which Types Are You Married To?

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We met on a Christian forum.

Security freaks. (Seriously. You walk into a room, we watchin' and assessing you. And we'll probably discuss anything we though odd about you as soon as you're out of earshot. Down with iPhones. #electricaltapeoverdemwebcamz4lyfe) We're also sometimes ridiculously goofy and get excited about nerdy things (old PDAs for him, plants for me; Stargate for him, Sherlock Holmes for me). We both read The Art of Manliness.

We've never had a fight. We've intensely discussed the pronunciation of the word "gif" though. (And in case anyone was thinking about quipping that ENFPs and INTJs are conflict-avoiders and don't talk about problems, I'll have you know we're both ridiculously straight forward - it's called communication; that's why we haven't had a fight.)

I would say we're equally possessive, and that he is somewhat more protective of me than I am of him simply because he is usually(*) more aware of his surroundings and has conditioned his awareness reflexes more, so he is more likely to react to a threat before I am.

(*I tend to feel safer zoning out when he is around, vs. when I am alone. That being said, I tend to notice things about other people that he doesn't, and vice versa.)


It's fabulous.
 

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I wrote this long thing and it dissapeared! Keeps happening on my iPhone. Ehhh... okay I'm happily married to an INFP male. I'm ENFP female. Met at church, saw him at a church social after church. There was no where to sit, my roommate and I saw him and his roommate standing up to go. We sat down, they sat back down. The topic turned to what we would like to do in life. He opened with, "I'm a writer and I'm sick of hiding it and I think I should just say it and be it." My head turned/ snapped I knew we could be best friends from that sentence on. He came over and we talked until 1:00 or 2:00 am. I had no idea-- the time flew. Next phone call and he calls me "baby" and says we have the chemistry and the communication, let's go for it. Lol. I was skeptical of the pace. It was fun having him convince me. I've talked about some of this before. My long thing I wrote was shorter than this...grrr...
Similarities? The man is an empath. We care about the same things. He is better at "tasks" like getting the kids to school on time...sexy stuff. We agree on almost everything. Do I wish he were an INFJ--yes....lol. More on that other thread on here.... But is he perfect for who he is? Yes!
Disagreements! So Jung says if two similar types marry that it means there has to be the most growth. Neither of us enjoy cleaning much-- but we work through it. I've found info on core fears being the source of problems and it's true. It's when I think I've got control of something and he tries to take control of it and then I get mad which makes him fear he failed. Me? Fear of loss of control. Him? Fear of failure. Last argument (was small) was on where to put a basketball hoop. I thought I knew where it should be... when I got mad cause he put it somewhere else he was mad because he didn't want to fail our son by putting it in the wrong place. All easy to understand. There's not much we don't understand about each other. Same religious and political views.
Sex... man plays me like a violin. I always want sex because why wouldn't I want to sing like a violin? He did this to me! Okay but on a serious side, my libido is very high. Higher than his, and we both want the other to initiate which has been frustrating for me-- we are working through this too. I did find something on INFP that said they want the other to initiate. But me too! I want to be chased and conquered every day. I wrote this to help people figure stuff out-- my other post was better on this. Oh well.
 

