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I know I'm not a 'great' singer. But usually... if I'm not trembling from the toes up, I'm a decent singer.

I did an Open Mic piece earlier and it was SO bad...
I wound up doing more of a comedy act than a musical piece (possibly the reason I don't do it too often).
In any case... while on stage, I started acting out ... 'latent' extroverted tendencies.... I felt like the class clown, but on stage, and not all that funny.
But despite making a complete fool of myself, I've been riding a confidence high...

Do any other INTPs act completely unlike themselves when nervous/embarrassed? I mean... I surprised myself tonight.
 
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It's amazing what we INTPs are capable of when we "put ourselves out there." We could be a like-able and charming bunch.

And when you "put yourself out there," leaving oneself out for scrutiny, it's a sign of becoming more self-assured and mature when you blunder, don't give a fuck, and pick yourself back up.

But to your question: I've blundered many times. I still blunder and will continue to blunder. I've been known to improvise when speaking publicly and sometimes it goes horribly wrong. Once you get yourself in a hole it is hard to dig yourself out.
 

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I've been riding a confidence high...

Do any other INTPs act completely unlike themselves when nervous/embarrassed? I mean... I surprised myself tonight.
Hehehe yes I know exactly what you mean... watch out once the high wears off. Distract yourself by watching other people doing really dumb things or by reading up on a really complicated topic. That sometimes helps get me through the inevitable low.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
It's amazing what we INTPs are capable of when we "put ourselves out there." We could be a like-able and charming bunch.

And when you "put yourself out there," leaving oneself out for scrutiny, it's a sign of becoming more self-assured and mature when you blunder, don't give a fuck, and pick yourself back up.

But to your question: I've blundered many times. I still blunder and will continue to blunder. I've been known to improvise when speaking publicly and sometimes it goes horribly wrong. Once you get yourself in a hole it is hard to dig yourself out.
I do that too! I usually have the hardest time when I have to write speeches because once I have a piece of paper in front of me, it goes downhill. In any case... I was riding the high... but then it started going away.
There were so many people there! And I'll have to see them for another four years. That's why I'm freaking out. I mean... now people know my name and I'm not just 'that girl' - I just don't want to have a certain behavior expected of me, because that was EXHAUSTING. I just wanted to sleep after it was done. I wasn't shaking anymore - I even stopped on stage and gave a 'last bow' to the audience. But... I wouldn't do it again for a while.
 

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Hehehe yes I know exactly what you mean... watch out once the high wears off. Distract yourself by watching other people doing really dumb things or by reading up on a really complicated topic. That sometimes helps get me through the inevitable low.
LOL ... just commented on the high going away. I'm kind of ... I don't even know what to call it. I've felt 'depressed' before, so I know it's not that. But it's just this intense sad feeling filling the void that was there before. I tried watching this video (among others):
And it worked for a while... but not really. Just listening to music is hurting my ego. I know it will wear off but it still sucks.
 
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And it worked for a while... but not really. Just listening to music is hurting my ego. I know it will wear off but it still sucks.
Unfortunately its distraction... not a cure. I know that void of which you speak. Try to avoid scolding to yourself about it out loud. It only creates a second void when you realize you look and sound mentally ill.
 

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Unfortunately its distraction... not a cure. I know that void of which you speak. Try to avoid scolding to yourself about it out loud. It only creates a second void when you realize you look and sound mentally ill.
This is true ... there's no escaping it, is there?
Although, I'm more of a mental-scolder with a dash of aimless pacing. I'd probably walk around until I was too tired to keep going or something - if it wasn't so dark, anyway.
 

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This is true ... there's no escaping it, is there?
Although, I'm more of a mental-scolder with a dash of aimless pacing. I'd probably walk around until I was too tired to keep going or something - if it wasn't so dark, anyway.
Haha I have done that. What I do more often is I will be walking through a room completed distracted thinking about what embarrassing thing I did. I will get absorbed in some sort of 'correction video' playing in my head where I am trying to rectify the embarrassing deed; the video keeps changing into what actually happened only worse and I keep embarrassing myself more. Then I feel mortified for the things I imagined doing just as much as the things I did do. Then I realize I am standing in the middle of a room staring at the wall... sometimes shaking my head and mumbling. UGH. I hate public humiliation turned private.

Good news is, no one will even really remember that in a couple months (give or take)
 

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Haha I have done that. What I do more often is I will be walking through a room completed distracted thinking about what embarrassing thing I did. I will get absorbed in some sort of 'correction video' playing in my head where I am trying to rectify the embarrassing deed; the video keeps changing into what actually happened only worse and I keep embarrassing myself more. Then I feel mortified for the things I imagined doing just as much as the things I did do. Then I realize I am standing in the middle of a room staring at the wall... sometimes shaking my head and mumbling. UGH. I hate public humiliation turned private.

