Personality Cafe banner

1 - 1 of 1 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,160 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Hi INFJs,

This is a continuation of what I posted here. Though you don't have to read the previous thread to understand the situation.

Problem with INFP: mind vs heart

I am in a weird and confusing situation...

-Mr. INFP, a classmate from my Education class and I became very close emotionally. He drove in this weekend from out of town for a party and also give me some wine and mead he made.

-Problem at hand: girl he dated for 2 years suddenly stopped talking to him 4 months ago. He told her he wanted to travel after graduation (in Jan. 2012) and she stopped talking to him. She re-appeared in life a few weeks back and wants to give things another go. Meanwhile, him and I have got to become very close.

-We decided to give each other some space and stop talking for a week or two. For one, I told him it was wrong for us to continue daily contact & continue to get close because he is trying to work out whether to start something with me or go back to the other girl. When I saw him in person he told me that he missed me so much and said he was in a serious amount of pain (actually, he said he started to cut himself)

-We hung out in his car for about 5-6 hours. One thing led to another and we started to make out. It was really intense and incredibly passionate. I also tired to make it fun :) A few times I had to calm him down and make sure to keep his mind in the present and remind him to enjoy the time we are having (we both tend to over analyze). This was the first time we had any physical contact. With out a doubt, we were both into it. We had to stop because neither of us wanted to take it too far.

-At some point, we both got really emotional and held each other (because we both knew that he was struggling between me and the other girl & this was causing me pain and him pain). Funny thing is, this other girl lives in the same town as me. He drove in from out of town and chose to spend that night with me. I pointed this out to him too...

-The next day, he told me he felt regretful and guilty for what happened between us. He said he drank a bit much and will have to blame the incident on that. He said it is fair to tell the other girl what happened between us. To be honest, he really wasn't that drunk. He told me feels "guilty" again because he has not totally closed the door with the other girl. They are not in a relationship or dating, but she has re-appeared in his life. He said he feels empty and hollow when he is with her, but feels deeply understood and accepted with me (hence his constant mind vs. heart struggle). He said they text each other daily, but maybe 2-3 texts. With me, it was at least 15 text a day and sometimes phone calls. Though, we've stopped this because i told him i could not be in a "pseudo relationship" and build this deep connection without anything more. Further, I told him he needs to devote his attention to either me or her, and that their is always this element of emotional cheating if he gets back with her and continues to talk to me.

- I asked him when we should contact one another next. He said he needs time to think about things - so 2-3 weeks, but said he does not want to set a concrete date.

-I told him he will have to decide soon because I don't want this to carry on during the summer. I told him I will always be there whether he decides on me or the other girl, though I reminded him we will rarely talk and will likely keep to a few topics because I don' want to develop anything emotional with him while he is dating the other girl.

-He said he fears starting anything with me, because he won't be able to handle it if we ever break up. He broke with an ex of 4 years who cheated on him with his best friend, and he attempted to commit suicide. He said he does not want to get into anything with me because of his emotional baggage. I held him close and told him that I understand, but can handle some of his pain, but also agreed that I cannot "fix" or counsel him, something we both decided would not be right for either of us (cause he will think he is using me & he doesn't wan to do this). Furthermore, he has desires to travel for a while after he graduates in January. I finish in April next year. I want to travel too. He is 24 & I am 26 and we are both doing post-degrees in Education.


Ugh, I am so confused. I feel no anger towards him, but an immense amount of care and understanding and closeness. Don't know what to do.
 
1 - 1 of 1 Posts
Top