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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I dunno about all y'all, but in my opinion, one of the absolute worse things you can ever call another person is "ugly". It's just so harsh and hateful. There are sooooo many different versions of beauty, and all deserve to be equally appreciated. However, I seem to be an exception to my own rule. I get upset when I hear someone refer to someone else as ugly, yet I have no issue picking out all my physical flaws, bringing myself to tears from the mental beating I subject myself to. I torture myself, desperately wishing with ever fibre of my being that I looked like someone else. If I could never, ever bring myself to do such things to another human being, why on earth would I do it to myself?

Anyone feel me on this -_-
 

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No, some people are very ugly. Both in appearance and personality. I don't see the reason to pass judgement on someone simply because they are ugly, it serves no useful purpose unless you honestly believe shaming someone will bring a positive reaction.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
No, some people are very ugly. Both in appearance and personality. I don't see the reason to pass judgement on someone simply because they are ugly, it serves no useful purpose unless you honestly believe shaming someone will bring a positive reaction.
Personality, perhaps.
But what is it that makes someone's appearance ugly?
 

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Actually, I think like this occasionally. Sometimes when I go to sleep, my inner self haunts me and I start thinking to myself why I look so stupid and ugly, so I can totally relate to you.

Some people might say that guys don't care about their appearance as much as girls, but that's really wrong. you are born into a world where men are supposed to be tall and well built, and women are supposed to be slim and beautiful. The ideals are too high but since mostly everyone believes it, everyone wants to become the perfect man/women. Im in the teenage years of my life right now and it sucks. I'm a inch shorter and less built then my average classmate and it really takes a toll on my self-esteem. I think to myself "why cant i be one inch taller? Even though I eat a lot and do martial arts and entering tournaments, why am i not as toned as other people?"

I think why you are torturing yourself with all this inner hatred to yourself is because that you are a INFP. One of the flaws of the INFP is that they have high standards towards everything, including themselves. Its the way you are think that is the problem. For me at least when I start thinking bout these things, I get depressed for a day or three. But then i just forget about it. I think what you should is surrond yourself with things you like. Your friends, Vedio games, maybe even some ice cream (dont eat too much though). If your anything like me, You will just forget about it, or you would be having too much fun to even care. If this doesnt help then I think you should ask your friends or family, What are three things that they like about you (If they ask why, say its for homework or a test). write this down somewhere and whenever you need a ego boost, look at it. I never did this before to be honest, but i think i could help.

"But what is it that makes someone's appearance ugly?"

The definition of Ugly:
very unattractive or unpleasant to look at; offensive to the sense of beauty; displeasing in appearance.

Being ugly is a opinion, not a fact. If you think you are ugly, then by your standards, you are ugly...But if your profile picture is actually you, then I think you look pretty :)
 

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Someone I know told their young child not to do that, or else they will grow up not to be pretty, and then have no friends!

Heavens above! What a message for a young child! Friendship can not depend upon appearance, but on the lively exciting mind of an empathic and sharing/caring human being! What a shallow existence to do otherwise.
I see an image of pretty and over confident ( seemingly, but it could all be an act remember ) girls, arm in arm, collecting up other pretty girls to join arms, at school, so giving the centre girl the impression to all that she is really something! Oh hateful! No no.

Have you seen celebs without their makeup? Ugh! Plain! They have to act up big time to give out the allure thing...continuously.
Please remember that TV and film ads constantly bombard the psyche with images of thin made up females, and it means big bucks to them. It is a sort of brain washing. Most females feel down by it, and that is really really wrong.

So lovely ladies, shine out from within, and be true to who you really are. Please do not compromise your standards by competing with or emulating the worldly ones. The task of INFPs may be to be an inner shining soul, and the rest might follow naturally. : )
 

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I wouldn't dream of calling anyone ugly due to their appearance. I like people who have some character in their appearance and I'd probably see pass any physical "fault" in a person's appearance if that person had a kind heart. On the other hand, if the person didn't have a kind heart, I wouldn't be able to see pass that. Mean, cruel people I have never found attractive. If it turned out that a person was very cruel and unable to empathize with people, I wouldn't find that person attractive even if he looked like Richard Armitage. There's just something special in a kind, warm heart, something that I think makes the person almost shine.
 

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"Ugly" is a thoughtless, heartless and brainless accusation to make.
Calling someone "ugly" shows that you don't have any insight into a person's soul. It shows that you are a shallow person and that the best insult you can think of is "ugly". It also shows that you have no respect for other people's point of view, because everyone has a different perception of beauty!
 

