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Got friendzoned by an INTP. Apparently, I had a chance to get out of the friendzone a long time ago but I didn't know so I missed out on that chance. He didn't say or do anything to clue me in on how he felt. I told him how I feel about him but now he's just over it and I swear to God, I feel more passe than a Nickelback album at a hipster party. I got angry and told him he would cease to be important. I'm not happy about losing such an awesome friendship but what's the alternative? Watch him date someone else and give someone else everything I wanted? No, thank you. I'm trying to get over it but I just can't seem to. I left the situation and now I'm just left all alone to deal the pain. Maybe a new paradigm to see things from a different perspective? I dunno INTPs help me out here.
 

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Got friendzoned by an INTP. Apparently, I had a chance to get out of the friendzone a long time ago but I didn't know so I missed out on that chance. He didn't say or do anything to clue me in on how he felt. I told him how I feel about him but now he's just over it and I swear to God, I feel more passe than a Nickelback album at a hipster party. I got angry and told him he would cease to be important. I'm not happy about losing such an awesome friendship but what's the alternative? Watch him date someone else and give someone else everything I wanted? No, thank you. I'm trying to get over it but I just can't seem to. I left the situation and now I'm just left all alone to deal the pain. Maybe a new paradigm to see things from a different perspective? I dunno INTPs help me out here.
If he says it's no longer gonna happen, and you can't live with the notion that he may be your friend but might start seeing someone else...

Get over it? Accept the reality of the situation? Take your gosh-dangit time for that, too? "Breakups" hurt, what's new under the sun.
 

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If he says it's no longer gonna happen, and you can't live with the notion that he may be your friend but might start seeing someone else...

Get over it? Accept the reality of the situation? Take your gosh-dangit time for that, too? "Breakups" hurt, what's new under the sun.
Thanks, unhelpful but thanks.
 

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Thanks, unhelpful but thanks.
To be fair you were kind of unclear in what you actually wanted.
"Perspective" is a bit vague, especially considering he's already made a choice, you've already made a choice. Honestly there doesn't seem to be another perspective, because it's all set in stone, so to speak.
But if you're looking for something specific, by all means ask...
 

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To be fair you were kind of unclear in what you actually wanted.
"Perspective" is a bit vague, especially considering he's already made a choice, you've already made a choice. Honestly there doesn't seem to be another perspective, because it's all set in stone, so to speak.
But if you're looking for something specific, by all means ask...
Alright then, I'm looking for the "disgust" factor to be honest. This is how I got over an INTJ, although it was much easier because there is a lot to hate about him considering he was actually abusive. This one though, he was my best friend. He made me happy and made laugh every day. We have a lot in common except of course how we deal with emotions. Somehow, he was able to turn his feelings "off" like a light switch when he thought nothing would happen between us outside of friendship. I, however, can't. I've had to leave the friendship. I find it difficult to find reasons to get over this, to feel sufficiently disgusted to move on. It makes it so much more difficult because then I internalize everything. I turn it on me and how unworthy I must be. I'm looking for my inner strength and it just isn't there. "It just wasn't meant to be." doesn't help. It just makes it worse. Should I be mad that he never tried to date me when he wanted to? I am extremely ill-equipped to dealing with the friendzone heartbreak but he was a Master at it. How did he do that? How do I do that? How do you just decide that someone is no longer important?
 

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I'd like to note this isn't probably wont be amazing advice or anything, because I've been able to just turn them off as well. And, if not suitable enough I would strongly suggest you turn to someone who can't "turn off" emotions. However, I'll try.

he was able to turn his feelings "off" like a light switch
Could that not be the disgust you are looking for?
He was the one that had such an easy time getting over the thought of you. Surely that's disgusting enough in itself?

And, if it helps; Why would you want to be with someone like that?
Or you could ask what you think would have happened if you had dated, knowing he could so easily turn off his feelings for you.
 

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Alright then, I'm looking for the "disgust" factor to be honest. This is how I got over an INTJ, although it was much easier because there is a lot to hate about him considering he was actually abusive. This one though, he was my best friend. He made me happy and made laugh every day. We have a lot in common except of course how we deal with emotions. Somehow, he was able to turn his feelings "off" like a light switch when he thought nothing would happen between us outside of friendship. I, however, can't. I've had to leave the friendship. I find it difficult to find reasons to get over this, to feel sufficiently disgusted to move on. It makes it so much more difficult because then I internalize everything. I turn it on me and how unworthy I must be. I'm looking for my inner strength and it just isn't there. "It just wasn't meant to be." doesn't help. It just makes it worse. Should I be mad that he never tried to date me when he wanted to? I am extremely ill-equipped to dealing with the friendzone heartbreak but he was a Master at it. How did he do that? How do I do that? How do you just decide that someone is no longer important?
I had something long typed up but lost it all:( Anyway the short answer for me, and presumably some other intps, is that I saw at an early age the benefits of thinking, logic, & reasoning skills. It didn't take long to become frustrated with myself because most humans aren't wired to be logical. This situation is a perfect example. You feel helpless about the situation, and instead of taking an objective look at the situation and the possible outcomes, you are stuck in a feely introspective loop that doesn't have an practical value. I get it though! I've always experienced strong emotions as well, but overtime my desire to stay reasonable and effectively deal with issues that come up in life, has led to almost all of my feeling being filtered through my thoughts. It's kind of like a safe-guard for feelings.

