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King of Seduction
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@sporadicthoughts

Well I am not really single that's the thing that is complicating matters.

(This next part is not directed to you but yet another story)

So today, I am at work doing my thing.
The ESFJ (hypothetical) texts me and lets me know she's in the area.
I am done for the day so I say well come by and say hello if you're in the area.

A little time passes and I am like well I'm leaving did you want to meet up for a bit?
She was like yeah, I figured we'd go out to eat or something (I was kinda hungry lol and I wanted to ask her some questions about insurance, as I've said before she's knowledgeable in that field)

But it turns out that we've got snow which is rare for our area.
So she's like I wanna go to the snow and I'm like fuck it lets go then.
(The advantage of being your own boss lol)

So anyway it's fun we go on a mini-road trip and we get to the distance mountains and it starts snowing like crazy.
She like gives me a hug to keep warm which is cool with me as it is freezing.

And we're like checking out the scenery and stuff. Then she starts hugging me again and it's not a biggie I am avoiding keeping my face near her face.

But then it happens. She's like - kiss me.
I was like :shocked:

I told her I can't I have a gf.
She's like, "Oh now she's your gf"
I was like, I told you she was my gf and that it was complicated but I was still with her, you know that.

So it was a bit awkward for a sec and then we talked normal and focused on the snow again lol.
It was a fun adventure overall we went to eat some soup later, but I had to put her in the friendzone.

She apologized for asking me to kiss her and said I was tempting.
I told her it didn't warrant an apology and it was my fault for not being more clear about it in the first place.
So it wasn't too bad an outcome.

But luckily my ISFP and I have been having some good conversations and she's coming back soon :)
I was like I'm finally close to being back with her, not going to screw that up and be - a dog ;D
 

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I've somehow managed to get myself into the middle of some crazy relationship triangle and I have NO idea what to do! An ESFJ told me she liked me, then I told her I wasn't dating anyone (I am SO too childish for that) and she said okay. Then, for Valentine's Day, she sent me flowers, chocolates, candies, stuffed animals, and a poem. At this point, this was anonymous (I had no idea who it was), but later on she told me and asked to be my friend. So, we're friends. No problem. I had told her when I didn't know who she was that I would pay her back by writing her a poem; I'm an a cheap English major, so no biggy.

So, I write her a poem. She loves it and asks me to write her another one. I dislike homework and love to procrastinate, so I took it as a good excuse and wrote it for her. She didn't get it (too thinking, I suppose) and so I made it up for her by writing her another one. However, I was a dumb-a and gave her some chocolate I had lying around too (because I hate being in the debt of other people). She took it the wrong way, asked me if I had a crush on her (to which I replied "I don't know," because I have seriously never had a crush on anyone before), and then told me she had a jealous girlfriend.

So of course now I'm stuck in the middle of this crazy situation, and I think her gf might hate my guts. This wouldn't be an issue, but I go to a very small college and I really am good friends with the first girl. Considering the fact that it's taken me 1 and a half semesters to make a new friend (her) and the fact that she's an EF, I don't think I can do what I naturally want to do and hide in my room for a good two weeks and still have her as a friend when the crazy has died down!

Eck! );
 

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I've somehow managed to get myself into the middle of some crazy relationship triangle and I have NO idea what to do! An ESFJ told me she liked me, then I told her I wasn't dating anyone (I am SO too childish for that) and she said okay. Then, for Valentine's Day, she sent me flowers, chocolates, candies, stuffed animals, and a poem. At this point, this was anonymous (I had no idea who it was), but later on she told me and asked to be my friend. So, we're friends. No problem. I had told her when I didn't know who she was that I would pay her back by writing her a poem; I'm an a cheap English major, so no biggy.

So, I write her a poem. She loves it and asks me to write her another one. I dislike homework and love to procrastinate, so I took it as a good excuse and wrote it for her. She didn't get it (too thinking, I suppose) and so I made it up for her by writing her another one. However, I was a dumb-a and gave her some chocolate I had lying around too (because I hate being in the debt of other people). She took it the wrong way, asked me if I had a crush on her (to which I replied "I don't know," because I have seriously never had a crush on anyone before), and then told me she had a jealous girlfriend.