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I wrote this long thing and it dissapeared! Keeps happening on my iPhone. Ehhh... okay I'm happily married to an INFP male. I'm ENFP female. Met at church, saw him at a church social after church. There was no where to sit, my roommate and I saw him and his roommate standing up to go. We sat down, they sat back down. The topic turned to what we would like to do in life. He opened with, "I'm a writer and I'm sick of hiding it and I think I should just say it and be it." My head turned/ snapped I knew we could be best friends from that sentence on. He came over and we talked until 1:00 or 2:00 am. I had no idea-- the time flew. Next phone call and he calls me "baby" and says we have the chemistry and the communication, let's go for it. Lol. I was skeptical of the pace. It was fun having him convince me. I've talked about some of this before. My long thing I wrote was shorter than this...grrr...
Similarities? The man is an empath. We care about the same things. He is better at "tasks" like getting the kids to school on time...sexy stuff. We agree on almost everything. Do I wish he were an INFJ--yes....lol. More on that other thread on here.... But is he perfect for who he is? Yes!
Disagreements! So Jung says if two similar types marry that it means there has to be the most growth. Neither of us enjoy cleaning much-- but we work through it. I've found info on core fears being the source of problems and it's true. It's when I think I've got control of something and he tries to take control of it and then I get mad which makes him fear he failed. Me? Fear of loss of control. Him? Fear of failure. Last argument (was small) was on where to put a basketball hoop. I thought I knew where it should be... when I got mad cause he put it somewhere else he was mad because he didn't want to fail our son by putting it in the wrong place. All easy to understand. There's not much we don't understand about each other. Same religious and political views.
Sex... man plays me like a violin. I always want sex because why wouldn't I want to sing like a violin? He did this to me! Okay but on a serious side, my libido is very high. Higher than his, and we both want the other to initiate which has been frustrating for me-- we are working through this too. I did find something on INFP that said they want the other to initiate. But me too! I want to be chased and conquered every day. I wrote this to help people figure stuff out-- my other post was better on this. Oh well.
Awww, why would you wish your man to INFJ when he's a precious INFP as he is?

This is soooo cute. And yes. I've noticed most ENFPs have very high libidos. ;)
 

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Awww, why would you wish your man to INFJ when he's a precious INFP as he is?

This is soooo cute. And yes. I've noticed most ENFPs have very high libidos. ;)
I'm pleased to hear it was a fun read. =) Thank you, Alassea. Also I just watched a BBC documentary on Jane Austen WITH my husband who found it for us. On youtube


Was lovely-- showed all the places she had lived and I hadn't realized she had visited so many places where she was lots poorer than the hosts-- very Mansfield Park.
Of course Elizabeth Bennett is a ENFP! Err... what if she's a ENTP? I heard once that everybody sees themselves in Jane Austen characters and in the woman herself-- every woman feels like we KNOW her.

You'll have to read my post on the question of INFJ/ENFP. If you read it, you'll get it. INFJs have a huge effect on me. But they almost don't exist!!! Plus, I am extremely in love with my husband and he wouldn't be who he is without being an INFP. SO funny and he's SUCH a talented writer! =) Thank you for the exchange, Alassea! <3
 

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btw i'm only married to one type, lol

husband's type: esfp

2) How did you two meet? he went to high school with my brother. i found out he drew manga and i borrowed them through my brother, loved them, and wrote him a fan letter. he came to visit and fell in love with me right away... which was awkward, considering he was 16 and i was 20 at the time. xD but we became good friends and later started dating (when he was old enough, lol).

3) What are similarities between you two? we both love anime and manga, both draw, both write, and we're both total goofballs. we have so many similarities people often joke that we're basically the same person.

4) What are the differences/what you fight about? differences include the fact that he is way more extroverted than i am, so when i have a 'down' period, he's still 'up' and going and going... but we're both okay with that because usually one of us will just relocate for a while. when we have discussions the ne vs se thing really comes out. i didn't understand it before getting into mbti but now i know what has been happening. everyone else in my family has a higher n than he does-- one enfp (me), an infp (mom) and an isfp (brother), and when we all get into an excitable discussion about something that has a lot to do with theory or abstract, they always drop out in order: esfp is out first, followed by isfp, then i'm left talking to my mom until she has to drop out and i'm not finished because i still have so much left inside me. TT^TT he would always apologize for not being able to keep up, and i would always tell him it's not really a problem. *shrug*

5) Who is more possessive and protective? ...uhhh... i mean we're both playfully clingy... it doesn't come out all that much, really, i guess.

Bonus (optional ;3:) How's the sex life? hoohoooo!!! xD xD xD xD xD let's just say it's never been disappointing.

