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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi All, I am new to this group, I found out a short while ago that I am an ISTJ.
Strangely this answers a lot of questions about my life especially socially, I now
understand more about why things work out the way to do for me.

For example, as an ISTJ women I always felt kind of like a miss-fit. What I mean is I don't really
have many women friends because frankly women drive me crazy. I am not into make up, I don't
gush at babies, and I hate shopping. Just about every topic that women like to talk about or spend time
doing.

As for men, I have more male friends but that gets hard too because they usually end up liking me, than
the friendship gets weird. I am something to the effect of 98% introverted, so I don't like to spend a great
deal of time with people but love to read, study and spend time alone.

Do any other ISTJ women out there have the same experiences with social relationships and not really
feeling like they fit in? I was a great help since I discovered that I am ISTJ. just wondering if this
is a curse of the personality type and wondering if I am alone in these frustrations.

Thanks.
 

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@AstroNerd, welcome. I learned about my MBTI years ago and before then, I, too, always felt like a misfit in social situations. I can so relate to what you're saying about not having too many female friends and the male friends wanting more than just a simple friendship. Been there, done that. I only wear makeup for special occaisons and I hate going to the malls just to window shop.

When my kids were small, I would take them to the park to play with other kids while us moms watched. I brought a book to read because I didn't want to join in their conversations. All they talked about was the cutest things their child did, exchanging recipes for dinner, or other domestic stuff (which bored me tears). They probably thought I was stuck-up.

Over the years, I've accepted and embraced my personality. It's who I am and nothing/nobody can change that. I don't see it as a curse but as a gift because believe it or not, you will run into people who wished they were organized planners, punctual for their appointments, made decisions based on facts and not on emotions, etc. The list goes on and on.

I'm not sure how old you are, but in time you will see the many benefits of being an ISTJ woman.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
@AstroNerd, welcome. I learned about my MBTI years ago and before then, I, too, always felt like a misfit in social situations. I can so relate to what you're saying about not having too many female friends and the male friends wanting more than just a simple friendship. Been there, done that. I only wear makeup for special occaisons and I hate going to the malls just to window shop.

When my kids were small, I would take them to the park to play with other kids while us moms watched. I brought a book to read because I didn't want to join in their conversations. All they talked about was the cutest things their child did, exchanging recipes for dinner, or other domestic stuff (which bored me tears). They probably thought I was stuck-up.

Over the years, I've accepted and embraced my personality. It's who I am and nothing/nobody can change that. I don't see it as a curse but as a gift because believe it or not, you will run into people who wished they were organized planners, punctual for their appointments, made decisions based on facts and not on emotions, etc. The list goes on and on.

I'm not sure how old you are, but in time you will see the many benefits of being an ISTJ woman.
Thank you so much for your post. I don't feel so odd now. I am in my mid-thirties, so I too have kids. I completely understand how you feel about not wanting to join other mom's conversations at the park. When I talk my kids to activities or other sport related practices I too find my self in the corner reading book. the "mommy" conversation boars me to tears as well. I find intellectual conversation stimulating and talking about what their kids did or the birth stories of their kids over and over again completely mind numbing. I have had a hard time really fitting in with other moms, I wondered what my problem was. Now I totally get it and it makes sense now. I no longer worry about not fitting the mommy talk role any more. They probably think I am stuck up as well but what they like to talk about I could care less about. So I bring my book now no longer feeling like a mis fit.

I am so glad to know that other ISTJ women/moms out there feel the same. It bring a feeling or normality it there is such a thing.

Thanks again
 

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Hi, i'm an ISTJ mom as well. If I have yo be around other moms I just stay there quietly and try to avoid any boring conversation like gossip, emmotional stuff... Im glad I saw your post. I've felt like a misfit since I was born, and I feel really awkward around "normal" girls... ��
 

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not a mom (unless you count the dog), but yeah, most of my friends were/are guys too, which led to some awkward lonely moments over the years. I like being me though, so I just find activities that I enjoy and do things I like and if I meet other people on the way, so be it, but most of the time, it's kind of a quiet road, but I prefer it that way after all.
 