Anyway it sucks, and it's obviously perfectly normal and healthy to feel this way about the situation. But you need to limit the amount of time you spend brooding on it. Try putting on your thinking cap for the majority of each day and forget about him when you do. Focus on yourself as if it didn't happen. What are you doing, and what have you wanted to do? Think about the kind of person you want to be and the possible steps you could be taking towards that goal. Exercise, learning, and developing new hobbies or skills are all things that will make you feel better and give your brain a nice boost in dopamine and serotonin.

On a side note, reading up on the human body and brain chemistry is fascinating. Just understanding the processes taking place in my brain has helped a lot. However; more importantly, it has taught me how delicately balanced our neurotransmitter levels can be. For some people (everyone is different) diet and exercise are crucial in maintaining a sense of well-being and self control. I personally have found noticeable effects on mood and concentration from taking fish oil supplements. (lack of omega-3s in my diet before) Quality sleep is also huge.

Just some thoughts. Sorry it's kind of scatterbrained, I'm slightly hungover and still tired lol.
 

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Somehow, he was able to turn his feelings "off" like a light switch when he thought nothing would happen between us outside of friendship. I, however, can't. I've had to leave the friendship. I find it difficult to find reasons to get over this, to feel sufficiently disgusted to move on. It makes it so much more difficult because then I internalize everything. I turn it on me and how unworthy I must be. I'm looking for my inner strength and it just isn't there. "It just wasn't meant to be." doesn't help. It just makes it worse. Should I be mad that he never tried to date me when he wanted to? I am extremely ill-equipped to dealing with the friendzone heartbreak but he was a Master at it. How did he do that? How do I do that? How do you just decide that someone is no longer important?
To be honest, I think he probably wanted to try dating you, but he couldn't do it for a variety of reasons, whether it be just for the preservation of the friendship, which he might've believed could be ruined (and trust me, it does happen, from my experience), just plain fear, maybe he tried hinting at it futilely in a poor attempt to gauge your response, or some other reason. He definitely cannot just instantly turn his feelings off like a light switch, because it takes time to get over everything. Few human beings can, although INTPs definitely have an advantage in this field, in my opinion. You probably didn't even realize something was bothering him over the course of getting over his feelings.

Now onto the solution: I honestly don't think that leaving the friendship outside of maybe a week or two to cool off and get your head straight is the best idea. He will be hurt when you leave his company, whether he turned off his romantic feelings for you or not. Unless you've gotten on his blacklist, he still has friendly feelings toward you, certainly (hopefully?). That said, staying away from him for about a week to a month will do you good. For me, actual crying does a lot of good, and while I don't cry in public, it does retain some chemical benefits.

For future prevention: Graficcha's advice will become more pertinent when you actually try to date more people. Whenever you ask someone out and are rejected, it becomes that much easier to get over. Since it is a sociological phenomenon that women are usually approached by men, it might be a bit harder on you for some time when rejected, possibly a bit uncomfortable just approaching people. It differs for everybody, but usually it becomes much easier to get over rejection with the more rejection you have. I don't know how many people you've asked out/been rejected by before, but I'd suggest trying to date and approach other people more.

I got angry and told him he would cease to be important. I'm not happy about losing such an awesome friendship but what's the alternative? Watch him date someone else and give someone else everything I wanted? No, thank you.
Also, this feels like a threat. Definitely a no. This raises all my hackles. All of them.

ALTHOUGH, of course, he could be just an asshole/I-could-be-wrong/something something something else. Still, my future prevention method stands. Soon, you, too, can flick your emotions on and off like a light bulb (I guess. I still don't believe that really anyone can to a great extent.)
 

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Okay team, I need your help and mental capabilities. I know that this sort of post is sort of the opposite to what I gather this thread is about, but wotevs.

