[AkiKaza]

So, because I am an INTP female, naturally my family does not take very well to the way I think and act. They don't like that I'm not girly and soft and (what I see as) weak. They don't like my straight-forwardness and my willingness to argue and debate just for the fun of it. They keep telling me to be obedient, kind, smile more, talk about my feelings, etc.

I don't roll like that.

So yesterday I was in the car, and my sister and my mother were talking about trends and fads and whatnot, specifically what is "in" and what is "out" as far as attractiveness goes. Naturally, I went to expand the topic further. I wanted to know by whose standards where we to judge what was "in" or "out," who got to decide it, the underlying social implications of it all, whether or not it makes people more or less "true" to themselves regarding their own preferences, etc. You know, the usual million questions that pop into my mind.

I made the mistake of opening my mouth.

As soon as I started asking questions, they accused me of being defensive and basically told me to STFU. They asked why I always had to be so antisocial and go against the grain and accuse people and all that jazz. They accused me of having a low self-esteem, not liking myself. They said I was being rude and my tone of voice was unacceptable. Stuff like that.

I didn't understand any of this at all. I was merely presenting my opinion and trying to take the topic to a deeper level. They didn't want that. They said to let the conversation stay general, that I didn't need to ask a million things.

My mother told me to stop questioning everything.

I am not allowed to listen to my headphones in the car until I learn how to have "engaging superficial conversations." To me, THERE IS NO SUCH THING.

I am being punished for the way I think and act, and I am being coerced into changing into a more "socially acceptable" role. Maybe I'm being immature about this, but I could care less right now. I like the way I am, and I change for no man.

tl;dr - sorry for the rant. Do any other people experience this, especially you INTP females out there?

 

[Molock]

They said I was being rude and my tone of voice was unacceptable.

They would LOVE me. :laughing:

Seriously though, fuck them. One day you will be free and be able to put some distance between you and them. I know how you feel though, both my parents are SJ's and they never approve of anything I do.

Luckily I'm a guy so I don't get it as rough. I've also worn down my parents so they just give up whenever I question them...

 

[Nitou]

You're thinking too deeply. Fact is, there is absurdity in the world and it cannot always be explained. It is possible to have fun superficial conversations. Well, in my opinion anyway. Notice how the trendy jeans with the muffin top make it so that even girls with a nice figure look bovid. If you startle one cow, all the cows stampede even if it makes no sense. That is how fashion works. :crazy:

Seriously though, I am sorry you have to live with that.

 

[aerosmithgirl]

Man, that must SUCK! I wouldn't ever be able to live like that. 0_0

 

[Icotic]

"engaging superficial conversations."

One of my worst nightmares.

Both teachers and my parents tried to nudge me in the right direction, to no avail. I've had a few discussions that went along these lines:
- You're not very tidy, are you?
Me: No.
- But you're a girl. It's excusable for a guy to be messy, but a girl??
Me: Wha..?

 

[Notorious]

So, because I am an INTP female, naturally my family does not take very well to the way I think and act. They don't like that I'm not girly and soft and (what I see as) weak. They don't like my straight-forwardness and my willingness to argue and debate just for the fun of it. They keep telling me to be obedient, kind, smile more, talk about my feelings, etc.

I don't roll like that.

I get this all the time.

Especially the lecture about being kind, smiling more, and talking about my feelings. I can't really help this and I don't find it a problem like my parents do.
My mother especially, nags me day in and day out about how I should talk to people. She tells me people think I'm a 'snob' because I'm quiet. Just because I don't smile wherever I go she assumes I'm being rude and the fact that I debate just for the fun of it in her opinion is offensive.
Thus, I can't really put in my two cents in any conversation without being mistaken for being 'defensive and angry' when really, I'm enjoying it.

My father is an INTJ. I come to terms with him much easier than my mother.

