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I make promises, only when I sincerely have the intent to keep them and follow through on them. This is why I'm careful to probe myself (and my schedule, for events) before making a promise, to make sure i can follow through on them. I knew another INFJ that was like this as well. Inevitably, there will be times that come up where I have to cancel (because of an urgent situation or whatnot), but even when I do, I feel really awful that I broke a promise. However, for the most part, I strongly believe that promises are meant to be kept, and I will go out of my way to keep them. It just really bugs me lately to see people who break promises as easily as they make them. And won't sacrifice a tiny bit of their own comfort or convenience, but would rather break a promise. Sorry, had to vent that. I just hate being let down and disappointed by people who don't follow through.

Any other INFJs relate to this?
 

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If I make a promise, I don't agree to it unless I believe I will never break it. Of course, I have broken some, but I'm not perfect, even though I seek to be perfect. I hate it when a promise means nothing to some people.

If you break a promise...you better feel the consequences of it. It's giving your word, and if you go back on it, you're weak...
 

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I don't make promises without being sure that I can keep them. It means something to me, and yes, I have learned that keeping promises is not that common in most people. If someone breaks a promise they made to me, I doubt I'd ever see them the same way again, unless they had a very good excuse.

On that same note, if someone tells me something and then asks that I keep it to myself, I will do it. I will probably carry the secret to the grave, even if it's something that I'm dying to tell. A notable example, from when I was about fourteen, was when my uncle's job gave him a rare chance to show my family something cool. He could get fired if we told, so we all promised not to. I never told (still haven't!) but my dad went home and told the first person he saw, a bank teller. :confused:
 

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I've been accused of breaking promises quite often. This is what happens:

I am constantly thinking about my course of action, even as I am doing it, and often find ways to optimize it, do something differently, or even find that what I am doing is meaningless and I should be doing something else instead so I completely change course of action. As an introvert, I don't get a sense that I have to tell everyone about this. At times I also get sense that my course of thought should be evident to others. And then other times I think I'll just explain later. This then upsets people who expect me to do exactly what I have told them I would do and follow plans that we previously discussed. Part of it is problem with communication. I get so rallied up when I get a new idea that I forget to share it and explain it to others, which gets me into all sorts of trouble later.

Being myself like this I am usually lenient on people who break small promises. As long as they can explain why they did it and I see that it was really for the better, not that they took an easier course and simply didn't do anything. Much more upsetting are people who are unwilling to compromise and try to manipulate everyone around them to hide this fact.
 

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Promise are meant to be kept, I've had a past issue with not doing so; i believe I've been making up for it. I only make promises I can keep.

I will stop what I'm doing if I don't wanna,

When you say your going to do something, do it. end of story.

It was foolish of me to say something just to please someone when in reality it hurt them more when i didn't do it.

Proven case; actions speak louder then words.
 

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Yeah promises are meant to be kept. Totally agree with this. It was because of my recent promise that I endured a 3 1/2 hour wait for the launch of Star Craft 2. Sometimes promises take you through unexpected situations.
 
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Vizier, you sound like an awesome lad.

I agree, INFJ's I think put a lot more weight on promises than other types, perhaps it's even just introverts in general, but there are people who don't think promises are all that important and don't keep them.

What's worse, someone breaking a promise or forgetting that promise even existed?
 

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What's worse, someone breaking a promise or forgetting that promise even existed?
It's a fine line since in both cases the expected promise did not occur. But if I really want to nitpick, forgetting a promise is worse because the person did not even bother to remember it.
 

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It's a fine line since in both cases the expected promise did not occur. But if I really want to nitpick, forgetting a promise is worse because the person did not even bother to remember it.
Like forgetting is a concious choice? :dry:

I disagree. If someone breaks a promise, this is a concious decision not to do what they promised to do (or to do something else). If someone forgets a promise, that's sad, but... Well. Shit happens *shrug*. Sometimes people forget things, even important ones.

What I mean is, IMO, breaking a promise on purpose implies that the one making a promise has no respect for the one s/he's promised something to, while forgetting the promise means they're forgetful. Which is worse?

I try never to break my promises and I never promise things I know I can't keep; that would be lying, which I also do as little as possible.
 

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Like forgetting is a concious choice? :dry:

I disagree. If someone breaks a promise, this is a concious decision not to do what they promised to do (or to do something else). If someone forgets a promise, that's sad, but... Well. Shit happens *shrug*. Sometimes people forget things, even important ones.

What I mean is, IMO, breaking a promise on purpose implies that the one making a promise has no respect for the one s/he's promised something to, while forgetting the promise means they're forgetful. Which is worse?
Like I said it's a fine line since in both cases, the promise wasn't kept. I was thinking along the lines of forgetting a promise as not even bothering to make an effort to remember it and remembering the promise but breaking it due to circumstantial factors; ie not on purpose.

But if a promise were broken on purpose then yes, that is worse.
 

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My ex-husband made many promises that he didn't follow through on. He said he "changed his mind." When I make a promise, I try my best to keep it. Unfortunately, it seems normal that others break their promises as easily as changing clothes. sigh.
 