Alesha said:
my libido is very high. Higher than his
same.

and we both want the other to initiate
yeah, my husband is definitely the type who would regularly initiate... if i would stop beating him to the punchline almost every single time. xD

Alassea Telrunya said:
I've noticed most ENFPs have very high libidos.
that's a serious understatement.

bonus: we both were virgins when we got married. no regrets. ;)
 

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I'm pleased to hear it was a fun read. =) Thank you, Alassea. Also I just watched a BBC documentary on Jane Austen WITH my husband who found it for us. On youtube


Was lovely-- showed all the places she had lived and I hadn't realized she had visited so many places where she was lots poorer than the hosts-- very Mansfield Park.
Of course Elizabeth Bennett is a ENFP! Err... what if she's a ENTP? I heard once that everybody sees themselves in Jane Austen characters and in the woman herself-- every woman feels like we KNOW her.

You'll have to read my post on the question of INFJ/ENFP. If you read it, you'll get it. INFJs have a huge effect on me. But they almost don't exist!!! Plus, I am extremely in love with my husband and he wouldn't be who he is without being an INFP. SO funny and he's SUCH a talented writer! =) Thank you for the exchange, Alassea! <3
The only people who think Elizabeth is ENTP are ENTP females who don't know anything. :p
Another popular absurd typing for Lizzy is INFJ (wtf lol).

LOL, but I actually wrote an analysis on why Elizabeth is ENFP and so did many other people. And several mbti specialist blogs also agree with the whole thing and if you're interestd ;) :

https://funkymbtifiction.tumblr.com/post/139075361967/pride-prejudice-elizabeth-bennet-enfp

I can't link you the one I wrote for some reason but it goes more in depth. :/
 

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btw i'm only married to one type, lol

husband's type: esfp

2) How did you two meet? he went to high school with my brother. i found out he drew manga and i borrowed them through my brother, loved them, and wrote him a fan letter. he came to visit and fell in love with me right away... which was awkward, considering he was 16 and i was 20 at the time. xD but we became good friends and later started dating (when he was old enough, lol).

3) What are similarities between you two? we both love anime and manga, both draw, both write, and we're both total goofballs. we have so many similarities people often joke that we're basically the same person.

4) What are the differences/what you fight about? differences include the fact that he is way more extroverted than i am, so when i have a 'down' period, he's still 'up' and going and going... but we're both okay with that because usually one of us will just relocate for a while. when we have discussions the ne vs se thing really comes out. i didn't understand it before getting into mbti but now i know what has been happening. everyone else in my family has a higher n than he does-- one enfp (me), an infp (mom) and an isfp (brother), and when we all get into an excitable discussion about something that has a lot to do with theory or abstract, they always drop out in order: esfp is out first, followed by isfp, then i'm left talking to my mom until she has to drop out and i'm not finished because i still have so much left inside me. TT^TT he would always apologize for not being able to keep up, and i would always tell him it's not really a problem. *shrug*

5) Who is more possessive and protective? ...uhhh... i mean we're both playfully clingy... it doesn't come out all that much, really, i guess.

Bonus (optional ;3:) How's the sex life? hoohoooo!!! xD xD xD xD xD let's just say it's never been disappointing.



same.



yeah, my husband is definitely the type who would regularly initiate... if i would stop beating him to the punchline almost every single time. xD



that's a serious understatement.

bonus: we both were virgins when we got married. no regrets. ;)
Dammit! Why do I keep hearing stories of ENFP women having higher libidos than their partners ugh?
I bet it can get pretty angsty when he doesn't initiate. >_<

And it's definitely funny to know that an ENFP has a higher one than an ESFP of all types LMAO. They're extraverted sensing doms after all!
 

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Dammit! Why do I keep hearing stories of ENFP women having higher libidos than their partners ugh?
I bet it can get pretty angsty when he doesn't initiate. >_<
nope. not at all. like i said, i keep beating him to the punchline. but he has no complaints either. xD

And it's definitely funny to know that an ENFP has a higher one than an ESFP of all types LMAO. They're extraverted sensing doms after all!
i know, right? xD i mean, yes, his is HIGH. but... yeah. xD
 

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when we all get into an excitable discussion about something that has a lot to do with theory or abstract, they always drop out in order: esfp is out first, followed by isfp, then i'm left talking to my mom until she has to drop out and i'm not finished because i still have so much left inside me. TT^TT he would always apologize for not being able to keep up, and i would always tell him it's not really a problem. *shrug*
Interesting and charming description, I can see the family dynamic.

bonus: we both were virgins when we got married. no regrets. ;)[/QUOTE]

Also same! And completely happy about that!