 

[mkk5544]

Most people accuse Intp's as being so sensitive that they hide their feelings and act tough but in reality they are sad lonely people. It is bullshit. Most people can't understand that some people don't get all happy and smily and don't cry when their pets die. People suck they do and when you love someone(eww)it just means you put up with their suckieness.

 

[Lefty Curse]

My mother is an INFP.

I can do whatever the hell I want.

But I feel you, I've been lectured by a friend or two, and mocked for not being more girly and what not. Not ungirly in the way I dress out there or anything. Just a bit reserved in an almost cold way. I guess. Would be the way it could be described.

Most of the time it's not a problem because I rarely talk when around lots of people I don't know. So most of the time I am the socially acceptable: Assumed Shy Girl. And hey, who doesn't like a quiet woman?

 

[Nitou]

I've been mocked for not being girly enough... by a man who shaved his legs and wore women's clothing. :crazy:

 

[Vahkrin]

I've never experienced this directly, personally- I'm lucky enough to have parents that don't treat their kids like little manipulable meat-puppets. I'm fairly free to do what I want how I want to do it. As far as peer pressure goes, I've been immune and uncaring since about 5th grade. People occasionally ask "Why aren't you more such-and-such?" to which I usually can only answer/only care enough to say "Because I just am."

All I can say is don't give in- Change for no woman (your mom), either. You'll be able to cut ties with her as you wish eventually, once you're out on your own.

 

[Van]

This sounds awfully familiar. My dad has given me the 'everything that's wrong with you and my opinion on why' lecture a few times, even though I didn't grow up with him and I barely even see him.
There are some people in the world who just do not hear anything you say. If you aren't making obvious HAPPY! cues, you default to ANGRY in their eyes. They don't need to listen to what you say because they already know how you feel.

 

[Staryu]

So, because I am an INTP female, naturally my family does not take very well to the way I think and act. They don't like that I'm not girly and soft and (what I see as) weak. They don't like my straight-forwardness and my willingness to argue and debate just for the fun of it. They keep telling me to be obedient, kind, smile more, talk about my feelings, etc.

I don't roll like that.

So yesterday I was in the car, and my sister and my mother were talking about trends and fads and whatnot, specifically what is "in" and what is "out" as far as attractiveness goes. Naturally, I went to expand the topic further. I wanted to know by whose standards where we to judge what was "in" or "out," who got to decide it, the underlying social implications of it all, whether or not it makes people more or less "true" to themselves regarding their own preferences, etc. You know, the usual million questions that pop into my mind.

I made the mistake of opening my mouth.

As soon as I started asking questions, they accused me of being defensive and basically told me to STFU. They asked why I always had to be so antisocial and go against the grain and accuse people and all that jazz. They accused me of having a low self-esteem, not liking myself. They said I was being rude and my tone of voice was unacceptable. Stuff like that.

I didn't understand any of this at all. I was merely presenting my opinion and trying to take the topic to a deeper level. They didn't want that. They said to let the conversation stay general, that I didn't need to ask a million things.

My mother told me to stop questioning everything.

I am not allowed to listen to my headphones in the car until I learn how to have "engaging superficial conversations." To me, THERE IS NO SUCH THING.

I am being punished for the way I think and act, and I am being coerced into changing into a more "socially acceptable" role. Maybe I'm being immature about this, but I could care less right now. I like the way I am, and I change for no man.

tl;dr - sorry for the rant. Do any other people experience this, especially you INTP females out there?

OMYFREAKINGGOODNESS this is exactly me. i will copy and paste exactly what i can relate to in ur post[im INTJ tho]
They don't like that I'm not girly and soft and (what I see as) weak. They don't like my straight-forwardness and my willingness to argue and debate just for the fun of it. They keep telling me to be obedient, kind, smile more, talk about my feelings, etc.
So yesterday I was in the car, and my sister and my mother were talking about trends and fads and whatnot, specifically what is "in" and what is "out" as far as attractiveness goes. Naturally, I went to expand the topic further. I wanted to know by whose standards where we to judge what was "in" or "out," who got to decide it, the underlying social implications of it all, whether or not it makes people more or less "true" to themselves regarding their own preferences, etc. You know, the usual million questions that pop into my mind
^^and i had an exact conversation like that with my mom and she rolled her eyes. no kidding. They said I was being rude and my tone of voice was unacceptable.
^^ive had that, numerous occasions. also got told off for being too "bossy."yeah..bossy. yeesh.
I didn't understand any of this at all. I was merely presenting my opinion and trying to take the topic to a deeper level. They didn't want that. They said to let the conversation stay general, that I didn't need to ask a million things.

