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I am so angry that basically I dominated the INFP forum and I do not even care anymore how stupid I might seem... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Anyway so I'm reading this article :

Source: The Power of intuition
“That’s just my imagination. No body’s following me.” Not that it’s always appropriate to follow your feelings rather than your mind, but at least acknowledge your feelings and if it’s compelling ask yourself why.
Intuition as a Deterrent to Violence & Crime

There is more discussion of intuition today, I believe in large part because of the increase of crime in modern society. There are many books written on the subject, such as Gavin De Becker’s, The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us From Violence.

In an excerpt from the book, De Becker tells the true story of a young woman who allows a nice looking, friendly young man to help bring some heavy bags of groceries to her apartment door. Once at the door, he insists on taking them on inside for her. Against her better judgment (andinstincts), she allows him to come inside.

Three hours later, after raping the young woman the predator assures her he isn’t going to hurt her; tells her to stay where she is, and goes into the kitchen.
Her instincts tells her differently. Somehow she knows he has gone in search of a weapon and plans to use it on her. Snatching the sheet off the bed to cover herself, she stealthily makes her way through the house, and out of the door to find help.

Later she would learn that her attacker had indeed previously murdered his victims, so the instincts that led to disobeying him were absolutely right.
And

Learning to trust intuition enables a person to live a life of fulfillment, purpose and honor.

Intuition is the feeling inside your head that feels like a voice communicating with you. It is also the little voice that is often ignored because it seems odd, to most people, to listen to a feeling. Yet, learning totrust and honor intuition and inner wisdom enables a person to live a fulfilled life. Learning to hear intuition and honor it can be a learned trait.


Source: Trusting Intuition | Socyberty
I am so fed up of the fact that I didn't trust my intuition because I was lost and filled with self doubt. And because I thought too much.

Actually from my intuition, I know what I want and where I'm going and I hate that I have to fight the doubts, frankly they piss me off.

So from reading all of that, I want to be firmer on the ground I am on right now :angry: I need to be firmer with the conclusions and assessments I have actually done a long time ago already:

1) I must not get too hard on myself because for once in my life I performed weakly in my studies
I was depressed, confused and unhealthy thus I could NOT possibly done any better at that time!
I just have to find a way and for some reason, my heart still tells me I won't fail in the end. I will just
study harder to get through two of the modules I failed. It breaks my heart that I have to resit again
and that my scholarship got put in danger, but for once, whatever. All my life, I pressured myself
too much academically anyway until I pushed myself over the edge so please give me a break.

2) Me being lost and doubtful should not be a reason or excuse to act nice or seek guidance from
people who are actually toxic in my life:

- I must never ever contact my ex fling and my ex friend ever again (whom I knew from youtube in
the past). They are deceptive and only knew how to drag me into drama no matter how nice I was.

-I must never ever contact my third ex or his girlfriend/wife/whatever ever again. What the hell was
I thinking, trying to be nice to them just because I was lost again and needed direction/guidance of
some sort? My third ex is actually a psychologically, emotionally abusive partner which is basically
the only real reason I've thought of him. I know that he must have at some point psychologically
brainwashed and manipulated his other partners as well, but when I contacted him again this year,
I didn't care whether he cared about me or not. I just wanted answers about my life, HAH. But what
is the point of keeping in touch with someone as abusive, brainwashing, manipulative as him? I don't
know what I was thinking but..

-I promise myself to from now on stay the hell far away from the four people mentioned above NO
MATTER HOW LOST I feel. Them knowing about my past flaws is not enough for me to seek
comfort from them. I promise myself I must not, ever under even the worst circumstances,
turn to them ever again from now on.

3) I must not confuse neediness and plain comfort with love. I must remind myself that I cannot lie and
even listen only to my ego when it comes to defining my wants and my reality. I must remind
myself that it will suck getting to bed at night, and then crying about how much I have pretended to myself and the world just to suck up to my fears in avoiding danger.

4) I must continue to believe in myself and my dreams, my greatest desires, even though they still remain unfulfilled, even against all the logic and reason thrown at me in this entire universe.


Okay, can I be just that?​

FRANKLY I AM TIRED OF LIVING A LIE
 
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