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Discussion Starter #501
Do intps stare/creep on people they like a lot?
I have had maladjusted introverts of several different mbti types do this to me, and I have done it to others. XD
 

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o_O

So I totally just ended up chatting to a 34-year old Middle-Eastern male giving the guy dating tips.

I'm 21 studying in Leuven, Belgium, and I ran into him three years ago when he was starting a phD here, and I gave him some help in the computer labs with the printer and the university toledo system and all, ended up exchanging e-mail addresses to funnel through some links and files.

I ended up blocking the guy when he began asking me to live in an apartment with him, he like me much, I nice girl. Somehow he got unblocked and he said hello again, and I ended up telling him that, quite frankly, I thought he acted quite creepy and he can't expect to go and half propose to young girls wherever he goes.

He just popped offline now saying he learned a lot tonight and thanked me for talking to him, and I wished'm luck finding himself a first date. Culture clash, no idea how to even talk to women and figure out if they're single, apparently no real common sense either, and for as far as he told me, zero experience in close relationships. Perfect example of how not to find a partner.


o_O *just sort of a bit stunned, when did I turn into a dating doc, this is so surreal*
 

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Discussion Starter #503
o_O

So I totally just ended up chatting to a 34-year old Middle-Eastern male giving the guy dating tips.

I'm 21 studying in Leuven, Belgium, and I ran into him three years ago when he was starting a phD here, and I gave him some help in the computer labs with the printer and the university toledo system and all, ended up exchanging e-mail addresses to funnel through some links and files.

I ended up blocking the guy when he began asking me to live in an apartment with him, he like me much, I nice girl. Somehow he got unblocked and he said hello again, and I ended up telling him that, quite frankly, I thought he acted quite creepy and he can't expect to go and half propose to young girls wherever he goes.

He just popped offline now saying he learned a lot tonight and thanked me for talking to him, and I wished'm luck finding himself a first date. Culture clash, no idea how to even talk to women and figure out if they're single, apparently no real common sense either, and for as far as he told me, zero experience in close relationships. Perfect example of how not to find a partner.


o_O *just sort of a bit stunned, when did I turn into a dating doc, this is so surreal*
I have seen a lot of middle-eastern guys say that they find dating hard, because of their race. I don't claim to understand this in the least bit.. its just this thing I notice a lot - a lot of them claiming their race makes it hard to date. I would make a thread asking but it just seems so.. idk.. it would probably offend someone. My Fe sucks so I can't tell these things very easily.
 

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I just got randomly asked out. I never know how to respond other than thinking to myself "Does she mean me or a different Matt?"
I much prefer doing the initiating. At least I don't have to decide where and when for once.
 

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Do intps stare/creep on people they like a lot?
I usually stare at people that I take an interest in. Sometimes it's just for the sake of observing that person. I don't know what others think of it because no one has ever confronted me about it.
Also, though mostf people will say that I'm staring, I am actually just looking. I hope you get the difference.
 

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I have seen a lot of middle-eastern guys say that they find dating hard, because of their race. I don't claim to understand this in the least bit.. its just this thing I notice a lot - a lot of them claiming their race makes it hard to date. I would make a thread asking but it just seems so.. idk.. it would probably offend someone. My Fe sucks so I can't tell these things very easily.
I try to see it that it's more disrespectful to pretend there are no obvious differences.

In a Western society people grow up in social circles where the western dating game is taought from the get-go, mutual picking your friends, girl-and boyfriends and husbands and wives.
In many other cultures, as a man you're expected to tackle things more traditionally, accumulate some wealth and status, choose a girl and then go and ask them if they'll pls marry you. Women are also expected to find this normal and consider it, not in the least part because of the gender discrimination and the role of the woman as 'the wife' rather than 'half of a pair of earners'.

If you've grown up, not even misogynistic, but with these expectations of chivalry and tradition, I'm not surprised they come here and suddenly find no ladies responsive to such an approach. We demand dates and hanging out and talking and doing stuff together and eveeeeentually very maybe moving in together.

Just imagine a peacock trying to woo a bird of paradise expecting fancy moves and dances rather than a fan of feathers.
 

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Discussion Starter #507
I try to see it that it's more disrespectful to pretend there are no obvious differences.

In a Western society people grow up in social circles where the western dating game is taought from the get-go, mutual picking your friends, girl-and boyfriends and husbands and wives.
In many other cultures, as a man you're expected to tackle things more traditionally, accumulate some wealth and status, choose a girl and then go and ask them if they'll pls marry you. Women are also expected to find this normal and consider it, not in the least part because of the gender discrimination and the role of the woman as 'the wife' rather than 'half of a pair of earners'.

If you've grown up, not even misogynistic, but with these expectations of chivalry and tradition, I'm not surprised they come here and suddenly find no ladies responsive to such an approach. We demand dates and hanging out and talking and doing stuff together and eveeeeentually very maybe moving in together.

