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I've been talking with someone for over a year, strictly over the internet, and I'm almost positive he's an INTP. He's always been very polite and respectful, and it took him a while to open up, but after talking for ~6 months, he did. I'm also very hesitant to share parts of myself, and once he opened up I felt more comfortable opening up, too.

Being that we only talk over the internet and that he doesn't readily discuss his feelings -- I find it hard to pick up on what his intentions are with me. Once we opened up to each other, we discussed meeting up in person (he lives 3 hours away), but it's never followed through. I've brought it up a few times since then over the span of a few months, and he always seems excited about it, but we put off choosing an exact day because of our schedules. I'm now at a point where I'd like to meet in person so that I can pick up on how I feel about him (chemistry, vibes, all that jazz), but I don't want the conversation to go the exact same way as it always does. I've asked him about intentions before, and we seem to be on the same page -- we like each other and would like to meet to find out where we think we should go from here.

Last time I brought it up, he responded positively to it, but then mentioned money being an issue (he's a student) despite that he's brought up having money before. I reminded him of it and he said that his shyness is most likely the bigger problem.

I'm finding it difficult to figure out what to do at this point. We've known each other so long that I feel like we're good friends, he's opened up to me in ways he hasn't with a woman before, our conversations are playful and frequent...

Any advice from an INTP? Can I assume that if we talk regularly, that he genuinely likes me? Should I wait for him to bring up hanging out? If he and I do hang out, I don't want him to worry about it!

Thanks in advance!
Meeting up with someone you have only spoken to on the Internet would big time freak me out tbh. Plus I am not even all that shy! More the potential for major awkwardness and fear of rejection I suppose. I presume he initiates conversations with you too? Seems like a pretty good sign to me he has some interest in you (at the least as a friend). People I don't feel like talking to are fighting an inevitably losing battle in trying to hold a conversation with me :)

My two cents on it.
 

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Oh and as for advice for nerves. hmm... anyway of easing into it maybe? Have you guys tried the whole video/voice chatting thing? Anything to make it less of a giant leap of faith I am sure would help :proud:
 

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Meeting up with someone you have only spoken to on the Internet would big time freak me out tbh. Plus I am not even all that shy! More the potential for major awkwardness and fear of rejection I suppose. I presume he initiates conversations with you too? Seems like a pretty good sign to me he has some interest in you (at the least as a friend). People I don't feel like talking to are fighting an inevitably losing battle in trying to hold a conversation with me :)

My two cents on it.
I think we both worry a lot about awkwardness and rejection, which is why I've made it a point that we'd just be hanging out, not on a date or anything like that. I'm the kind of person to battle awkwardness by pretending it isn't there, hah.

We both initiate conversations, about equally so, and balance is very important to me so I appreciate that about what we have. :)

If any other INTPs have advice too, I'd be interested in hearing it! Thanks for the input, @Qwerty1.
 

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Oh and as for advice for nerves. hmm... anyway of easing into it maybe? Have you guys tried the whole video/voice chatting thing? Anything to make it less of a giant leap of faith I am sure would help :proud:
We haven't done video/voice chatting, as we both live with a parent or parents and we mostly talk late at night. Is it weird that I feel more nervous imagining a phone conversation rather than hanging out? Haha. I'd be willing to mention it though. Thanks again.
 

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I don't really get dating. When I go to the movies, I want to watch the movie. When I eat, I like to eat and not talk. Maybe the zoo or a science museum would work.
 

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I don't really get dating. When I go to the movies, I want to watch the movie. When I eat, I like to eat and not talk. Maybe the zoo or a science museum would work.
I hate dating. I go to movies, cafés, museums, and even art fairs by myself, and would rather go by myself than with someone sucky. But if I have a friend that shares the same interest in it, then I'd prefer going with that person. I'd like to figure out something to do that he and I both like and is very casual.
 

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We haven't done video/voice chatting, as we both live with a parent or parents and we mostly talk late at night. Is it weird that I feel more nervous imagining a phone conversation rather than hanging out? Haha. I'd be willing to mention it though. Thanks again.
Heh, on Skype my voice locks up out of sheer argh.

I've met friends exclusively online, travelled from home (Belgium) to the UK to meet one and stay over for a week, and again a year later after having been friends for five years. We did talk over Skype a few times though.

