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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: 22 cock india here..........any pussy for skype?
You: sure, i'll just need to call her in.
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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: hello
Stranger: asl
You: 32/m/texas
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
 

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Stranger: hi asl?
You: What does that mean?
Stranger: age sex ocation
You: ocation?
Stranger: location idiot
You: What is a location idiot?
Stranger: where ur from
You: Oh. Where I'm from, we just call that a location.
Stranger: thats what I said
You: No, you said "ocation." I thought maybe you were asking about my vocation.
Stranger: thats not even a word
Stranger: god ur stupid
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You: I've always had an intense hatred for plastic utensils. Forks, spoons, knives... all of them. And don't even get me started on so-called "sporks." What I didn't realize until recently, though, was that maybe the hatred is mutual? What if those same plastic utensils that I despise are likewise despising ME as I try in vain to use their feeble plastic tines to penetrate the beer-battered husk of the chicken fingers in my Hungry Man meal? I always thought what I was feeling while eating these frozen dinners was merely the shame and self-loathing one would normally associate with eating a microwave dinner alone in one's apartment, but what if I am actually ingesting my utensil's sheer contempt with every mouthful of runny mashed potatoes???

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Disclaimer: I wrote all this in advance and just pasted it as soon as the chat loaded. I do not actually eat frozen dinners, nor do I hate plastic utensils.
 

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So I’ve got my robe, wizard hat and dick pics ready and I hit the scene

Stranger: No dick pics or fatties please.
You: ok *thinking: that’s what you say now, but you’ll soon warm up to...*
Stranger: I'm serious.
*thinking: fuck it*

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You are on a roll today. Everything you type right now is pure gold.
 

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How do I put like... 90% of the conversation below in Spoiler-wrapping (to avoid long pages)?

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Bonjour
Stranger: Quick Get in the car
You: *Gets in*
You: What's wrong?
Stranger: we gotta run i killed Mr Rogers
You: You did what!?
You: Dude!
You: Get out of here right now!
You: Go go go!
Stranger: *sppeds up*
You: CAR!
You: LEFT!
Stranger: i was too drunk man
You: No explanation now
You: Just get us out of here
Stranger: wat wil I do now
Stranger: ?
Stranger: Shall we call jones he can arrange fake passports
You: Wait, do you have a spare phone?
Stranger: ahh no we can use rogers
Stranger: he wont mind he is dead
You: You got his phone?
You: Nice
Stranger: dude i got his whole body in the trunk
You: o_o
You: I'll fish out his phone
Stranger: lemme stop it here in the dark
You: Good.
You: Okay, here's what we're gonna do
You: I'm gonna call Jones
You: First check if we're being taped
You: Then I'll ask him to arrange the fake passports
You: And put them at that Chinese Restaurant
You: We'll go there
You: Pick it up
Stranger: yea man
Stranger: i want to live
Stranger: i will do anything
You: Good. We'll go there, get our passports and we're out
Stranger: hmm
You: But they might catch us at the airport...
Stranger: jones will arrange somthn
You: He always does
Stranger: we have done so mch 4 him
You: We can rely on him
You: Okay, good.
You: Imma call him, okay?
Stranger: okat
You: *Grabs Roger's phone*
You: *Dials*
You: *Looks at you whilst waiting*
You: We're getting through this
Stranger: *poker face*
You: *Talks in the phone*
You: Hey, Jones
You: Yeah, this is me.
You: You can tell by my voice.
You: Yes, indeed.
You: Hey listen, we need your help.
You: Me and ...
You: *looks at you*
Stranger: *scared look*
You: *Hopes you fill in the blanks...*
You: Me and...
Stranger: i killed roger
Stranger: i was kinda drunk
Stranger: and he was checkin out issabella
Stranger: i couldnt control myself
Stranger: i just did it man
Stranger: now salvatore's family is after us
Stranger: we want to live man
Stranger: just arrnge us some fake passports or somthin
Stranger: we wnt to get out of this shit man
You: You heard that?
You: Good
You: What do we want to do with Isabella?
Stranger: take her with us man
Stranger: she wont b safe here
You: Jones, you heard that?
You: Good, good.
You: We'll pick it up at The Golden Dragon.
You: Can you help us with the airport?
You: Seriously, fake mustaches?
You: Sure, that's fine with me.
You: Okay. Thanks man! We'll be even then.
You: *click*
You: Okay, we still need to pick up Isabella...
You: How are we gonna do that?
Stranger: i have no idea
You: You, find a way for us to get a haircut
You: Harder to recognize us
You: I'll go back to pick up Isabella
You: They won't directly associate me with you
Stranger: hmm thats great idea
Stranger: i am gonna kidnap that barbers daughter she is hot as hell
You: Meh, we're outlaws already
You: Go ahead
You: Just make sure she won't screw us over at the airport
Stranger: dont worry about that
You: Okay, what time do you have it?
Stranger: what ?
You: What time does your clock says it is?
You: watch, phone
You: Whatever
Stranger: 12 03 am
You: Okay
You: Meet me at The Golden Dragon at... er... 1:20am
You: ok?
Stranger: ok man
Stranger: i will
Stranger: dont worry
You: How far did we drive off?
You: From the bar you killed Rogers at?
You: Isabella should still be there
You: I hope...
Stranger: i just hope
Stranger: she is safe from slavatores guys
You: She's a strong lady. She'll manage
You: And you
You: No more Vodka for you tonight
Stranger: i can manage a night without vodka man
You: Okay, just sayin'
You: We need to do it right
You: Okay, so yeah 1:20am at Golden Dragon, k?
Stranger: ok man
You: Cya there!
Stranger: cya

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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: m or f
You: f
You: you?
Stranger: m ;)
You: cool :)
You: wanna chat?
Stranger: suure
Stranger: whts ur age?
You: 19
You: look I have a roleplay fantasy I wanted to try out with a stranger so I came here is it ok with you?
Stranger: samee ;)
Stranger: suuree
You: ok let's get It started then
You: I put on my robe and wizard hat
You: I cast magic missile
You: roll for resistance
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Works every single time for the past 2 years.
 
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