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True or False: If she never loved you to be with you, but liked you enough to hang around and enjoy your company, then she will never see nor love you as a SO/partner no matter how long you keep lingering and waiting.

(No it depends either... )
'It depends' and 'it could probably be' but from my own experience as the one being hoped for:

Yes. Move on.
 

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Do ye INTPs have romantic interest outside of the olde INFJ/ENFJ/ESFJ variety?

What l'm askin' ye here is, do you want the caretaker dynamic more than anything else?

Please don't be hostile. The INFJs come after us ENTPs too with same approach, l think the general MBTI consenuses is that NTs require an FP or FJ, as we're all basically viewed as adult children xD

l would like to have me an INTP myself :frustrating:
 
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Do ye INTPs have romantic interest outside of the olde INFJ/ENFJ/ESFJ variety?

What l'm askin' ye here is, do you want the caretaker dynamic more than anything else?

Please don't be hostile. The INFJs come after us ENTPs too with same approach, l think the general MBTI consenuses is that NTs require an FP or FJ, as we're all basically viewed as adult children xD

l would like to have me an INTP myself :frustrating:
>8/

How about 'MBTI isn't a fucking dating method' and 'people of all types can fall for people of all types'? What do you think this is, some sort of horoscope?

People don't 'require' anyone to be their caretaker, sometimes dynamics just end up being just that. If anything, INTPs rather loathe to have someone fussing around them telling them what the darn to do. ((note how I feel somewhat disinclined to 'not be harsh'/er than needed just because you, for some reaosn, felt the need to cringe beforehand)).What we often end up falling for are intelligent people with the sense and the patience to accept us the way we are in a realistic sense.

I personally seem to feel like I match up with other INTPs the best so far, and that's working out really nicely. I've heard of INTPs dating INFPs, INTJs, ENFJs, ESTPs, whatever the frig else?
 

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"MBTI" isn't a dating method yet people who don't even know about MBTI tend to pair up the same way and still have an MBTI type regardless if they're aware of it or not.

Please evaluate nearly every American sitcom's dutiful, responsible wife and blubbering, adult child husband.
MBTI isn't a vacuum and the reasoning for the matching of FJs and NT's wasn't created without inspiration from elsewhere.

lf you said something else worthwhile that l didn't address, please understand that it was because l ignored the bulk of your message on account of your major overreaction.
 

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>8/

How about 'MBTI isn't a fucking dating method' and 'people of all types can fall for people of all types'? What do you think this is, some sort of horoscope?
@OMG WTF BRO, For what it's worth, I thought your question was legitimate! Obviously, no one wants to reduce you to a type, Graficcha, but... this is a forum of strangers whose only solid knowledge of each other, really, is type. That sort of environment lends itself to a certain level of thinking in patterns. I don't think she meant anything personal by her question (and this coming from an INFP! to an INTP!)

See what I did right there?
 

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l think she needs to be put down for her nap. Thank you lol.
 
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"MBTI" isn't a dating method yet people who don't even know about MBTI tend to pair up the same way and still have an MBTI type regardless if they're aware of it or not.
DO they now? I'd really like to see your data proof on that one bro.

Please evaluate nearly every American sitcom's dutiful, responsible wife and blubbering, adult child husband.
MBTI isn't a vacuum and the reasoning for the matching of FJs and NT's wasn't created without inspiration from elsewhere.
Wow. Sitcoms accurately reflect reality rather than archetypes and stereotypes and simplified social models. And they surely don't focus on conflicting dynamics that tend to be more interesting to observe than the lives of actual people. Who'da thunk : D Now, I think I have to be somewhere to set off a laughing track in the background to accompany my delightfully nerdy shenanigans. That's what real life is like, non?

lf you said something else worthwhile that l didn't address, please understand that it was because l ignored the bulk of your message on account of your major overreaction.
Hahahahahaha.


@OMG WTF BRO, For what it's worth, I thought your question was legitimate! Obviously, no one wants to reduce you to a type, Graficcha, but... this is a forum of strangers whose only solid knowledge of each other, really, is type. That sort of environment lends itself to a certain level of thinking in patterns. I don't think she meant anything personal by her question (and this coming from an INFP! to an INTP!)