Last year I met a German girl online who's in the same major as me, she went on Erasmus to the Netherlands this semester, so even without the awkwardness of romance I just took the train and stayed over at her student room for three days.

Travel really isn't as scary as it sounds if you've done it a few times, not even for a house mouse like me. Just plan it out so you know what to expect, make sure you pack efficiently, and whoop, off you go. Mind, I can do linear travel like this, don't ask me to freewheel backpack my way randomly through Europe, for THAT I'm indeed a little too awkward.

I think the monetary issue might play quite heavily. The friends I visited, I financed the trips myself, they just got to provide me foodstuffs. If I'd have been forced to rely on someone's charity I don't think I'd have been as eager.
 

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King of Seduction
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Okay I just need some input!

I'm an INFJ female who met an INTP male, and we developed a strong connection both intellectually and spirtually. After a few months of flirting things got pretty emotionally intense between us, so with a little courage on his part (and some encouragement on mine) he finally asked me out. The date went very very well and and he was eager to go out again. But soon life got in the way and he kept pushing back the second date. Then he tells me it's not a good time for him to start anything and just wants to be friends. It's actually understandable because his life is kind of a mess. He's very recently divorced (hasn't dated anyone since), is a newly single father, works full-time and is a part-time student, and has other large commitments/issues I won't go into here. But anyway his days are basically booked solid, so I understand that he doesn't have time for me. (Not to mention any post-divorce hang-ups).

But I don't understand why he asked me out in the first place only to realize he couldn't commit after one date? Is it like an all-or-nothing kind of thing? Like if he couldn't totally commit he didn't want to just keep it casual? Which as an INFJ, is a relief, because I'm not good at casual (nor am I good at "just friends" with someone I'm attracted to). I just want to have some idea where he's coming from because I am totally ruled by my heart, not my head. He got caught up in the heat of moment enough to ask me out, but then suddenly became realistic/analytical when things got real? I guess I just do not get INTPs!!
To me it sounds like you've already figured out what happened, thus we're not that confusing to you after all ;)

Likely what happened is he got caught up and then when he went out with you, shit got real.
Because perhaps he had this idea that he'd meet someone and move forward with his life but after the date he took a step back and looked at what his scenario was and decided that he can't even be who he wants in a relationship right now so it's better not to start one and hurt someone or get rejected.

There is always the possibility that he didn't dig you that much too (sorry to be the bearer of bad news).

But anyway, I can vouch for this happening because I've felt the same sort of thing after my break up and met someone new who I'd consider a relationship with. However I don't have a kid to complicate my situation even further like this guy does.
 

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King of Seduction
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Incoming massive post about the an INFP chick's (cluck cluck) views on an INTP guy. Feel free to drag this post through the mud if you disagree with something i mentioned. Feedback is appreciated!

Warning: These reflect my observations on a massive study group (that consists of 3!! test subjects, out of which one might be biased due to the romantic nature our the relationship.. sorry, couldn't help myself, just had to make him mine, INTPs are like the best of the best).

1)
Trust: probably the hardest thing to earn, no diving in head first when it comes to trust. He will be friendly and nice but he will also be reserved and cautious, so at the beginning he will just be polite than anything. If you spark his interest, he will engage you, moderately, in activities but as long as he feels there are no strings attached, no pressure and it's just good ol' clean fun.

2)
Friendship: This! This is where you begin to see the true potential of the glorious INTP (if you have the patience for it). Fresh friendships are .. awkward to say the least. Communication is ..interesting with him, he will say the most random and weird things (* according to NF standards) and those things will probably be about 1% of what's going on in his head. This will probably make most people just give him a big weirdo label, when actually his awkwardness is something epic. He is blunt and to the point, but only after he has carefully made sure that his answer isn't too weird to let it escape the mighty fortress of the INTP mind!

3)
Feelings: Yes, they do have em! Incredible i know! And they even show em! OMG! Well.. with the right encouragement that is. All he needs is a little .. aheam.. rub in the right place. And by that i mean ego.. what else were you thinking?! They're actually quite full of feelings, they just keep them locked up and ignore them over their logic, because let's be honest.. feelings are anything but logic. Does not compute, does not compute, error!