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This is actually interesting to read, since my mother is an ISTJ.
She actually enjoys shopping, make up, cute animal videos, and babies.
I think it's because it's just what she likes, in all honesty. I don't think there is association between MBTI and interests haha.
Me, being an INFP, I hate cute animal videos. I've already lost 100 points because of that.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Hi, i'm an ISTJ mom as well. If I have yo be around other moms I just stay there quietly and try to avoid any boring conversation like gossip, emmotional stuff... Im glad I saw your post. I've felt like a misfit since I was born, and I feel really awkward around "normal" girls... ��
I know exactly how you feel, I have felt like misfit since I can remember. I was a tom boy as a kid. My mom wanted to dress me up in girlie stuff I usually took it off and wore shirt and jeans. I hated having my hair done and so forth. I have always had more guy friends than girl friends. Strangely I find women annoying, it is so awkward to say seeing that I am a women. It is almost as if I have a man's brain in a women's body. I don't feel that I need to change genders or anything, but it just helps me understand why I feel as if I don't fit in the company of other women. I like science, mechanics, math, bugs, and just about anything that women find boring or repulsive. I am so glad to read your response and other people who have posted on my thread. I actually feel a bit more normal now. Thanks so much.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
not a mom (unless you count the dog), but yeah, most of my friends were/are guys too, which led to some awkward lonely moments over the years. I like being me though, so I just find activities that I enjoy and do things I like and if I meet other people on the way, so be it, but most of the time, it's kind of a quiet road, but I prefer it that way after all.

I hear you there, it has at times been a lonely road for me as well. I am so introverted that it usually does not bother me. I tend to prefer it that way most of the time. I have more male friends than female friends by a long shot. Usually it is okay but then when one of them wants to move beyond friends things get awkward and the friendship tend to fizzle after that. I guess that may be why I go through periods of drought as far as relationships go. So glad to see that others have the same frustrations. thanks for your post.
 

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I thought I was a pervert because I don't gush over human babies. Animal babies, however, reduce me to a puddle.

Proud mom to 10 cats, with whom I have superbly intelligent conversations ("OK, who left a lizard in the garage?")

Being an ISTJ woman is not easy, but after 41 years of it, I wouldn't be anything else.
 

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Yes, I have always felt "different" from most other women. Most of my friends are guys.

I like cute animals, and I like shopping for some things though.
 

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I relate to some of your experiences. I've always felt a bit of a misfit. I suppose I value being true to myself too much to waste time being something I'm not.

I find I get on with men and women equally in general, but the women I choose to spend time aren't 'girly girls' in any case.

I do enjoy shopping, but prefer to do it alone. I get bored of it relatively quickly though. If I'm out at the shops for longer than 2 hours I tend to start getting angry!

I don't wear make up and have no interest in talking about hair, make up, dieting or those sorts of girly things. My interests tend to be more traditionally masculine (cars, motor sports, sciencey things, photography) so I tend to have more conversations with men on those subjects (once they realise you are genuinely interested in those things).

I'm not gushy with babies, but they seem to like me and stare at me or laugh a lot. Which kind of prompts the same response from me. I don't have any of my own though, so I'm ok with that. I think I'd be even less gushy with my own; I'd be more worried about making sure the kids were brought up properly and given the best life I could give them.

When I move out of the flat I'm in now, and move to my pretty little cottage with massive garage space in a small quiet village, I'm going to adopt cats like @DaisyChain and become a crazy cat lady (with cats rather than without as I am now). I do talk to random cats in the street and have conversations with them. I would never ever do that with a human.
 

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I do like make up and shopping but only online so I dont have to interact with other humans :laughing: and I love having male friends however right now I am in a relationship and he doesnt like that i hang around boys :(
 

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MOTM May 2011
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@AstroNerd, welcome. I learned about my MBTI years ago and before then, I, too, always felt like a misfit in social situations. I can so relate to what you're saying about not having too many female friends and the male friends wanting more than just a simple friendship. Been there, done that. I only wear makeup for special occaisons and I hate going to the malls just to window shop.

When my kids were small, I would take them to the park to play with other kids while us moms watched. I brought a book to read because I didn't want to join in their conversations. All they talked about was the cutest things their child did, exchanging recipes for dinner, or other domestic stuff (which bored me tears). They probably thought I was stuck-up.

Over the years, I've accepted and embraced my personality. It's who I am and nothing/nobody can change that. I don't see it as a curse but as a gift because believe it or not, you will run into people who wished they were organized planners, punctual for their appointments, made decisions based on facts and not on emotions, etc. The list goes on and on.

I'm not sure how old you are, but in time you will see the many benefits of being an ISTJ woman.
User name checks out.

;)
 

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I relate to all of the above. I like mechanics, science, etc., as well. I dislike it when it's my own car on the line, but someone else's? Sure... let's tinker around with it. Same with my own skates; I've been called the technical expert at my home rink more than once and by more than one person. Everyone knows I'm the go-to person for advice about skates (because I WON'T just blindly recommend the same thing to each person). I've had my own apart dozens of times to work on them or perform upgrades, etc.

