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I have a problem, and I need your ENFPs' help! :blushed: I know you guys are great at connecting with people so I would really really be so thankful for any type of help. I want to connect with people around me , people that im interested in - my teachers, my colleagues, my friends, etc. But I am bad at conversations. I have things in my mind, but I end up doing two things:
1) I ask the question and I end up going an auto-pilot nodding, "okay" "right" "that's interesting" while THEY mainly talk.
or
2) I actually talk, but then I get stiff, formal, and serious. My questions come off as interrogating that person, even though i just wanted to know something casually in a friendly way.
Where I'm at right now, they place importance on being able to "loosen up" and just have a free-flow conversation. Like, you know, just being informal with people, talk about something random, laugh "ha ha" , and have a fun time while having a conversation.
I just can't do it.
1) Small talk - I'm just bad at it. I've been getting better, like talking about the weather or something.
2) Efficiency - I don't like to talk, so what I have to say, I want it to be efficient, so usually when I go have a meeting with someone, I plan out almost everything I want to say, or at least topics I need to touch upon. This makes the conversation stiff and dry - and I can visibly see that person losing the spark of interest/connection. Like I feel that they expect something from me (something warm or a human connection), but I just shoot my main points, no matter how much I try to slide my points in conversationally
3) Personality-wise - I kinda get in a grip or something, maybe, but I just can't do it - when I see people have a conversational banter, I'm in awe. I must be just inept at this, but I can never just be in the mood to talk randomly about things and laugh and have a FUN conversation
So I need your help. This will be a project... and I need your guys' help, A LOT. If you guys can give me some advice on how to just have a conversation with someone - like let's say it's a teacher I like (and respect for her work), or a friend I care about, or a coworker I want to get to know bettter... How can I just have a good conversation with them? get a deeper connection? I know there's more to connecting than conversations, but I just feel like this is the first step I need to learn.
Sorry, if this is something so basic and obvious to you guys. It's so hard for me, and I just want to learn how to communicate better . Help? :blushed:
THANKS SO MUCH.
roud:
1) I ask the question and I end up going an auto-pilot nodding, "okay" "right" "that's interesting" while THEY mainly talk.
or
2) I actually talk, but then I get stiff, formal, and serious. My questions come off as interrogating that person, even though i just wanted to know something casually in a friendly way.
Where I'm at right now, they place importance on being able to "loosen up" and just have a free-flow conversation. Like, you know, just being informal with people, talk about something random, laugh "ha ha" , and have a fun time while having a conversation.
I just can't do it.
1) Small talk - I'm just bad at it. I've been getting better, like talking about the weather or something.
2) Efficiency - I don't like to talk, so what I have to say, I want it to be efficient, so usually when I go have a meeting with someone, I plan out almost everything I want to say, or at least topics I need to touch upon. This makes the conversation stiff and dry - and I can visibly see that person losing the spark of interest/connection. Like I feel that they expect something from me (something warm or a human connection), but I just shoot my main points, no matter how much I try to slide my points in conversationally
3) Personality-wise - I kinda get in a grip or something, maybe, but I just can't do it - when I see people have a conversational banter, I'm in awe. I must be just inept at this, but I can never just be in the mood to talk randomly about things and laugh and have a FUN conversation
So I need your help. This will be a project... and I need your guys' help, A LOT. If you guys can give me some advice on how to just have a conversation with someone - like let's say it's a teacher I like (and respect for her work), or a friend I care about, or a coworker I want to get to know bettter... How can I just have a good conversation with them? get a deeper connection? I know there's more to connecting than conversations, but I just feel like this is the first step I need to learn.
Sorry, if this is something so basic and obvious to you guys. It's so hard for me, and I just want to learn how to communicate better . Help? :blushed:
THANKS SO MUCH.