[twirler]

I am not sure if this is an INFP thing because from what I have read, many of you are able to detach better than I do from certain emotional situations - there's probably a bit of E in me that causes me to scan all about me instead of just withdraw inwards.

Anyway, as I've complained before - my coworker is full of all this bad stuff (emotional drama - some of it from her past - some of it she brings on herself), and for the most part, I just have to intentionally avoid her because it is bad for me, but sometimes I do just think that I must be the only one in her life that really knows what is going on. I see her, and you can see the intense hurt that she is feeling. I literally feel it, and there is nothing I can do. My first instinct is to say, "How are you doing?" And, I know I shouldn't because I have to distance myself for my own sanity.

In this particular case, I know she is being mistreated, and there is nothing I can personally do to stop it. But, I want to protect her because... well, I think she needs it. And, I do in my way, but hmm. I don't know. I just relate to her in some weird way. (she is 7w6 and I am 6w7, so maybe that's why)

I guess the best way to think of her is that she is more good than bad, but when she is bad, she is really bad (not evil).

I want to stay safe - but, I am wondering if I don't get into the trenches with her, then who will? I go back and forth on this one. Like, when you see someone who needs support (and support only you can provide) should you try to provide it?

It isn't that other people aren't supportive of her - because they are, but she has literally no real friends and no one who really gets that vulnerable side of her. I think she wants to be her real vulnerable self, but it's a scary thing for her.

Hmm. Just pondering.

 

[dlb]

I am not sure if this is an INFP thing because from what I have read, many of you are able to detach better than I do from certain emotional situations - there's probably a bit of E in me that causes me to scan all about me instead of just withdraw inwards.

Anyway, as I've complained before - my coworker is full of all this bad stuff (emotional drama - some of it from her past - some of it she brings on herself), and for the most part, I just have to intentionally avoid her because it is bad for me, but sometimes I do just think that I must be the only one in her life that really knows what is going on. I see her, and you can see the intense hurt that she is feeling. I literally feel it, and there is nothing I can do. My first instinct is to say, "How are you doing?" And, I know I shouldn't because I have to distance myself for my own sanity.

In this particular case, I know she is being mistreated, and there is nothing I can personally do to stop it. But, I want to protect her because... well, I think she needs it. And, I do in my way, but hmm. I don't know. I just relate to her in some weird way. (she is 7w6 and I am 6w7, so maybe that's why)

I guess the best way to think of her is that she is more good than bad, but when she is bad, she is really bad (not evil).

I want to stay safe - but, I am wondering if I don't get into the trenches with her, then who will? I go back and forth on this one. Like, when you see someone who needs support, should you try to provide it?

Hmm. Just pondering.

I get very attached to people, and really struggle to remove myself from toxic individuals.

But, I've learned over time, you can't help people who aren't ready to help themselves. If they aren't taking actions to improve their conditions; then I am polite and compassionate, but I don't offer help or suggest advice. They'll eventually get to a point where the pain is significant enough, they'll start working on the problem. Then, you can actually do some work.

 

[twirler]

I get very attached to people, and really struggle to remove myself from toxic individuals.

But, I've learned over time, you can't help people who aren't ready to help themselves. If they aren't taking actions to improve their conditions; then I am polite and compassionate, but I don't offer help or suggest advice. They'll eventually get to a point where the pain is significant enough, they'll start working on the problem. Then, you can actually do some work.

Yeah. I think I am also interested because she is more complicated than others I know. And, she DOES take actions sometimes - i.e. she is going to see a therapist. But, her family is nuts and it influences her way. That's why she is not completely evil. I do think she has goodness in her, but I can tell she's completely tormented.

It is tough watching people who aren't helping themselves. And, not being able to really help them either.

She has a victim mentality - which interestingly, also makes her a victim. Like, literally. It's weird.

On the one hand, I want her completely out of my world. On the other, it is almost like I am supposed to be in her life. I mean, there is no way I would ever want to be her friend outside of work or seek her out. I would completely avoid her. So, my working environment kind of forces me to interact.