So of course now I'm stuck in the middle of this crazy situation, and I think her gf might hate my guts. This wouldn't be an issue, but I go to a very small college and I really am good friends with the first girl. Considering the fact that it's taken me 1 and a half semesters to make a new friend (her) and the fact that she's an EF, I don't think I can do what I naturally want to do and hide in my room for a good two weeks and still have her as a friend when the crazy has died down!

Eck! );
It's not a love triangle if you just want to be friends and not lay a romantic commitment claim on this girl : P

Do yourself a favour, and just be straightforward with it when all you're doing is having some fun without being actually *serious* about this going anywhere in the logn term right now, you're just enjoying the interaction and the friendship.

The other girl is jealous because she's afraid you'll replace her as 'the one'. If you indicate to both of them that's not what you're into this for, it should be fine.
If the jealous girl simply cannot handle her girlfriend having friends beside her, and has issues with giving her this space, then that's something they need to work out between them. A good relationship doesn't involve being too paranoid to let your other half hang out with people.

Though I'd probably be a little in a bind if my mate went around Valentinesing someone that way, can't begin to imagine how a not-INTP would interpret it. Really, I'd just go and clear up what you want out of this, and make sure you're on the same page there, so you can both make sure jealous-gf knows she has nothing to worry about.
 

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Hellow INTPs, I saw that thing that said introverted and extroverted of the same type get frightened by each others first function because your exaggerating something that i keep down low, but that in fact Es and Is of the same type are very compatible
That's kinda true because I've always seen INTPs as too nerdy, too much thinking, going too much into an idea
My question is do you feel the same way towards ENTPs? and what do you think about ENTP - INTP dating?
 

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Hellow INTPs, I saw that thing that said introverted and extroverted of the same type get frightened by each others first function because your exaggerating something that i keep down low, but that in fact Es and Is of the same type are very compatible
That's kinda true because I've always seen INTPs as too nerdy, too much thinking, going too much into an idea
My question is do you feel the same way towards ENTPs? and what do you think about ENTP - INTP dating?
ENTP+INTP=rainbows made of encyclopedias
 

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Help out a confused girlfriend of an INTP

So as some of my previous PerCaf posts have mentioned, I've been struggling with anxiety and depression problems these past several months. My INTP boyfriend is generally pretty good about cheering me up, and I try not to let my bizarre moods get the best of me.

So the other day, I sent him a text that said nothing but "today kinda sucked. Hugs? I could use a joke, too :p" and got no response.

Went another two days without hearing from him, and then noticed he was on skype today. So I asked him if everything was ok, and he told me he'd locked himself up in his room for the past three days, with a dead phone, and told me I take life too seriously.

0_o

Generally when he acts this way, it means he's upset about something. I think. I guess I'll just leave him alone for now, but seriously, I can't deal with this.

I guess I'll just wait for him to come around, and he'll talk to me when he feels like it. I don't want to break up with him over something silly, but I just don't know. Everything is so uncertain with me right now, I can't tell if I'm overreacting or not.

Help me out, INTPs!!!!!!!! Please? Advice? What to do with a moody INTP? Anything?
 

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So as some of my previous PerCaf posts have mentioned, I've been struggling with anxiety and depression problems these past several months. My INTP boyfriend is generally pretty good about cheering me up, and I try not to let my bizarre moods get the best of me.

So the other day, I sent him a text that said nothing but "today kinda sucked. Hugs? I could use a joke, too :p" and got no response.

Went another two days without hearing from him, and then noticed he was on skype today. So I asked him if everything was ok, and he told me he'd locked himself up in his room for the past three days, with a dead phone, and told me I take life too seriously.

0_o

Generally when he acts this way, it means he's upset about something. I think. I guess I'll just leave him alone for now, but seriously, I can't deal with this.