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I can totally relate. I have always made a point of not making a promise I cannot keep. If I am at all in doubt about my ability to follow through with a commitment, I will be upfront about it. "I'll try, but I can't guarantee anything," or "I'll do my best," etc. are common phrases in my vocabulary. But if I say "I will do it," and leave it at that, you can know for a certainty that it will be done, sooner or later...
 
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Discussion Starter #15
cyamitide I relate to your example, but I think this is also more about individual preference for working alone or in groups. I've been in your scenario (working in a group) where I was constantly finding ways to optimize or to do something differently. This often upset people who worked with me, too, because the plan was all set in their minds, while for me, I was still working on developing it to its full potential. This was especially true in high school, but in college, this worked itself out for an odd reason. I'd have group projects and it would be REALLY hard to find a good time for everyone to meet. Being college students, everyone's schedule was different so the high-school method of meeting at lunch or after school didn't work out. In fact, most people kind of didn't want to meet until as late as possible. I hated this at first, but then I realized how beneficial this was for me. It gave me time to think about a course of action, both consciously and subconciously, so even before we met, I was optimizing/changing things around. When we finally met, things were clearer in my mind, so I'd just present my vision/goal to my group, who would usually accept my ideas given that it was quite last-minute. We'd be able to agree on a final plan, and even for me, I'd accept that there was no time to realistically alter anything more, and we'd all go about our respective tasks.

I'm also lenient on people who break small promises, as long as there are good excuses. Even if there aren't any great reasons or excuses, I find it acceptable if it's only a few times, But I get really upset when I sense this breaking of a promise due do that person's selfishness or unwillingness to put themselves in a slightly inconvenient position.
 

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curious0610 - I do the same things - I ensure to check my schedule, and also think ahead before i promise anything to anyone...it is kind of disappointing sometimes, because i really want to promise a lot sometimes! but i figure it is better to be conservative, and meet and/or exceed a promise, than to break promises. many have broken their promises, and that has hurt my feelings. however now i don't have expectations on a lot of people, so this doesn't bother me any longer. if i see someone who stands by their promises, this brings attention to them, and i will seek to spend more time with them, than with others. i think promises have to do with level of priority also, i notice a person will promise a lot, and then decide later whether or not to follow through. so it depends on the person, but most people will not keep their promises. but i am cautious, and i will likely do what i say. i like being there for people.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
FemaleINFj - I think you nailed a key word for me - PRIORITY. You articulated my thoughts in just one word. :)

I think that subconsciously, I tend to feel that when someone breaks a promise to me, I'm not a priority, but only an option to them. I think this is because I'll go out of my way to keep a promise for someone, de-prioritize other things (such as studying, work, whatever) in order to keep my promise.

I think I vaguely remember a quote... 'don't make someone a priority, who only makes you an option." i'm really starting to relate to that now.
 

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Like I said it's a fine line since in both cases, the promise wasn't kept. I was thinking along the lines of forgetting a promise as not even bothering to make an effort to remember it and remembering the promise but breaking it due to circumstantial factors; ie not on purpose.

But if a promise were broken on purpose then yes, that is worse.
Heh, I think you may have hit a bit of a sore spot in your other post, sorry I kind of blew up:crazy:. After thinking a little about it, I agree with you.

It's all right in theory to say that if someone forgets a promise it's better than if they broke it on purpose, but in practice it can be hard to tell if someone honestly forgot or just "forgot" because it was a convenient excuse.
 

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Heh, I think you may have hit a bit of a sore spot in your other post, sorry I kind of blew up:crazy:. After thinking a little about it, I agree with you.

It's all right in theory to say that if someone forgets a promise it's better than if they broke it on purpose, but in practice it can be hard to tell if someone honestly forgot or just "forgot" because it was a convenient excuse.
Nah it's fine...I didn't express myself clearly enough and hence the miscommunication arose.

As for promises, as long as they were not kept, it is disappointing under almost all circumstances.
 

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I hate it when people can't keep their promises.

As mentioned...

It hurts me when people make promises. I'm a planner, I like things to be arranged in advance, so when someone makes a promise, a day or days ahead, I hold it close to me.

This particular person is quite spontaneous at times, always doing things when he 'feels' like it. To him, promises and plans are not important, but he knows that I hold his words, his promises close to me. A year of being close to this person, you'd think by now that if he knew that he could not follow through on his words, then I'd rather him not say anything at all.

It's understandable if two people are programmed differently, I don't expect him to become a mould of me. But I would like him to understand by now that I hold certain words/actions close to me and not for him to have to promise to stick by his every promise.... but to not even make promise or say things that can not be followed through with, when I'm on the waiting line and I end up disappointed.

I don't need 'words in the moment' that are just there to try comfort me... make promises that can not be kept. I'd rather one not say anything at all and comfort me with what they can actually do.

Make promises, not only if you want to keep them, but if you actually want to keep them, not purely just something you say in the moment to make someone feel better.
 
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