"My mother told me to stop questioning everything."
don't listen to her.

I am being punished for the way I think and act, and I am being coerced into changing into a more "socially acceptable" role. Maybe I'm being immature about this, but I could care less right now. I like the way I am, and I change for no man.
don't. i don't plan on doing that, & i dont think anyone should.
but wow..i could relate to a LOT of this stuff.

 

[wafflecake]

God, I know how this is.

Perfect example, happened today: As my aunt and I were walking into the hospital to pick up my mother from surgery, there happened to be a page of someone's medical records on the ground (which I noticed before my aunt). I walked past it, but my Aunt picked it up and gave it to a nurse. She asked why I didn't pick it up; I said that it wasn't mine, and therefore I had no reason to.

My aunt didn't seem to understand my pretty simple reasoning; she then presented an anecdote I didn't give two shits about. She said that she was with my cousin at Wal-Mart, when they found a lost hispanic child crying. Or something. My cousin speaks Spanish, and when my aunt told her to interpret for the child, my cousin replied "I'm on the phone," which my aunt thought was rude. I then went on to explain how not only was it not rude, but it was the child's fault for getting separated from his parents; I also threw in that I wouldn't have helped the child either had I spoke Spanish, and that I know my country's language.

She then went on to scoff, say "I cannot believe you," and also said "If I broke my leg, you'd leave me there". I chose not to dignify that with a response; I was listening to a lecture on Semiotics and Structuralism.

After picking my mom up, we went down to the cafeteria; we see on the TV that whole Johns Hopkins murder/suicide thing. I wonder aloud if there are any hostages, and said that most of the time the hostages are expendable anyway (and then something about living in a police state). My aunt looked mortified, and asked why I think that way, to which my mother replied "At least you don't have to live with that".

How the fuck is that supposed to make me feel? I was pissed, and even said "I apologize for having differing, and in your eyes, deviant ways of thinking about things. I'll shut the hell up now so you can enjoy listening to the "news"".

Blegh.

 

[Staryu]

God, I know how this is.

Perfect example, happened today: As my aunt and I were walking into the hospital to pick up my mother from surgery, there happened to be a page of someone's medical records on the ground (which I noticed before my aunt). I walked past it, but my Aunt picked it up and gave it to a nurse. She asked why I didn't pick it up; I said that it wasn't mine, and therefore I had no reason to.

My aunt didn't seem to understand my pretty simple reasoning; she then presented an anecdote I didn't give two shits about. She said that she was with my cousin at Wal-Mart, when they found a lost hispanic child crying. Or something. My cousin speaks Spanish, and when my aunt told her to interpret for the child, my cousin replied "I'm on the phone," which my aunt thought was rude. I then went on to explain how not only was it not rude, but it was the child's fault for getting separated from his parents; I also threw in that I wouldn't have helped the child either had I spoke Spanish, and that I know my country's language.

She then went on to scoff, say "I cannot believe you," and also said "If I broke my leg, you'd leave me there". I chose not to dignify that with a response; I was listening to a lecture on Semiotics and Structuralism.

After picking my mom up, we went down to the cafeteria; we see on the TV that whole Johns Hopkins murder/suicide thing. I wonder aloud if there are any hostages, and said that most of the time the hostages are expendable anyway (and then something about living in a police state). My aunt looked mortified, and asked why I think that way, to which my mother replied "At least you don't have to live with that".

