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Manage to confront one of my demons and the day I started to see me becoming more hyper vigilant. Does it ever stop?
 

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I think it may depend on what gave you PTSD to begin with. For me I have healed enough that I don't get triggered by every little thing as I did in the beginning, so my daily life is normal. I do suspect however, that my brain has permanently changed how it perceives certain things and I've lost something.
 

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Yes it goes away, but I don't mean as in it goes away and you're back to your old-self, no. Mine has manifested into
some kind of anxiety. I don't get triggers anymore or anything. But that doesn't mean I'll ever be the same again. It just changes your brain. And anxiety/PTSD can damage DNA as well, no... it does change it.
 

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I see a therapist for it. I just switched therapists. Not that my old one was terrible, she was not. She just specialized more so with children and could not relate to me in any sense. Not that she had to have the same life story or anything. Anyways the new guy i am seeing seems far more compatible. If I had to guess the first therapist was an INFP, this guy is likely an NFJ or STP so his communication style is more in sync with my own. I noticed he will prompt me on subject matter I will spurt off what I think, he asks how I feel, besides anger. Long pause... uh can I have an easier question :laughing:. Do you see the bottom line is really actually about addressing how you feel.
 

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TRIGGER, (possibly). @ClOwNkInG

You need a good therapist, first and foremost. Any advice I'm about to give is no substitute for medical advice by a trained professional and is based on personal experiences entirely.

It's not enough to wallow in emotions or trigger yourself. (If that's what you mean by "facing your demons").
You have to analyze every single thing you're feeling. Pick it apart. Ask yourself, what causes this feeling? Where is the source of it? What are the multiple facets of this feeling?
Anger can have an edge of bitterness, with hints of sadness and despair, for example, it's like a crystal catching the light. But then as an eight, I find it far easier to be in tune with my anger (and consequently understand it intimately) than anything else. ;P

Then after doing so, challenge yourself. What I mean by this is, when you go towards your feelings you will find some assumptions there, and dysfunctional ones, about the way the world works and your role in it. And that's what you have to fight. It's not the feelings themselves, it's not necessarily the memories, its the implicit assumptions your brain has created to cope with this new reality.

For example:
Some dysfunctional assumptions of mine are:
"If I don't please men I sleep sexually, then I'm undesirable and a terrible person."
"My own preferences in bed aren't important, I need to quietly receive and nothing more."
"Yes or no doesn't really matter in bed because I'm small and physically weak."

I have a bunch of others but I struggle with the last one in particular. These assumptions cause me to me disassociate, be detached and well, become a doll really. It tends to lead to a combination of revulsion, self loathing (for being weak physically, and female), disgust at sexual partners etc (for sleeping with me, but then I tend to also get a savage kick out of dragging them down. Sleeping with me means that they are evil, disgusting and mentally deficient and no longer worthy of my respect. .....yet if I'm not sexually attractive to a person I sit there beating myself up over it and wondering what's wrong with me.
But then I never initiate usually, I wait for them to...which by default makes them disgusting. Oh I fuck them, but at that point I see it as a way to drag them down with me, aka cement in my mind their tainted status.)

So not venting, but giving an example of a dysfunctional assumption(s). A dysfunctional assumption is usually logically inconsistent and harms yourself or others, (by leading you or others into physical, mental, emotional or physical distress... which can negatively impact self worth).

Just triggering yourself and wallowing isn't facing your demons. It's letting them throw a house party in your head and leave, without having a chance to get to know anyone intimately, because after all how can you? They're all over the place. They're drunk and stoned, and trashing the bloody gaff and you're screaming your self hoarse over the music.
Then they just leave, leaving you to clean up the trashed house, and deal with the aftermath.


So you need to take them out for a coffee one at a time and get to know them one on one.
Taking them out for a coffee is controlled exposure to your triggers and negative emotions, in bite sized chunks. You can do this by:

1) Writing (analyze it later)
2) Controlled exposure to a single trigger. It really helps to have someone when you do this.
3) Art (analyze it later, or try to discover the shape of those feelings)
4) Music (look what it brings out in you, and why).
And other things you can add. But you see the basic principle here.

There's a lot of time involved in this. A lot of effort. Do you really want to get better? Do you believe you can get better and live a good life?
You need both of those to be a firm and solid yes. The first one might seem an obvious yes, but we tend to get comfortable (not happy Jesus no) in our little trench, because in a weird way it can give us a home, a niche, a way to navigate the world. (Seriously if you're on Facebook join any Nihilism group to see this in full seeing). Or you could be the type of person who can't think beyond their nose. You may not think about desires. Not your needs, not your wants, but your desires. Desire is infinitely deep, simple and animalistic. And it is strong.