See what I did right there?
I haven't the faintest what you did right there beside crank open the patronisation faucets.

The question is legitimate, but if she's so convinced that her own idea is so correct, why even bother asking for input?

Also, @OMG WTF BRO, because apparently you're lacking a bit on the unwilful ignorance department today:

One of the points I was making is that for INTPs, general intelligence for example is wont to be a much more important factor in partner-choice than MBTI typology.
 

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Don't mind @Graficcha she doesn't really bite. Just feisty.

FWIW I can think of personal examples of each MBTI type and scenarios where I'd consider each of them dateable.
That said, before I knew a thing about MBTI I was drawn to mostly NFs as the most dateable, but also at least two ESFPs I can think of, and an ENFP.

On another random note, I think Aubrey Plaza is about as perfect as it gets in terms of attractiveness for celebrities, and I doubt very much she's a feeler. Probably an NT.
There are plenty of each type out there I would find attractive. Sometimes knowing too much about cognitive functions gets in the way of allowing myself to drop my guard more though.
 

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DO they now? I'd really like to see your data proof on that one bro.



Wow. Sitcoms accurately reflect reality rather than archetypes and stereotypes and simplified social models. And they surely don't focus on conflicting dynamics that tend to be more interesting to observe than the lives of actual people. Who'da thunk : D Now, I think I have to be somewhere to set off a laughing track in the background to accompany my delightfully nerdy shenanigans. That's what real life is like, non?



Hahahahahaha.
l already had your reply written out on your behalf before you posted it so this won't hard.


What l think you know the point was is that sitcoms reflect a perceived reality outside of MBTI. MBTI is an extension of something that already exists.

lf l wanted a social justice perspective l'd have taken this to your tumblr blog.

Trying to turn my post into a larger issue than what it is to deflect from the fact that you flipped your biscuits over a simple question that has little to do with anything in your replies is a predictable response.

Me: Legitimate question.
You:major overreaction and misinterpretation.
 

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lMe: Legitimate question.
You:major overreaction and misinterpretation.
The question was legitimate just fine.

The premises it was based on however I find myself starkly disagreeing with for reasons I have laid out, and I gave you my answer. Take it or leave it, if the growly package for you spoils the content, your loss. *shrug*

If you think that a satirical exaggeration of the point you were making that in my eyes is quite gullible and oversimplified is an 'overreaction', I suppose something went over your head.
Also note the fact that you seem to act rather smug about not actually reading or reacting to someone's actual argument, instead choosing to get your jimmies rustled by the tone of delivery. I'm impressed.

... also not sure what social justice has to do with pointing out that relationships as well as people's entire self, personality + skills + background + attitudes + motivations + wishes + values + interests + experiences + ... , are a little more complicated and nuanced than the MBTI-equivalent of nuclear base pairing. I'm hardly the first nor the only one to note this.
 

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l don't entertain debates about larger social issues that l didn't inquire about in the INTP Dating thread.

Discussions? Questions? Clarification? Maybe.

Sincere responses to a knee jerk reaction on the part of a stranger who feels like interpreting what l've written how they see fit to and thus respond in a way not at all appropriate to the context that fits their own agenda?

Goodbye :wink:
 

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I think there's some misinterpretation going on in regards to what I'm saying but you do have a good point. I wouldn't consider "How are you?" to be flirting by any stretch, nor would be complimenting on how well someone is dressed. That's just social etiquette. But again that's just me. Forget etiquette, take my statements and apply things that you would consider flirting, like seriously flirting. Whatever those things happen to be. I think it's a little bit different, what those things that qualify as flirting are, with each individual person. Hence the myriad harassment cases that have plagued our legal system. But you get my point, one of those being that since everyone really does take that stuff differently, as I was explaining to IamTP sometimes you really don't know how someone could take what you say.

