[Jamie.Ether]

Hi, I'm a 5w4 with a strong 4 wing. It's weird. I feel the wing pull more or less under different circumstances.
In relationships, I feel my 4 traits come out more.
I would think I enjoy intense romance more than others...sometimes to a fault.
I experience a push/pull sense when in a heated conflict with a significant other. It happens with friends and family I consider very close to also, but more so in romantic relationships.
I find myself reacting strongly in some cases... sometimes really going off, and then I want the person to react back. When I'm ignored in these situations, I feel the worst. I would rather the person yell and be mean to me than to ignore me. When I do feel ignored in those situations, I just get more angry and get more intense, trying to provoke a response.
I know this sounds childish and I feel embarrassed afterward.
I also realize that this makes people feel very uncomfortable...at the force of my emotional reactions. I can really scare people. They can start questioning the stability of our relationship because I will say extreme things in a moment of intense feelings.

Do any of you other 4's relate? Have any advice or stories you want to share?

I'm also thinking my instinctual variants must play in here.. I'm sx/sp. I feel like that adds to the push-pull energy. And I know type 5 can move to 8, so some of the anger probably stems from there also.

Any discussion is welcome. Thanks.

 

[unspokendeeplyunderstood]

you know.. this sounds like me aswell..sometimes the push/pull comes at such an intense feeling i just dont know what to say.or doo its like my only reaction is to pull away to push my feelings upon my SO. But mainly i find the feelings arise from inside me.. like a internal war breaking out, disrupting my whole worlds chain of feeling/thinking.. i cant expect others to really understand me in that moment of intensiveness i just find myself staying quiet sometimes to avoid saying all the wrong things.. few times i am able to recognize the pattern of thoughts and feelings building up in me and am able to overcome it before it gets worse... but i do strongly feel that i rather be yelled at argued about how ridiculous im being, then ignored or taken lightly..that just adds tinder to the fire building within.

 

[Aleksandra]

Push and pull - two words to describe every single relationship I had in my life. To this day I can't explain why I behave like this. I know I hurt the people I love, but I just can't help it. My poor parents have to put up with this every day. It's difficult for me to show the my affection and gratefulness, I'm pretty sure they think I'm cold, in fact I love them to death. The same with my best friend - sometimes I just need to withdraw, and when we meet the next day I'm nice and willing to talk. I guess the reasons are that sometimes I'm just overwhelmed by my feelings, besides - when I feel I'm being neglected or not given enough attention - I just disappear, as if i wanted to say " Hey, notice me, unless you want to lose me forever" - and then I'm usually embarrassed. And what I'm going to write right now is probably one of the most personal things I have ever written : when someone I love neglects me, i feel so bad and desperate, that I don't even want to admit it, and sometimes I do this push and pull stuff to prove to myself, that what I feel isn't THAT strong, I don't need this person THAT much. I want to get used to the fact that I may lose this person, to be mentally prepared for such a situation, even if it's extremely unlikely. It's totally irrational, but again, I can't help it.

 

[heaveninawildflower]

I find myself reacting strongly in some cases... sometimes really going off, and then I want the person to react back. When I'm ignored in these situations, I feel the worst. I would rather the person yell and be mean to me than to ignore me. When I do feel ignored in those situations, I just get more angry and get more intense, trying to provoke a response.
I know this sounds childish and I feel embarrassed afterward.
I also realize that this makes people feel very uncomfortable...at the force of my emotional reactions. I can really scare people. They can start questioning the stability of our relationship because I will say extreme things in a moment of intense feelings.

Do any of you other 4's relate? Have any advice or stories you want to share?

I can really relate but I really don't like sharing much about this stuff. I have a temper at times...that is all I can say about this.

 

[Jamie.Ether]

... I just disappear, as if i wanted to say " Hey, notice me, unless you want to lose me forever" - and then I'm usually embarrassed.
...when someone I love neglects me, i feel so bad and desperate, that I don't even want to admit it, and sometimes I do this push and pull stuff to prove to myself, that what I feel isn't THAT strong, I don't need this person THAT much. I want to get used to the fact that I may lose this person, to be mentally prepared for such a situation, even if it's extremely unlikely. It's totally irrational, but again, I can't help it.

I can completely relate here. It is really embarrassing....
If I feel like a relationship might fall apart, I sort of prepare myself mentally and emotionally [or I try to]. I imagine the worst, things falling to pieces. I guess so it won't hurt so bad if that happens. I try to separate myself from the person in a way to get ready to live without them. So, I end up pushing them away because I think they are going to push me away. But I want them to respond and tell me not to leave and to fight for me... Then I come back, angry at them and they don't understand. Ugh. It really is a mess, haha. Glad some people understand though.

 

[unico]

I sometimes push/pull, too, but not that often. I get afraid a relationship (romantic or otherwise) is going bad and there are "bad" signs (which often are fairly insignificant) and I get very moody and withdrawn. I can be mean. But at the same time I hate losing people.

 

[Berdudget]

@Jamie.Ether

I notice my tendency to do the push-pull dance on almost a daily basis. Sometimes it's simple, undetectable to the people I'm doing it too. Other times, it's a force to be reckoned with. I can almost say it defines my way of dealing with people period, with some more than others. And I completely agree that it is always more intense with romantic relationships.

 

[Scruffy]

It's strange to see the push/pull adjective when describing 4s, I've only seen it applied to the type 6.

 

[Berdudget]

@Scruffy - I've never heard it applied to type 6, in ten years. Please share some examples. I'd love to read them. :happy:

 

[Scruffy]

It's the hot/cold, push/pull vibe you get from a type 6. Especially in their writing, going between the tedium of what they should write vs not writing what they don't want. The idea that they need to write out exactly what they want to say in the exact way they think of it. Aiming for a precision of what to say, because they want you to know exactly what they're trying to say, and so you don't assume anything they don't want you to. Too much/too little

 

[MadMadMadness]

It's the hot/cold, push/pull vibe you get from a type 6. Especially in their writing, going between the tedium of what they should write vs not writing what they don't want. The idea that they need to write out exactly what they want to say in the exact way they think of it. Aiming for a precision of what to say, because they want you to know exactly what they're trying to say, and so you don't assume anything they don't want you to. Too much/too little

Absolutely agree that Type 6s do the push/pull, my guess is that many type 6s have 4s in their tritypes (which I have commonly noticed, for some reason). The two Type 6s I know was a 6w5 w/ a 684 tritype, and a 6w7 w/ a 614 tritype. Both do the push/pull crap with me when upset; give me periods of silent treatment, unfriend/unfollow me on social media. They want me to react and give them attention. They'll be waiting until their dead. Either grow up or go away.