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Hi all, need some advice

I am looking at proposing to my girlfriend of 5 years. I already know the answer because she has been wanting me
to marry her for ages. At the moment is a really good time to ask, I have the ring and I have a romantic idea in my mind and we will both be visiting all our family soon, and I get along with her family really well, I know I will have their consent to marry her but....

Her family is very nosey and gossipy so I don't really want to ring on the phone an ask to talk to her dad to get permission to marry her because they are going to know something is up, and he is too far away to see face to face and by the time I see him my good moment to do it has gone. Her dad is very easy going and makes jokes about when we get married, Is it essential I ask him first?, or do you think he would be understanding in the fact that he's too far away, and I just don't like the phone idea.

Just wanting to know what other people have done, how important is asking the father?
 

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It depends on the father and family, I guess. Are they the old fashioned type?

you could always ask her, then ask for his blessing afterward.

good luck and congrats!
 
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If they're traditional/conservative/religious you may want to ask for permission. However that tradition is really out of fashion now.

After 5 years and if there is significant understanding from her family then I don't think it's that necessary.

I think it's a personal preference. If you don't feel comfortable doing it, DON'T! You're a grown adult. This isn't two 16 year olds wanting to get married.

I know my boyfriend is very traditional in that respect and asking my parents for my hand is marriage is something we have discussed and he wants to be able to do (though like you my family is far away as well).

Have you talked to your girlfriend about it ever? Is she expecting a proposal soon?
 

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Maid of Time
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Yes, I'd take into consideration what your girlfriend would like, since part of it's about respecting her too. But nowadays the "traditional" route is not as expected, nor is it as simple since people are often living too far away to see each other regularly.

It's too bad you don't have her father's text number (to ask him there) or e-mail. I mean, it's not nearly as good as face to face, if that is what you prefer, but it doesn't sound like you have good options at this point.
 
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Yes, I would ask the father (or mother if the father is absent/abusive/whatever). It shows respect to your future in-laws; they raised their daughter to be the woman you love, after all. Asking over the phone is perfectly acceptable if geography is an issue.
 

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Yes, I would ask the father (or mother if the father is absent/abusive/whatever). It shows respect to your future in-laws; they raised their daughter to be the woman you love, after all. Asking over the phone is perfectly acceptable if geography is an issue.

Do you think this desire to ask permission is an ISTJ thing???

I understand the idea of wanting to show respect. With my boyfriend it's this insane need to please my family and make them like him a lot (even telling me he wanted to get on the good side of my sisters so that "it will be a lot harder for you to try to get rid of me!").

The weird thing with us is that I have a very fractured relationship with my family (especially my mother) and it's very complicated with my dad. So part of me feels like I don't even have control over that --- very related to the psychological issues and past abuse I dealt with. Though moving away and being completely independent has helped in many ways. And my family absolutely *loves* him.
 

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Do you think this desire to ask permission is an ISTJ thing???
No, not really. I think it has more to do with my personal beliefs and how I was raised.

I'm sorry to hear that about your family. Again, the "asking" is not a hard-and-fast rule, just a way to be considerate. Individual situations will vary.
 
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