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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
"Psycho" Ladies! Questions for Men Ages 18-45

Hi Everyone!
I'm currently writing an article for a Denver men's magazine (geared toward ages 18-45) and I'm conducting a little poll. If interested in contributing, please answer this question for me and include your first name and age. In your dating life, what do you do to weed out the "psycho" chicks (not literally someone who is a psychopath; I am using the mainstream, lighter terminology)? Are there any tell tale signs you look for, or little strategies you employ (ie: not sleeping with her right away, etc) to make sure you aren't dating a girl who is going to turn out to be crazy drama trouble later on? Thanks so much for your help and input! I really look forward to your responses :) :)
 

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If you want to be taken seriously you should learn to familiarize yourself with the definitive term of psychopathy.
The term "psycho" is commonly used in mainstream media, to express an emotionally unstable, intrusive individual with no sense of boundaries or limitations, commonly devoid of any empathy and capacity to feel remorse.

So which one are you referring to?
 

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Discussion Starter #3
If you want to be taken seriously you should learn to familiarize yourself with the definitive term of psychopathy.
The term "psycho" is commonly used in mainstream media, to express an emotionally unstable, intrusive individual with no sense of boundaries or limitations, commonly devoid of any empathy and capacity to feel remorse.

So which one are you referring to?
I'm referring to the mainstream media usage. Thanks for helping me clarify :)
 
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Discussion Starter #4
Next month I'll do a reverse article on what ladies do to weed out the crazy dudes as well! :)
 
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If you want to be taken seriously you should learn to familiarize yourself with the definitive term of psychopathy.
The term "psycho" is commonly used in mainstream media, to express an emotionally unstable, intrusive individual with no sense of boundaries or limitations, commonly devoid of any empathy and capacity to feel remorse.

So which one are you referring to?
the term is also commonly used for what she's trying to get at.

@Grace Strong Spellman

i try to not to think with my junk basically, so if she's actively ignoring what she does wrong and trying to blame others or constantly finding excuses then she's also going to either be "crazy all over the place/huge mess" or very clingy and hasn't learned to be her own "center"/parent, and it's not fair to (either to) sleep with her and get into an obligated relationship.

kevin--23
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Thanks Kevin! Love my INFJ boys.
 

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Well I understood what you meant by 'psycho.' I think the biggest thing with me, now that I'm in my 30s is learning that a good relationship requires give and take from both sides.

I think what makes the psycho guy or girl, is the person who wants it all, but is unwilling to give up anything. This creates a sort of tyranny where the one person is constantly placating the other, but never receiving enough (or sometimes nothing) back in return. I think the first question to ask the psycho chick is "what does he want?" And if she can't answer honestly, and without being immediately dismissive, then she's not really worth my time that's for sure. And she should expect the same from me.

The substratum of relationship, is relating to someone. This is more than enjoying someone for their money, or their hookups (both sexual and social), or their status, their humor, their car, their friends, their expensive (or not so expensive) escapades. It's a matter of relating to that person. Like two people walking down the tightrope of life along side each other. She can't walk for me, I can't walk for her, and Lord knows we probably won't get to the end at the same time, but we keep each other good company, motivation and love in the meantime.

Anytime you enter into a relationship with anything there are going to be ups and downs. The psycho person is the person who egocentrically refuses to believe this. If you want to commit to anything, a job, a person, a pet, a social or political cause, whatever, there are going to be moments that challenge your commitment (the dog is one day going to poop on the floor, you just have to deal with it). Relationships with people are the same way, so you learn not to become too swept up in the highs and not too despondent during the lows. Marie Von Franz once said mature love is commitment to the essence of your partner with a grain of salt (meaning he may be your best friend or someone you want to kill in a moment, but essentially he or she is what you've decided to commit to). I think for long-married couples many of them would tell you that though they deeply love their spouses, real love is something of a come down. Raising kids, losing parents, dealing with illnesses, money problems, and the like, has a way of bringing you back down to Earth from those initial ecstatic love encounters with your dreamboat, but at least you have those radiant early days to remind yourselves that bad times don't last. As Jung says, there are no happy days without some sad ones.

This I think underscores the problems with the psycho men and women. They cling to an impossibly high ideal of what they think love or relationships or sex, or whatever ought to be. And of course no man is really the man of your dreams, perhaps someone who looks the part, but in reality the only one in your head dreaming is you. Your man has his own dreams. (so the trick is to figure out how to reconcile the two into something that works for both people). The roots of psycho people in the relationship arena is largely selfishness, egocentricity, lust, envy, jealousy, and sometimes poor adaptation (you will find people who are well meaning but just don't know how to make it work). But in most cases one person is out to take not to give. I've never heard of someone who gave too much and was called crazy, reasonably speaking, not in a martyrdom-masochistic way. Surely we would question the accuser in such a circumstance more than the accused.