I guess I'll just wait for him to come around, and he'll talk to me when he feels like it. I don't want to break up with him over something silly, but I just don't know. Everything is so uncertain with me right now, I can't tell if I'm overreacting or not.

Help me out, INTPs!!!!!!!! Please? Advice? What to do with a moody INTP? Anything?
I don't know... I was dating an ENTJ, and she was having a bad week and I didn't know how to handle it. So we ended up breaking up. That's not helpful at all.

But I tried to cheer her up, I tried to make her feel happy, but nothing I said seemed to help. I was getting depressed and anxious but she didn't do anything to help make me feel better. I know that last bit's kind of selfish though. I tried to be accommodating and considerate, I really liked making her feel better if she was sad... but when we were both under strain everything just crumbled.
 

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I don't know... I was dating an ENTJ, and she was having a bad week and I didn't know how to handle it. So we ended up breaking up. That's not helpful at all.

But I tried to cheer her up, I tried to make her feel happy, but nothing I said seemed to help. I was getting depressed and anxious but she didn't do anything to help make me feel better. I know that last bit's kind of selfish though. I tried to be accommodating and considerate, I really liked making her feel better if she was sad... but when we were both under strain everything just crumbled.
Wow. That was inspiring. Ha.

I mean, I know I'm difficult, and I don't want to break up because of something silly. I guess I just need to decide if he's worth it or not.

Sorry, but your post was so unhelpful, I'm actually laughing. Thanks for the humor :tongue:
 

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Personally I find a relationship uninteresting. First off I'm not interested in monogamy, I think it's strange that it's on almost everyone's agenda to find ONE person to be with, and they are only aloud to love each other and no one else. To me this is like if you were in a relationship where your lover told you that you were only aloud to play tennis (just an example) with her and no one else. If you played with anyone else it meant you didn't love her. I just don't see why sex should have anything to do with a meaningful relationship, especially when the need for sex is like instinct, and a relationship is based on compatibility and enjoying a persons attitude. So I could only be in a relationship if it was an open one, but then what is the point of a relationship because it would be the same as just having a close friend who you can have sex with. Though this is my belief, I've met a few girls who make me want to be a lot closer with them, to the point of an open relationship even.

So I guess my whole point is that if you were to date an INTP like me at all, you would have to deal with being in a completely different style of relationship then you might be used to.
 

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So as some of my previous PerCaf posts have mentioned, I've been struggling with anxiety and depression problems these past several months. My INTP boyfriend is generally pretty good about cheering me up, and I try not to let my bizarre moods get the best of me.

So the other day, I sent him a text that said nothing but "today kinda sucked. Hugs? I could use a joke, too :p" and got no response.

Went another two days without hearing from him, and then noticed he was on skype today. So I asked him if everything was ok, and he told me he'd locked himself up in his room for the past three days, with a dead phone, and told me I take life too seriously.

0_o

Generally when he acts this way, it means he's upset about something. I think. I guess I'll just leave him alone for now, but seriously, I can't deal with this.

I guess I'll just wait for him to come around, and he'll talk to me when he feels like it. I don't want to break up with him over something silly, but I just don't know. Everything is so uncertain with me right now, I can't tell if I'm overreacting or not.

Help me out, INTPs!!!!!!!! Please? Advice? What to do with a moody INTP? Anything?
Just based on your previous posts with this guy it doesn't seem like you're getting the emotional support or even remotely enough attention you need. He may or may not be dealing with his own stuff right now, but that's not a whole lot of help for you in the meantime. I don't think you're overreacting - your feelings are your feelings, and this isn't the first time you've felt this way.
I'd cool it off with him or consider breaking things off.
 

