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Tips for fellow INTPs:

You don't need to rush. You are not worse than others just because you haven't found a perfect mate yet or had fewer boyfriends/girlfriends than someone.

Don't get into a relationship with "whoever" just because you think that they are the only one who showed interest in you.

Sometimes serendipity just happens, but you might need to put yourself out there. You can't win in a lottery if you haven't even bothered to buy a lottery ticket. You might find pleasure in meeting new people, they sometimes turn out to be interesting.

Read this and this.
 

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2. If we don't talk much or give you all the attention you seek, it does not mean that we aren't interested. If we aren't interested, you'd definitely know. I can't speak for the rest but I suck at pretending to be interested in a relationship.
See, that to me is ambiguous. Not talking much and not paying attention, to me, are signs of lack of interest. And from the threads I've seen spawn up, this appears to be the major issue, how to tell regular interested I'm-not-paying-attention-to-you to the kind caused by lack of interest. Can anyone shade this out for me, please?

I've never felt like INTPs were emotionless. But I have known some who were sort of in a bubble. Maybe they can tend to forget that the things they say or do have emotional consequences for others in ways that the sme things might not for them, like the example above with the shirt. Like people shouldn't fish for compliments, but in my experience when they DO start fishing it's because they don't feel like they're being noticed, right? So you an cut off some of those annoying behaviors in others by thinking ahead of them, like a big gooey game of chess that ends in sex.
 

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See, that to me is ambiguous. Not talking much and not paying attention, to me, are signs of lack of interest. And from the threads I've seen spawn up, this appears to be the major issue, how to tell regular interested I'm-not-paying-attention-to-you to the kind caused by lack of interest. Can anyone shade this out for me, please?

Okay, I am talking for myself. Not anyone else. Everyone is different, after all.
When I am interested (in a relationship) in someone, I do think of the person often, and I might call them up out of the blue to say "Hi." and what-not. I hate feeling or showing that I am emotionally dependent or I miss the person a lot, so I actually end up not calling them to assure myself "No, dude, you're fine. You don't need to be clingy.": this sometimes gets wrongly interpreted. When I am with that person, I do look at her a lot when she isn't looking. All that. This is only for the first few weeks though. After a while, it is pretty obvious to the other person that I like her a lot.

When I am not interested, the other person clearly notices that it is a task for me to call them up and they often tell me, "You're acting differently."
 

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Okay, I am talking for myself. Not anyone else. Everyone is different, after all.
When I am interested (in a relationship) in someone, I do think of the person often, and I might call them up out of the blue to say "Hi." and what-not. I hate feeling or showing that I am emotionally dependent or I miss the person a lot, so I actually end up not calling them to assure myself "No, dude, you're fine. You don't need to be clingy.": this sometimes gets wrongly interpreted. When I am with that person, I do look at her a lot when she isn't looking. All that. This is only for the first few weeks though. After a while, it is pretty obvious to the other person that I like her a lot.

When I am not interested, the other person clearly notices that it is a task for me to call them up and they often tell me, "You're acting differently."
If you don't mind me asking, have you been told that seeming emotionally dependent is "clingy," or is that sort of how you feel? If the woman acts that way, do you interpret it as her being clingy?

And yeah, the first few weeks are the crucial insecure ones, and I think it's mostly then when these "does s/he LIKE me" issues pop up.
 

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If you don't mind me asking, have you been told that seeming emotionally dependent is "clingy," or is that sort of how you feel? If the woman acts that way, do you interpret it as her being clingy?

And yeah, the first few weeks are the crucial insecure ones, and I think it's mostly then when these "does s/he LIKE me" issues pop up.
Eh, that's how I feel. In fact what clingy is for me is normal for others. I just don't like seeming vulnerable/dependent.
About the woman acting like that: It depends, really. If I have reason to believe they miss me and love me, sure, I am fine with it. If it looks like they're overly displaying emotions when I haven't even done anything for them or been nice to them, I tend to become a little sceptical. It's nice to be loved when you know you deserve it. :)

Side: I like it when women aren't easy to get. I like it when I am sure of their feelings and that I've made an effort to win them over.
 

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It's nice to be loved when you know you deserve it. :)

Side: I like it when women aren't easy to get. I like it when I am sure of their feelings and that I've made an effort to win them over.
course, some women set a low bar because they've had really bad experiences. You could have actually earned it in their eyes far sooner than in yours, in that case.

But what you said reminds me of @nadjasix's old signature about how holding everything in high esteem means esteeming nothing. I can see how some people would apply that to love--if you love everyone, maybe it's not so special?
 

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I remember being kind of snarky about expressions of emotion in my early relationships. Part of me ate it up on the part of the other person, but I never wanted to do it myself, and sometimes I would talk down to the other person / be dismissive.

It took me some years to experience the value in such displays and initiatives. It's mostly a matter of balance, too...
 

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What's funny about INTP guys is that they want you to be clingy (if you weren't they'd flip out). But they will never reciprocate the kind of behavior they expect from you.
UNTRUE! Proof:

 

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Most women are not going to put up with that, long term. Some NFs will, but you'll wear out even them, after a while...

Nobody wants to put more into a relationship than they're getting out of it.
I have felt that way once or twice, actually. I haven't ever wanted it. It was a very silly thought!
 

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What's funny about INTP guys is that they want you to be clingy (if you weren't they'd flip out). But they will never reciprocate the kind of behavior they expect from you.

In some ways, it seems sexist, at times.
YES. My ex always got super possessive and insecure if i wasn't reminding him how I felt all the time, but he would totally blow me off and never say anything until I stopped telling him that stuff. Then he'd panic and be all sweet again.

Hence the "ex." :)
 

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YES. My ex always got super possessive and insecure if i wasn't reminding him how I felt all the time, but he would totally blow me off and never say anything until I stopped telling him that stuff. Then he'd panic and be all sweet again.

Hence the "ex." :)
Life's too short for that kind of bullshit.
 

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Life's too short for that kind of bullshit.
What's funny is, it's guys like him that will tell you right up front that they're tired of women who "play games."

Well no shit, Sherlock...you're playing enou for the both of us! :)
 

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Reasons why my relationships have failed:

1. I was a teenager. A stupid hormonal teenager/very impulsive.
2. I fell out of 'infatuation'/got bored/not stimulated enough.
3. I thought I wasn't good enough/low self-esteem/whatever, and it was me who'd end up wrecking the relationship.
4. External circumstances.

Never has there been a 'lack-of-emotions' problem so big.
 

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YES. My ex always got super possessive and insecure if i wasn't reminding him how I felt all the time, but he would totally blow me off and never say anything until I stopped telling him that stuff. Then he'd panic and be all sweet again.

Hence the "ex." :)
Actually, I think it's something with me possibly being an ENTP according to my cognitive function development. My girlfriends tell me I make them feel really special. A "different kind of special." If they find out, I made all of them feel special I don't know if they'd feel all that special. o_O It's only possible when I really like the person, though.
 

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What's funny is, it's guys like him that will tell you right up front that they're tired of women who "play games."

Well no shit, Sherlock...you're playing enou for the both of us! :)

Everything you're saying is dangerously similar to a recent experience of mine. Fuck people and how predictable they are
 

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Actually, I think it's something with me possibly being an ENTP according to my cognitive function development. My girlfriends tell me I make them feel really special. A "different kind of special." If they find out, I made all of them feel special I don't know if they'd feel all that special. o_O It's only possible when I really like the person, though.

IT might be. If you are an ENTP, your Fe is more pronounced than an INTP and you are just more comfortable interacting with people.
 
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