How the fuck is that supposed to make me feel? I was pissed, and even said "I apologize for having differing, and in your eyes, deviant ways of thinking about things. I'll shut the hell up now so you can enjoy listening to the "news"".

Blegh.

one time my ESFP friend was describing a murder and how she would like to "tear the fuck out of that guy" and i just could not get affected. i felt nothing. i reasoned out that it must be bad, there would be grief to the parents of the kids, etc..but i just could not feel anything. i THOUGHT, i didn't feel. i was like.."why am i not feeling ANYTHING?" i guess it's bc stuff like that has become so common that a subconscious part of me reasons out that it's not worth feeling anything/wasting energy on it so i don't bother. i know there is something bad but i don't feel anything AT ALL. it's not good..
thankfully, she was not with me and this was all done online. if she saw i felt nothing, she would probably stop being my friend.

 

[jr55]

I get this all the time.

Especially the lecture about being kind, smiling more, and talking about my feelings. I can't really help this and I don't find it a problem like my parents do.
My mother especially, nags me day in and day out about how I should talk to people. She tells me people think I'm a 'snob' because I'm quiet. Just because I don't smile wherever I go she assumes I'm being rude and the fact that I debate just for the fun of it in her opinion is offensive.
Thus, I can't really put in my two cents in any conversation without being mistaken for being 'defensive and angry' when really, I'm enjoying it.

My father is an INTJ. I come to terms with him much easier than my mother.

Totally agree. People who don' t know me thinks I'm a moody shit. And when I say things that seems out of the norm for the general people they label me as being negative and angry.

I get so tired of explaining to them that I've learn to either block out their conversations or just have those debates in my head instead and smile at my own replies and of cos once in a while I broke into a smile and AGAIN they think I am being weird or worse agreeing with they senseless talks.. lol

All my life people, have been telling me to smile more but really what is there to really smile about all day?

 

[Nitou]

God, I know how this is.

Perfect example, happened today: As my aunt and I were walking into the hospital to pick up my mother from surgery, there happened to be a page of someone's medical records on the ground (which I noticed before my aunt). I walked past it, but my Aunt picked it up and gave it to a nurse. She asked why I didn't pick it up; I said that it wasn't mine, and therefore I had no reason to.

My aunt didn't seem to understand my pretty simple reasoning; she then presented an anecdote I didn't give two shits about. She said that she was with my cousin at Wal-Mart, when they found a lost hispanic child crying. Or something. My cousin speaks Spanish, and when my aunt told her to interpret for the child, my cousin replied "I'm on the phone," which my aunt thought was rude. I then went on to explain how not only was it not rude, but it was the child's fault for getting separated from his parents; I also threw in that I wouldn't have helped the child either had I spoke Spanish, and that I know my country's language.

She then went on to scoff, say "I cannot believe you," and also said "If I broke my leg, you'd leave me there". I chose not to dignify that with a response; I was listening to a lecture on Semiotics and Structuralism.

After picking my mom up, we went down to the cafeteria; we see on the TV that whole Johns Hopkins murder/suicide thing. I wonder aloud if there are any hostages, and said that most of the time the hostages are expendable anyway (and then something about living in a police state). My aunt looked mortified, and asked why I think that way, to which my mother replied "At least you don't have to live with that".

How the fuck is that supposed to make me feel? I was pissed, and even said "I apologize for having differing, and in your eyes, deviant ways of thinking about things. I'll shut the hell up now so you can enjoy listening to the "news"".

Blegh.

I disagree with you. I'm no Mother Theresa, but I think people ought to look out for each other, especially when they can do so at no cost to themselves. A paper on the floor might not have registered because I often don't notice stuff like that, but if it did I would have picked it up. I do think it is a bit strange that your aunt asked you why you didn't pick it up, as it would not have occurred to me that you didn't or that you should have.