I would have to agree with the "we as INTPs" statement because it just doesn't make sense to many of us to do something that would be contrary to what we're actually thinking/feeling.
I never said 'How are you' is flirting, I said it's usually not a sign of concern, despite it's literal meaning. Similarly, many kinds of flirting or flattering are completely empty or at least less meaningful. Some things may be unclear and open to interpretation - like complimenting somebody's look. And as you say, people have different attitude and interpretation of flirt.
Sexual harassment usually takes some effort, I doubt even sensitive people would file a lawsuit for some neutral remarks. But on the topic, I'd say that sexual harassment may be often caused by one side not recognising other's reaction properly - thinking their sexual advances are welcome when they aren't.

When it comes to me, I probably don't consider anything flirting :D - I mean I either see stuff as irrelevant social interaction - most flirtation usually goes there, or as straightforward proposition - like someone asking me out or something like that. I'm really bad at flirting. However, I may involuntarily take part if I don't get it's flirting until I already take part. Actually I think I'm pretty good at reading people, but nobody can guess what they think... If a guy thinks any woman talking with him for longer than 30 seconds must be interested... well, what can I do. ;) Actually, in many cases it is understandable, because many people are actually being hit on very often, so that's not so absurd assumption for them. Or young people who only have teenage dating experience. I'm not talking about sexual harassment - I'm talking about people being overly cautious. When they want to be sure they don't give mixed signals. It's not only INTP's thing, many men and women don't want to make impression they're interested when they're not.

How do you guys feel about babies?
I wish human babies were as cute and easy to care for as kittens.
 

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I am currently dating an INTP, though the relationship is new, having lasted now about a month. I have no doubt in my mind that he cares about me a great deal. In fact, he doesn’t at all fit a stereotype I’ve admittedly harbored about INTPs that they can be difficult to read and tend to cover up their feelings. My boyfriend constantly tells me things I do are cute, that I’m beautiful. He tells me I’m hilarious and that he loves how comfortable he feels around me. He’s told me that he’s not naturally a touchy-feely person, but he’s always holding or touching me in some way and is is extremely cuddly with me, even in public. Once it’s dark out, he always makes a point to walk me to my door. And so on.

To supply more backstory, I’d liked him for awhile and tried flirting with him, but he never got the hint. I eventually asked him if he’d like to go out sometime, and we’ve pretty much been together since then.

When we get together, we spend inordinate amounts of time together. Often, I’ll show up at his place Friday afternoon and won’t leave until Sunday evening. We grocery shop together, watch full seasons of Dexter, and sit and play Lucky Wheel (an app like Wheel of Fortune) on his couch on each of our iPhones. When I’m not with him, we text a lot, and from the way he texts, I can tell he would like me to be there, more often than not.

However, he has more than once voiced a concern that if we spend too much time together, I’ll eventually get bored of him. He says he could never get bored of me because I’m too quirky and fun. He also seems to think that he’s boring and the only reason I don’t see him that way is that I currently view him on a pedestal or something. I don’t know how to show him that he’s more than enough, other than to keep spending time with him--but that seems to be what he fears.

He’s only had one girlfriend in the past. He dated her for a year, and he’s mentioned more than once that she cheated on him with his best friend. I don’t know to what extent he still feels emotional or betrayed or whatever about this. It happened in high school. We’re now 21-22.

Is this abnormal behavior due to insecurity? I don’t feel that he’s being clingy--but maybe I’m clingy and immune to clingy behavior. I’m worried that, down the road, this will create problems. Additionally, I don’t want him to have to go on feeling like I might drop him at any second. I want him to feel secure and know how much I like him, too. How can I possibly convince him of this?

Much thanks to anyone who has any advice or input. My apologies for the verbosity, but I wanted to supply ample information.
 

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I am currently dating an INTP, though the relationship is new, having lasted now about a month. I have no doubt in my mind that he cares about me a great deal. In fact, he doesn’t at all fit a stereotype I’ve admittedly harbored about INTPs that they can be difficult to read and tend to cover up their feelings. My boyfriend constantly tells me things I do are cute, that I’m beautiful. He tells me I’m hilarious and that he loves how comfortable he feels around me. He’s told me that he’s not naturally a touchy-feely person, but he’s always holding or touching me in some way and is is extremely cuddly with me, even in public. Once it’s dark out, he always makes a point to walk me to my door. And so on.

