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I'm bad at introductions so here it is: I have an ENTJ friend and we're really close. We've been friends for over a year now but we're near inseparable. I love the way he's so enthusiastic about things and he's really confident in himself :3 And he's been supportive of things I've been dealing with lately. We used to have a lot of fun together but then he joined a production at our school and he started telling me that my introversion will make me less successful and so I should start changing. Sometimes I don't know what to say and that really bothers him and he says that friendship is about talking and conversing together when I see it as being able to cherish silences because you just like being together. I feel like he's seeing this very one-sidedly. He means well because he's trying to help me in his own way, and I do see that introversion can be an obstruction to getting places but these conversations are starting to hurt. I also deal with depression, and part of it is self-loathing. But I feel like he'll be disappointed if I don't see it his way and I don't want to lose him as a friend. ENTJ insights will be helpful to understand him better. And type is much-appreciated :) xx
 

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ENTJs believe facts. Show him facts that show introversion is equal to extroversion and he will believe you. If he denies empirical evidence, he probably isn't an ENTJ.
 

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introversion will make me less successful and so I should start changing.... friendship is about talking and conversing together when I see it as being able to cherish silences because you just like being together.
Success is relative...kind off. I mean, writers and artists tend toward introversion because the quality of their work is not dependent on other people. Sure, there are many great extroverted artists, but it's an entirely different perspective with which they work (look at Hunter S Thompson, he was out causing havoc in order to find inspiration to write about) and changing from one to the other does not equate to "success". Success is a mindset that is not mutually exclusive with ones' social proclivities. You just need to articulate this in a way that makes sense.

As for friendships, I agree with both of you, but I think you're missing his point slightly. I don't know exactly what you mean by "don't know what to say" as from my experience, when I say that, it is code for "unwilling to say" and I can understand how that would annoy someone who views me as a source of trust. Perhaps you ought to make more of an effort in this regard and just vomit your thoughts over him for the sake of his company? Saying nothing because you "enjoy silence" is kind off selfish when you know the other person appreciates you doing the opposite. Not that it's wrong, but when I realize I'm putting myself before a friend, it puts the situation in perspective, and helps me reach some mutually beneficial end.
 

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show him this:
Quiet: The Power of Introverts - By Susan Cain

Introverts can be very successful. Problem = he thinks he's right from his perspective. Show him data-he'll back off and hopefully convert to your way of thinking.
 

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@anreamltz
(Recommended text for University of San Diego and University of Saskatoon) Training in Management Skills: Canadian Edition, Philip Hunsaker & Dale Dilamarter... and I quote p36 "[question] 4. Because managers work with and through other people, the more extroversion they possess, the better" - "Answers: ... 4. False"
Tell him to suck on that! (in a way that doesn't put him in a defensive state, if you wish)


In my opinion blind spots exist in both, self-awareness to develop the soft skills is the cure, especially for the higher responsibility positions. Extraversion may breed feedback, Introversion breeds reflection.
It so happens people in director and ceo positions tend to produce moderate extraversion in their scores, not because they are extraverted per say, but because the skills they developed measure that way... though why success should be considered being one is another matter and using that as justification ignores the 'scarcity of position: population of extraverts' ratio when a technical skill leads to a higher sum of probabilities return on investment.
 

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Thought I would post this here as well.

Cheers.
 

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he says that friendship is about talking and conversing together when I see it as being able to cherish silences because you just like being together.
I'm exactly the same way, haha. In my eyes, a general lack of interpersonally connected talking in the relationship = no friendship.

I don't know if it is any consolation or if he's the same way, but once I'm fully convinced that my interlocutor gives a damn, I can deal well with the comfortable silences and whatnot, though. Believe it or not, sometimes ENTJs need quiet time too.
 

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I'm exactly the same way, haha. In my eyes, a general lack of interpersonally connected talking in the relationship = no friendship.

I don't know if it is any consolation or if he's the same way, but once I'm fully convinced that my interlocutor gives a damn, I can deal well with the comfortable silences and whatnot, though. Believe it or not, sometimes ENTJs need quiet time too.
So you don't mind comfortable silence between close friends, but the average friend should have something to socialize about?

If so I totally agree. I don't need to talk to my two best friends all the time (mostly because we work and live together). The rest of them better have something good to say.
 

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Silence and alone time IS important. We can't get any where if we don't have time to think, we need our time or else we cannot produce anything. I also believe that we are scientists and philosophers, we like to enlighten people more than we like to succeed in the market... Even though INTPs are of the most likely to start their own business, also in the less conventional way. We are very independent people, so usually extreme ExTJ relationships don't works so well for us since they are very controlling; they are encouraging though, which can help us to start a project or finish it... but an annoyance through the whole process. Honesty and facts are all you can give him, if he can't except that, then it wasn't going to last anyway. Always be respectful.
 
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