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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
There's a girl from two of my philosophy classes, my best guess as to her type is ENTJ, followed by ENTP and then INTJ.

First things first: she has a boyfriend.

A few weeks ago in class, we argued the same issues and then decided to partner up to kick some ass. We started sitting together in classes, talking in classes, dominating the class together, and running our group of 4-5 people when there was a subject to discuss.

I noticed once we sat together that she looked at me fairly frequently, and no one else. Either she was glancing at me, looking at someone who was talking (rarely including me), or looking at the professor.

Last Thursday after class, we started talking – as per usual – about whatever. She made mention of a secular student meeting and suggested we go to it. Following this, we talked all the way out of the building, and it was agreed upon that we should take the same philosophy classes, should she decide to keep her philosophy major.

That night, I attended the secular meeting with her but left early because I was in rather intense pain from climbing a 7 foot wall, twice, slightly before the meeting started.

On Friday, I declared my relationship with mysterysolved over, and put my Facebook status as single. On Saturday, I messaged her on Facebook (the girl, not mysterysolved) to ask to borrow her textbook and ask how the secular meeting went. No response.

Today was our first class together since last Thursday.

I suspected she might not sit with me, if she didn't respond to the message, and I was right: she sat in front of the guy she usually sits behind. The whole class, we didn't talk. She didn't even join our usual discussion group when it was time, instead discussing with a girl next to her while the three of us behind the two of them did our usual discussion.

When the guy behind her was talking, she stared at me out of the corner of her eye and held it, even when I looked back several times, obviously unnerved.

After class, she walked slowly as she does when we're normally about to talk, but didn't say anything. I went up to the professor to explain why I couldn't cite my sources (primarily the book not being available), and the girl kept looking back at me as she walked out.

I sent her a message on Facebook about an hour later asking what was up, as I couldn't find her in or around the building after class.

So I ask you, people more experienced than me: what the hell is going on here?

Obviously if I'm posting this here, I'm crushing on her. I've also not made it obvious at all, at least I think. I don't intend to infringe on her or her boyfriend's rights to be together – they can be if they want. I'm just very much baffled about this whole situation.

Several people I've asked seem to think she's digging me but afraid of what it means for her and her boyfriend, potentially.

I'm staying neutral on the issue for the moment, however. Thoughts? Opinions? Undue bashing?
 

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My best guess is either 1) that she has feelings for you, but when you were both in relationships, she felt more safe and secure about it, because she didn't have to worry about you pursuing her or tempting her to stray. Now that you're single, she's probably worried that if you hit on her she won't have the willpower to say no.

Or, the option you'll probably like less, 2) she doesn't have feelings for you, but thinks you like her, and now is worried that since you're single you're going to hit on her and she doesn't want to deal with the possibility of having to reject you so she's just avoiding you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thing is, she knew that my relationship was entirely online and we both admitted that it didn't count. In fact, the first time we spoke philosophically, I claimed I'd pretty much been broken up with. Seems like that would have mattered more than a simple status change. :bored:

She knew I was either single or about to be, but that didn't really change anything.

Edit: hell, I even alluded to being single on Thursday's class the day before I officially changed my status. We still had a good discussion, and agreed to take the same classes... she would've been turned off then, if ever, but things seemed fine. When we met at the secular meeting, things seemed fine, even!

x_x
 

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On Friday, I declared my relationship with mysterysolved over, and put my Facebook status as single. On Saturday, I messaged her on Facebook (the girl, not mysterysolved) to ask to borrow her textbook and ask how the secular meeting went. No response.

Obviously if I'm posting this here, I'm crushing on her. I've also not made it obvious at all, at least I think. I don't intend to infringe on her or her boyfriend's rights to be together – they can be if they want. I'm just very much baffled about this whole situation.

Several people I've asked seem to think she's digging me but afraid of what it means for her and her boyfriend, potentially.
Thing is, she knew that my relationship was entirely online and we both admitted that it didn't count. In fact, the first time we spoke philosophically, I claimed I'd pretty much been broken up with. Seems like that would have mattered more than a simple status change. :bored:

She knew I was either single or about to be, but that didn't really change anything.

Something doesn't sound quite right about this whole thread. Why was it important to mention your relationship status with mystersolved? Honestly, most of us probably didn't know that (I didn't until you blogged about it several times).

Why do you feel a need to publicly declare that the relationship "wasn't real"?

Maybe my Ni is a little off but there seems to be an ulterior motive behind this thread.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
There is no ulterior motive. I made mention of her because it's an important detail to the story, I believe.

I'm really asking help regarding the subject at hand.

I highly doubt mysterysolved checks into my posts or cares in the slightest what I have to say. :confused:
 

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First off, philosophy, lol.


Now to business, you're not taken anymore, so now you're not attractive. Same vein as "a wedding ring is the biggest chick magnet " however on a smaller scale.

You've been had! Welcome to the wonderful world of people, where they all double cross you and confuse you with mixed signals since even they themselves don't know what they want.
 

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Matter at hand: Just take it easy. Let things fall into place or fall out of place. Just because you suspect she's interested in you doesn't mean she's in love with you.

My guess is you haven't known her for more than a month maybe? Get to know people better before investing your feelings. Don't develop tunnel vision either, I wonder if that's an issue here.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
To be clear, I don't intend to make any moves or what have you. I don't even know how.

Why were we all chummy before and now I'm being ignored?

She held a fifteen second glare on me today. I could see trouble in her eyes... what kind? No idea.