4)
Emotion moments: They come in bursts. He will allow himself a moment of "vulnerability", add a hint of "screw the world except you" moment, stir and repeat. He's loyal, calculated and obsessively perfectionistic, which is actually a good thing coupled up with the INFP perfectionism.
He shares the enthusiasm and excitement of a child sometimes. He's a very curious specimen and will pursue his interests with devotion, introduce him to something new and he might discard it as uninteresting, but bet your money he will be checking it out in a little while just to make sure he isn't missing out on anything.

5) Planning: They're zen, well at least they try. If he has an issue to worry about he'll simply focus his mind (or try) on something else to keep him distracted. Future planning is not his strong point. He'd rather live in the moment caught in the intricate webs his mind can weave.

6)
Comfort zone: Oh mighty Internet! Oh great computer! He likes his space, his solitary moments, his passions and hobbies. Never ever bother him when he's playing, although a little cleave can provide the distraction needed to just make him hit Alt+F4. *hint hint*

7) Awesomeness: Over 9000! Yeah. That is all.

Yeah that's it for now. Writer's block.
Accurate for me, that's hot.
/Paris Hilton

Anyway, the only thing that stood out as inaccurate for me is that I am a future planner.
Pretty much don't pay attention the what's going on in the present as that can make me feel like I'm not doing anything productive. Making the plan isn't a strong point but identifying what the end product of the plan has to be is important. So in other words it's a loose plan where the end product is the key.
The question gets to be do I have enough energy to go forward with this plan and do i think this step will send me in the right direction.

For instance I'm a Chiro.. when I decided to go to school it was basically: Could I work as a Chiro and make a living and enjoy it? I think so, then lets do it.

Then during Chiro school I freaked out and was like shit I might have made a bad choice but I'm too deep in it now to stop. Just finish this through maybe your viewpoint is skewed because this is stressful.

Finished school and was like, hmm you were right it should be worth it. Next step work and get financial independence. How to get there? Dunno yet but I should hire a reputable coach to guide me and do what he says. At least I'll get a frame work to follow or modify.
 

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King of Seduction
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I've been talking with someone for over a year, strictly over the internet, and I'm almost positive he's an INTP. He's always been very polite and respectful, and it took him a while to open up, but after talking for ~6 months, he did. I'm also very hesitant to share parts of myself, and once he opened up I felt more comfortable opening up, too.

Being that we only talk over the internet and that he doesn't readily discuss his feelings -- I find it hard to pick up on what his intentions are with me. Once we opened up to each other, we discussed meeting up in person (he lives 3 hours away), but it's never followed through. I've brought it up a few times since then over the span of a few months, and he always seems excited about it, but we put off choosing an exact day because of our schedules. I'm now at a point where I'd like to meet in person so that I can pick up on how I feel about him (chemistry, vibes, all that jazz), but I don't want the conversation to go the exact same way as it always does. I've asked him about intentions before, and we seem to be on the same page -- we like each other and would like to meet to find out where we think we should go from here.

Last time I brought it up, he responded positively to it, but then mentioned money being an issue (he's a student) despite that he's brought up having money before. I reminded him of it and he said that his shyness is most likely the bigger problem.

I'm finding it difficult to figure out what to do at this point. We've known each other so long that I feel like we're good friends, he's opened up to me in ways he hasn't with a woman before, our conversations are playful and frequent...

Any advice from an INTP? Can I assume that if we talk regularly, that he genuinely likes me? Should I wait for him to bring up hanging out? If he and I do hang out, I don't want him to worry about it! Is there a way I could make him feel less nervous?

Thanks in advance!
You can assume that if he talks regularly to you that he likes you. As far as romantically you can't because you've yet to see his awkwardness in person and compliment him on it. Once you see his awkwardness or quirks and say you think it's cute or compliment his thinking or something like that then he'll be caught. It's like a pokemon and based on what @sharizou wrote it seems like she's Ash so take advice from her haha.

I'm not crazy shy and I'm not sure I ever was. I did go out on a date last year with a model and I got nervous... I couldn't look her in the eyes too long cause she was kinda gorgeous. But that didn't really come out until we were across to table from each other, it was too intense. It seems like places you can move around and avoid hardcore intimacy like a dinner or even coffee is the way to go. Drinking helps too haha like a dark dive bar or lounge. If you have the luxury of being near something like an ocean or some other natural wonder you can stare at go there. You both have something to look at other then each others eyes and you can have a conversation and catch a vibe.
 