Same with men; most of my close acquaintances are male and I don't have to worry about having conversations like, "Oh... where did you get that purse... it's sooooo cute?!" Who cares? It's functional and meets my needs. Now if someone were to ask in that vein I'd tell them to offer assistance, but just making conversation about it to fill space is annoying. I communicate primarily to convey information and most men seem to as well. The only problem with this is the same as others have said - sometimes it can become awkward because most of them eventually realize that I am female.

On the plus side, ALL of the decent skaters at the rink are male, and I've made it abundantly clear that I am on a par with them and do not expect to be treated differently out on the floor just because I'm female... and they spare no quarter, which is fine with me - I have a competitive streak and if that means outskating a man, so be it.

HTH.
 

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MOTM June 2015
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Hi All, I am new to this group, I found out a short while ago that I am an ISTJ.
Strangely this answers a lot of questions about my life especially socially, I now
understand more about why things work out the way to do for me.
For example, as an ISTJ women I always felt kind of like a miss-fit.
This has definitely been the case for me. So much of what has already been said is true for me.


  • I don't really have many female friends, although I don't have trouble getting along with them. In general this is because I just don't enjoy the same type of activities. As others have mentioned, I do prefer talking to and being around men most of the time. I think this is because I feel more pressured to be a certain way around women.
  • I do wear make-up most of the time, because my husband prefers it. Although he prefers make-up that pretty much looks like I'm not wearing any. I don't mind doing this because he honors my preferences as well (clean shaven face, etc.) I don't spend lots of time or money on it though.
  • I do like babies, but I have never been one to go around snagging up every baby I could get my hands on. My husband and I were married for 6 years before I ever really got the strong urge to "have a baby." Although this was partly due to the fact that we married young, and wanted to mature and get our finances in order first.
  • I do not enjoy shopping for fun. I have never understood why it is suppose to be fun to go in shop after shop just to look. I want to look for what I need, find it, pay for it, and leave.
  • I have found typical female conversations to consist of talking about their husbands, their kids, etc. I don't mind occasionally talking about them, but I am a very private person, and there are just things I don't find beneficial to mention to others. If I have a complaint about my husband, I don't want to discuss it with them. I don't want to discuss how annoying my children can be(I don't feel this way anyway), I don't enjoy gossip or discussing others with no purpose.
  • Having close female friendships often made me feel suffocated. Many seemed to feel the need to constantly be scheduling activities for us to do(shopping, movies, play dates for kids, etc.) and I don't. I don't mind occasionally doing things with them, but I have found it hard to achieve the happy medium with most. Sometimes I am perfectly happy to spend time reading a book, surfing the internet, gardening, I love quiet evenings at home with my husband. My husband and I can be in the house at the same time with each other and don't have to worry about constantly thinking of things to talk about. Occasional silence can be nice. I rather enjoy it at times
  • Being emotional in front of others, I just can't. (horror of horrors). If I see a group of women crying and I think I can escape unnoticed, I will definitely do so. Other than the past year where I've had a bit of trouble dealing with being an empty nester, I have definitely never understood the concept of having a good cry. Why is crying good? It doesn't solve anything
  • Also, many women seem to be huggers and I really don't like hugging or people touching me, other than those I'm very close to. Many women routinely hug each other even though it may have only been a few days since they last saw each other. Also, many consider it a way to offer comfort if they think you need it. I usually just find it awkward. I then have to figure how to reciprocate without looking really awkward.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Wow!! I am overwhelmed as the responses that have flowed in all tailing my same story. I don't gush over babies, I don't wear make-up, I also hate shopping but love internet shopping so I don't have to interact with people. I also like more masculine things such as science, machines, and cars. I have more male friends than female friends. My husband has gotten used to that aspect of me. He knows that I don't blend well with women, some of my guy friends are also his friends so that works out.

I for a long time felt that there way something wrong with me, that I was a mis fit of some sort. I have now come to realize that I am not crazy but just possess a more masculine personality that makes me different than most women. It is so nice to read your comments and see much of myself in them. I feel like I found a place that I belong and people (women for that matter) that get me and understand where I am coming from. Nice to feel normal for once.
 

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It is so funny to see what you guys write because its like exactly what I think. I HATE being emotional in front of people and when I see girls crying I just need to run away haha I cant emphatize with them. I am not a hugger I hate when people invade my personal space.

I havent meet any ISTJ women in my country and being able to share with you its really interesting. I have always felt out of place and I never had the chance to understand why.
 
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