[chicagoirish]

Hi, I've been reading this forum for the last few weeks. I'm pretty sure I'm an ISFJ, but there are a few things that I'm not sure of. First of all, I've been reading a lot of us being very good children. I was pretty much a delinquent. My parents went through a nasty divorce when I was 8-9 and my dad wasn't part of my life much after that, although we're close now (I'm 30). I grew up with my mom and two sisters. My mom did a very bad job disciplining me, so I was pretty much able to do what ever I wanted to. The worst when I went to high school. I hated it and eventually had to drop out because I was so far behind. I eventually got a bachelor's degree in accounting, but the last few years I've realized I've had a problem with social anxiety and dealing with people. It really hit me hard when I went away to college. I was trying to be extroverted my whole life, but always knew I was different but never knew why. My family always labeled me as depressed. My dad and one of my sister's pretty much have no empathy whatsoever. Anybody have any of these same experiences or any insight? I'm sure anybody, regardless of personality, would have problems in a dysfunctional family. Although I was regarded as a favorite of some adults when I was a kid.

Everything else pretty much fits me to a T. I thought I was something else, can't remember what, until I took the test a few times. thanks in advance for any insight.

 

[Mendi the ISFJ]

well i have issues with social anxiety but i dont think thats really related to the type. I was a good kid, i tried hard to obey my mom (mostly because she scared me) but my parents are still together. If the rest of the personality traits fit you so well then maybe you are ISFJ, take a look at the ISFP and INFJ type traits as well.

 

[teddy564339]

Yeah...not everyone of any one type will be the same, so there's no way of knowing for sure. However, in general ISFJs (like other SJs) prefer rules and structure, and ISFJs are probably one of the least rebellious types. Like you said, it's possible that your past experiences had an influence on you that changed this in you. However, like Mendi said, I would look into the possibility of you being an ISFP. Despite the differences in functions, I see ISFJs and ISFPs having a lot of similarities. However, ISFPs tend to do their own thing more, and they tend to be more individualistic than ISFJs. I think an ISFP would be more likely to reject certain things about school and would be more likely to follow their own rules.


But this isn't true across the board....you could still be ISFJ. It's just something to consider.

 

[chicagoirish]

Thank you for your replies. I looked at the other two and can definitely relate to both of them. I thought I was a ISFP by just reading the descriptions. I just took another test on a different website and I turned out an ISTJ, and I can relate to a lot of things with that type too. I just found out about the Myers-Briggs a couple weeks ago, so maybe it was foolish for me to think I could come up with my type right away. I'm not sure how some of the questions relate to me. Plus, I've never paid much attention to psychology until recently. I can't even remember the teacher I had for psychology in college, and that's rare for me. I plan on asking the people close to me what they think. It is a relief to know that there are people out there who are like me, and the way I do things is just part of my personality. Thanks again

 

[wayupnorth]

Hi, I've been reading this forum for the last few weeks. I'm pretty sure I'm an ISFJ, but there are a few things that I'm not sure of. First of all, I've been reading a lot of us being very good children. I was pretty much a delinquent. My parents went through a nasty divorce when I was 8-9 and my dad wasn't part of my life much after that, although we're close now (I'm 30). I grew up with my mom and two sisters. My mom did a very bad job disciplining me, so I was pretty much able to do what ever I wanted to. The worst when I went to high school. I hated it and eventually had to drop out because I was so far behind. I eventually got a bachelor's degree in accounting, but the last few years I've realized I've had a problem with social anxiety and dealing with people. It really hit me hard when I went away to college. I was trying to be extroverted my whole life, but always knew I was different but never knew why. My family always labeled me as depressed. My dad and one of my sister's pretty much have no empathy whatsoever. Anybody have any of these same experiences or any insight? I'm sure anybody, regardless of personality, would have problems in a dysfunctional family. Although I was regarded as a favorite of some adults when I was a kid.

Everything else pretty much fits me to a T. I thought I was something else, can't remember what, until I took the test a few times. thanks in advance for any insight.

Wow you sound a lot like my sister, who is IxFJ. Not sure if S or N.

Anyway, we went through a very similar experience as you - poor parents, divorce, no empathy, no discipline. It suppresses who you are because, as a child, you have to just survive however you can. It's not like you can leave. My sister also seemed extraverted but she is actually a gregarious introvert (Fe?). She also wanted discipline and I think she acted rebellious in order to try and get it. She also skipped a lot of school and smoked although most of the time she really just sat in her room (which was neat and spare) and watched TV.

I suppressed my feelings immensely and seemed a lot more like an NT child than the ENFP I am. Also because of the dysfunctional upbringing. I also second-guessed because of the description of children.

Part of healing is moving on from the past. Don't think of yourself as THAT person - embrace who you are NOW

 

[chicagoirish]

Thanks for the reply WayupNorth....sorry you had to deal with that as a child, I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemies. The worst part about it is a lot of people think you should be able to 'get over it' by snapping your fingers. I'm not sure if some of traits are due to my personality, or a defense mechanism from growing up in a toxic environment. My dad would just ignore me for weeks and I have a hard time talking to people I'm mad at. My mom could care less about a lot of things like money, boundaries, etc. As I get older I get better at a lot of things. I am a model citizen now and several people have told me I'm the nicest person they know. However, I don't have any true friends, just a lot of 'acquaintances'.

Yes, I was very much like your sister. I'm a male by the way, and the youngest. I like being around people but not for an extended amount of time. I never thought about just wanting discipline before, I think that applied to me also. I smoked pot every day for several years and didn't really know I had an issue with society until I tried to quit. I preferred to just sit in my room and surf the net, play video games, or watch TV. Sometimes I would drive around for a couple hours just listening to music. Not sure what my sister's are. Once's definitely an extrovert but is also the person I'm probably closest to. The other one, the oldest, has no feelings whatsoever, and I have never got along with her. She's always been a saint. Yeah it's a messed up situation but I'm glad I have developed some of the skills I have.