Personality Cafe banner
1 - 12 of 12 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
560 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi everyone! I've known about the enneagram for about two years, and I've typed at so/sx 4w5 during this time. While I've been very confident of my typing, I've been in a severe depressive episode the past two years, and now that I've finally come out of it I don't relate to social 4 descriptions as much. I'm in this weird position where I'm actually not completely certain what kind of person I am, because I've spent the past two years forming this image of myself that isn't actually me, it's just me when I'm depressed. Anyway, any thoughts would be really appreciated =)

Prerequisites

What age range are you in?


I'm 18

Any disorders or conditions we should know about?

Nope not at the moment

Main Questions

1. What do you think your life is about? What drives you in life? This can be something like a goal or a purpose, or anything else that comes to mind.

I don't really have one specific goal or purpose that drives me. I'm finishing up my senior year and I go to college in the fall, and I really want to work hard and do my best, so that's been driving me lately. But up until about two months ago I couldn't care less about school or college, so it's not something that has driven me in the past.

2. What were you like as a kid?

Very stubborn and argumentative, and gave my parents a hard time. They nicknamed me the terminator because of this scene.
They still laugh hysterically every time they watch it hahaha.

3. Describe your relationship with your parents. Does anything stand out about the way you interacted?

Not really! I get along fine with both of them, though I'm very distant with one. They don't put any pressure on me at all, I've never felt that I need to get good grades or do anything to please them. They're sort of unconditionally accepting.

4. What values are important to you? What do you hope to avoid doing or being?

I value independence and self-sufficiency. I really don't want to owe anyone anything or have any ties. Determination and persistence are important to me. I don't want to ever make excuses for myself or make myself out to be a victim. Even if I am technically a victim in some way, I don't want to ever see myself as one, and I want to always fight back. I really want to be strong, and accomplish something on my own.

5. Aside from phobias, are there any fears that characterized your childhood? Have they continued into the present day, or not, and if not, how have you dealt with them?

I guess I could say I was afraid of giving in, or of other people controlling me, but afraid really isn't the right word. I'm just very prideful and I've always hated it. I can be a very spiteful person. My mother used to say I would cut off my nose to spite my face. I've never had a problem with hurting myself, if it would also hurt the person I'm angry with.

6. a.) How do you see yourself?

Selfish, apathetic, lost. Somewhat amoral haha. It depends on my mood, honestly. In a way, I see myself the way I want others to see me. Well, it's more like I see myself becoming that person. If I'm not taking in account of how others see me, I almost don't know what I am. I don't feel as though there is anything naturally good about me

b.) How do you want others to see you?

Self-sufficient, smart, strong, capable. How embarrassing lol. Specifics vary with my mood, but I think the qualities listed never change.

c.) What do you dislike the most in other people?

-A lack of responsibility. I can't STAND when people make excuses for themselves.
-People who victimize themselves. Basically people who cripple themselves and their own potential. It makes me so crazy! You are capable of so much, stop letting excuses hold you back!
-People who whine about things that don't matter. (Which I'm probably doing right now hahahaha) I'm pretty sure I'm a social dominant, but it's hard for me to make myself care about most social issues.
-People who feel they "deserve" a good life simply for being alive (even though they haven't tried to earn it???)
-What I dislike most, though, is people who are senselessly mean to others. People who just have no desire to try to understand anyone and don't care about their impact at all. There's no reason for that.

7. Which habit do you most automatically act on? Rank the following habits from most to least automatic, on a scale of 1 (most) to 3 (least).
a.) Work for personal gain with more concern for self than for others. 1
b.) Strive for a sense of tranquility in yourself and the world around you 2
c.) Decide what is right for the betterment of something or someone else. 3

8. Where does the wandering mind take you? What provokes this?

Wow so many possible answers for this question lol. Lately, school and getting things done is on my mind all the time. I think about the future and how much I want to do well. If I'm not at work I'm doing school, so it's hard for me to think of much else.

9.What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?


