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Discussion Starter #1
Good afternoon all. New poster and new to Myer-Briggs.

Like other ENFP's I tend to wear masks around different people while keeping my same moral values. I tend to get along with others very well and can read people's emotions too. But onto my problem.....

When I am just around guys, I tend to fit in by being very clever, sort of macho, talk crap (playfully), make vulgar jokes, wrestle, and so on. I fit in very well even though it is not the "Real" me. I tend to save that for close friends.

Around women I tend to be very listening, reserved, polite, respectful, sentimental, and charming. Now here is where the problems come and this comes from both genders.....

When I bring the two groups together I get confused on how I want to act. I don't like to be vulgar or disrespectful around women because I respect their presence. Guys want to call me out and do all that sort of stuff men do around women but I get very uncomfortable and the whole situation really gets me looking like an ass.

In a bigger picture, in general, when I bring my intellectual friends around my crazy, vulgar friends I have to balance the two out and feel very fake. I am sometimes nervous about bringing my girlfriend around my friends because they do not know how to control themselves in front of a her and think they can act the same way when it is just "the dudes". This can sometimes lead to them embarrassing me without them really knowing it. I love her and enjoy my time with her but I am also very respectufl, charming, have clean humor, and sorta "cute" with her. I am also a lot of my deep self in front of her and that is mostly what she sees.

What would your solution be to this problem? I know it sounds kind of confusing so if you need me to elaborate I will do so.

Basically: How do I wear my mask when I bring together all my friends? I can't wear my normal mask.
 

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just be yourself. corny and cliche I know, but thats the best I've got :dry:
 

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Good afternoon all. New poster and new to Myer-Briggs.

Like other ENFP's I tend to wear masks around different people while keeping my same moral values. I tend to get along with others very well and can read people's emotions too. But onto my problem.....

When I am just around guys, I tend to fit in by being very clever, sort of macho, talk crap (playfully), make vulgar jokes, wrestle, and so on. I fit in very well even though it is not the "Real" me. I tend to save that for close friends.

Around women I tend to be very listening, reserved, polite, respectful, sentimental, and charming. Now here is where the problems come and this comes from both genders.....

When I bring the two groups together I get confused on how I want to act. I don't like to be vulgar or disrespectful around women because I respect their presence. Guys want to call me out and do all that sort of stuff men do around women but I get very uncomfortable and the whole situation really gets me looking like an ass.

In a bigger picture, in general, when I bring my intellectual friends around my crazy, vulgar friends I have to balance the two out and feel very fake. I am sometimes nervous about bringing my girlfriend around my friends because they do not know how to control themselves in front of a her and think they can act the same way when it is just "the dudes". This can sometimes lead to them embarrassing me without them really knowing it. I love her and enjoy my time with her but I am also very respectufl, charming, have clean humor, and sorta "cute" with her. I am also a lot of my deep self in front of her and that is mostly what she sees.

What would your solution be to this problem? I know it sounds kind of confusing so if you need me to elaborate I will do so.

Basically: How do I wear my mask when I bring together all my friends? I can't wear my normal mask.
Yes, I do this shit sadly. It seems like I have to though. If I be my normal audacious, ballsy self, that does nothing but bust people's chops, hit on women, and things of the sort then most people would hate me. I just try to be diplomatic around certain individuals. I avoid individuals that I have to wear a mask around though. The mask pisses me off.

Although, I don't wear the polite mask around women anymore. When I used to act like that around girls, I would get called the typical "nice guy" and they would just say that they just wanted to be friends. It's more like this now.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTXixkO47r8
 

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Yes, I do this shit sadly. It seems like I have to though. If I be my normal audacious, ballsy self, that does nothing but bust people's chops, hit on women, and things of the sort then most people would hate me. I just try to be diplomatic around certain individuals. I avoid individuals that I have to wear a mask around though. The mask pisses me off.