By the way, I got this horrible guilt about the INFJ comment earlier. It's just a possibilities thing I guess for my imagination. BUT my husband is who has done so much more for me than any theoretical relationship-- and has always been there for me, validated me and made me laugh through thick and thin!. I just called him to tell him. I want him for always!
 

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when we all get into an excitable discussion about something that has a lot to do with theory or abstract, they always drop out in order: esfp is out first, followed by isfp, then i'm left talking to my mom until she has to drop out and i'm not finished because i still have so much left inside me. TT^TT he would always apologize for not being able to keep up, and i would always tell him it's not really a problem. *shrug*
Interesting and charming description, I can see the family dynamic.

bonus: we both were virgins when we got married. no regrets. ;)
Also same! And completely happy about that!



By the way, I got this horrible guilt about the INFJ comment earlier. It's just a possibilities thing I guess for my imagination. BUT my husband is who has done so much more for me than any theoretical relationship-- and has always been there for me, validated me and made me laugh through thick and thin!. I just called him to tell him. I want him for always![/QUOTE]

Sweeney Todd is INFP ;)

And I guess it's fair to say to not feel guilty. As xNFPs, we always have that one type we idealize more than others for the sake of fun and fantasy lol.

And it's cool that you both were virgins yet had amazing sex anyway. Usually, that's not how it goes and the sex is terrible xD
 

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And it's cool that you both were virgins yet had amazing sex anyway. Usually, that's not how it goes and the sex is terrible xD
mind over matter. people kept telling us it was going to be horrible, and we disbelieved them. so there. it helps to have a very, very, VERY healthy view of sex.
 

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bonus: we both were virgins when we got married. no regrets. ;)
^ Same. So were we. No regrets.

Something that makes me giggle is when people think it's prudish or silly that some people wait until they're married to have sex. And I'm just sitting there thinking, "You people have no absolutely idea how enthusiastically that gets compensated for..."

I'd be willing to say that not only do ENFPs have a libido that's surprisingly high, but that ENFPs also tend to be highly experimental, possibly more than most types.
 

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And I'm just sitting there thinking, "You people have no absolutely idea how enthusiastically that gets compensated for..."
gunlikes.jpg

I'd be willing to say that not only do ENFPs have a libido that's surprisingly high, but that ENFPs also tend to be highly experimental, possibly more than most types.
experimental? oh heck yeah. 8) so much fun.

my husband and i were talking about this several days ago. i just didn't talk a whole lot with people about sex, except about being a virgin and waiting and why i thought it was important. after we got married, he said he was delightfully surprised at how open, experimental, and enthusiastic i was. he told me, "no offense, but i thought i was marrying a mousy librarian type." he thought i was going to be very modest and reserved, and he was willing to be patient with me while i gradually opened up to him. and as it turns out, he's the one who can't keep up with me.

xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD
 

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And it's cool that you both were virgins yet had amazing sex anyway. Usually, that's not how it goes and the sex is terrible xD
Ah, but therein lies the secret! When you're a virgin, you don't know the difference! xD (I'm kidding... partially.)

There are some big bonus points to it:

- When you're both virgins, it's not simply about sex. It's about exploring a new level of intimacy with your spouse that neither of you have ever had before (either with each other or anyone else), and it's super exciting and special.

- If you're having sex for the first time and it's with your spouse, you don't have to be self-conscious; you're married to them, you trust them (obviously), and it's okay if it's awkward and silly and you both end up collapsed on the floor in giggle fits. You're safe being vulnerable with them.

- If you both have the primary goal of giving the other person as much pleasure as possible and aren't being selfish, it's going to be enjoyable for you both, even if it's not "perfect" sex.

- As long as you're both communicating clearly, you'll both get better together at pleasing each other, and will become specialized to each others physical needs right from the get-go.

Our wedding night sex was far from sex-pert level sex, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

(Also, a note: Just because we were virgins didn't mean that we were ignorant about sex. We'd both done a lot of reading, discussing, and research. Virgin sex =/= ignorant sex. Ignorant sex is neither pleasant or safe, and you don't have to be a virgin to have it.)
 