So if you're asking what I look for in a good woman it is contribution. Someone who enhances my life, while still allowing me to live my life. Now in a very personal way its all about women, for me, who have qualities that I don't really outwardly possess. Psycho for me would be someone who is super-obsessed with what other people think and are constrained by that (I hate people who have no sense of fun - I'm sure others would call the person who has too much fun 'psycho' and untethered, but I don't mind). That goes for people who are uber-obsessed with what their parents think. My attitude is you have to live your life for yourself. I'm also weary of people who cling too much to anything without checking out all the options. To me that suggests a fear disposition underneath which is unattractive. Obviously selfish, gold-digger types who are seeking to 'get' something from being in a relationship (besides friendship, or companionship) I don't have the time of day for.

Hope that helps.
 

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the term is also commonly used for what she's trying to get at.

@Grace Strong Spellman

i try to not to think with my junk basically, so if she's actively ignoring what she does wrong and trying to blame others or constantly finding excuses then she's also going to either be "crazy all over the place/huge mess" or very clingy and hasn't learned to be her own "center"/parent, and it's not fair to (either to) sleep with her and get into an obligated relationship.

kevin--23
What is your point? I don't understand why I was quoted. Your post is nonsensical.
 

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Well I understood what you meant by 'psycho.' I think the biggest thing with me, now that I'm in my 30s is learning that a good relationship requires give and take from both sides.

I think what makes the psycho guy or girl, is the person who wants it all, but is unwilling to give up anything. This creates a sort of tyranny where the one person is constantly placating the other, but never receiving enough (or sometimes nothing) back in return. I think the first question to ask the psycho chick is "what does he want?" And if she can't answer honestly, and without being immediately dismissive, then she's not really worth my time that's for sure. And she should expect the same from me.

The substratum of relationship, is relating to someone. This is more than enjoying someone for their money, or their hookups (both sexual and social), or their status, their humor, their car, their friends, their expensive (or not so expensive) escapades. It's a matter of relating to that person. Like two people walking down the tightrope of life along side each other. She can't walk for me, I can't walk for her, and Lord knows we probably won't get to the end at the same time, but we keep each other good company, motivation and love in the meantime.

Anytime you enter into a relationship with anything there are going to be ups and downs. The psycho person is the person who egocentrically refuses to believe this. If you want to commit to anything, a job, a person, a pet, a social or political cause, whatever, there are going to be moments that challenge your commitment (the dog is one day going to poop on the floor, you just have to deal with it). Relationships with people are the same way, so you learn not to become too swept up in the highs and not too despondent during the lows. Marie Von Franz once said mature love is commitment to the essence of your partner with a grain of salt (meaning he may be your best friend or someone you want to kill in a moment, but essentially he or she is what you've decided to commit to). I think for long-married couples many of them would tell you that though they deeply love their spouses, real love is something of a come down. Raising kids, losing parents, dealing with illnesses, money problems, and the like, has a way of bringing you back down to Earth from those initial ecstatic love encounters with your dreamboat, but at least you have those radiant early days to remind yourselves that bad times don't last. As Jung says, there are no happy days without some sad ones.

This I think underscores the problems with the psycho men and women. They cling to an impossibly high ideal of what they think love or relationships or sex, or whatever ought to be. And of course no man is really the man of your dreams, perhaps someone who looks the part, but in reality the only one in your head dreaming is you. Your man has his own dreams. (so the trick is to figure out how to reconcile the two into something that works for both people). The roots of psycho people in the relationship arena is largely selfishness, egocentricity, lust, envy, jealousy, and sometimes poor adaptation (you will find people who are well meaning but just don't know how to make it work). But in most cases one person is out to take not to give. I've never heard of someone who gave too much and was called crazy, reasonably speaking, not in a martyrdom-masochistic way. Surely we would question the accuser in such a circumstance more than the accused.

So if you're asking what I look for in a good woman it is contribution. Someone who enhances my life, while still allowing me to live my life. Now in a very personal way its all about women, for me, who have qualities that I don't really outwardly possess. Psycho for me would be someone who is super-obsessed with what other people think and are constrained by that (I hate people who have no sense of fun - I'm sure others would call the person who has too much fun 'psycho' and untethered, but I don't mind). That goes for people who are uber-obsessed with what their parents think. My attitude is you have to live your life for yourself. I'm also weary of people who cling too much to anything without checking out all the options. To me that suggests a fear disposition underneath which is unattractive. Obviously selfish, gold-digger types who are seeking to 'get' something from being in a relationship (besides friendship, or companionship) I don't have the time of day for.

Hope that helps.
That's not indicative of a "psycho." It is like borderline. Big difference.
 

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Judging from the previous posts, it sounds like most of you are referring to borderline. This is not "psycho" behavior. It is borderline, very similar to borderline.