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Hi. I am new here. I am in my mid twenties and just experienced "being in love" for the first time.
I was shocked to find out that I could have feelings that have nothing to do with
thoughts. Complete loss of rationality. What got me to finally believe this is the constant Ti-Fi-Ti-Fi...
loop. Over a period of one month, I asked this girl out, got a "I am currently concentrating on my
career and am not willing to make any emotional commitments at this time, please move on" reply.
Typically when I see someone physically attractive, it tends to fade out slowly because the girl is not
anywhere close to me mentally. This is the first one which simply refused to go away. My Ti is not
decided on her because she is very strongly ISTJ and my feelings went berserk on me. I wouldnt
have asked her out if I werent "in the grip". This is someone I have met on and off in a group setting
and havent been able to personally connect with, which was driving me mad because of the lack of
uncorrupted data. Now my feeling are slowly letting go and my Ti is telling me "she is just not that into
you, else she would have bent her rules". This is the most incredibly sad thing that has ever happened
to me and I want to figure out how I can learn from this. I have lots of questions if anyone is interested
in listening.
 

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Hi. I am new here. I am in my mid twenties and just experienced "being in love" for the first time.
I was shocked to find out that I could have feelings that have nothing to do with
thoughts. Complete loss of rationality. What got me to finally believe this is the constant Ti-Fi-Ti-Fi...
loop. Over a period of one month, I asked this girl out, got a "I am currently concentrating on my
career and am not willing to make any emotional commitments at this time, please move on" reply.
Typically when I see someone physically attractive, it tends to fade out slowly because the girl is not
anywhere close to me mentally. This is the first one which simply refused to go away. My Ti is not
decided on her because she is very strongly ISTJ and my feelings went berserk on me. I wouldnt
have asked her out if I werent "in the grip". This is someone I have met on and off in a group setting
and havent been able to personally connect with, which was driving me mad because of the lack of
uncorrupted data. Now my feeling are slowly letting go and my Ti is telling me "she is just not that into
you, else she would have bent her rules". This is the most incredibly sad thing that has ever happened
to me and I want to figure out how I can learn from this. I have lots of questions if anyone is interested
in listening.
The lesson?

Rejection hurts, the more you care the more it does.
But if you rationally decide to no longer pursue, your feelings will eventually follow suit. The people that have five years of heartache tend to just refuse to let go, and they keep hoping they will magically get what they want so much. Let go, and you'll be back to normal in a while.

I've had a bit of experience and done a good chunk of introspecting and flailing around over it, if you like, feel free to ask me whatever's on your mind, brah.
 

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Pursuing actively is not an option at all since I am only able to meet people midway. But what I am confused about is whether to close the door permanently. You see, the irrational emotion part ("infatuation") is gone, but some of the reasons for wanting a long term relationship with this person (common values, attractive, smart, sensible, dependable and other qualities that I value) still remain. Part of me feels guilty for pushing too far too soon because of "the grip", may be things would have gone differently if I had taken things slowly? Part of all this is of course my central fear "no will ever understand me". Since she is being evasive, it is not clear to me whether she just doesnt like me enough or has personal issues with commitment that she is working through. How difficult is it for an INTP to leave things open for a while (i.e. leave her alone but also leave open the possibility if she makes an effort to connect with you)? Is it true that what will not kill me will make me stronger? I realize I am overanalyzing, but it is what we do :).
There is also the general question of sensor vs intuitive.
With two NTs there is easy communication, but how are the prospects for long term growth as opposed to pairing with someone who can show me how to get more organised, make small talk (I dread this! but it seems to be a necessary skill) etc. ISTJ seem to be black and white people who reach decisions quickly, unlike us who take lots of time and even then it may be possible to change our minds. This creates a lot of frustration in communication. Should I give up on all strong sensors? What kind of person is worthy of my personal investment?
 