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Ah, but therein lies the secret! When you're a virgin, you don't know the difference! xD (I'm kidding... partially.)

There are some big bonus points to it:

- When you're both virgins, it's not simply about sex. It's about exploring a new level of intimacy with your spouse that neither of you have ever had before (either with each other or anyone else), and it's super exciting and special.

- If you're having sex for the first time and it's with your spouse, you don't have to be self-conscious; you're married to them, you trust them (obviously), and it's okay if it's awkward and silly and you both end up collapsed on the floor in giggle fits. You're safe being vulnerable with them.

- If you both have the primary goal of giving the other person as much pleasure as possible and aren't being selfish, it's going to be enjoyable for you both, even if it's not "perfect" sex.

- As long as you're both communicating clearly, you'll both get better together at pleasing each other, and will become specialized to each others physical needs right from the get-go.

Our wedding night sex was far from sex-pert level sex, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

(Also, a note: Just because we were virgins didn't mean that we were ignorant about sex. We'd both done a lot of reading, discussing, and research. Virgin sex =/= ignorant sex. Ignorant sex is neither pleasant or safe, and you don't have to be a virgin to have it.)
Very wise and very true.

Thanks for sharing us your experiences in details!
 

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It's so fun reading the comments in this thread. I love listening to other peoples' stories. ^-^

My husband is an INTP. A very textbook one. Loves mathematics, philosophy, history, and economics. He loves it for the frameworks... he's always trying to make sense of things, but it's always on this subjective level. He's incredibly Introverted.

He's also short for a guy. 5"4. And I'm 5"2. People look at us together and say that we're hobbits. He's extremely bright. But don't listen to any of those stereotypes about INTPs being emotionless or not paying attention to the important things around them. He goes out of his way to show he loves me.

How we met:

People ask us how we met and it's funny. We don't remember a time without each other. We grew up together at the same church that we've both been going to our whole entire lives. ^-^ I noticed how he seemed to pause to think a lot. He always seemed like he had more in his mind than he expressed. But occasionally things would spark his interest and he would talk more. He also was and is a lovely piano player. I also play. We'd sometimes play duets at recitals together growing up.

Anyways, all these things made me dreadfully curious about him. (Probs the Ne.) I thought, I just want to understand him. He became a very close friend of mine, and I also knew that I loved him dearly. I thought it was unrequited. He was so good at putting on a mask. I got the full story from him later - apparently he'd liked me probably for longer than I realized I liked him. ^-^

Our similarities.

We both play the piano and love music. We both like discussing ideas and concepts. He does this more abstractly than me. We both share many of the same values and beliefs. We like looking for universal principles. The way I do this is much more associative than him ("Hm, the way this works reminds me of this other thing!") and a bit more whimsical, but we still connect on this.

Our differences/what we fight about:

He's definitely better at reasoning. But he mentions feeling envious of me and thinks I write much better than he can. He's always mystified: "How can you say what you mean?" Expression of what's meaningful to him is kind of a struggle for him - but there really is a lot going on under the surface. He doesn't like coming off like a robot or a calculator. He feels a lot, intensely. That's something the people close to him know. :) That's a big difference between us.

Expression is much more easy for me. And expressing what is meaningful and significant to me is even more easy. It's natural, like breathing. I love to write songs. I love writing in general. He has a hard time putting what is in his mind into words that others can understand.

There are other differences too. This is just a big one. And I think we balance each other out here. He's really good at doing and understanding stuff that I just wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. He's much more disciplined than I am.

We haven't fought about anything. We've had problems we have to work out, but never really... fought. Although we have had intense discussions about whether or not dragons should only be portrayed as EVIL. Hahaha.

Who is more protective/possessive?

Something that is engraved on the inside of his wedding band is, "I am my beloved's and my beloved's is mine." That's how we both feel. I will often say to him, "I'm yours." He always without fail assures me that just as I am his, he is mine too. I always feel this fiercely protective feeling when I see him sleeping. I think, "Does anyone know how precious this person sleeping here is?" I don't like people talking about him like they know him... especially if they think all he is is some analytical guy. Without knowing all of the deep, wonderful things about him...

