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This holds true for me. I over analyze everything to the point where it paralyzes me and the moment is gone lololol.....then i go DAMNIT....and completely over- analyze why i seem to over- analyze everything and just can't do LOL. So really they SHOULD just rape me lmao.
Been there haha. I was surprised when my last relationship lasted four months. It was extremely awkward. I over analyzed every situation and always looked at every momnet with logic and reasoning. I'm sure she realized it and for some reason went along with it. My over powering nerd side prevented motion in the realtionship xD.....

next post fixes grammar.
 

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This holds true for me. I over analyse everything to the point where it paralyses me and the moment is gone lololol.....then i go DAMNIT....and completely over- analyse why I seem to over- analyse everything and just can't do LOL. So really they SHOULD just rape me lmao.
Been there haha. I was surprised when my last relationship lasted four months. It was extremely awkward. I over analysed every situation and always looked at every moment with logic and reasoning. I'm sure she realized it and for some reason went along with it. My over powering nerd side prevented motion in the relationship xD
 

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Easier said than done, my friend... INTPs are the masters of thinking about stuff randomly until getting up to actually do it becomes a problem.
It's still a pretty straightforward principle :p
Never said it was actually easy to implement. Heck, the best solutions are often the ones we're least inclined to actually pick, else we wouldn't call whatever it's a solution to a 'tricky problem'.
 

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@runnerveran

THE protip to everyone: if you're not sure about how she sees this relationship, YOU CAN ASK HER.

*bashes head on desk wondering why this is apparently such a hard thing for people to learn*

Easier said than done, for guys (and girls) that are romantically shy. Thanks for the advice though:happy:
 

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It's still a pretty straightforward principle :p
Never said it was actually easy to implement. Heck, the best solutions are often the ones we're least inclined to actually pick, else we wouldn't call whatever it's a solution to a 'tricky problem'.
Well, let me ask you: have you ever tied this approach? What was the result if so?
 

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Well, let me ask you: have you ever tied this approach? What was the result if so?
At least six instances of getting a positive answer? Three times on the same person when it was about moving further/reconfirming after some ambiguity but hey.

So yes, I have, and so far nothing bad has come of it. It's just making sure both parties involved are aware of the reality of the situation, rather than guessing. Not like 'not asking' somehow affects the odds of what someone's feelings for you are.
 

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I've basically been increasing my presentable masculinity and interestingness up and up, to have a wider selection of females to choose from.

My top problem is fear/hesitation of any intimacy or closeness.

The first time I legitimately went on a date with a girl, it was one who I had previously decided I wanted to get in the pants of, so I made her like me, then I actually felt heartbroken when she kissed me. Wtf? Never expected that emotion to happen.
Long story short, she turned out to be a naive and desperately easy [whore] so I probably would have experienced more negative emotions if I actually had tasted more of her, only to have her ultimately devoured by the rest of society. Still hurts to think about though, and now she's part of my old best friend's group and everything...

I still think I just need to encounter a more perfectly attractive and reasonably-minded girl, with which I can unleash zero hesitation. What makes it even harder is that I have these particular obsessive fetishes (something to do with Si).
 

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I want to share this;
Recognize that as an INTP you *need* personal space. If your love interest is the type that *needs* you to call them every day - then you have conflicting needs and it's just going to end badly.
THIS. TAKE NOTE OF THIS. PLEASE. If you get nothing else out of this thread, at least take this with you.

I haven't been in real relationships, but I've been in the early stages where we text and chat and pre-first-date-to-first-date stuff. And the guys would text me daily. For hours on end. It would piss me off like you wouldn't believe. As nice as it is to be thought of and appreciated... I need my space.
Especially when I'm doing homework. And I make it clear to the other party I am. It is not the time to initiate a series of jokes about the subject at hand, it is a 'alright I'll text you later' moment. Especially because, as INTP, I have issues STARTING said homework. I don't need more distractions.
I often would text 'I'm tired, ttyl' and proceed to stay up an hour later because I just needed that time.
But apparently they don't get that I don't like to text every day, because when I wouldn't text the next day at all and then try afterwards, i'd be ignored to the point I stopped trying. Because I missed the one day [[AREYOUFRIGGINKIDDINGME?!?!]]. I don't see the point of texting 'good morning' or 'hey' or 'goodnight <3' every single day. I don't do that with my friends, no matter how chummy we are. So I'm not going to do that for anyone else, no matter how different my feelings are for them. No one's life is important or fun enough to have stuff to talk about via text or call every single day.