Here’s the deal. There is this guy who once upon a time, earlier last year, I nearly thought I liked. But then I hung out (or is it more correct to say hanged out? English sucks… :/) with him and realised that he wasn’t the sort of person I had originally thought he was… So I backed off a bit and friend zoned him and it seemed that he must have got the message since he’s had a couple of girlfriends since…

But I’m not altogether convinced that he no longer likes me, and the more I get to know him, the more he irritates me and the less I like him. Plus since he broke up with his girlfriend he’s been facebook messaging me and being all “ooh I’m soo cut” and, I quote, “I feel numb.” (I’m sorry, but I can’t take any teenage boy who says they feel numb after only having a two month, if that, relationship seriously)

So now he’s being all “hey when are we gonna catch up?” and stalking my profile… How do I know he’s profile stalking, I hear you ask? He commented on a photo from 2008. What the hell?! That is just plain creepy.

Anyway what do you reckon the best modus operandi to tell him I’m not interested in him, at all, is? But without making him feel numb, again. Since I could never do that. Plus I’m not 100% sure he is interested, maybe he’s just a loser by nature?

(PS :side rant: he treats me like I’m stupid or something and thinks he’s sooo great. I mean what the hell?? He spells every second bloody word wrong!! And never gets any of my funny little references, like when I compared him to young Werther :’( Then he thinks he has the right to treat me like I’m the one with lesser mental capabilities?? GAH!! He makes me soo mad sometimes… Okay side rant over)
 

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Anyway what do you reckon the best modus operandi to tell him I’m not interested in him, at all, is? But without making him feel numb, again. Since I could never do that. Plus I’m not 100% sure he is interested, maybe he’s just a loser by nature?
Block him. Remove him out of your life. Tell him to his face to piss the fuck off. Tell him to get a hint, to go find someone else to dote on, remind him there are other fish in the sea, that NOPE you are definitely not made for each other and you'd like him to stop trying because he's wasting both of your time.

You're allowed to, he has other friends, and you're not responsible for his 'mental health' and love life and self-esteem or whatever. Don't let the little shit guilt-trip you. I had an ex who tried but by god they're not made of sugar, yes. They'll mope around but most children do when they don't get what they want. And if he was serious, well, rejection hurts, but it's up to him to learn how to get over it.
No means no, the best favour you can do this little slimer is to give him the opportunity of learning that lesson.
 

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Block him. Remove him out of your life. Tell him to his face to piss the fuck off. You're allowed to, he has other friends, and you're not responsible for his 'mental health' and love life and self-esteem or whatever.
No means no, the best favour you can do this little slimer is to give him the opportunity of learning that lesson.
I know, but the issue is that I'll have to see him again once school goes back....otherwise I totally would. Maybe I could try, fingers crossed life doesn't get too awkward.
 

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I know, but the issue is that I'll have to see him again once school goes back....otherwise I totally would. Maybe I could try, fingers crossed life doesn't get too awkward.
More awkward than this? xD Oh come on. Least you could do is make him just as awkward as you, would be only fair, non~? And what's the worst he could say about you. 'Dammit she had the gall to not date me'? He'll sound like a whiny little arse.
 

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He sounds like a bit of a doofus, to be honest. I'm not going to say immature, but hell, it sure sounds like it.

Anyway, onto the analysis: if he's completely dominating your conversations with his own stalkery, narcissism, and his own feelings without taking any of your thoughts into account, then you've got a problem. I...uh... I'm not actually sure how to get him to stop bothering you without him "feeling numb". There's really no way around that, and honestly, he needs to get over himself. (advice I wish I could give myself a few years back) ESPECIALLY after a two month relationship.

Also, it is correctly "hung out". The only weird case with the hung, hang, swim, swum, whatever, etc., you get the idea, is the past tense form of "sneak", where the correct form is "sneaked", for some bizarre reason or another that I've never understood, which I'm thinking is the case that misled you.

Finally, literary references, really? I mean, yes, they are in fact fantastic :tongue: and I love that you make them, but unless it's a book that everyone knows (1984...), there's a heavy likelihood that it will fly over people's heads. Hell, I've made Holden Caulfield comparisons before and nobody's gotten it (despite Catcher in the Rye to be mandatory reading in my high school). I had to look it up on Wikipedia, but you are talking about the Sorrows of Young Werther, right? Mythological/religious/pop culture references are still useable, though.
 

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More awkward than this? xD Oh come on. Least you could do is make him just as awkward as you, would be only fair, non~? And what's the worst he could say about you. 'Dammit she had the gall to not date me'? He'll sound like a whiny little arse.
Hahaha he actually is! Once he was stupid enough to give my friend and I his Facebook password, then felt "actually really hurt" when we had a little fun with his profile.. nothing bad, just funny stuff. He was all, "but I would never have done that to you!" Plus he legit thinks that because he is of Italian heritage (like his mum is or something) that makes him "God's gift to women" man he's a loser... I'm sure he's an ESTJ though, one who takes some of the traits to the extremes...

