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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm looking for some insight... My primary love language is quality time, and to me it seems like quality time is a necessary foundation for any relationship. I recognize that this is only because it's my my perception, and that others will see it differently. To me, it seems like you can't really care about someone unless you take the time to understand them and want to know what's going on in their life, and that if you like or care about someone you will want to spend time with them. Not necessarily always be able to, but to want it. I can see how this wouldn't be enough, and the other love languages would need to build on this. I was also raised with the mindset that actions speak louder than words, which may have something to do with it.

Specifically, I want to understand problems related to differences between words of affirmation and quality time as love languages. Words of affirmation is my lowest love language, so I don't understand it as well. To me, if someone tells you that they care about you but doesn't show it by their actions at all, then it doesn't seem genuine to me. Can anyone relate to this? For those of you who have quality time as a love language, is it possible for you to really care about someone and not feel the need or desire to make time for them? Also, what would you see as the basis for a relationship?

So I'm really looking to understand better how those with words of affirmation as a love language perceive relationships, but I'd also be happy to hear anything anyone might have to say about differences in love languages in general.

Thanks, and I appreciate any feedback~ <3
 

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Actions do speak louder than words but for some people a simply I love you does a lot as well.
Love languages are quite subjective to the individuals in question.

For me I enjoy quality time with someone I care about. I wouldn't mind spending days with them either indoors or out. But being an introvert I do enjoy my alone time as well. So a nice balance has to be established.

In terms of words of affirmation I guess it works well if its said in conjunction with action. That is to say I wouldn't appreciate a babble of words if its not backed up sometimes with physical affection as well. But after a while into a relationship where proper trust and respect has been established I would recognize it as a sign of love and not in any way false.
 

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@UtterMess, Thanks for the response and I agree with most of what you're saying. I think good relationship should involve most, if not all of the love languages.

But what I guess what I'm getting at is when different love languages can cause people to feel unfulfilled. Obviously in an ideal relationship both people should be able to learn the other's love language. But what to do if problems arise? Specifically, if the other's love language starts seeming meaningless because they aren't being fulfilled in their love language.
 

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But what I guess what I'm getting at is when different love languages can cause people to feel unfulfilled. Obviously in an ideal relationship both people should be able to learn the other's love language. But what to do if problems arise? Specifically, if the other's love language starts seeming meaningless because they aren't being fulfilled in their love language.
Hmm, let me see, ok for example say I'm in a relationship, my primary love language is physical affection and my secondary being quality time. The woman I'm with has words of affirmation as her primary, quality time as secondary and she responds to physical affection in the usual way.

Now we can connect on the second but its a bit of a hit and miss when it comes to the others. Now usually people tend to say that a lot of people only have one love language in particular but its usually just the one they have become comfortable with while growing up.

Learning other languages in life I would say is vital in order to connect properly to other people. Not only learning but also understanding when and how the other languages are expressed.

So in the above scenario while it might be possible to connect on one level, it is also good to try and learn what the primary one is.
In this case, more often than not she would be giving out words of affirmation and I would be brushing them off and be more concerned with giving out my primary love language. It works for a while, but unless both parties come to the realization of each others primary love language it can cause an unwanted tension if that language is not being acknowledged and fulfilled properly.

The solution to this is fairly simple. Understand and then acknowledge the others primary love language then express to that person yours and communicate it to them.

This thread is a better explanation altogether with excerpts from Gary Chapman's "Five Love Languages". I would suggest you take a look at it as it provides a more in dept analysis into love languages.

http://personalitycafe.com/articles/112444-five-love-languages-explained.html
 
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