And, my new thing (for my own safety) has been to completely NOT interact... but lately, I am thinking maybe I am wrong about that.

Thank you for listening!

 

[dlb]

Yeah. I think I am also interested because she is more complicated than others I know. And, she DOES take actions sometimes - i.e. she is going to see a therapist. But, her family is nuts and it influences her way. That's why she is not completely evil. I do think she has goodness in her, but I can tell she's completely tormented.

It is tough watching people who aren't helping themselves. And, not being able to really help them either.

She has a victim mentality - which interestingly, also makes her a victim. Like, literally. It's weird.

On the one hand, I want her completely out of my world. On the other, it is almost like I am supposed to be in her life. I mean, there is no way I would ever want to be her friend outside of work or seek her out. I would completely avoid her. So, my working environment kind of forces me to interact.

And, my new thing (for my own safety) has been to completely NOT interact... but lately, I am thinking maybe I am wrong about that.

Thank you for listening!

I understand that too. Sometimes, I try to be involved and help, but if it doesn't have any effect; I begin to remove myself.

If they're not willing to try; they get ignored. If they're trying really hard; they get helped. If they're in between; they get helped until I'm more certain if they're trying or not. That's my process!

 

[twirler]

I understand that too. Sometimes, I try to be involved and help, but if it doesn't have any effect; I begin to remove myself.

If they're not willing to try; they get ignored. If they're trying really hard; they get helped. If they're in between; they get helped until I'm more certain if they're trying or not. That's my process!

Ya, there is SO much stuff she has. I think it might look like she's not trying at all to most people because she does have the same pitfalls. I have trouble gauging if she really is indeed progressing or getting worse. It's a funny 6 thing that she does though - sort of the phobic (help me, help me) and then quite suddenly, the scary counterphobic (I'm fine. Get away. I can't handle my own stuff - why can't you handle yours?).

It's the phobic part of her that I relate to and naturally, have compassion for.

It's also like, let me be that security for you. But, then don't crap all over me when you are feeling secure. Lol.

 

[dlb]

Ya, there is SO much stuff she has. I think it might look like she's not trying at all to most people because she does have the same pitfalls. I have trouble gauging if she really is indeed progressing or getting worse. It's a funny 6 thing that she does though - sort of the phobic (help me, help me) and then quite suddenly, the scary counterphobic (I'm fine. Get away. I can't handle my own stuff - why can't you handle yours?).

It sounds like she doesn't need advice right now. She just needs someone to listen. Eventually, she'll sort out what she needs to do. It's important you're honest with her. If you can't listen at the moment, tell her you can't, but be compassionate and help her understand your perspective.

 

[twirler]

It sounds like she doesn't need advice right now. She just needs someone to listen. Eventually, she'll sort out what she needs to do. It's important you're honest with her. If you can't listen at the moment, tell her you can't, but be compassionate and help her understand your perspective.

Lol. Yeah, she's not exactly the most reasonable person. In other words, there will be no understanding or acknowledgement of my perspective. But, I will listen as I can, I suppose. Listen - then escape - then listen some more.

 

[dlb]

Lol. Yeah, she's not exactly the most reasonable person. In other words, there will be no understanding or acknowledgement of my perspective. But, I will listen as I can, I suppose. Listen - then escape - then listen some more.

Sometimes, we're just not in the position to listen and give the other person the compassion and attention they desire.

I've told people this before: "Thank you for sharing with me personal stories from your life. I appreciate them, because they let me understand you better as an individual and a friend. Although, right now, I'm dealing with some personal issues, and it's hard for me to give you my full attention, which you deserve. Please don't take this personally, I just need some time to myself, right now. Although, sometime, in the future, I'd love to hear about your life and your situation."

Then again, I'm a firm believer in clear and transparent communication. (This hasn't made me the most friends, but at least it's honest, and people know where I stand).