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If you want me, you have to rape me. And I welcome it if you're hot.

Sadly I'm more and more sure that above statement is true.

This holds true for me. I over analyze everything to the point where it paralyzes me and the moment is gone lololol.....then i go DAMNIT....and completely over- analyze why i seem to over- analyze everything and just can't do LOL. So really they SHOULD just rape me lmao.
 

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I don't really know how to deal with someone being into me.
As soon as I know someone feels for me, I sort of shy away from them.
I don't like getting too close, in the past it's caused problems.
 

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I apologize in advance if its blatantly obvious to others whether or not this girl likes me. I have absolutely ZERO experience in the love department, so please bear with me!


Is this girl that I work with romantically interested in me? I think she is. But if you think otherwise, please give me the honest truth.

Strongest signs that she likes me :

- She asked for my number
- I jokingly sent her a text telling her that "she only texts me when she needs a favor." Her response "Haha, no, no!" I said the same thing again the next time I saw her at work and she said "we can hang out some time if you want. I mean if you wanntttt."
-About a week-ish later, after a little bit of banter, I sent her a text saying we "should go on a date sometime" and she replied "sounds good my dude" (why would she say that if she wasn't interested. righttttt? help! lol:laughing:

-We did up hanging out one on one (I hear if a girl brings friends along it's a bad sign, lol) and getting some frozen yogurt.
She seemed happy and animated as we were chatting and we had a good amount in common.

-Five days-ish after our first date/hang out I asked her about hanging out again. She said she was super busy between school and work, but agreed we should "hang out" again sometime in the future(implicit date? yes? no? maybe so?).

Strongest signs that she sees me only as a friend:

-I asked her if I should drive to pick her up, and she said we can just meet there. I didn't insist, so we ended up meeting there.
-I asked her if she wanted me to pay for her frozen yogurt, but she said she'd pay
-She had barely any make up on and wasn't particularly "dressed up" for an occasion when she came to the date (not that I mind; I still think she's gorgeous even w/o makeup and such. I just would have seen that as an obvious sign that she sees me as a romantic interest).
-No physical touch at all when we sat across from each other (but maybe she was expecting me and my awkward, nervous self to initiate o_O)
-I feel like I'm always doing the initiating when it comes to texting and barely getting anything in response
 

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黐線 ~Chiseen~
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I went to the Apple store to do a mystery shop assignment yesterday night. It involved purchasing a box of interactive cards, using an ipad, and taking some pictures.

The Apple rep who helped me was more than enthusiastic to assist because she never played with the product. so i asked her to join me while we both discover how the heck it worked.

We opened the box, it had 6 packets of cards inside. No instructions in the app, no instructions on the box other than '1) download app, 2) tap a card, 3) run wild in a 3D game'

Mind you, while I was busy looking for the instructions card, she was busy laughing and enjoying herself while discovering a new app and figuring out how it worked.

Meanwhile, I locked up and other than the primary focus of figuring out the games' working, I was caught in the middle of witnessing and experiencing the spur of the moment with some random stranger. It was like I couldn't figure out what else to ask or talk about, getting tongue tied and thought knots. I was constantly stumbling and tripping over those thoughts in my head I wanted to ask out but couldn't.

So I closed my eyes, took a deep breathe, collected myself, told the rep "Okay, times up. You're about to close up for the evening. Thank you kindly for your assistance and helping me with this game. You enjoy the rest of your evening."

Which wasn't a lie. It was 9:00pm and the mall was closing anyway. She said thanks, she had a good time learning new stuff.

this is getting tl;dr, right? I just wanted to announce that I was once again a chicken shit. That is all. Thanks for paying this post any attention, at all.
 

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@runnerveran

THE protip to everyone: if you're not sure about how she sees this relationship, YOU CAN ASK HER.

*bashes head on desk wondering why this is apparently such a hard thing for people to learn*
Easier said than done, my friend... INTPs are the masters of thinking about stuff randomly until getting up to actually do it becomes a problem.
 
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