To supply more backstory, I’d liked him for awhile and tried flirting with him, but he never got the hint. I eventually asked him if he’d like to go out sometime, and we’ve pretty much been together since then.

When we get together, we spend inordinate amounts of time together. Often, I’ll show up at his place Friday afternoon and won’t leave until Sunday evening. We grocery shop together, watch full seasons of Dexter, and sit and play Lucky Wheel (an app like Wheel of Fortune) on his couch on each of our iPhones. When I’m not with him, we text a lot, and from the way he texts, I can tell he would like me to be there, more often than not.

However, he has more than once voiced a concern that if we spend too much time together, I’ll eventually get bored of him. He says he could never get bored of me because I’m too quirky and fun. He also seems to think that he’s boring and the only reason I don’t see him that way is that I currently view him on a pedestal or something. I don’t know how to show him that he’s more than enough, other than to keep spending time with him--but that seems to be what he fears.

He’s only had one girlfriend in the past. He dated her for a year, and he’s mentioned more than once that she cheated on him with his best friend. I don’t know to what extent he still feels emotional or betrayed or whatever about this. It happened in high school. We’re now 21-22.

Is this abnormal behavior due to insecurity? I don’t feel that he’s being clingy--but maybe I’m clingy and immune to clingy behavior. I’m worried that, down the road, this will create problems. Additionally, I don’t want him to have to go on feeling like I might drop him at any second. I want him to feel secure and know how much I like him, too. How can I possibly convince him of this?

Much thanks to anyone who has any advice or input. My apologies for the verbosity, but I wanted to supply ample information.
I would just ride the wave as long as possible. You are dating the rare and elusive attention-starved INTP. As long as you really aren't sick of him, you've got him all to yourself. I know INFPs tend to have almost no limits of affection for someone they really care about. That is almost never the case with most INTPs. Just enjoy it, because this is as cuddly as he'll likely get.
You've got nothing to worry about as far as I can tell. As long as neither of you are concerned too much about co-dependence, which is just something I personally have a bit of a phobia about.
 

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Is this abnormal behavior due to insecurity? I don’t feel that he’s being clingy--but maybe I’m clingy and immune to clingy behavior. I’m worried that, down the road, this will create problems. Additionally, I don’t want him to have to go on feeling like I might drop him at any second. I want him to feel secure and know how much I like him, too. How can I possibly convince him of this?

Much thanks to anyone who has any advice or input. My apologies for the verbosity, but I wanted to supply ample information.
I think your diagnosis of insecurity's probably close enough to what's happening here. He might feel he'll eventually run out of things to surprise you, and then you'll get fed up and needy and leave. Everyone encounters mental slogs and he doesn't want to dissappoint, I'm sure he wants to be there to fill you with wonder and smiles and chuckles and all the good things that make our own hearts beat faster. The idea that he might end up too 'adult' or too bogged down to do so would mean he stops being a contribution to the relationship, he'll stop being meaningful in your life.

I think I do have a few arguments he might have a hard time countering:

Life is full of inspiration, and he has a sharp mind with his own unique flavour to add to the world and the ideas he gleans from them. He's the only person in the world completely like him, he has his own background and experiences and tastes unlike those of anyone else on the planet. He loves to use his mind and to look at things and create something fresh, new perspectives or a funny way of using language, he can invent stories and parabels and paint mental imagery that he can share with you, and with others even if he ever gets the courage to make these ideas real. He's the ONLY one who can add that unique spice of his to things, that spice that you've developed such a taste for, and in that, he is irreplacable. What you can find inside him you'll find in nobody else, and you just happen to LIKE what you find, who would he be to tell you what taste to prefer, hm?


The initial 'getting to know one another more closely' novelties will never wear off, there's only so much 'past' that people have to share until you know one another down to most details, but there will always be things in the outside world to tickle him into thinking about them and providing a steady stream of mental enrichment. The only way he could ever be boring would be if he were to lock himself up in a shed with no access to information and no tools to doodle and sketch and nobody to talk to. Tell him the past is only one bit of who he is, there's a steady stream of 'presents' to go through and a huge load of future-him that'll always he there to be explored and provide new things.