Since I had my own child, the sound of a baby or young child in distress (which is different from a child having a tantrum) sounds like an alarm going off. It makes me want to gnash my teeth and climb up the wall when people ignore their babies crying. You didn't say how old the lost child was, but it is not reasonable to hold a child to the same standards of expectations as you would an adult. It doesn't matter if it is his "fault" for losing his parents or for not speaking English. It is frightening for a child to get separated from the parents and it is little inconvenience to put a conversation on hold for thirty seconds to attend to what's going on in front of you.

 

[Arusnem]

I almost never have to put up with that kind of stuff.

If people ask me to smile more/ engage in small talk, I kindly explain why I don't/won't.

If they insist, then it becomes fun.
Ridiculing them by acting like them, only a little more stupid; walking the thin line where they start to feel the conversation is a bit dumb without being able to blame it on you. Exquisite.

Agree with them, and more; a lot more.
Take the "small" in small-talk to a new level; here comes the nano-talk.
Do not hesitate to tell people to stop being anti-social smart asses if they try to raise it to small again. Bloody intellectuals.

In the end you risk being in the situation where people anxiously look at you, not daring to talk because they're a bit scared.
Just ask them why they don't smile more or can't be a bit more social.

Of course the fact that it's you family might make it a lot less fun because of emotionnal stuff I can't be bothered to elaborate.
(Hell, I sometimes get accused of being a cold nitpicker by some ENTP and INFP in my family)

 

[Columbine]

I can relate to this a lot, but my family is more likely to just avoid to go along with my complex questionings and thoughts. My friends complain a lot more, they laugh and then point out that I'm such a smart ass. The funny thing is that they state stuff like that with really smug facial expressions, as if they were happy that they are "normal" and not like me. My lack of emotions gets me in strange situations, for example when my friend told me her mother had a brain tumor. Two of the girls who were also there at the time bursted into tears and I just put on a semi-sad face and said "Really? I'm sorry"

..... they later accused me for being insensitive. I actually felt bad for her since I've know her for years, but I just can't display shit like that. It would lower me to the level of "regular", soppy girls and I feel very reluctant about this.

 

[Columbine]

I almost never have to put up with that kind of stuff.

If people ask me to smile more/ engage in small talk, I kindly explain why I don't/won't.

If they insist, then it becomes fun.
Ridiculing them by acting like them, only a little more stupid; walking the thin line where they start to feel the conversation is a bit dumb without being able to blame it on you. Exquisite.

Agree with them, and more; a lot more.
Take the "small" in small-talk to a new level; here comes the nano-talk.
Do not hesitate to tell people to stop being anti-social smart asses if they try to raise it to small again. Bloody intellectuals.

In the end you risk being in the situation where people anxiously look at you, not daring to talk because they're a bit scared.
Just ask them why they don't smile more or can't be a bit more social.

Of course the fact that it's you family might make it a lot less fun because of emotionnal stuff I can't be bothered to elaborate.
(Hell, I sometimes get accused of being a cold nitpicker by some ENTP and INFP in my family)

Haha, the small talk thing! I like to dive into groups of girls discussing silly women's magazines and be as ironic as possible until they start feeling uncomfortable. Then I just snicker and sit back.:laughing:

Edit: Here's my current wallpaper, OP. Hope you enjoy. And P.S, never stop questioning. Question everything.

 

[SaraBell]

Yeah, happens all the time. Example from yesterday: I was with my mom at a battery store when I got a text from my boyfriend saying that our friend's girlfriend was driving drunk and got into a crash. It was her and another girl in the car and apparently they were both in the hospital, she was doing good, but the friend wasn't doing so well. I told my mom about it and she was like "oh my god! that is so sad!" I said "yeah...she is such an idiot...". Later my mom started talking about it again and saying how sad it is. I didn't really have anything to say to that so I just said "mmhm". She then looked at me funny and said "well you don't seem like you think it's really sad!" :crazy: lol...I Just told her "well, what do you want me to do? start crying about it or something? I don't like the one girl and I don't know the other..."