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Individuals have their own "weak spot/weaknesses" and what they consider hurtful. It's only natural for you to point out your "flaws" and make them into "flaws". Being an INFP doesn't make things any better because of the fact that we are so sensitive and emotionally responsive to the world around us. Sometimes, I dislike being as sensitive as I am, but deep down I know that I'd rather be the way that I am than a cold, heartless, inconsiderate jerk. That's where my alcoholism came into play the most (in the past) because of not feeling comfortable in my own skin! One must come to realize that nobody is perfect and one must practice self acceptance and self love.
 

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"Ugly" is a thoughtless, heartless and brainless accusation to make.
Calling someone "ugly" shows that you don't have any insight into a person's soul. It shows that you are a shallow person and that the best insult you can think of is "ugly". It also shows that you have no respect for other people's point of view, because everyone has a different perception of beauty!
Excellent first post. :3

Welcome to the forum.
 

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I struggle with myself everyday- it's a horrible habit but, I can't seem to stop it.

I have a very poor sense of self worth and self image due to living in an extremely demanding household where my mom wanted me to be "perfect" in every way.

Though I've been on my own since 18, my perception of how I should be, act, look is still completely trashed because of her.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I struggle with myself everyday- it's a horrible habit but, I can't seem to stop it.

I have a very poor sense of self worth and self image due to living in an extremely demanding household where my mom wanted me to be "perfect" in every way.

Though I've been on my own since 18, my perception of how I should be, act, look is still completely trashed because of her.
That's sad :( I'm sure there's lots of people who love you for you, though ^3^
 

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I struggle with myself everyday- it's a horrible habit but, I can't seem to stop it.

I have a very poor sense of self worth and self image due to living in an extremely demanding household where my mom wanted me to be "perfect" in every way.

Though I've been on my own since 18, my perception of how I should be, act, look is still completely trashed because of her.
Ickle. I want to send you a hug. : )

You are already perfect! You are an INFP! : )

You have had an overload, in that, just like me, you have had too much attention paid to you, by people who could not see what you already are.

It has been so bad for me, that if anyone showed me kindness, it caused me to cry, and if you do that, please let it flow, as it helps to wash some of the icky sticky pain away out of you. That kind of crying is healing.

The way out of it, for me, was to stop believing in the authority that such people took from me, and took upon themselves. Take a good hard look at such people. Are they perfect? If they were, they would not have been so hard on you. Look closely. Understand them.

With that certainty, now look at yourself, gently, as an INFP will always be honest with this process. Most types can not and will not undertake this important action. Get to know you. Love yourself. It is OK to do that. Who else will? Connect with all the good energy that there is. Find out who you truly are and rejoice in it. Come home to yourself. Make your living space beautiful in any way that you can, and maybe in time, put up positive affirmations.

One thing that helped calm down the turmoil that others inplant in us, is to try out some EFT as found as demos on YouTube.
It stands for Emotional Freedom Technique. Please do not go near NLP though. It is too intrusive and not always pure.

Please keep in touch with others on this Forum, and receive some support of like minded friends during your process to inner strengths and qualities which will make you so happy.

Another hug. : )
 

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Friendship can not depend upon appearance, but on the lively exciting mind of an empathic and sharing/caring human being!
The task of INFPs may be to be an inner shining soul, and the rest might follow naturally. : )
Beautifully put!! I want to say it sums up what I've always been about my whole life. It's stuff like that that i come on the forums to read. Thanks for putting it so aptly.
 

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Ickle. I want to send you a hug. : )

You are already perfect! You are an INFP! : )


Shoreline, you are such a gentle and sweet soul♡

Thanks for all your kindness and advice- I'm deeply touched. I'll definitely check out those youtube vids.
 

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"Ugly" tells someone that their physical presence - something they have very limited control over - is repugnant. They're basically saying their physical appearance is so noteworthily unattractive that they need to label it, and consequently strip that person of all other defining traits. It dehumanises them.

It's not the only word that can do this, but it's one of the most readily available. And as such, I'm inclined to agree it's one of the worst things you can say to anyone.
 

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even if he looked like Richard Armitage.
haha. perfect choice!
.... and in north and south - the bbc version, he was beautiful in every way wasn't he? swoon.


maybe that's the thing to think about.. you see, when attractive people behave well (yes, that's all it is) they are rewarded for it so many times more than a regular looking person. almost as if there's an unwritten rule that since you're not physically in the superstrata, you have to redeem yourself by being attractive from within..

though as pointed out, that doesn't affect some people. i think these are people who believe they have something on which others are dependent.... so, that means how they behave is of no consequence.

this brings up yet another point, maybe the bottom line: being nice - cynically-speaking it's self-preservation at work.. which is why when social awkwardness is misconstrued as a lack of 'niceness'..life gets hard.
 
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