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Pursuing actively is not an option at all since I am only able to meet people midway. But what I am confused about is whether to close the door permanently. You see, the irrational emotion part ("infatuation") is gone, but some of the reasons for wanting a long term relationship with this person (common values, attractive, smart, sensible, dependable and other qualities that I value) still remain. Part of me feels guilty for pushing too far too soon because of "the grip", may be things would have gone differently if I had taken things slowly? Part of all this is of course my central fear "no will ever understand me". Since she is being evasive, it is not clear to me whether she just doesnt like me enough or has personal issues with commitment that she is working through. How difficult is it for an INTP to leave things open for a while (i.e. leave her alone but also leave open the possibility if she makes an effort to connect with you)? Is it true that what will not kill me will make me stronger? I realize I am overanalyzing, but it is what we do :).
There is also the general question of sensor vs intuitive.
With two NTs there is easy communication, but how are the prospects for long term growth as opposed to pairing with someone who can show me how to get more organised, make small talk (I dread this! but it seems to be a necessary skill) etc. ISTJ seem to be black and white people who reach decisions quickly, unlike us who take lots of time and even then it may be possible to change our minds. This creates a lot of frustration in communication. Should I give up on all strong sensors? What kind of person is worthy of my personal investment?
1) You haven't taken the no as a no. The 'no' was very clear: dont pursue me right now.
I'd advise you to simply accept that she is no longer an option and stop hoping for her becoming one in the future again. There indeed are many, many more fish in the sea, and this one girl won't be 'the one and only who got away and now you're doomed for the rest of your life'. Get over her, or at least *make the decision that you will remind yourself that she is no longer a good target for you* until your brain gets the message.

2) Don't fall for hindsight bias. What happened, happened. There's simply NOTHING to be gained or learned from 'what if I'd done x rather than y'. The decision to make this 'not happen' was hers. It takes TWO sources of consent to get anywhere, she didn't give hers. So it doesn't even *matter* what you did or didn't, her answer is no. You CAN however learn from this how YOU feel, what you did and why you did it and what you'd like to try next time. This can be nothing more complex than 'I'll follow my gut instinct and see where I end up'.

3) Slow or fast, doesn't matter, take things at your tempo. Some people are ready to dive right back into dating, others remain passive but receptive, a different type of people closes off to work out their own issues or simply focus on other areas of their lives, before they become open to relationship-building again.
Personally it's worked for me so far to just let things happen as they do, to keep meeting people with no intention of getting close, but with the right people, you might end up gravitating spontaneously.

4) Who knows, this girl MIGHT (but it's very unlikely) end up 'coming back'. But you can't and shouldn't count on it. Be open to relationships as you like, if the 'new person' ends up being her, that's just that, a new start. There are no 'should's in this, just a few 'don't's revolving around not driving yourself nuts and not being clingy with people who aren't interested.


S vs N's eh. Let's see

5) I don't fucking know.
'Growth' Only happens if you want it, and if you're aware of there being such a thing as comfort zones and the necessity of inching forward. It's a trade-off really: someone more like you will challenge you less, inspire you less, encourage you less to smell the roses and adapt and learn. Someone a lot different will have a harder time 'understanding' you and letting you be.
But despite that, you can have people 'a lot like you' who know the importance of growth, and you can have people very different from you who realise the importance of differences, patience, tolerance, flexibility.

Tl;dr: MBTI types can give you 'a hint' on what you can expect and what you should keep in mind, but it really depends on your individual matching, that 'thing' that makes you actually care about another person, the maturity, intellectual and emotional, of both parties involved, and how much growth potential they have.
If you truly care enough and are willing to make the commitment 'even through the bad times' when you're in each other's hair or bored to death of each other, you'll be able to make it work.

So it's not about what 'kind' of person, it's simply about 'what person'. Nobody can answer that for you. Just figure out how tolerant you're willing to be.
 

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I'm not sure how much help I'll be since I'm married to a fellow introvert but I am an INTP. I too get real moody and have a hard time not taking it out on other people. My husband is very patient and will ask whats wrong but won't push it if I'm just moody for no reason. Usually, if there is something wrong,we do appreciate you asking. Sorry if your head gets bitten off in the process though :/ When I read this it sounds like he's a real piece of work and does not deserve you. I get the feeling you want to fix him, don't. Just think about number one (yourself) and I'm sure he's already doing this. Ultimately, I'm worried that you will try to be noble and stay when you aren't truly happy.
 
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