Although, I don't wear the polite mask around women anymore. When I used to act like that around girls, I would get called the typical "nice guy" and they would just say that they just wanted to be friends. It's more like this now.....

YouTube - Hancock - Scarface
ahah, a little extreme i think.
i think that video is how you THINK you should talk to girls, and the nice guy routine is how you FEEL you should talk to girls. balance in all things, i believe.
no offence though, if you're really like that, and you don't get punched regularly, good on you. most guys could not say that with any resolve. amplifying the douche factor won't get you far though.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Yes, I do this shit sadly. It seems like I have to though. If I be my normal audacious, ballsy self, that does nothing but bust people's chops, hit on women, and things of the sort then most people would hate me. I just try to be diplomatic around certain individuals. I avoid individuals that I have to wear a mask around though. The mask pisses me off.

Although, I don't wear the polite mask around women anymore. When I used to act like that around girls, I would get called the typical "nice guy" and they would just say that they just wanted to be friends. It's more like this now.....
You can still be nice and get women. You just have to have confidence, that's all.

My problem is because I can swing wildy between the masks and I when I do it really scares people and they say "Why are you so wild!?" or "Why are you looking so blue?"...... It's just sometimes I like to be in a really deep mood and othertimes be wild.

The masks do help though. I am pretty much myself around my girlfriend, just very polite too. I would not be with her if I was not polite and not nice to her. Now, when it is just me and the boys......well, I tend to be much more aggressive.
 

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Lemme try again.

act however feels right. and don't worry about people thinking you're inconsistent. you have more dimension than that.

...yeah.
 

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I act very different around all of my friends, so when I have tried to have some of them meet, I act so freaking weird. All over the top... Ugh, and then I feel so embarrassed... I don't know how to deal with it either, so I just keep them separate.
 

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I got the same problem as you OP. Make you think which is the true you. I think its just our natural adapted traits and how our mind believe we are suppose to act. Kind of annoying really -_-
 

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Good afternoon all. New poster and new to Myer-Briggs.

Like other ENFP's I tend to wear masks around different people while keeping my same moral values. I tend to get along with others very well and can read people's emotions too. But onto my problem.....

When I am just around guys, I tend to fit in by being very clever, sort of macho, talk crap (playfully), make vulgar jokes, wrestle, and so on. I fit in very well even though it is not the "Real" me. I tend to save that for close friends.

Around women I tend to be very listening, reserved, polite, respectful, sentimental, and charming. Now here is where the problems come and this comes from both genders.....

When I bring the two groups together I get confused on how I want to act. I don't like to be vulgar or disrespectful around women because I respect their presence. Guys want to call me out and do all that sort of stuff men do around women but I get very uncomfortable and the whole situation really gets me looking like an ass.

In a bigger picture, in general, when I bring my intellectual friends around my crazy, vulgar friends I have to balance the two out and feel very fake. I am sometimes nervous about bringing my girlfriend around my friends because they do not know how to control themselves in front of a her and think they can act the same way when it is just "the dudes". This can sometimes lead to them embarrassing me without them really knowing it. I love her and enjoy my time with her but I am also very respectufl, charming, have clean humor, and sorta "cute" with her. I am also a lot of my deep self in front of her and that is mostly what she sees.

What would your solution be to this problem? I know it sounds kind of confusing so if you need me to elaborate I will do so.

Basically: How do I wear my mask when I bring together all my friends? I can't wear my normal mask.
Omg. Honestly, this is why I hate hosting parties. Too many of my worlds are colliding. It's just too much for me. I segregate who I am so much. I try not to, but it's just a habit.

I think I mostly conform to meet the standards of the most Fe person in the group. Because I will offend them first if I don't act like who I am when I'm around them. But it can feel like a straight jacket.

Also, I find that drinking at large functions with mixed groups gets me to forget who I am with each person. Or actually, I stop giving a shit.
 

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Omg. Honestly, this is why I hate hosting parties. Too many of my worlds are colliding. It's just too much for me. I segregate who I am so much. I try not to, but it's just a habit.