Good news is, no one will even really remember that in a couple months (give or take)
Heh... if I'm lucky, they won't remember tomorrow... my campus is way too small for this kind of public disgrace.
What makes it worse is that there were people I knew who were there and witnessed it and tried to make me feel better. I always hate not being able to tell when people are saying 'nice' things because they're trying to be polite or because they genuinely mean it. It didn't help my thoughts either - I was just more conflicted than ever.
But I do that too! Except, I'll just sit in on spot if I'm inside or I don't feel like moving, and I'll just stare at the ground or the ceiling - somewhere where I don't have to make eye contact with some random passing person - and I just go so deep into thought that I'm completely lost to the outside world. That's how I process things like this.
 
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I always hate not being able to tell when people are saying 'nice' things because they're trying to be polite or because they genuinely mean it.
For F types this could be one and the same. Probably best to avoid trying to apply logic in assigning value/truth and take it as a gift. (Sorry I have been spending some time over in the NF forums looking for a 'soft' place to crash.)
 

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For F types this could be one and the same. Probably best to avoid trying to apply logic in assigning value/truth and take it as a gift. (Sorry I have been spending some time over in the NF forums looking for a 'soft' place to crash.)
No need to apologize... I've been stalking the ENFP board for the last couple of days, heh.
I think what makes it worse is that, I can't turn off that little voice in my head that keeps saying 'you should have just done what you wanted instead of doing what you did' or telling me alternative options AFTER the fact... It's like... my presence of mind is SO delayed that I can't actually think of decent alternatives 'til minutes after - or in worse cases, hours after.

So ... what was I saying? oh, right. The 'gift'. I'll work on it. But it's being undermined, hardcore.
 
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I hear you, kind of.
I was on a job interview the other day and I don't remember a thing from it, not even the names of the interviewers. I went in to some kind of social survival mode with no real control over myself, like driving a car real fast that started skidding - all you can do is trying to keep it on the road and hope you won't crash into something. It sinks in a while after but soon the details are forgotten.

I can keep my cool when everyone else screams around me panicking about some accident or disaster, and I can analyse it afterwards as well. My fight or flight instincts act up in pressed social situations instead.

Thankfully I don't feel pressure in most of my social situations these days.
 

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if it wasn't for the high... I probably wouldn't step outside of my comfort zones.

Although really I freak out more at buffets than on stages. . . traffic, congestion, being surrounded by zombies with a singular goal for consumption, annoyed by any sort of distraction than a blood thirsty audience waiting for me to fuck up.
 

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if it wasn't for the high... I probably wouldn't step outside of my comfort zones.

Although really I freak out more at buffets than on stages. . . traffic, congestion, being surrounded by zombies with a singular goal for consumption, annoyed by any sort of distraction than a blood thirsty audience waiting for me to fuck up.
Really? That truly is odd... I hate calling attention to myself but once it's on me, I tend to perform as well as I can and for as long as I can stomach it... but even as I'm doing that, my paranoia tells me "they're all going to make fun of you..." o.o
As far as buffet lines go... I don't join them unless I'm left with no other choice.
 

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As far as buffet lines go... I don't join them unless I'm left with no other choice.
KING CRAB LEGS! MINE! BTFU!

*en garde! raise your tongs!*
 

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Really? That truly is odd... I hate calling attention to myself but once it's on me, I tend to perform as well as I can and for as long as I can stomach it... but even as I'm doing that, my paranoia tells me "they're all going to make fun of you..." o.o
As far as buffet lines go... I don't join them unless I'm left with no other choice.
Well, you're just a prop to what you're presenting... so have an out of body experience. invoke an avatar... let yourself be taken over by the neurotic energy, then pull on the chains, focuses it for your intent.

method acting... it's said intps do astonishingly well at it.

all that repression has to go somewhere... and since you're unlikely to develop telekinetic powers and go on mass killing spree... you mind as well just go with it. the stage is your very own padded cell... you have plausible deniability later. It was just an act or nerves.

Or I'm a freak and social anxiety has turned into some erotic exhibitionists game for me.
 

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Well, you're just a prop to what you're presenting... so have an out of body experience. invoke an avatar... let yourself be taken over by the neurotic energy, then pull on the chains, focuses it for your intent.

method acting... it's said intps do astonishingly well at it.

all that repression has to go somewhere... and since you're unlikely to develop telekinetic powers and go on mass killing spree... you mind as well just go with it. the stage is your very own padded cell... you have plausible deniability later. It was just an act or nerves.

Or I'm a freak and social anxiety has turned into some erotic exhibitionists game for me.
I'll go with those, all of those! I think I kind of take pleasure in embarrassing myself (sometimes) ... I get a high off people's reactions, then AFTER everything's been done, I start to realize... they really may think I'm a complete dipwad...
 

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they really may think I'm a complete dipwad...
so it's just one more perception to shatter... and it feeds back into the high.

And people are more inclined to rally around the dipwad... yeah, they'll still have hecklers ... but the branding power is in the flaws not in the perfections.

inane contradictions... classical music (orchestras) comes to mind... it's such a ruthlessly structured environment... those that do well at it move quickly through the chairs.... but the ones that standout are the ones making mistakes, and often they go on to stand apart from the crowd... for better and worse. And it's often not in that attitude "I'm going to be different" it usually just happens... somewhere between their greatest fears and hopes.

But this is sounding a little too after school special... so I'll be over there freebasing my humiliation and mainlining my friends and family's disappointment.
 
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