DISCLAIMER: If there are any similar threads, feel free to direct me to those, given that I have no idea how to label or refer to this problem.
Have you noticed or caught yourself frequently comparing yourself to an Ideal Self, or imagining the perfect manner in which an event will turn out, only to find reality fall short?
More and more, I've been noticing that I keep comparing myself to how I think I "should be", even those times I acknowledge that it's not rational or not possible/probable, given the circumstances.
I'm SICK of getting stuck in my head, becoming anxious, annoyed, frustrated, angry, and/or depressed (to name a few emotional states) when I don't match up against my vision of perfection.
Doubly so when other people sense and feel my hesitation, my angst, my discomfort, my discontentment from comparing them and/or myself to my ideals.
I realize that I've been doing this for a good chunk of my life. In conversations, when people ask about my hobbies or interests, I tend to pre-filter what I tell them based on my level of comfort/expertise in those areas and/or what I think the other person will find interesting (which amounts to pre-judging and filtering them).
e.g. In high school, aside from my small group of friends or fellow gamers, I never talking about any of the various facets of gaming I enjoyed, partly out of fear of being shunned, and partly because I thought no one would be interested in hearing about it. Granted, I'm still not very likely to talk about that with strangers.
A more apt example for me nowadays is playing the piano. I started learning about 1.5 months ago, and I don't feel I'm very good at it, regardless of what my mom says, nor the fact that I can play a few songs with both hands (there's the judging-myself-against-some-arbitrary-ideal schpiel). Therefore, when people ask what I'm up to outside of work and/or hobbies or interests, I generally don't bring it up. If I do, it's a simple "Sure, I started playing piano about a month and a half ago. I don't think I'm very good at it. <end topic>". Also, I tend to feel anxious even while talking about it, charging my statements with negative emotions, which I've noticed that people pick up on.
There's nothing inherently wrong with the topics themselves (correct me if I'm wrong :tongue
. It's my attitude towards those topics and my conceptions of other peoples' thoughts towards those topics which result in my feeling anxious about them, and I'm aware that the people I'm with notice and feel my anxiety.
Once I become aware of it, I just want the anxiety/other (perceived) negative emotion to go away, which makes it linger even longer, and sometimes get stronger, leading to even more awkwardness / discomfort.
HELP!
HOW have you been able to (temporarily) stop projecting your ideals onto yourself and others? :angry:
- A frustrated INFP
Have you noticed or caught yourself frequently comparing yourself to an Ideal Self, or imagining the perfect manner in which an event will turn out, only to find reality fall short?
More and more, I've been noticing that I keep comparing myself to how I think I "should be", even those times I acknowledge that it's not rational or not possible/probable, given the circumstances.
I'm SICK of getting stuck in my head, becoming anxious, annoyed, frustrated, angry, and/or depressed (to name a few emotional states) when I don't match up against my vision of perfection.
Doubly so when other people sense and feel my hesitation, my angst, my discomfort, my discontentment from comparing them and/or myself to my ideals.
I realize that I've been doing this for a good chunk of my life. In conversations, when people ask about my hobbies or interests, I tend to pre-filter what I tell them based on my level of comfort/expertise in those areas and/or what I think the other person will find interesting (which amounts to pre-judging and filtering them).
e.g. In high school, aside from my small group of friends or fellow gamers, I never talking about any of the various facets of gaming I enjoyed, partly out of fear of being shunned, and partly because I thought no one would be interested in hearing about it. Granted, I'm still not very likely to talk about that with strangers.
A more apt example for me nowadays is playing the piano. I started learning about 1.5 months ago, and I don't feel I'm very good at it, regardless of what my mom says, nor the fact that I can play a few songs with both hands (there's the judging-myself-against-some-arbitrary-ideal schpiel). Therefore, when people ask what I'm up to outside of work and/or hobbies or interests, I generally don't bring it up. If I do, it's a simple "Sure, I started playing piano about a month and a half ago. I don't think I'm very good at it. <end topic>". Also, I tend to feel anxious even while talking about it, charging my statements with negative emotions, which I've noticed that people pick up on.
There's nothing inherently wrong with the topics themselves (correct me if I'm wrong :tongue
Once I become aware of it, I just want the anxiety/other (perceived) negative emotion to go away, which makes it linger even longer, and sometimes get stronger, leading to even more awkwardness / discomfort.
HELP!
HOW have you been able to (temporarily) stop projecting your ideals onto yourself and others? :angry:
- A frustrated INFP