I think I mostly conform to meet the standards of the most Fe person in the group. Because I will offend them first if I don't act like who I am when I'm around them. But it can feel like a straight jacket.

Also, I find that drinking at large functions with mixed groups gets me to forget who I am with each person. Or actually, I stop giving a shit.
This.... exactly this...


For me it's not so much a male/female thing as just general personality chameleon. It's also why I hate public speaking. Too many needs to balance in one message.

Drinking - outstanding. I scare people and don't care. Great fun, I should do it more often.
 

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Wow, so more of us have this problem than just me!!

I have such diverse friend groups that I honestly can't bring them together. They would all probably hate each other, oddly enough. Also, when I brought my then-fiance here to the forums to read something, and he started getting involved here, the more and more uncomfortable I felt. My relationship-self was clashing badly with my self-discovery-self and it was very awkward.

I just keep them all separate. I would, however, not recommend censoring yourself for gender reasons... people are people, regardless of body parts. It's only society that's made those behaviors so drastically different in their level of appropriateness. Be whoever you are comfortable and happy being :)
 
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Discussion Starter #13
Well, looks like I am not the only one with this problem. Seems like sometimes I just want to unite all my masks into one-self......but then I would offend people. Who has a somewhat plausible solution to these problems we have?
 

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Omg. Honestly, this is why I hate hosting parties. Too many of my worlds are colliding. It's just too much for me. I segregate who I am so much. I try not to, but it's just a habit.

I think I mostly conform to meet the standards of the most Fe person in the group. Because I will offend them first if I don't act like who I am when I'm around them. But it can feel like a straight jacket.

Also, I find that drinking at large functions with mixed groups gets me to forget who I am with each person. Or actually, I stop giving a shit.
Really, I'm just silent as a church mouse around Fe users, if not I am sure to offend them.
 

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Really, I'm just silent as a church mouse around Fe users, if not I am sure to offend them.
Yeah, it's better to just leave the party early.

I am not sure about the solution other than alcohol. Lol. I imagine it's hard for us because we get to know individuals on a very deep level.

I also have this problem when I give my private students recitals. I am each individual student's teacher one on one all year long. They meet with me privately for their lessons. Then we all meet together for a recital, I have to conduct them as a group. I can tell for both the children and the adults it's very awkward to "share me". But I know it's good for them. But it is very draining for me afterwards. It's an adjustment to see each one of my precious individuals swimming in the sea of a "group" and be able to manage them. However, in that situation, I tend to have them start teaching each other and talking aloud. It lets them know they can all go through something together and they can be both special and part of a team.

However, I don't know how the above would apply to acquaintances and friends at a party. Plus, I am not getting paid in a party atmosphere so the motivation to work hard at combining all the individuals together is lacking. I would just rather drink instead and be happy. :crazy:
 

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Oh yeah, same problem. Alcohol is the solution.


I had this issue just a week ago. A friend of mine had people over at his for a whole bloody week. It was a strange group, but I'm friends with all of them, but it was so odd to have them together. It included typical guys, girls, and intellectuals. I was fucking lost. I was always around 'em because I felt weird abandoning ship at certain times of the day in a free house during the summer holidays. Not to mention they were smoking up regularly, and I joined in, everyday, never learning from the previous uncomfortable days, that I should just get hammered instead.

Oh, boy. Let's just say those people think I'm a weirdo with serious issues now. The Fe dude hates me now.
 

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WHY? Why do you people do this? I honestly do not understand this mask wearing, keeping your friends separate stuff. The ENFP I thought I had a relationship with did this. I never met a single one of her friends in the year we were "together". She told me it was because of how she is different with different groups of people. WTF? It comes across as keeping you a secret that causes shame or some other stupid shit. She told me that wasn't it, and I believe her, but it is very difficult to so.
 

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I will wear personality masks, but only for fun or if I have an agenda. I try to show myself to others, though I do tone down things like profanity depending on the group.
 
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