Intense desire is really the only thing that can pull you out of it. That's what will give you strength to continue through the worst days. To go to a new therapist when things are scary. To deal with something you've become avoidant of. To do the self work long term and consistently you need that will to live and not just survive but fucking thrive, thrive, thrive because believe me this shit will fuck you up to fuck and you need a strong wall to put your back against or you'll get blown over before you've even begin.

If you don't know what you want, then start somewhere simple. Desire your wellness with all your heart, not just stability, but to thrive. It's pure survival instinct. That'll give you the strength you need to claw yourself through what you will find are horrible days, and self work will fuck you up badly if you don't have a strong base desire to anchor yourself on.

Will you ever completely heal? I don't know. I can't say. I can't even say for myself.
Is it possible for you to live a good and satisfying life, having made peace with your trauma(s) to a large degree? YES. And I don't and have never doubted it for a moment. I refuse to doubt it. It can be difficult to have faith in yourself, but you can have faith in your desire. You have to. Even on the days is won't feel enough, you MUST.
 

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Manage to confront one of my demons and the day I started to see me becoming more hyper vigilant. Does it ever stop?
I think over time, with the right support it will lessen. It may never go away completely, but I do think it becomes more manageable.
 

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It depends on your definition of "heal". You'll never be able to kill the neurons in your brain responsible for your physiological responses. You've learned something, and have undergone the process of learning neurophysically. However, it will get better, and you will get better to the point of being functional. It will become a nonissue rather than an issue. But it probably won't get to the point of it having never happened, no.

At the same time, think of it as a normal part of human development. We all experience things, learn from those experiences, and move forward more developed than we started out. Your experiences will become a part of you just like stretch marks or a scar from a cut. You'll be functional and won't be distressed. That part will eventually, with enough work and time and healing, become possible.
 

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So they say trauma can change your brain. I don't know the technical terms for this, but i read a study that says getting reflexology or foot massages can help to change your brain patterns and stuff for the better. Like it's helpful to help heal depression and stuff. I lost the study I read, but it might be something you could look into/try.
 

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What does it mean to be hyper vigilant in a world so full of wolves? Most of the PTSD sufferers I know have seen the wolf up close and personal, and they will never return to ignorant bliss of sheepdom. Like all sheepdogs, they are hated by both the wolf and sheep alike, but fully embraced and understood within their kind.
 

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Here is some really exciting and interesting research that is being done in the US.

All clear for the decisive trial of ecstasy in PTSD patients | Science | AAAS

MDMA Treatment for PTSD and Trauma - Ecstasy and Molly Drug Trials to Treat PTSD

One thing to note is that we have a lot of vets with PTSD, but we also have a lot of women with PTSD from sexual assaults and abusive relationships. So, there are a lot of people in the US who are in need of effective, safe, easily accessible treatment options.
 

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I don't think so. But over time, you have to develop coping mechanisms. Find a way to control your dreams (it's a skill that can be developed). Get a dog/pet or something that calms you a little after you wake up sweating and afraid. I have a couple of pets that help me with this. I'm also lucky enough to have a spouse I can cuddle with.

I've been having PTSD nightmares for 14 years that take me back to the moment of my accident as well as abuse in my previous marriage. I don't think they will ever go away. There is no change in frequency either. I just deal with it and keep chugging along.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
TRIGGER, (possibly). @ClOwNkInG

You need a good therapist, first and foremost. Any advice I'm about to give is no substitute for medical advice by a trained professional and is based on personal experiences entirely.

It's not enough to wallow in emotions or trigger yourself. (If that's what you mean by "facing your demons").
You have to analyze every single thing you're feeling. Pick it apart. Ask yourself, what causes this feeling? Where is the source of it? What are the multiple facets of this feeling?
Anger can have an edge of bitterness, with hints of sadness and despair, for example, it's like a crystal catching the light. But then as an eight, I find it far easier to be in tune with my anger (and consequently understand it intimately) than anything else. ;P

Then after doing so, challenge yourself. What I mean by this is, when you go towards your feelings you will find some assumptions there, and dysfunctional ones, about the way the world works and your role in it. And that's what you have to fight. It's not the feelings themselves, it's not necessarily the memories, its the implicit assumptions your brain has created to cope with this new reality.

For example:
Some dysfunctional assumptions of mine are:
"If I don't please men I sleep sexually, then I'm undesirable and a terrible person."
"My own preferences in bed aren't important, I need to quietly receive and nothing more."
"Yes or no doesn't really matter in bed because I'm small and physically weak."