Anyway I think I'll just have to say that I'm not interested, at all. Or I could say that there's some other guy who I've been talking to?
 

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Hahaha he actually is! Once he was stupid enough to give my friend and I his Facebook password, then felt "actually really hurt" when we had a little fun with his profile.. nothing bad, just funny stuff. He was all, "but I would never have done that to you!" Plus he legit thinks that because he is of Italian heritage (like his mum is or something) that makes him "God's gift to women" man he's a loser... I'm sure he's an ESTJ though, one who takes some of the traits to the extremes...

Anyway I think I'll just have to say that I'm not interested, at all. Or I could say that there's some other guy who I've been talking to?
Okay, that legit makes me chuckle, frankly. Don't say that there's another guy though, or he'll probably never ever stop whining. Ever. He'll hunt you down to the ends of the earth and the last thing you will hear is the droning whine of his "numbness" and a never-ending stream of emotions how you "hurt him".
 

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Also, it is correctly "hung out". The only weird case with the hung, hang, swim, swum, whatever, etc., you get the idea, is the past tense form of "sneak", where the correct form is "sneaked", for some bizarre reason or another that I've never understood, which I'm thinking is the case that misled you.

Finally, literary references, really? I mean, yes, they are in fact fantastic :tongue: and I love that you make them, but unless it's a book that everyone knows (1984...), there's a heavy likelihood that it will fly over people's heads. Hell, I've made Holden Caulfield comparisons before and nobody's gotten it (despite Catcher in the Rye to be mandatory reading in my high school). I had to look it up on Wikipedia, but you are talking about the Sorrows of Young Werther, right? Mythological/religious/pop culture references are still useable, though.
Yep Sorrows of Young Werther, and in all truth I knew he wouldn't get it but I guess I really just wanted to one up him and all that. hahaha.... but thanks, I hate all the stupid english things, why must it all be so difficult? :)

Okay, that legit makes me chuckle, frankly. Don't say that there's another guy though, or he'll probably never ever stop whining. Ever. He'll hunt you down to the ends of the earth and the last thing you will hear is the droning whine of his "numbness" and a never-ending stream of emotions how you "hurt him".
Hahaha that legit made me chuckle too. I shall take your advice onboard, good sir. I can't imagine anything worse than more incessant whining about his "numbness"
 

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Yep Sorrows of Young Werther, and in all truth I knew he wouldn't get it but I guess I really just wanted to one up him and all that. hahaha.... but thanks, I hate all the stupid english things, why must it all be so difficult? :)

Hahaha that legit made me chuckle too. I shall take your advice onboard, good sir. I can't imagine anything worse than more incessant whining about his "numbness"
On a less funny note, America has an unhealthy obsession with proper English conventions (ironically discarding the actual English conventions such as honor-honour, etc.) in its education system. I'm good with it, but that's partly because I was homeschooled until high school, so my essays suffered while my conventions are usually pretty spot-on.

Ask any other language. They'll tell you that English doesn't make much sense, what with its blatant disregard for gender cases and its confusing grammar rules that are almost never consistent. (It's time for "Did You Know?"!: there are more cases disproving the I before E rule than there are that follow the actual convention.)
 

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On a less funny note, America has an unhealthy obsession with proper English conventions (ironically discarding the actual English conventions such as honor-honour, etc.) in its education system. I'm good with it, but that's partly because I was homeschooled until high school, so my essays suffered while my conventions are usually pretty spot-on.

Ask any other language. They'll tell you that English doesn't make much sense, what with its blatant disregard for gender cases and its confusing grammar rules that are almost never consistent. (It's time for "Did You Know?"!: there are more cases disproving the I before E rule than there are that follow the actual convention.)
Really? Luckily for me I come from "Down Under" so we learn the "Queen's" english, but even then the teachers don't always know exactly what's right...

I before E always gave me trouble when I was young, but then last year I was talking to mum (who teaches that kind of stuff at primary school) and she said the rule is "i before e except after c and only if the sound is 'ee'" but there are still exceptions even then! Bloody confusing if you ask me.
 

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You know, I get lonely. But like friends, I think about how much of a hinderance it'd be. By that I mean it'd be so emotionally and physically tiresome it's easy to believe how worthless a relationship is and reprimand myself for feeling like I need someone around. Sometimes I think dating another NT would be better as NFs tend to be emotionally demanding (and way too cheesy.) and I can't deal with it without being considered insensitive.

I'm wondering if any INTP "rationalizes" relationships and friendships as I do.
 
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