Pyrite
Pyrite,
I see a spark of humanity still in you. You are not the things you think you are. I know it is hard, but I think you can find your way out of the darkness that surrounds you. I see your demons laughing as they pull your mind all over, and yet... in your writing, your mind is sharp and clear. It's strange to know the difference. You did not show up, yet. You can text me again, any time. I have been debating if I should let go, or to keep my energy upon you, but I think I will continue to hold on regardless.
You are not those things in your possessed mind. You are a beautiful mother. You are a good friend. You are naive and unaware as the world takes from you. I understand. You let demons into your life due to your actions, but that is not who you truly are. You can become the mother your children want you to be. You can be forgiven for all the things you've messed up on. It will be ok if you choose for it to be. I know you need help doing this; there is often no return from your sin. I do not have the power myself to help; I am nothing. But in becoming nothing, I allow myself to be filled by God, who is everything. It is hard for me, to deny myself in this way, to deny my wants and desires. I'm not perfect, and it's not easy. But to save one soul is worth it. God wants all souls saved; if I can bring one back to him, I hope it's enough. So I will try when I see suffering to bring someone back, to give my energy, even if nothing changes; I will try.
You are loved and cared about, and not because of your talks and ramblings. Your family loves you, the real you. I love you as a person; I want you to heal and be happy. You do not have to wear a mask, or hide behind vices, or laughter, or distraction. You are hurting, and as hard as it is to stare that pain down directly, that is the only way back. To hit a place lower than you currently are, and to come back from that. No matter what you do, I accept who you are. I can only do that, because God has done that for me.
I don't see your videos as healthy for you. It may be your outlet, a way to be seen when you are otherwise unseen, but I suggest you let that go. I don't think it's helping you. I could see your light, trying to push through all the darkness, in certain moments of your videos, so there is hope. You told me you once found a way to become nothing, though perhaps you let in the wrong spirit at that point. I'm not sure. I think you need to find your way back to that point, and to instead come back with God in mind. To go to church. To become part of God's flock again. God rejoices when his lost sheep come back to the flock. You will not be left behind. He is searching for you in so many ways; so many ways that have to be countered by evil which wants you distracted and in a haze so you don't notice. Give up all the false ideas of what you are. There is nothing certain except that you are a mother. That is something you will always be. But nothing else applies, no other title or label applies. You can rebuild from nothing, but first, you must tear down all the labels you put upon yourself of who you've been conditioned to think you are.
I am going to save a copy of our conversations, so that I can give them to you some day. I think you will be well served by reading them again. You were in a different place then - perhaps a worse place... I'm not sure. But you found a way out of that pit, and still, perhaps, are in another of your own making. You are the only one able to know where you stand, but I think, not so deep inside, you know where you stand with God. Please find your way back.
This picture is how I will always see you. When I saw this, I stopped, and cried for you. This is who you really are. I wish to know the real you some day.
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I see a spark of humanity still in you. You are not the things you think you are. I know it is hard, but I think you can find your way out of the darkness that surrounds you. I see your demons laughing as they pull your mind all over, and yet... in your writing, your mind is sharp and clear. It's strange to know the difference. You did not show up, yet. You can text me again, any time. I have been debating if I should let go, or to keep my energy upon you, but I think I will continue to hold on regardless.
You are not those things in your possessed mind. You are a beautiful mother. You are a good friend. You are naive and unaware as the world takes from you. I understand. You let demons into your life due to your actions, but that is not who you truly are. You can become the mother your children want you to be. You can be forgiven for all the things you've messed up on. It will be ok if you choose for it to be. I know you need help doing this; there is often no return from your sin. I do not have the power myself to help; I am nothing. But in becoming nothing, I allow myself to be filled by God, who is everything. It is hard for me, to deny myself in this way, to deny my wants and desires. I'm not perfect, and it's not easy. But to save one soul is worth it. God wants all souls saved; if I can bring one back to him, I hope it's enough. So I will try when I see suffering to bring someone back, to give my energy, even if nothing changes; I will try.
You are loved and cared about, and not because of your talks and ramblings. Your family loves you, the real you. I love you as a person; I want you to heal and be happy. You do not have to wear a mask, or hide behind vices, or laughter, or distraction. You are hurting, and as hard as it is to stare that pain down directly, that is the only way back. To hit a place lower than you currently are, and to come back from that. No matter what you do, I accept who you are. I can only do that, because God has done that for me.
I don't see your videos as healthy for you. It may be your outlet, a way to be seen when you are otherwise unseen, but I suggest you let that go. I don't think it's helping you. I could see your light, trying to push through all the darkness, in certain moments of your videos, so there is hope. You told me you once found a way to become nothing, though perhaps you let in the wrong spirit at that point. I'm not sure. I think you need to find your way back to that point, and to instead come back with God in mind. To go to church. To become part of God's flock again. God rejoices when his lost sheep come back to the flock. You will not be left behind. He is searching for you in so many ways; so many ways that have to be countered by evil which wants you distracted and in a haze so you don't notice. Give up all the false ideas of what you are. There is nothing certain except that you are a mother. That is something you will always be. But nothing else applies, no other title or label applies. You can rebuild from nothing, but first, you must tear down all the labels you put upon yourself of who you've been conditioned to think you are.
I am going to save a copy of our conversations, so that I can give them to you some day. I think you will be well served by reading them again. You were in a different place then - perhaps a worse place... I'm not sure. But you found a way out of that pit, and still, perhaps, are in another of your own making. You are the only one able to know where you stand, but I think, not so deep inside, you know where you stand with God. Please find your way back.
This picture is how I will always see you. When I saw this, I stopped, and cried for you. This is who you really are. I wish to know the real you some day.