OP, you should look more into borderline individuals. Psycho, clearly doesn't seem to resonate with people because they don't seem to understand the genuine definitive term behind it.

Heck. Even narcissistic.
 

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I could make a comprehensive list, but I'd prefer to not write an essay this late at night.

-She surrounds herself with superficial scum and/or losers.
-Her life is a roller coaster of childish drama.
-Constantly dates abusive/emotionally unavailable men.
-Treating "inferior" people with disdain.
-Backstabber.
-Only wants to win me over because I am "challenging."
-Can't keep a job to save her life.
-Behaves as if she is royalty; i.e.: High maintenance.
-Dependent on other people; i.e.: A user.
-Has a long string of failed short-term relationships.
-Has to "win"--even at the cost of personal dignity.
-"Manic pixie queen"; has an uncomfortable frenetic energy surrounding her.

I don't consciously employ strategies to weed them out.
The answers just "click."

I don't necessarily break it off if these character flaws are inherent.
But if they're sequential or definitive--I move on quickly.

A lot of bad memories with these types.
 

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Op your content is misleading and deceptive. Why don't you change it to "How do avoid unhealthy people/relationships."
"psycho" spurs a negative connotation, one that many people aren't entirely certain of. Most people collaborate unfamiliar behavior with being a "psycho." It's a commonality. The former sounds a lot more accurate. I also doubt any reputable magazine of article will use that term. For reasons I've listed.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
No cause for debate on my forum! Just wanna know how guys 'strategize' zeroing in on a more compatible mate!! Thank you.
 

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@lightened

If you want to be taken seriously you should learn to familiarize yourself with the definitive term of psychopathy.
taken seriously according to whom? :p

did you really not pick up on what she meant?

if a word has been given so many meanings to the point that its more modern usages hardly mean the same thing as its original use, and the original isn't matching the context of the word now, then i'd bet it's safe to assume that the definition of the word that was used would match one of the more modern forms of the word itself--from there i would use context clues to figure it all out...

as to why i quoted you? just trying to help a brotha' out, ya know? you seemed to not understand what was being said, so i quoted you so you'd then get a notification and from there see my explanation--at least that i what i thought the nifty notification "thing" was for...

anyhow, you're welcome my friend.
 

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@lightened

hey man,

now i feel badly for my latest post after reading the rest of what you had to say. clearly you weren't being a dick, you just went all Te-mode. she means "psycho" in the modern-lay-man term, which has little to do with how it's meant in the DSM.

this behavior is termed "psycho" because its end result is negative and has to do with the mentality and behavior of the individual (the only similarity to the clinical definition) so the definition is situational and has been broadened to include everything from someone keying your car, to someone mutilating your pet.

@Grace Strong Spellman

thanks for the INFJ love! would give a less weird thanks but safari picks and chooses when i can and can't.
 

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@lightened

hey man,

now i feel badly for my latest post after reading the rest of what you had to say. clearly you weren't being a dick, you just went all Te-mode. she means "psycho" in the modern-lay-man term, which has little to do with how it's meant in the DSM.

this behavior is termed "psycho" because its end result is negative and has to do with the mentality and behavior of the individual (the only similarity to the clinical definition) so the definition is situational and has been broadened to include everything from someone keying your car, to someone mutilating your pet.

@Grace Strong Spellman

thanks for the INFJ love! would give a less weird thanks but safari picks and chooses when i can and can't.
I know what the op meant. I corrected her for a specific reason that I won't bother elaborating on.
 

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Corrected me? I don't believe you corrected me, per say. That would imply that I was wrong about something, which I wasn't. You seemed to wish for some sort of clarification of my terminology which I then explained was under colloquial usage. And "her" has a name. It's Grace. Or do you want to correct me on my name now? :)
 

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Judging from the previous posts, it sounds like most of you are referring to borderline. This is not "psycho" behavior. It is borderline, very similar to borderline.

OP, you should look more into borderline individuals. Psycho, clearly doesn't seem to resonate with people because they don't seem to understand the genuine definitive term behind it.

Heck. Even narcissistic.
Sheesh! I think someone recently took a freshman psychology class. The article is for a men's magazine and is about how to avoid crazy chicks. I don't think a discourse in terminology is really called for there. Colloquial usage is fine.

Answer the question or don't but stop trying to con-troll the content of Miss Grace's article. It's getting on my nerves.
 

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Judging from the previous posts, it sounds like most of you are referring to borderline. This is not "psycho" behavior. It is borderline, very similar to borderline.

OP, you should look more into borderline individuals. Psycho, clearly doesn't seem to resonate with people because they don't seem to understand the genuine definitive term behind it.

Heck. Even narcissistic.
She is talking pop-culture usage. Far more people identify with what "psycho girl" means rather than borderline.

To the OP- If a girl doesn't respect my boundaries, I'll usually write her off pretty quickly. The psychos tend to do that. Not always I suppose.
 
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