Just imagine a peacock trying to woo a bird of paradise expecting fancy moves and dances rather than a fan of feathers.
This explains a lot.

I was really baffled once when this middle-eastern guy approached me with: "I need good woman like you, I take you out, we have good dinner." -- He got very detail oriented about dinner, and he wouldn't take no for an answer. It was very awkward. I'm used to guys who approach me, talking to me. They look for conversation starters from any observable indicator of something that I would be interested in. He was probably a nice guy and all, but he really made me nervous with his approach and I just never knew what to think about it.
 

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This explains a lot.

I was really baffled once when this middle-eastern guy approached me with: "I need good woman like you, I take you out, we have good dinner." -- He got very detail oriented about dinner, and he wouldn't take no for an answer. It was very awkward. I'm used to guys who approach me, talking to me. They look for conversation starters from any observable indicator of something that I would be interested in. He was probably a nice guy and all, but he really made me nervous with his approach and I just never knew what to think about it.
From their POV it makes perfect sense, their way to prove they're desirable is to plan something like that and go for it and show they're serious. In their own culture this works, everyone expects this, but yes...

Being 18 and being asked by a +30 male you met twenty minutes ago, in all seriousness, about plans to move in together, that strikes us as extremely skewed and awkward and threatening. I didn't have the confidence at the time, but now years later I just told this guy just how huge the differences are. I tried to tell the peacock it's not a good idea to spread that tail, there's another strategy here.


Goes to show just how important cultural understanding is. This very clearly demonstrates that not understanding someone else's motives in their own context can lead to gross misinterpretation and very directly lead to fear and rejection, stigmatising of the 'other'.
 

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Do INTP's stare/creep a lot? lol...actually (I can't speak for all of us) I do, although it is usually innocent and unintentional. When I am thinking or daydreaming, I may stare at someone..but I get embarrased and apologize for doing so. Creeping...well I am called a creeper for some reason, but I don't mind that much. Actually, I find it quite amusing... but in the end, it's just another label for people who are a little bit..different from the majority.
 

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Well, I try not to be obvious about the staring thing, but I'm definitely guilty of creeping on my crushes. I'm really good at digging up information about them (without the help of others).

Guilty too... I scare myself sometimes of how much information I can get about someone sometimes. The internet gives us too much power I feel like, a darn enabler more like.
 

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I definitely do the creep/stare thing A LOT. Generally, though, it works to my advantage. Guys take the hint and usually end up asking me out if they're also interested.

But idk... I stare at people in general, whether I'm interested in them or not. And hypocritically, I get really irritated when people stare at me too much. I guess there's a balance. If you're staring at me and I look at you, you damn well better look away. I sort of like drawing looks but I hate it at the same time. I like it because I've got a lot of body confidence, but hate it because I tend to analyze what it means a bit too much.
 

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I'm new here, so forgive me if I'm posting this in the wrong place. Anyways... I have been dating my INTP for a year and a half. He has been hurt (ex wife became crazy, other relationships I don't know much about) in his past relationships to the point that he is very organic moving in confiding anything. We talk alot about life and have shared some things obviously over the course of time, but not much. I love him with all my heart, but neither of us have really said it yet. Last week however, before I fell asleep I rolled over and asked if he knows that I love him. He said yea, but he doesn't say it in relationships anymore because in the past when he has said it he ended up hurt. He said and I quote, "Now I just say This is it." What the heck is that supposed to mean? Is he afraid to say it? Does he mean this is ALL there is going to be? I'm completely baffled. I'm okay if he isn't ready to say it. I just want to know the relationship is heading in the right direction. ANd I know I would have to ask him what it means. I can say he is a man of action. As the saying goes, "Action speaks louder than words." But sometimes its just nice to hear them too.

I know this is only a forum and you don't know he or I. It's been my understanding though that INTP's often are hesitant to say the "L" word anyways and often don't show their emotions. I'm just curious as to what you all think about it. Thanks for reading!
 

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How can one tell if an INTP is interested? I've read a thread filled with posts describing that the INTP will act as if he hates that person. Lol. How about behaviors such as trolling? Do you guys like to troll with friends or with SOs? I think trolling can be a way of flirting... He used to text me a lot, but something happened. I was moody and playfully told him to stop texting me, and he actually did ;( He also used to tease me a lot...does this mean he likes me? And will an INTP go out of his way if he likes someone, like ask them out?
 

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You can't hint with us. We don't get it for most of the part because we take your joking hints as serious as the example above, and hinting tends to drive our NTs crazy and just making it all worse since we start thinking about "what does it mean?". And yes, we do troll. We're the master of troll. The problem for everyone (and ourselves) is that we can't discern between the two really. Sometimes we're really trolly and others take it very seriously because of our serious tone, and sometimes we don't get others are joking because we read it as very serious.

