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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Greetings and prepare for more personal frustration from yours truly :D

I know that I am a teenage guy, so this stuff seems kind of natural, but I can't help but becoming INSTANTLY DRAWN IN to a girl I find attractive.

I know that it seems shallow to form crushes and emotional attachments based on appearance, it bugs me above all else in these situations. However, it's not something I can just switch on and off. I turned on facebook today and *BAM*!! Instantly, an adorable, beautiful photo of an old friend of mine just pops up in my face taking up essentially half of my feed. The next thing I knew, I was reminiscing of an old crush on her I had that lasted all of two weeks and I got scared when I felt myself being drawn in again. I know we INFPs can be very keen and drawn into aesthetics, but to all of my fellow male INFPs: Do you guys ever feel the same? Have you guys ever been instantly drawn in off of aesthetics alone? :frustrating:

-Kohryu
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Of course, but it takes a lot more to truly fall in love with her.
I know. This feels VERY different from when I remember being truly emotionally attached to a girl whom I knew I was in love with. There have been times in which this happened, yet when I got to know the girl, I immediately backed away because I could already tell that they just weren't the right people for me. If she has nothing interesting about her or shows herself to be unreasonably harsh or cruel, then I will DEFINITELY cut things off. However, I just feel intrigued and interested at first because... :unsure: I just don't know... They're just so beautiful :blushed:
 

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I have found that I am more attracted to personality than looks. I met this girl in college, absolutely gorgeous! She was so pretty that she gave me this tremendous inspiration...somewhat of an oro around herself. It was like she had these spiritual abilities to change the people in her presence! I was astonished that someone could make me feel this way, but as I quickly got to know her (since all three of our classes were with eachother), I was turned off by the ugly inside of her. But don't get me wrong! I would marry her in a heartbeat and sacrifice my happiness to be with such a gorgeous gal because, in the end, everyone has flaws and nobody is perfect. The bottom line is that I love a beautiful mind to connect to and to adore.:kitteh:
 

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Hahaha... Yeah, it happens to me. Depends on the mood and the day though... Since I had a very harsh breakup a month ago it hasn't happened anymore...

I'm 18, by the way. I feel this sexual attraction - or felt, I should say - that has absolutely nothing to do with love... and still, I can't help desiring she talks to me, or she sits beside me in the train if I see a girl I like physically there...

Of course I have the feeling that if they did talk to me and I got to know them, even if I got to have sex with them or something, I'd feel bad after it because I truly don't like them. I haven't been through that but I always sensed that in these cases the 'desire' and 'imagination' are what are beautiful in themselves and that if what we are imagining was to actually happen it wouldn't work the way we expect...

That's the feeling I got, at least. Maybe turns out that girl is awesome in personality as well... Who knows.
 

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Physical attraction is natural and there is nothing wrong with it. But its all variable when it comes to people.

Possible causes for your dilemma :

Teenage hormones. (everything is kicked into overdrive and even if you are generally not of the idea to be attracted to looks alone it still happens).


In my case I'm usually attracted to women who are not generally found to be amazingly attractive by the average man. Yet I have at times felt attraction for aesthetics alone but usually a bit of conversation has been able to turn me off completely in a matter of seconds.

I like to look at it as an attraction to a persons energy within themselves whether expressed or not. That might sound overly spiritualistic but its just the way I imagine things. This energy encompasses everything, emotional, physical, mental and spiritual.
So while personality plays a big part it considers everything else as well.

Nobody is perfect but its not about what isn't there but what is. I could honestly go on about attraction as I find it a very interesting subject but that would be the gist of it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Looks are what draw us in, but personality is what makes us want to stay. It's normal.
This... I cannot say this enough... The girl I truly like right now was definitely a case of this XD

Thanks for replying to the thread guys. I was just wondering since I know a lot of us are keen an interested in aesthetics in some ways ^^
 

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its a sad day when a teenage guy feels weird for being sexually attracted to girls he finds sexually attractive

dont let anyone tell you that is "shallow"

making excuses for a girls crappy personality because of this attraction... is shallow

but youre genetically predisposed to the feelings youre having so its less "infp's being keen to aesthetics" and more you just being a human male
 

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Greetings and prepare for more personal frustration from yours truly :D

I know that I am a teenage guy, so this stuff seems kind of natural, but I can't help but becoming INSTANTLY DRAWN IN to a girl I find attractive.
You're an average (I know that description is sacrilege to many INFPs) hetero/bi/pan teenage guy with a sex drive.

