So this is my first post, though I have been reading these forums for years. I have found the information on here to be very helpful to me in regards to communicating with, and truly understanding different personality types.
I have always had a rocky relationship with my dad (He is an ESTJ and I am INTP). We don't really have a personal relationship - the only way he can relate to me is by giving me "life advice". The only time he respects me as a person is if I comply with his wishes. As I got into my 20s, his influence grew less and less, and I became much happier with myself as a person. Since then, he has more or less disowned me. He doesn't try to make contact with me, doesn't call me on my birthday, doesn't ask me about my life. Even when I visit home for holidays, he mostly ignores me.
He has proven time and time again that he doesn't trust me. When I was in my teens, he would search through my things, lie to me about it, guilt trip me, and even threaten to leave our family. He verbally and emotionally abuses my mom on a daily basis and will completely shut people out if they don't agree with him. He verbally assaults me whenever I see him. He will say that I am a weirdo, have no social skills, can't hold a job, that I am a homosexual, detached from the "real world", pot head, etc... Some of these things are partially true, but for the most part I am pretty well off in life. I have never been in trouble with the law. I have a good degree from one of the top 10 universities in CA. I run my own contracting business as a freelance software developer. I have a really wonderful girlfriend and am deathly loyal to the people I care about.
I am going to bring my new girlfriend home to meet my parents in a couple weeks, and I am worried that my dad will use her to manipulate me in some way. This may sound paranoid, and I know people are usually anxious to bring home someone new to meet the folks, but I have a strong feeling this is a very likely scenario. He knows that I really care about her, and he is the type to use anything at his disposal to get what he wants. He can be very charming and clever, and he is very socially capable. My girlfriend knows a bit about him, but I haven't really laid out how crazy he is.
An obvious solution would be not to have her meet my dad, which has been my default solution in the types of situations. But, we are leaving for S. America shortly, and I really want her to meet my mom and my friends back home. She also wants to meet my family, but I don't know how to prepare her for this. Any thoughts or strategies are appreciated. Thank you.