I think you will tell if we like you in the sense that we seem to enjoy your company. How much you will most likely not be able to tell though, but if you really want the guy you should become quite aggressive. We don't like to really initiate stuff. Just don't overdo it because then you'll scare him away with all that emotion. Just show him that you enjoy his company essentially, but be careful if he says he wants to do something else (it will most likely sound like a poor excuse for not hanging out) because then he needs to recharge energy and hanging around us when we have no energy makes us very grumpy.

At least from my experience relationships as an INTP is like growing fruit on a tree. You need to wait until it's mature before you can harvest but it should be fairly obvious when harvest is due. We just don't swoon and fall all over people. We need to slowly build trust in you and feel if it's right or not. Wavelength is very important. I don't know, to me relationships with my previous partners have always been very spontaneous and naturally coming, starting off on a good friendship basis that then developed into something more. That's how you need to play too.

I can say he is a man of action.
Are you sure you typed him correctly? INTPs don't really show devotion with their bodies or anything like that. It's not like the ISTP where a hand on your leg is the equivalent of saying "I love you". We express our feelings with our Ne, not Se, so when we become NeFe it tends to be incredibly naive, dreamy and most likely also very romantic.

We could write love poems for example, or sing a song, that kind of stuff. That, or I interpreted this sentence of you wrongly but we don't "act" in the sense of the STs acting.
 

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You can't hint with us. We don't get it for most of the part because we take your joking hints as serious as the example above, and hinting tends to drive our NTs crazy and just making it all worse since we start thinking about "what does it mean?". And yes, we do troll. We're the master of troll. The problem for everyone (and ourselves) is that we can't discern between the two really. Sometimes we're really trolly and others take it very seriously because of our serious tone, and sometimes we don't get others are joking because we read it as very serious.
I loveeee it when a guy trolls. It's fun:tongue: So do you guys troll around everyone or whenever you feel like it? Or is it directed towards a special person?



I think you will tell if we like you in the sense that we seem to enjoy your company. How much you will most likely not be able to tell though, but if you really want the guy you should become quite aggressive. We don't like to really initiate stuff. Just don't overdo it because then you'll scare him away with all that emotion. Just show him that you enjoy his company essentially, but be careful if he says he wants to do something else (it will most likely sound like a poor excuse for not hanging out) because then he needs to recharge energy and hanging around us when we have no energy makes us very grumpy.
Yeah! I am quite aggressive. Lol. I bossed him around for a bit, not seriously, but just for fun and he seemed to like it:laughing: What if I never initiate? Will he eventually come out and reveal his feelings for me? And when do you think that will be?


At least from my experience relationships as an INTP is like growing fruit on a tree. You need to wait until it's mature before you can harvest but it should be fairly obvious when harvest is due. We just don't swoon and fall all over people. We need to slowly build trust in you and feel if it's right or not. Wavelength is very important. I don't know, to me relationships with my previous partners have always been very spontaneous and naturally coming, starting off on a good friendship basis that then developed into something more. That's how you need to play too.
Okay, Lol. That's how I usually am too. For this one, it went faster. Since we met, we connected very easily. We became good friends, and we tease each other playfully.
 

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I loveeee it when a guy trolls. It's fun:tongue: So do you guys troll around everyone or whenever you feel like it? Or is it directed towards a special person?




Yeah! I am quite aggressive. Lol. I bossed him around for a bit, not seriously, but just for fun and he seemed to like it:laughing: What if I never initiate? Will he eventually come out and reveal his feelings for me? And when do you think that will be?



Okay, Lol. That's how I usually am too. For this one, it went faster. Since we met, we connected very easily. We became good friends, and we tease each other playfully.
I'd say we can troll anyone and anything. We're more likely to troll people we know though because we feel more socially comfortable but it most likely depends on how developed our Ne is. I troll more on the internet than IRL. I'd say as a general rule of thumb yes, if he does start to troll you A LOT it means he's very comfortable being with you and trusts that you can see through when he trolls you or not. Also remember that when we troll we usually do to initiate other people into behaving strangely in ways that we can observe and then secretely laugh over the stupidity of humanity.

As for your second question, depends how socially comfortable he is with you and how he fares on the E/I scale. The more I, the less likely he is to ever initiate. I'm quite extreme when it comes to my I, so I would never dare to initiate with a guy unless we would already essentially be a couple I think, but then it's more likely he's already initiated.

Well play the good friend card then. Wait and see if something more happens. It's apparent you're attracted though since you're asking about it. Remember that it kind of has to come naturally to him because if it's forced then it feels like you take away his choices and he's far more likely to shy away. That's probably why I think you'll rarely find INTPs enjoying the typical kind of dating because it's a forced way of engaging with someone to see if you like each other or not.
 

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Dare I make the small distinction between trolling as 'messing with in mutual awareness' and trolling as 'trying to make you look like an idiot in front of everyone and/or getting a cheap laugh at your expense'.

The former, sure, the latter, that's more reserved for hapless wilfully ignorant victims.
 
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