It's really as simple as that.
 

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I am certainly moved by beauty. Beautiful skies, beautiful trees, beautiful drawings, etc. Why shouldn't I be moved by beautiful people also?

As a teenager, I put more emphasis on sheer physical beauty concerning those I found attractive than I do now. And this is typical of most people, regardless of type.

The issue is not that appreciating beauty is shallow, IMO, it's how much you allow it to factor into your estimate of a person as a whole. Basically, how much does beauty add or contribute to a person's worth in your eyes?

This will vary from person to person, regarding their needs in a relationship (primarily talking romance here). Most will give it some weight, but often other factors outweigh it, which is why most don't want to date/marry someone really gorgeous who has an awful personality or is lacking key qualities.

So as many people get older & learn from experience & discover their own needs, the value of physical beauty tends to be less & less. We find that mutually satisfying relationships don't have a lot to do with that sheer beauty. Attractiveness tends to be formed with many other factors, some which still can be read rather quickly, so that it still feels like physical attraction. People often experience this as their "taste". They still will note attraction as being important in a partner, but physical attraction is far less correlated to sheer physical beauty than qualities picked up on or assumed through indicators like demeanor, facial expressions, even style of dress. And of course, chemistry has more to do with dynamic in an interaction than physical appearances, although people often experience this as a physical attraction still.

Noting the difference between being moved by sheer physical beauty & more specific physical attraction is good. It helps you to know what really draws you to someone - is it really their lovely eyes or something else you're picking about them, something more indicative of the kind of person they are? Probably a bit of both! :D
So after all that, do I still find myself drawn to sheer, physical beauty? Indeed I do! But it's like those beautiful skies - nice to gaze at, not necessarily moving me the way other qualities will, so that I would actually fall in love (or deep infatuation anyway).

One thing young INFPs in particular tend to do is create a story around someone they find physically attractive that they have not had much interaction with. It is this character they are "in love" with, and that's why the mere image of the person can be so moving. People in general may do this, but it seems common in more imaginative, romantic personalities like INFP.
 

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I'm not a boy / man, but I think it is absolutely natural to find women attractive, if you are straight (I am assuming you are from your message). I think a lot of men are drawn into attractive women, but it is only that: a superficial attraction. You can't have a fulfilling and deep relationship with someone who you were only attracted due to only their looks. They have thoughts, feelings, beliefs, opinions, and principles that might not allign to yours, or your perception of who they are due to you only being attracted by how they look.

I am saying this as a woman: it is completely natural and okay, and absolutely splendid, to find other people beautiful and mesmerizing.
 

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I think everyone can admit to being shallow at some point. I get extremely nervous around people I find attractive and I'm constantly seeking out people I find attractive, but after that point, I test to see if there's something further and more fulfilling. If not, I move on.

What you described about reminiscing about this crush though, is something I experience a lot and it's often brought about by images, even if I force myself to see the images. So I'm not sure if that has to do with shallowness or simply dwelling over previous emotional attachment, because I have feelings about those sorts of things that come and go quite often. Something I thought I was over can be brought up and I can again dwell on it for days or weeks...so I'm pretty sure you're normal or at least not alone on this one.
 
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In regards to the OP. Don't worry man, I totally get it. I'm the same to an extent (was hopeless in high school). I think it's just that extreme romantic/fantasy side in full force. It'll ease up once you hit your early-mid 20's :tongue:

Nowadays I just humour myself with it, not take too seriously, because as I get older I find that looks become less and less of a factor.

Completely normal teenage behaviour. I do believe though it's a bit more accentuated INFP's or other 'big dreamer' types lol.

Enjoy it. That kind of feeling when the hormones are raging is quite special.
 
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