At my summer workplace, the Guest Services manager would call his wife EVERY shift on his lunch break. He would work 5 days a week when summer is in full swing. And they have conversations for 20 or his 30 minutes, sometimes full 30. Talking about what to do for dinner or how their day is going so far. Now, to me, I'd find that insufferable and smothering. But that's their routine. It amazed me every time I saw this, that they could do this every day and actually like it, look forward to it even. The romantic in me thinks it's sweet that they both care so much.
But it works for them. Just because it works for them, it doesn't mean it works for everyone. If you try it and the guy or girl is unresponsive or simply isn't reacting in the way you expect or want, don't take offense to it; it just means their personal space and boundaries are different. Such desire for a little more space should be respected, not pushed upon and ignored. If anything, just ask. You're better off asking point blank if they want more time to themselves or not.
Because, funnily enough, when you start respecting the other person's space, you might find your relationship going better.

Or if it's an INTP and the other party isn't doing it, and you want the relationship to work... I'm not sure if it's an all-out INTP thing or just a type 5 (Enneagram) thing, resist the urge to avoid conflict and ask for the space. You're better off asking for some personal space by means of cutting back communication than trying to appease your partner by doing something you resent. It'll build up and you'll end up lashing out. And that's never pretty :/
 

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My girlfriend continuously tells me I'm not romantic. Now, as much as I really do like to do exactly what people want, I just do not know, at all, what is expected of me when it comes to being romantic. Sounds like totally useless human emotional baggage. Thing is, though, she's ENTP, which I think means she probably has this perfect ideal of what she expects in terms of romance, but no matter what I do, it'll never be good enough. Also, she will never be romantic either. Typical expectant perfectionist semi-hypocritical ENTP. Hah!
 

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THIS. TAKE NOTE OF THIS. PLEASE. If you get nothing else out of this thread, at least take this with you.

I haven't been in real relationships, but I've been in the early stages where we text and chat and pre-first-date-to-first-date stuff. And the guys would text me daily. For hours on end. It would piss me off like you wouldn't believe. As nice as it is to be thought of and appreciated... I need my space.
Especially when I'm doing homework. And I make it clear to the other party I am. It is not the time to initiate a series of jokes about the subject at hand, it is a 'alright I'll text you later' moment. Especially because, as INTP, I have issues STARTING said homework. I don't need more distractions.
I often would text 'I'm tired, ttyl' and proceed to stay up an hour later because I just needed that time.
But apparently they don't get that I don't like to text every day, because when I wouldn't text the next day at all and then try afterwards, i'd be ignored to the point I stopped trying. Because I missed the one day [[AREYOUFRIGGINKIDDINGME?!?!]]. I don't see the point of texting 'good morning' or 'hey' or 'goodnight <3' every single day. I don't do that with my friends, no matter how chummy we are. So I'm not going to do that for anyone else, no matter how different my feelings are for them. No one's life is important or fun enough to have stuff to talk about via text or call every single day.

At my summer workplace, the Guest Services manager would call his wife EVERY shift on his lunch break. He would work 5 days a week when summer is in full swing. And they have conversations for 20 or his 30 minutes, sometimes full 30. Talking about what to do for dinner or how their day is going so far. Now, to me, I'd find that insufferable and smothering. But that's their routine. It amazed me every time I saw this, that they could do this every day and actually like it, look forward to it even. The romantic in me thinks it's sweet that they both care so much.
But it works for them. Just because it works for them, it doesn't mean it works for everyone. If you try it and the guy or girl is unresponsive or simply isn't reacting in the way you expect or want, don't take offense to it; it just means their personal space and boundaries are different. Such desire for a little more space should be respected, not pushed upon and ignored. If anything, just ask. You're better off asking point blank if they want more time to themselves or not.
Because, funnily enough, when you start respecting the other person's space, you might find your relationship going better.

Or if it's an INTP and the other party isn't doing it, and you want the relationship to work... I'm not sure if it's an all-out INTP thing or just a type 5 (Enneagram) thing, resist the urge to avoid conflict and ask for the space. You're better off asking for some personal space by means of cutting back communication than trying to appease your partner by doing something you resent. It'll build up and you'll end up lashing out. And that's never pretty :/
Fuck texting. Give me some g'damn space. And this is coming from a guy!
 

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At least six instances of getting a positive answer? Three times on the same person when it was about moving further/reconfirming after some ambiguity but hey.

So yes, I have, and so far nothing bad has come of it. It's just making sure both parties involved are aware of the reality of the situation, rather than guessing. Not like 'not asking' somehow affects the odds of what someone's feelings for you are.
So what would you estimate the outcome of if said person tried to avoid that conversation but continues to show other signs of affection that are not yet equivalent to kissing? I assume it is still an unsure point for them? And if so, what is the most likely cause?
 

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So what would you estimate the outcome of if said person tried to avoid that conversation but continues to show other signs of affection that are not yet equivalent to kissing? I assume it is still an unsure point for them? And if so, what is the most likely cause?
=_=
If you want to dapple around, be my guest. Why would *I* be able to even remotely accurately predict what beating around the bush would lead to, let alone give a neat little gift-wrapped causal relation explanation for my reasoning?

All I was saying is that JUST ASKING despite not being the most comfort-zony approach, so far hasn't worked out badly for me, and on the contrary, keeping things hanging in complete ambiguity personally drives me insane rather quickly.