Best: Being really productive, clicking with someone, making people laugh, being wanted, being respected

Worst: Being lazy, feeling unwanted or like I'm bothering or burdening people, being looked down on, doing something stupid in public, feeling vulnerable. Ah I hate admitting these things

10. Let's talk about emotions. Explain what might make you feel the following, how they feel to you or how you react to the emotion:

a.) anger
I don't get angry with people I'm not close to, not easily at least. I don't know why, it's like I physically can't. Maybe I don't care enough to get bothered? I get angry with my family a lot. I used to pick fights all the time, I just liked arguing. It can almost be fun. Since becoming a Christian, I try to do this far less. I don't yell or argue unless I feel like something is wrong and I'm trying to make it right.

b.) shame
When I do something stupid in public, or when I open up to someone. I don't like saying this but it's something I've felt often, even when I'm alone. Sometimes it drives me to work harder, and sometimes it just depresses me.

c.) anxiety
I'm not a very anxious person. I'm very apathetic and even-keeled most of the time, although lately school stresses me out. Certain things, like class presentations, can make me very anxious, but in general anxiety isn't something I struggle with.

11. Describe how you respond to the following:

a.) stress
I either procrastinate and make myself miserable, or it motivates me to be productive.

b.) negative unexpected change
I move along and roll with it. I think I adjust easily.

c.) conflict
Depends so so so much on the person it's hard to say. If it's someone I'm comfortable with I'm unlikely to back down (unless I suddenly feel guilty). If I'm not close to you I'll be much more tactful, and I'll look for a compromise. Partly because I dislike conflict with people I'm uncomfortable with, and partly because I care about my image.

12. a.) What kind of role are you naturally inclined to take in a group? Why?
Not a leader, because I don't like being responsible for anyone but myself. I don't generally involve myself in groups because I don't like feeling tied. Unless it's for my job, chances are my parents have forced me into this hahaha.

b.) If put in power, how do you behave? Why?
I try to be super casual and fair. I let people do what they want. If I need to make people do things I will, but it's not a position I like to be in.

c.) Do you tend to struggle with others who have authority over you? Why?
Not really, I don't see them as having any actual power over me I guess. I know that if I really want to, I could just do what I want. (and possibly get fired/arrested/fined, but whatever haha.) Although, I know I've seriously rebelled against my parents in the past. I guess it depends on whether or not I like the person in authority.

13. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?

I think it would be silly of me to think that I have some sort of special insight into others that others don't. At some time I may have believed this, but I'm just too self-aware to think that now haha.

14. Comment on your relationship with trust.

I have this sort of natural trust for everyone when it comes to certain things like stealing my purse or lying to me or something, I never suspect anyone of things like that. When it comes to sharing my feelings or thoughts I tend to not trust anyone. It's not that I think they'll tell anyone, I simply think they won't care. Which doesn't bother me, I myself don't really care when others confide in me. (Sometimes I feel guilty about this, but it's not as if you can make yourself care about something when you simply don't.)

15. Briefly: What religious and/or political beliefs do you have? Do you think they influenced your responses in this questionnaire?

I'm a christian and a libertarian. I know that if I weren't a christian I would have far less qualms about being terrible so I guess it has affected my answers somewhat lol

Thanks again, to anyone who looks this over!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
757 Posts
Hmm... the fact you seem to value independence and inner strength makes me think you're sp 4w5. I see some 8 in there as well.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,794 Posts
You are a core reactive, I am more inclined to say 6w5 like me :crazy:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
180 Posts
First thing to remember is that all types get depressed; that's a human thing, not a four thing. Good question to ask yourself: How do you act when you are depressed? Depressed fours tend to act like unhealthy twos...clingy, teary, potentially dramatic and extreme. How do you act when healthy? Healthy fours act like healthy ones...more grounded in objectivity, using darkness to heal oneself and others.

Another thing to remember is that a lot of what you are describing are just normal developmental phases, not necessarily related to type. All people experience things like depression, identity-seeking, reactivity, etc. when they are children and teens.

You say you're not anxious; are you sure? Some of your answers seem to be very charged with anxiety and/or anger. That's not a bad thing (I'm very similar); I'm just wondering if perhaps you aren't conscious of certain feelings/energy you have. To me, you come across as really anxious and charged in your writing. Maybe something to think about.

