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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have a problem. I want to connect in a conversation with people around me - my teachers, my colleagues, my friends, etc. But I am bad at conversations. I have things in my mind, but I end up doing two things:

1) I ask the question and I end up going an auto-pilot nodding, "okay" "right" "that's interesting" while THEY mainly talk.

or

2) I actually talk, but then I get stiff, formal, and serious. My questions come off as interrogating that person, even though i just wanted to know something casually in a friendly way.

Where I'm at right now, they place importance on being able to "loosen up" and just have a free-flow conversation. Like, you know, just being informal with people, talk about something random, laugh "ha ha" , and have a fun time while having a conversation.

I just can't do it.

1) Small talk - I'm just bad at it.
2) Efficiency - I don't like to talk, so what I have to say, I want it to be efficient, so usually when I go have a meeting with someone, I plan out almost everything I want to say, or at least topics I need to touch upon. This makes the conversation stiff and dry - and I can visibly see that person losing the spark of interest/connection. Like I feel that they expect something from me (something warm or a human connection), but I just shoot my main points, no matter how much I try to slide my points in conversationally
3) Personality-wise - I kinda get in a grip or something, maybe, but I just can't do it - when I see people have a conversational banter, I'm in awe. :mellow: I must be just inept at this, but I can never just be in the mood to talk randomly about things and laugh and have a FUN conversation

So I need your help. This will be a project... and I need you INTJs help. a LOT...
I think we're close enough to relate, but you guys have probably rationally thought this out or maybe you guys can give me logical tips on how to adjust this? I notice that in INFJ threads, I usually get a lot of people that relate or tell me to be "interested" in someone, but it doesn't really help... I'm interested and I gaze a lot instead, blah, so help me with ideas for conversational banter?

THANKS SO MUCH. :laughing:
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
^Well, my reasoning was that... I can ask ENFPs/ESFJs/etc for help.... but it comes so naturally to them, that any advice they give me is like WHOA, getting hit on the head with a massive dose of something... whereas for INTJs, you guys probably figured out some logical strategies that I could pick up on. If it's like a logical strategy that's showed to me, I feel comfortable, because in my head, there are certain rules or guidelines while I talk, instead of "letting it flow" <- i can't do that lol
 
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