So, tl;dr: IDFK what it's like to be a shrinking violet in a relationship. Ask someone else.
 

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=_=
If you want to dapple around, be my guest. Why would *I* be able to even remotely accurately predict what beating around the bush would lead to, let alone give a neat little gift-wrapped causal relation explanation for my reasoning?

All I was saying is that JUST ASKING despite not being the most comfort-zony approach, so far hasn't worked out badly for me, and on the contrary, keeping things hanging in complete ambiguity personally drives me insane rather quickly.

So, tl;dr: IDFK what it's like to be a shrinking violet in a relationship. Ask someone else.
I was asking primarily out of curiosity. Judging by your response, I seem to have hit some sort of nerve (I failed to read all past responses, so I am unsure if this is caused by what others have said). Buuut, ok then.
 

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I was asking primarily out of curiosity. Judging by your response, I seem to have hit some sort of nerve (I failed to read all past responses, so I am unsure if this is caused by what others have said). Buuut, ok then.
Summary of past conversation:
'what do I do, does she like me or not?
you could just ask
'how does that work out
quite well
'how do you know
I tried it
'so what if I don't ask?

==> annoying chain of 'please help me find valid excuses to chicken out and stay in my comfort zone and justify fretting aimlessly for another few weeks by making this seem like a sensible approach'

That's the nerve this hits. 't Was just the latest addition to this conversational 'OH MY GOD stop fishing' tract, and it annoyed me to be randomly addressed all over again. Sorry about the snippy reaction.
 

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Summary of past conversation:
'what do I do, does she like me or not?
you could just ask
'how does that work out
quite well
'how do you know
I tried it
'so what if I don't ask?

==> annoying chain of 'please help me find valid excuses to chicken out and stay in my comfort zone and justify fretting aimlessly for another few weeks by making this seem like a sensible approach'

That's the nerve this hits. 't Was just the latest addition to this conversational 'OH MY GOD stop fishing' tract, and it annoyed me to be randomly addressed all over again. Sorry about the snippy reaction.
My question was not me chickening out (actually I was trying to ask but the other party avoided the subject >.>). But I can see how agitating the same pattern can get. Might I suggest simply ignoring us romantically-challenged individuals for a little bit (for your own sanity)? We lack experience and thus tend to reflect as children in that regard.
 

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My question was not me chickening out (actually I was trying to ask but the other party avoided the subject >.>). But I can see how agitating the same pattern can get. Might I suggest simply ignoring us romantically-challenged individuals for a little bit (for your own sanity)? We lack experience and thus tend to reflect as children in that regard.
Hmm.

The only sensible thing I can think of now:
If one of the parties isn't capable of or willing to openly discuss the relationship status together (that is, they needn't give a solid answer, but they might at least try talking about it and express what they think and feel), I'd already start to get a little suspicious about just how serious/healthy the relationship is. Not being able to communicate about 'what is this between you and me' at all tends to not exactly promise much potential, though evidently, if they are willing to admit that they find it a tricky issue as a starter, you're already talking and opening up perspectives.

If it's a huge giant 'uhhhhhh idk and I don't want to talk about this either' you might want to either abandon the relationship, or start pressing a little further, if you feel really serious from your side and ready to try and work things out properly.

Avoidance might be caused by, say, 'I'm not into you at all, but I don't want to tell you', 'I'm kind of into you but I'm not looking for a long-term super serious thing, but to admit that is really awkward', 'I really have issues with relationships and I'm not sure what to do with myself', 'I don't know how I feel exactly and I find it awkward to not have an answer ready', 'I might be into you, but I'm not sure if I trust my own judgement, or you, with knowing this'...

Either way, you're never going to find out anything if you just keep guessing. The response you get, even if it is avoidance, is a response you can work from.
 

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Most of the guys on online dating sites are full of it. It's like they're putting down the answers that they think women want to hear (I'm really good at expressing my emotions! I'm really outgoing/spontaneous/etc!). Blech. If that's all there is...

Is it too hard to find someone who's authentic?

ETA: Woot! I hit 900 posts.
 

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shivafang said:
Recognize that as an INTP you *need* personal space. If your love interest is the type that *needs* you to call them every day - then you have conflicting needs and it's just going to end badly.
THIS. TAKE NOTE OF THIS. PLEASE. If you get nothing else out of this thread, at least take this with you.
That's why I shared it, was a personal experience thing also (3...4..? year long distance relationship - he wasn't happy unless I called him every day. I often needed to 'withdraw' for 3 days to a week at a time (sometimes I was aware enough it was coming that I could tell him - sometimes I didn't and would just vanish) and that was the core of the problems in the relationship. Often I would be the one to cave and apologize and feel like the 'bad guy' but now I know - I need personal space!

As for asking for the space - I think it might be INTP because I do the same thing (but I'm also type 9 - peacemaker. Conflict? No way!)
 
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