I have a bunch of others but I struggle with the last one in particular. These assumptions cause me to me disassociate, be detached and well, become a doll really. It tends to lead to a combination of revulsion, self loathing (for being weak physically, and female), disgust at sexual partners etc (for sleeping with me, but then I tend to also get a savage kick out of dragging them down. Sleeping with me means that they are evil, disgusting and mentally deficient and no longer worthy of my respect. .....yet if I'm not sexually attractive to a person I sit there beating myself up over it and wondering what's wrong with me.
But then I never initiate usually, I wait for them to...which by default makes them disgusting. Oh I fuck them, but at that point I see it as a way to drag them down with me, aka cement in my mind their tainted status.)

So not venting, but giving an example of a dysfunctional assumption(s). A dysfunctional assumption is usually logically inconsistent and harms yourself or others, (by leading you or others into physical, mental, emotional or physical distress... which can negatively impact self worth).

Just triggering yourself and wallowing isn't facing your demons. It's letting them throw a house party in your head and leave, without having a chance to get to know anyone intimately, because after all how can you? They're all over the place. They're drunk and stoned, and trashing the bloody gaff and you're screaming your self hoarse over the music.
Then they just leave, leaving you to clean up the trashed house, and deal with the aftermath.


So you need to take them out for a coffee one at a time and get to know them one on one.
Taking them out for a coffee is controlled exposure to your triggers and negative emotions, in bite sized chunks. You can do this by:

1) Writing (analyze it later)
2) Controlled exposure to a single trigger. It really helps to have someone when you do this.
3) Art (analyze it later, or try to discover the shape of those feelings)
4) Music (look what it brings out in you, and why).
And other things you can add. But you see the basic principle here.

There's a lot of time involved in this. A lot of effort. Do you really want to get better? Do you believe you can get better and live a good life?
You need both of those to be a firm and solid yes. The first one might seem an obvious yes, but we tend to get comfortable (not happy Jesus no) in our little trench, because in a weird way it can give us a home, a niche, a way to navigate the world. (Seriously if you're on Facebook join any Nihilism group to see this in full seeing). Or you could be the type of person who can't think beyond their nose. You may not think about desires. Not your needs, not your wants, but your desires. Desire is infinitely deep, simple and animalistic. And it is strong.

Intense desire is really the only thing that can pull you out of it. That's what will give you strength to continue through the worst days. To go to a new therapist when things are scary. To deal with something you've become avoidant of. To do the self work long term and consistently you need that will to live and not just survive but fucking thrive, thrive, thrive because believe me this shit will fuck you up to fuck and you need a strong wall to put your back against or you'll get blown over before you've even begin.

If you don't know what you want, then start somewhere simple. Desire your wellness with all your heart, not just stability, but to thrive. It's pure survival instinct. That'll give you the strength you need to claw yourself through what you will find are horrible days, and self work will fuck you up badly if you don't have a strong base desire to anchor yourself on.

Will you ever completely heal? I don't know. I can't say. I can't even say for myself.
Is it possible for you to live a good and satisfying life, having made peace with your trauma(s) to a large degree? YES. And I don't and have never doubted it for a moment. I refuse to doubt it. It can be difficult to have faith in yourself, but you can have faith in your desire. You have to. Even on the days is won't feel enough, you MUST.
female stalker who was borderline ENFP with antisocial traits, plus was almost kidnapped and robbed. Have my LTC because of it.
 

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Manage to confront one of my demons and the day I started to see me becoming more hyper vigilant. Does it ever stop?
No, not unless the root cause of your PTSD is confrontable, which realistically isn't the case for most, terrorists and rapists and the likes aren't the most emotionally charitable people, and traumatic phenomena that don't have a human cause - like waking up into a flooded house in the middle of a hurricane - are even less likely to take responsibility for their agency (Ofcourse the fantasy that such a confrontation would help might just be that, a fantasy).

But, you can learn to live a better life with it and push it from your foreground to your background, CBT is very helpful in combating flashbacks and panic attacks, as some form of self medication are less destructive than others. Feeling like your old self has sailed, but can relearn to be a functioning human being and not be a burden people you love.... Which brings me to the next point, having less panic attacks during your waking hours can result in more of them happening in the middle of sleeping hours. If you have a partner, or will have one in the future, you are going to have to have the talk about why you sometimes wake up at night shouting shit, and there's no real way around that.
 

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@ClOwNkInG Then chances are your dysfunctional assumptions are very different to my dysfunctional assumptions, and your triggers are different. But for the most part what I said will apply, it's just about processing the trauma.

If anxiety is a major issue in your case (no idea if it is) exposure therapy may be of some benefit.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
@ClOwNkInG Then chances are your dysfunctional assumptions are very different to my dysfunctional assumptions, and your triggers are different. But for the most part what I said will apply, it's just about processing the trauma.

If anxiety is a major issue in your case (no idea if it is) exposure therapy may be of some benefit.
anxiety not so much, for hyper vigilance I keep my sig p226 and fnx tactical .45 Acp.
 
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