I can't say I have any more feelings than a mild interest, but I do view her as a friend, at the very least. This kind of thing has never happened with anyone I consider a friend before. I don't get it.
 

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To be clear, I don't intend to make any moves or what have you. I don't even know how.

Why were we all chummy before and now I'm being ignored?

She held a fifteen second glare on me today. I could see trouble in her eyes... what kind? No idea.

I can't say I have any more feelings than a mild interest, but I do view her as a friend, at the very least. This kind of thing has never happened with anyone I consider a friend before. I don't get it.
Bahaha, at this point you're emotionally compromised and can't make a good analysis I think. As if a person can know what another is feeling by looking in their eyes, I think you are a little naive. If you don't intend for anything to happen, why does this bother you so much?
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I like being liked. It's a weakness of mine. The idea that someone's mad at me and there's no clear reason why is rather disturbing... :bored:

Besides that, the eyes are a window to the metaphorical soul. That look was not her "normal" look, it was a look of trouble. It could have been anger, sadness, annoyance, etc. "Trouble" is very vague, but also very fitting.

I have a poor grasp of emotions regardless, but I'm sure some NF in my position would have "felt" something about the look.
 

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I like being liked. It's a weakness of mine. The idea that someone's mad at me and there's no clear reason why is rather disturbing... :bored:

Besides that, the eyes are a window to the metaphorical soul. That look was not her "normal" look, it was a look of trouble. It could have been anger, sadness, annoyance, etc. "Trouble" is very vague, but also very fitting.

I have a poor grasp of emotions regardless, but I'm sure some NF in my position would have "felt" something about the look.
Well this sounds like a personal problem, how can you expect to go through life without some people disliking you? You can't please everyone, and at this point I would have thought you had learned that, but alas F types have a bigger problem with that than the others, NF's in particular I think. Perhaps you should just make a new friend? Once you find someone else you'll stop thinking about this one :D

(btw I'm charging $175 an hour for this therapy session, payable through paypal)
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Actually my solution was to ride solo.

As soon as I move out of this building, I'm abandoning all my friends here. Going back to my reclusive ways (ala Good Will Hunting) seems to be the best option for surviving college. :bored:
 

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Well my computer locked up so I couldn't do this, but I was gonna edit my last post seeings how I thought you were an ENFP this whole time (not sure why) but now seeing your an INTP, I think you like this girl, you just don't want to admit it, you don't want to admit you want someone else, as you are highly independent as you just stated. Why else would you first put, IN BOLD, that she has a boyfriend? That would be irrelevant if you just wanted her as a friend. I can see why you'd like her if you agree on everything, and I'm betting she's cute, you just left that part out since an INTP is more concerned with intelligence than looks. Or maybe you just recently realized she is cute to back up her smarts and now you really like her? Not sure, but you need to sort out your feelings dude, this is INTP to INTP.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
She's smart, funny, philosophically deep, and pretty nice to look at. Who wouldn't be interested? :bored:

The reason for putting it in bold that she has a boyfriend... because her behaviors confuse me – very much so – and I'm wondering if it's because she's emotionally cheating on him or what not. I just don't know about these things. The fact that she has a boyfriend is very important to this whole thread.

No kidding, I would certainly like to get me some of this, but if I don't, whatever. It's not the first time things looked somewhat promising and bombed through the fucking floor. :dry:
 

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She's smart, funny, philosophically deep, and pretty nice to look at. Who wouldn't be interested? :bored:

The reason for putting it in bold that she has a boyfriend... because her behaviors confuse me – very much so – and I'm wondering if it's because she's emotionally cheating on him or what not. I just don't know about these things. The fact that she has a boyfriend is very important to this whole thread.

No kidding, I would certainly like to get me some of this, but if I don't, whatever. It's not the first time things looked somewhat promising and bombed through the fucking floor. :dry:
Why don't you just ask her what's up, say "Hey, sorry if I offended you or something, you've just been acting a little weird lately" or something like that. I think you should just ask, another problem of INTP's, too much analyzing, not enough doing. Just ask her what's up, what's the worst that could happen, she says you're annoying or something? You're a loner anyways right?
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I sent a message on Facebook after class, as I could not catch her on the way out. No response.

I intend to confront her on the issue Thursday, if no headway is made. I don't like this. :bored:
 

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this is gonna sound like an asshole response. But I say this only because you remind me of me. I think that you are fairly insecure and looking for affirmation from whoever can give it to you. I think you are anxiously searching for someone to confirm that you are valuable. Embarrassing sure. But most people do this with different degrees and different points in their life. I feel like mysterysolved seemed like an ego trip for you. You loved to announce that you were together. It wasn't only a proof to others that you were valuable.... but more importantly proof that you were valuable to yourself. I think you are searching anxiously in the outside world for something that you will gain through yourself for the most part.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Mysterysolved was great for a while. Then she ran off and abandoned me entirely, so I ended up crushing on someone else.

There's not much more to it. I usually do have a romantic interest or two, but that's not because I'm seeking validation. I will admit that I used to – quite.

I didn't at all expect this situation to arise. I expected to not be into anyone for the entire duration of this semester, at the very least.
 

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She doesn't probably want to be more closer to you or she might be afraid of being more attracted to you since you both have a lot in common and she doesn't want to hurt her boyfriend in the process. So don't push it if she decides to stay away from you...she has her reasons, even if it irritates you when she does that. It's better to just move on with your life...;)
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 · (Edited)
As this post was originally about becoming a recluse again... I must ask: what am I afraid of... success or failure?

Failed enough times to really not give a shit, I suppose. I don't know. Analyze me on this, someone...
 
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