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Discussion Starter #1
So, I have read a lot of stuff online (Yes, maybe what I'm reading is made by some strange people, but that's up to debate.) about premarital sex. Basically, if you have it-especially if you're a woman-you're pretty much kissing any chances at attaining a life-long marriage goodbye.

Now, I honestly don't care about other people's choices, even if it's them waiting to have sex for marriage. But those same people have this fierce hatred against those who don't do the same thing as they are doing, and even go as far as say that because of their actions, that they're pretty much done in the love department.

So, this thread will be for those who HAD a sexual past, and managed to get married regardless. Did you had several partners, and still got married to someone, and stayed with that person for 5+ years?

Thanks in advance. :proud:
 

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Discussion Starter #3
I'm pretty sure most people who are married had premarital sex.
I know. It's just, I also read that apparently, the more partners you have, the more likely you will get divorced and not have a marriage that lasts. (These are not my words, just what I've read.)
 

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In a very ancient sense, sex is what binds (consummates) the marriage... If you have sex, you're in a sense marrying yourself to that person (and, biologically, you do bind to that person).
Really depends on the attitude going into that premarital sex, not to mention any stigmas for or against it.

If you have sex with multiple persons, you become desensitized to that chemical binding... and so, the attachment isn't quite as natural.
 

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Oh no, i had pre martial sex, does that mean i'm doomed for life..smirks*....yes, i had rocken sex with my husband before we were married. We lived together for almost 10 years before we got married. I know this may be hard to believe, but....our sex life still rocks. I plan to be with him for life . Did i have other partners, sure i did. Some were FWB, some were short term relationships. I couldn't imagine not having sex before i decided to spend the rest of my life with 1 person. I needed to make sure we were connected in the physical department.
 

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Oh no, i had pre martial sex, does that mean i'm doomed for life..smirks*....yes, i had rocken sex with my husband before we were married. We lived together for almost 10 years before we got married. I know this may be hard to believe, but....our sex life still rocks. I plan to be with him for life . Did i have other partners, sure i did. Some were FWB, some were short term relationships. I couldn't imagine not having sex before i decided to spend the rest of my life with 1 person. I needed to make sure we were connected in the physical department.
Thank you. Maybe I need to stop reading stupid shit over the internet and believe everything I read. ^^
 

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So, I have read a lot of stuff online (Yes, maybe what I'm reading is made by some strange people, but that's up to debate.) about premarital sex. Basically, if you have it-especially if you're a woman-you're pretty much kissing any chances at attaining a life-long marriage goodbye.
Sounds like fear mongering...

a) there has always, always, always been premarital sex and society hasn't exploded yet.
b) marriage is about more than the sex
 

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I really don't understand how anyone could believe such things nowadays. Don't the majority of people have a sexual past by the time they get married?

I didn't have a sexual past before I met my husband... but that likely has something to do with the fact that I consider myself to be somewhere in the asexual realm of things. We still had sex long before getting married, so if that relationship hadn't worked out, I guess I would have had a sexual past if I'd entered into any other relationships. I honestly don't think I know anyone -- besides some people I've met through the online asexual community who've never had sex at all, some even after getting married -- who has abstained until marriage. I guess some hardcore religious people do, but I don't really know any of those...
 

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Thank you. Maybe I need to stop reading stupid shit over the internet and believe everything I read. ^^
You can't imagine how much BS you will find online. Take everything you read at face value because you have no idea who is doing the writing. I can't speak for everyone although from my own personal experience, premarital sex doesn't play any part in how long any relationship will or won't last. I'm pretty sure on average women have sex before marriage, not all, although i would say more than not.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Sounds like fear mongering...

a) there has always, always, always been premarital sex and society hasn't exploded yet.
b) marriage is about more than the sex
I lol'ed at the "society hasn't exploded yet."

It might be fear mongering, you're right.

We've been humping for 3 years, married for one. I'll get back to you in ten years and let you know how went.
Haha, okay. ^^

You can't imagine how much BS you will find online. Take everything you read at face value because you have no idea who is doing the writing. I can't speak for everyone although from my own personal experience, premarital sex doesn't play any part in how long any relationship will or won't last. I'm pretty sure on average women have sex before marriage, not all, although i would say more than not.
I'm asking cause, well you know, I'm not innocent. I've had a couple of guys. And already the paranoia and shame builds inside of me when I read those things online.

I do want a life-long marriage. I do. It's just, those things tell me that I won't and it's like:

 

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Sounds like fear mongering...
Yeah, pretty much. I'd like to know what the motive is for declaring such things, and what sort of data there is to back it up (if any).

What sort of sites are these articles on, out of curiosity? (If you don't mind me asking...)
 

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Yeah, pretty much. I'd like to know what the motive is for declaring such things, and what sort of data there is to back it up (if any).

What sort of sites are these articles on, out of curiosity? (If you don't mind me asking...)
I swear, one of the so called studies was found in some weird Christian-based website...
 

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I lol'ed at the "society hasn't exploded yet."

It might be fear mongering, you're right.



Haha, okay. ^^



I'm asking cause, well you know, I'm not innocent. I've had a couple of guys. And already the paranoia and shame builds inside of me when I read those things online.

I do want a life-long marriage. I do. It's just, those things tell me that I won't and it's like:

Try and replace the words won't with will. Replace all the negative words with positive ones. The internet is filled with negative articles. Try and find some positive ones, ones that will contradict what the bad ones are telling you.
 
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Well there you go, problem number one: Taking stats on religious sites seriously. Besides, the Bible is full of nasty raunchy sex and the men would had the most of it were God's favorites. Your level of commitment and problem solving skills will have much more to do with how your marriage goes than how many men you may have slept with.
 

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I don't really understand how people can get married without having sex first. I mean how do you know that you're physically compatible? What if you have a high sex drive and your partner has a very low sex drive? For me, physical satisfaction is an important part of emotional satisfaction. Even though I have no desire to partake in the official institution of marriage, I do want a life partner and I wouldn't feel right making a life-long commitment to someone with whom I have never had any sexual contact. Imo your sources on this are probably poor, most likely with a pro-abstinence agenda and a religious leaning. You'll be hard-pressed to find someone these days who waits until marriage for sex unless they are a member of a religious community that requires it. I don't see any reason why having multiple partners should bar commitment. If anything, it'll give you more tricks in the sack with which to please your partner of choice.
 

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I swear, one of the so called studies was found in some weird Christian-based website...
Hrmm, doesn't surprise me in the least. I'm sure the same sort of sites could produce "studies" showing how to "cure" homosexuals as well. *sigh* It's not worth taking seriously any sorts of studies posted on religious-based sites. Many of them will try to use dubious statistics and studies to back up their own moral views.

It really is a load of nonsense, so don't worry about it. I know plenty of people who've had active sex lives before finding the person they've ended up marrying, and they're doing just fine. I have a good friend who's a very sexual person and has had a fair amount of, er, experience; she got married last year to a guy who I can see her being with forever. They're perfect for each other and I very much doubt there were any problems surrounding the fact that she'd been with other people before.
 
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