Hy everyone:happy:
I hope someone could give me some advice. I've read some really awesome stuff from you guys
and i'm happy i've found this site. I could really use some help.
Now that i'm trying to put it into words, I find it pretty hard to describe my problem. I'm lonely, that's for sure.
I'm studying web development, but i really hate it. I feel like i've only applied for this course out of fear. I've been studying programming in high school, and after i finished it, i was too afraid to do something else. I knew i should have, but i didn't.
This course is taking place in my high school, so all my old friends stayed. It felt like this was a safe place to go on. Well, now when i'm in there, in class, all i think about how i should kill everyone in this world and burn that place down to the ground. And that's not how i am. I don't want to be like that. I want to leave it, but i'm still afraid of change.
And no one gives me encouragement. No one says "F*** that. Get out of there. You'll be fine." Everyone says how i should do it anyway. How i'm gonna get only low-paid jobs. No one gives a f*** about how i feel. Now that i read what i wrote, i feel really immature. This seems like a pretty easy problem to solve. I just really lack confidence.
This takes effect on my personal life too. There were some opportunities i didn't take in the last couple of months. There were girls who liked me, but i failed to take action. I didn't really believe that anyone could like me. I hardly can believe it right now. I haven't even kissed a girl yet, ever.
The problem is that in my current state of mind, and how i act around people, even my best friend finds it really hard to bear with me. My behaviour is so different from what i actually feel. It's like i have this dark aura that scares off everyone. I think it would really help if i could leave my parents' house. I'm 19 and i've always lived with my mum and my grandmother. I met my father maybe 2 times when i was a kid. Guess that explains a lot..
I don't think this can go on for long. Everything feels rather pointless this way. I promised myself a while ago, that i'm never gonna give up, nevermind how hard it gets. I would like to think that i have a place on this planet too. And i have something to give to other people.
Thanks for reading:happy:
I hope someone could give me some advice. I've read some really awesome stuff from you guys
Now that i'm trying to put it into words, I find it pretty hard to describe my problem. I'm lonely, that's for sure.
I'm studying web development, but i really hate it. I feel like i've only applied for this course out of fear. I've been studying programming in high school, and after i finished it, i was too afraid to do something else. I knew i should have, but i didn't.
This course is taking place in my high school, so all my old friends stayed. It felt like this was a safe place to go on. Well, now when i'm in there, in class, all i think about how i should kill everyone in this world and burn that place down to the ground. And that's not how i am. I don't want to be like that. I want to leave it, but i'm still afraid of change.
And no one gives me encouragement. No one says "F*** that. Get out of there. You'll be fine." Everyone says how i should do it anyway. How i'm gonna get only low-paid jobs. No one gives a f*** about how i feel. Now that i read what i wrote, i feel really immature. This seems like a pretty easy problem to solve. I just really lack confidence.
This takes effect on my personal life too. There were some opportunities i didn't take in the last couple of months. There were girls who liked me, but i failed to take action. I didn't really believe that anyone could like me. I hardly can believe it right now. I haven't even kissed a girl yet, ever.
The problem is that in my current state of mind, and how i act around people, even my best friend finds it really hard to bear with me. My behaviour is so different from what i actually feel. It's like i have this dark aura that scares off everyone. I think it would really help if i could leave my parents' house. I'm 19 and i've always lived with my mum and my grandmother. I met my father maybe 2 times when i was a kid. Guess that explains a lot..
I don't think this can go on for long. Everything feels rather pointless this way. I promised myself a while ago, that i'm never gonna give up, nevermind how hard it gets. I would like to think that i have a place on this planet too. And i have something to give to other people.
Thanks for reading:happy: