[Sonne]

Do you sometimes feel the pressure to keep people interested or entertained?

I've wondered about this for a while. Speaking in front of people, I find that people constantly expect someone to keep them interested and entertained which is understandable but in friendships or relationships, it's also the same, that people expect constantly to be entertained. If you're not wowing them with your personality, you must wow with appearance or looks?

Do you feel pressure especially as INFP to keep people interested or entertained in order to sustain a relationship? Do you find that if you don't, you are not given a chance or given what you need in a friendship or relationship?

 

[Wheeze]

I believe social anxiety is a part of every introvert. So group interactions are most definitely something I personally feel anxiety about.

As for relationships, I suppose I do feel a certain need to entertain the people I'm with. It isn't very often that we just sit back and relax and when we do, I almost always put something on the TV or Radio to preoccupy the time.

I suppose though, that certain aspects to this could be trained. So maybe an INFP who has trained themselves to be able to act in such situations would be much more apt to just relax.

In the end though, if I feel that I have not been accommodating in some way I will have instances of anxiety whenever I think on it.

I host two writing groups during the month of November for Nanowrimo each year, and there have been times when I have said or done something I feel I could have done better at (all menial), but whenever I think of them I get very anxious and regretful.

 

[dileep]

Well... I used to think of this a lot.. You know after all we all have flaws.. I stress too much when people look upto me with expectations..Could be any kind of expectation.. I am learning to loosen up and allowing myself to make a mess out of things.. You see.. after so many years of perfectionist tendencies that have lead me nowhere, I am finally learning to unwind and enjoy things.. But I have my weakspots..Time and again whenever I notice them, I kind of ponder and try to get it right next time... Most of all forgive yourself and don't be so hard on yourselves.. I know its hard.. Keep at it..and you'll get along..

 

[thischarmingirl]

i usually know the moment when someone is a best friend that we can sit in silence for a prolonged amount of time and not feel awkward. otherwise, yes, i do feel pressured a lot of times to keep generating excitement for the conversation. a lot of times, i just end up saying deliberately absurd things to get a rise out of people. i do this less now but it is, for some reason, my go to response.

i think i'm getting a lot better now at sensing when people are actually bored and when they're just processing what you said and pausing to reply. usually, people who are bored with the conversation don't really have eye contact and are distracted by the most trivial things while people just trying to process what you said or think of something to add to the conversation look at you a few times, look above, and press their lips.

that isn't a sure fire way to tell but it helps.

and actually, it really depends on who you're with. if the other person is extroverted, i really let them talk and i become more of a listener and just reply with a few one-liners. keep in mind, for the next example that my extroversion and introversion are only seven points apart, so that if i encounter someone introverted, i try to introduce topics that might provoke them to speak or at least something mutual that we have in common that if i start talking about, they won't feel "omg, she is rambling on something i don't care about."

i think too that we overestimate our responsibility for dictating the conversation. there doesn't always need to be conversation (it really helps though if something is already in the background and it's not just complete silence) and hell, you don't even have to be around that person. sometimes, honestly, i say, "oh, i'm going to the library now" if i'm just not getting vibes that we're going to have an interesting or satisfying conversation because besides the pressure for me to entertain them, i want to be entertained myself or why would i care so much?

 

[au contraire]

I find that I'm not given what I need in most relationships no matter how entertaining I am, and I can be very entertaining when I'm "on". But the only time I feel the need to be talkative or entertaining is when I'm alone with someone I've just met or otherwise don't know very well. In that situation silence is unbearable. I do however feel the need to avoid people when I know I'm not "on" and can't be talkative or entertaining, not because I feel the need to entertain but because I don't want the negative feedback that will turn me even more "off" and make me feel even worse than I already do.

 

[starri]

Is there a possibility that you are an ENFP?

 

[au contraire]

Not me...I'm off the high end of the "I" scale

 

[Promethea]

Have you had someone fickle abandon you in the past?

 

[Acey]

I have this problem. I hate awkward silences so I will usually fill in the gaps with nonsense talk. I also have a very hard time staying interested in conversation because most of the time it is ...well...uninteresting. I think that has more to do with me than it does with the conversation topic, however.

I think the root of this need to "entertain" is the desire to be accepted, or if examined further, shame. If you break it down, you are saying "If I'm not entertaining you, then I am not worthy of interacting with you."

I wish I could offer some advice with this but I'm struggling with this as well and YESTERDAY I made a social misstep that's probably going to haunt me for the next coming weeks, with a girl I like, nonetheless..

I'm seeing a therapist about this, and a slew of other things.