What you're saying about trust, power, self-sufficiency, and your opinions (including the manner in which you are expressing them) has a very strong 6 vibe. Sixes often mistype themselves as 4s. They are both complicated types and have a lot of reactivity and intensity in common, but I don't get a four vibe from you. Look at famous fours and sixes or videos of the types for examples of "vibes".

Look at the growth directions and think about where you are in life, how healthy or unhealthy you feel when acting or feeling a certain way. An unhealthy six can go to three and be a bit concerned about security of self and caring what others think and clinging to ideas. A healthy six is more grounded and easy-going like a nine. An unhealthy nine can take on the strong opinions and anxiety of a six.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
560 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
First thing to remember is that all types get depressed; that's a human thing, not a four thing. Good question to ask yourself: How do you act when you are depressed? Depressed fours tend to act like unhealthy twos...clingy, teary, potentially dramatic and extreme. How do you act when healthy? Healthy fours act like healthy ones...more grounded in objectivity, using darkness to heal oneself and others.

Another thing to remember is that a lot of what you are describing are just normal developmental phases, not necessarily related to type. All people experience things like depression, identity-seeking, reactivity, etc. when they are children and teens.

You say you're not anxious; are you sure? Some of your answers seem to be very charged with anxiety and/or anger. That's not a bad thing (I'm very similar); I'm just wondering if perhaps you aren't conscious of certain feelings/energy you have. To me, you come across as really anxious and charged in your writing. Maybe something to think about.

What you're saying about trust, power, self-sufficiency, and your opinions (including the manner in which you are expressing them) has a very strong 6 vibe. Sixes often mistype themselves as 4s. They are both complicated types and have a lot of reactivity and intensity in common, but I don't get a four vibe from you. Look at famous fours and sixes or videos of the types for examples of "vibes".

Look at the growth directions and think about where you are in life, how healthy or unhealthy you feel when acting or feeling a certain way. An unhealthy six can go to three and be a bit concerned about security of self and caring what others think and clinging to ideas. A healthy six is more grounded and easy-going like a nine. An unhealthy nine can take on the strong opinions and anxiety of a six.
You wouldn't be the first to read anxiety in me. Often people will say "hey, relax" (especially when I'm at work) or tell me to calm down. I always find it strange since I never consciously feel anxious, but apparently people get that vibe from me a lot!

I don't think one person on this earth would ever call me clingy, whether I'm healthy or not. When unhealthy I definitely keep people at a distance, I emotionally (and sometimes physically) cut people off. I can definitely see 6 as a possibility for me, but I don't relate to the unhealthy side of 3 much. During my depression I didn't care about my security at all, I was selfish but not concerned about myself. When healthy I'm very easy-going and I joke around constantly, and I can be pretty motivated and ambitious.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
180 Posts
You sound a lot like a six, but I might be biased, because I know a ton of sixes, including my partner and father (who you're really describing the healthy and unhealthy traits of.) Sixes can be really funny and joke around when they're feeling good. Sixes are often the "neurotic comedian" archetype, especially more extroverted 6 with a 7 wing. So many famous comedians/funny characters are sixes (Jerry Seinfeld and all the characters on Seinfeld, Larry David, Louis CK...) It's a particular type of cerebral, neurotic humor. I don't know if you relate to that at all...

If people tell you to relax, then you're probably subconsciously anxious, and that's probably good feedback to pay attention to from others. Some of these traits are 8-ish, too. Eights are the most "masculine" archetype and make great leaders but also can be angry and opinionated. 6, 4, and 8 are all reactive types.

Sorry to be confusing, but 9 can take on several 6, 4, and 8 traits, too. 9w8 can be a bit argumentative, 9s really get anxious and sixy when they're stressed, and sexual subtype nines can be flowy and emotionally interesting like fours. I suggest looking up videos and famous people who are of each type.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
560 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
@Baerlieber sorry to take so long to get back to you! Very busy finishing up school and such.