Ahem. So. You could say. I'm protective. Heh.

Although he is pretty protective of me, too. ^-^ He really doesn't like it the stories I tell him of times I've been sexually harassed. Like catcalled and whatnot. I think he's mentioned how he'd want to punch someone in the face who did that. Pffft. :) He definitely doesn't like it when I'm demeaned by someone else.

I also recently got him into typology and now he's on PerC too! His username is Fimbrethil. ^-^
 

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It's so fun reading the comments in this thread. I love listening to other peoples' stories. ^-^

My husband is an INTP. A very textbook one. Loves mathematics, philosophy, history, and economics. He loves it for the frameworks... he's always trying to make sense of things, but it's always on this subjective level. He's incredibly Introverted.

He's also short for a guy. 5"4. And I'm 5"2. People look at us together and say that we're hobbits. He's extremely bright. But don't listen to any of those stereotypes about INTPs being emotionless or not paying attention to the important things around them. He goes out of his way to show he loves me.

How we met:

People ask us how we met and it's funny. We don't remember a time without each other. We grew up together at the same church that we've both been going to our whole entire lives. ^-^ I noticed how he seemed to pause to think a lot. He always seemed like he had more in his mind than he expressed. But occasionally things would spark his interest and he would talk more. He also was and is a lovely piano player. I also play. We'd sometimes play duets at recitals together growing up.

Anyways, all these things made me dreadfully curious about him. (Probs the Ne.) I thought, I just want to understand him. He became a very close friend of mine, and I also knew that I loved him dearly. I thought it was unrequited. He was so good at putting on a mask. I got the full story from him later - apparently he'd liked me probably for longer than I realized I liked him. ^-^

Our similarities.

We both play the piano and love music. We both like discussing ideas and concepts. He does this more abstractly than me. We both share many of the same values and beliefs. We like looking for universal principles. The way I do this is much more associative than him ("Hm, the way this works reminds me of this other thing!") and a bit more whimsical, but we still connect on this.

Our differences/what we fight about:

He's definitely better at reasoning. But he mentions feeling envious of me and thinks I write much better than he can. He's always mystified: "How can you say what you mean?" Expression of what's meaningful to him is kind of a struggle for him - but there really is a lot going on under the surface. He doesn't like coming off like a robot or a calculator. He feels a lot, intensely. That's something the people close to him know. :) That's a big difference between us.

Expression is much more easy for me. And expressing what is meaningful and significant to me is even more easy. It's natural, like breathing. I love to write songs. I love writing in general. He has a hard time putting what is in his mind into words that others can understand.

There are other differences too. This is just a big one. And I think we balance each other out here. He's really good at doing and understanding stuff that I just wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. He's much more disciplined than I am.

We haven't fought about anything. We've had problems we have to work out, but never really... fought. Although we have had intense discussions about whether or not dragons should only be portrayed as EVIL. Hahaha.

Who is more protective/possessive?

Something that is engraved on the inside of his wedding band is, "I am my beloved's and my beloved's is mine." That's how we both feel. I will often say to him, "I'm yours." He always without fail assures me that just as I am his, he is mine too. I always feel this fiercely protective feeling when I see him sleeping. I think, "Does anyone know how precious this person sleeping here is?" I don't like people talking about him like they know him... especially if they think all he is is some analytical guy. Without knowing all of the deep, wonderful things about him...

Ahem. So. You could say. I'm protective. Heh.

Although he is pretty protective of me, too. ^-^ He really doesn't like it the stories I tell him of times I've been sexually harassed. Like catcalled and whatnot. I think he's mentioned how he'd want to punch someone in the face who did that. Pffft. :) He definitely doesn't like it when I'm demeaned by someone else.

I also recently got him into typology and now he's on PerC too! His username is Fimbrethil. ^-^
This is extremely cute and romantic. Props for making an INTP/ENFP relationship work this long without any intense fights to be honest.

I also know of another ISTP/ENFP marriage from @ai.tran.75 without any intense fights and that is amazing.
 
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