 

[basementbugs]

Not really, no. I mean, if I've invited someone round to visit me, then yes... but that's in a very direct sense. (And even then, it depends. If it's someone like my mum visiting, then I just sort of conduct myself as if she's barely there, haha.) But yeah, in general, no I don't feel that pressure really at all. I'm very inwardly-focused and feel almost the opposite -- that it's not at all my responsibility to entertain or even interact with others. I prefer to be left alone and to leave others alone.

Edit: I will add, though, that if it's someone new, someone I'm trying to really connect with, then yes. I feel responsible for keeping the conversation and activity going. That's only under that circumstance, though... and it's very rare that anything like that arises.

 

[WonderN2Wonder]

Hi Cedar,

Yes to all of the above. I feel this way often and it can sometimes tend to make me act like a deer in headlights. I will often feel like my worth is based on my ability to perform. I think that whoever I'm with is not as easily entertained as I am and therefore, feel like I am on some mini-stage. Like perhaps I must come up with an epic night out doing things that are foreign to me because I think that's what normal is for everyone else. Then I freeze because I don't really know what to do next after I place that expectation on myself.

What an amazing experience it would be to chill with an INFP person. I would feel like I hit jackpot.

 

[au contraire]

Have you had someone fickle abandon you in the past?

No, just the harsh reality that, well, reality, didn't get the memo that its supposed to live up to my ideals. Being INFP, 4w5, and probably HSP, that's a tall order to live up to under the best of circumstances.

 

[Promethea]

No, just the harsh reality that, well, reality, didn't get the memo that its supposed to live up to my ideals. Being INFP, 4w5, and probably HSP, that's a tall order to live up to under the best of circumstances.

I could relate a bit to what the op said, so I thought about why. For me personally its because I grew up in a tourist resort, and when I got into my early 20s, I only had party friends. If they weren't constantly entertained, they would just ignore me or go somewhere else.

 

[Sonne]

Is there a possibility that you are an ENFP?

nope. I am definitely an I. Why do you ask?

 

[Sonne]

Have you had someone fickle abandon you in the past?

Yep, a few. Not fun. That's probably why I worry about this. There's a sense that for some friends I've had, I'm not as "fun" as apparently should be. But I'm not really interested in being fun for someone's sake. I do want someone to enjoy my company and I theirs. I just don't particularly want the responsibility of having to do so for someone to be interested. I prefer to see it this way, either you find me interesting or entertaining or you don't. I don't want to have to become that just to make you like or care for me, which is what I notice many people seem to expect today. And I disagree with it.

 

[robespierre]

Yes! I never knew anyone else felt this way. friendships are quite hard for me to keep because sometimes I dont know how to keep certain people entertained.
I have a close friend here in college and honestly I'm very bubbly and extra quirky because I dont want her to think I'm boring....Im already shy and not a huge party-goer and thats the type of people she usually speaks to.
However, I get a feeling that almost everyone has the same fear

 

[Feelings]

I've come to realize I don't pay attention to which MBTI subforum a thread is under. I just look at the thread title. Trololol. So I end up in peculiar places (like this). What's a guy like me doing in a place like this

Anyhow, I'm frickin weird. When talking to someone neeeeewww I usually start out pretty amped up. Then, when I decide to be an introvert for a few minutes and bask in what is supposed to be "comfortable silence", the other person thinks it is weird. HMPH. Even my best frond can't seem to pull of the "comfortable silence" thing, she just has to open her trap. Point is, I'll switch modes rather abruptly. From very high energy and creative chatter, to rather quiet. Back and forth...

 

[Theodore]

Yes, to the point that I'll offer disclaimers before asking people if they want to do something, or just tell them I am going to do such and such; if you want to come, that would be cool, but this is what I'm going to do. I think I've been too much and too long around people that I have absolutely nothing in common with. If I connect with someone then all is well and everything feels perfectly organic, but that's pretty rare.

 

[Stable Genius]

Friendships shouldn't have that pressure, they're your friend and if they didn't like you they wouldn't be hanging out with you. Relationshjips are a little different. I used to feel pressure like that, but once I realized that the pressure will allways be there, it made it easier and I just kind of accepted it.

But with a relationship, yeah you have to keeop things fresh and stuff, but there's so many ways you can do so. There's so much to explore sexually, emotionally, intellectually ect. If you are with the right person, it will never feel like pressure, just like growth, as it should.

 

[Wellsy]

Well I used to stress heaps about entertaining my friends. That changed and I just kind of let them over as if they're family and I kind of hang around and chat for a while then I might disappear for a few minutes to play guitar or do something else. THey're big kids I can leave them on their own.
It's not my job to be their entertainment just because we're bored, for good entertainment one usually has to pay. We're mates we just make a some jokes about things and be boring together hahaha