Sixes are often the "neurotic comedian" archetype, especially more extroverted 6 with a 7 wing. So many famous comedians/funny characters are sixes (Jerry Seinfeld and all the characters on Seinfeld, Larry David, Louis CK...) It's a particular type of cerebral, neurotic humor. I don't know if you relate to that at all...
I do relate to that, I can have a lot of nervous energy. Sometimes I joke a bit compulsively, if I feel like I'm not hitting it off with someone as well as I hope. (If my jokes are bothering them, that's always pretty obvious to me, and I stop.) It's actually difficult for me to be humorless. When I'm around people, I become agreeable, no matter how I feel. (More so for people outside of my family, but even with them I feel like I "turn on" when they talk to me. I become conversational even if I'm in absolutely no mood for it.)

Sorry to be confusing, but 9 can take on several 6, 4, and 8 traits, too. 9w8 can be a bit argumentative, 9s really get anxious and sixy when they're stressed, and sexual subtype nines can be flowy and emotionally interesting like fours. I suggest looking up videos and famous people who are of each type.
Not confusing at all, thank you for being thorough! I actually mistyped at 9 for a few months when I first discovered the Enneagram. I mistyped because I confused who I am with how I act, in public I always get along with others and I can be very passive. I get told all the time that I'm sweet (and on the inside I laugh at how untrue that is hahaha). My motives are more image focused though, and my passiveness is mostly because I'm self-absorbed and self-focused and don't care enough about others to get bothered by them. 9s have this innate sort of selflessness that I have never had even a day of my life xD.

I've looked up videos of celebrities of different types in the past, and I've never found anyone I especially relate to that I can think of. Except Marilyn Manson. Which was very unexpected, since I don't like any of his songs at all haha. Thank you so much for your thoughtful responses! =) I think after I spend awhile living life without depression I'll have a better grasp of myself.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,790 Posts
My motives are more image focused though, and my passiveness is mostly because I'm self-absorbed and self-focused and don't care enough about others to get bothered by them. 9s have this innate sort of selflessness that I have never had even a day of my life xD.
If you feel like an image type, have you considered type 3? I honestly don't see 4 nor 2 as core -- I leaned 9w8 at first -- but 3 could maybe fit. Thinking about it, you do superficially sound like my 368 friend.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
560 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 · (Edited)
@Paradigm
I haven't very seriously considered 3, although I often relate to 3w4 descriptions. (But I consider those mostly useless.) I know for the Enneagram you should focus on the core fears and motivations, but I just don't see myself as accomplished enough to be a 3. I feel that most 3s would be actually..successful. I'm also often insecure, though I hide that, and I don't have any natural confidence. By that I mean any confidence I have, I worked really hard for it. I only feel confident in things I absolutely know I'm good at. I was born without any confidence and I've earned every bit I have. I see 3s as having a lot of natural self-assurance, and I lack that in most circumstances.

Oh, also, I don't need others to like me. I know that's almost definitely a stereotype, but I don't really care what others think as long as they aren't looking down on me.

EDIT: Also, not charming enough xD Perhaps I've idealized 3s, but I simply don't feel I'm good enough to be one.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,790 Posts
but I just don't see myself as accomplished enough to be a 3. I feel that most 3s would be actually..successful.
Nope.
Probably because everyone thinks 3s are only CEOs or whatever, and emotionally dead.
Meanwhile, in reality, there's a billion 3s who have panic attacks and work in fast food.
Not everyone can be successful; that's just life. 3s don't get some special superpower of success.

I'm also often insecure, though I hide that, and I don't have any natural confidence. By that I mean any confidence I have, I worked really hard for it. I only feel confident in things I absolutely know I'm good at. I was born without any confidence and I've earned every bit I have. I see 3s as having a lot of natural self-assurance, and I lack that in most circumstances.
How much of that "natural confidence" is assumption on your part?

No, I know another 3 who isn't very self-confident. Yet her assertiveness comes out in a way you mentioned below: not much caring what others say about her. The mix of low self-esteem and the ability to shrug off insults makes me surprised at her sometimes.

Oh, also, I don't need others to like me. I know that's almost definitely a stereotype, but I don't really care what others think as long as they aren't looking down on me.
If you know it's a stereotype, why mention it as if it matters?
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,790 Posts
@Clarke - I guess I should mention that I actually enjoyed reading your questionnaire, and I'm sorry if I was a little too brusque.
 
1 - 12 of 12 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top