Tell him that if he's afraid of boring you, you'll make sure to keep feeding him things you find interesting, you'll keep prodding to make sure he keeps looking at the world, and you're certain that he'll never run out of material. Ask him if he'd like you to grow together, to not sit down and go stagnant, but to keep looking around for things worth doing, worth exploring. Tell him you'll keep each other curious.

If he needs to take a break with entertaining you, tell him that's alright, he doesn't have to rile himself up with that, since relaxed people are more creative and much more free to play. Ask him to please never stop playing, it's what makes us humans so unique on the planet, the ability to do things for no real useful reason other than that it's fun and refreshing, and in the long run 'playtime' tends to yield the most little gems of thought that make things so very, very interesting.
 

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I would just ride the wave as long as possible. You are dating the rare and elusive attention-starved INTP. As long as you really aren't sick of him, you've got him all to yourself. I know INFPs tend to have almost no limits of affection for someone they really care about. That is almost never the case with most INTPs. Just enjoy it, because this is as cuddly as he'll likely get.
You've got nothing to worry about as far as I can tell. As long as neither of you are concerned too much about co-dependence, which is just something I personally have a bit of a phobia about.
Speaking of that co-dependence phobia, what IS it with apparently the majority of INTPs and that?

I'm wary of someone deciding to depend on me, or me having to depend on someone, only if that someone is a creature I cannot actually connect to and be myself with. But the INTP I'm with now doesn't inspire any sort of dread in me at all, instead I'm rather happily looking forward to intertwine our lives some more. I'm more than happy to trade a bit of independence and 'emotional security' (as in: just not running the risk of a broken heart by never even sharing it to be broken at all) for the rewarding comfort I find in having him in my life close to my heart.

I wonder if INTPs aren't perhaps 'warier' of co-dependence that other types, but they might be a lot choosier about who they find tolerable, and are more sensitive to warning signals going off with most people telling them 'this isn't a person you'll be able to live with in the longterm'. The result of that would be noisier and more frequent alarm bells.

I haven't a clue if that makes even a shred of sense to you?
 

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Speaking of that co-dependence phobia, what IS it with apparently the majority of INTPs and that?

I'm wary of someone deciding to depend on me, or me having to depend on someone, only if that someone is a creature I cannot actually connect to and be myself with. But the INTP I'm with now doesn't inspire any sort of dread in me at all, instead I'm rather happily looking forward to intertwine our lives some more. I'm more than happy to trade a bit of independence and 'emotional security' (as in: just not running the risk of a broken heart by never even sharing it to be broken at all) for the rewarding comfort I find in having him in my life close to my heart.

I wonder if INTPs aren't perhaps 'warier' of co-dependence that other types, but they might be a lot choosier about who they find tolerable, and are more sensitive to warning signals going off with most people telling them 'this isn't a person you'll be able to live with in the longterm'. The result of that would be noisier and more frequent alarm bells.

I haven't a clue if that makes even a shred of sense to you?
Ya it makes sense. Co-dependance is equivalent to committment phobia to me. You meet someone just right for you. She gets your quirks and even digs them. It almost never happens. In the back of your mind though, you have this feeling there will be a point where you lose interest, or she will lose interest. It's happened before, why wouldn't it happen again? Then you have someone who knows all about these things that you don't care to share with anyone else, and you can no longer be who they want you to be anymore. But you still need them anyhow, and they still need you.
Co-dependence feels like the point in the relationship where the honeymoon is over and reality sets in.
Hate that idea. It's like you're both cactuses and someone needs to water you. You don't need it much but you do need it eventually.
 

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I would just ride the wave as long as possible. You are dating the rare and elusive attention-starved INTP. As long as you really aren't sick of him, you've got him all to yourself. I know INFPs tend to have almost no limits of affection for someone they really care about. That is almost never the case with most INTPs. Just enjoy it, because this is as cuddly as he'll likely get.
You've got nothing to worry about as far as I can tell. As long as neither of you are concerned too much about co-dependence, which is just something I personally have a bit of a phobia about.
INTPs always get bored eventually. I did all that stuff while dating too. Now my wife says, after we got married I never get flowers.
 
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